A/N:
Longest chapter yet! And it's only Part One. I'm not thrilled with this chapter, and there's a possibility that I'm going to go back and change things (I'll let you know when I post the second half). Still… I think it serves its purpose, well half of its purpose… The other half will come out hopefully in a few days!
Anyways… Just a few things:
There are a few of you who I want to thank. Some of my readers really opened up to me after I posted the last chapter… The things you said touched me deeply… And I appreciate your courage to be so candid. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
Second… Thank you zgirl21. Obviously you have helped me more than I can even explain. The constant reassurance has been wonderful and needed.
Third... Well, that will be at the end of this chapter… I don't want to detract yet.
So I'm releasing you! Enjoy! And remember to let me know what you think!
You Found Me
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… Nor so I own the song, "Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop." That belongs to Landon Pigg.
Chapter Eleven
Part One
Twenty-five
All of these mixed emotions
Tangled up in pure confusion,
It's hard to let go of the past, but it seems,
Easier as time is moving,
Well you said he makes you laugh,
And he makes you happy,
He sees you smiling back,
It is everlasting
And so he's tailor made for you,
With stunning golden hues,
And one sweet tone to soothe,
Your persistent beating heart it's just a start
And I, have seen you everyday,
You've never been like this before,
He's tailor made, tailor, tailor made
So let go all of these mixed emotions,
Forget all your hesitations
Together entwined inside this feeling
Feet off the ground, head hits the ceiling,
The he whispers in your ear,
He's absolutely falling,
The words he said are clear,
So don't insist on stalling
"Tailor Made," by Colbie Caillat
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His hands touched the shirt that lay scattered on the floor of his bedroom and he picked it up before bringing it to his nose; the lingering scent of her skin mixed with his detergent assaulted him and he closed his eyes, groaning from the sexual frustration that always seemed to arise from her scent. He couldn't get enough of her, and though she had been in his arms only forty minutes ago, his body was already mourning the loss of her. He sighed, folded the old shirt neatly, and placed it on his pillow. He would use it when it was time to sleep, he knew that though it was never as good as having her with him, a tangled mess of arms and legs as they held onto each other, her scent would eventually help him to drift off to a sleep that would be filled with dreams of her.
As he straightened up the room, picking up the clothes that had been scattered around the room in their haste, he noticed that Hudson had walked in, sniffing the air accusingly before looking up at him with sad eyes. Over the past few months, the dog had grown just as attached to Bella as he had and more often than not, when she was not there sleeping in his bed at night, the two of them were a sad picture to take in: both burying their head in the pillow that she often used, moaning and groaning because they just didn't feel complete without her there. When he had completed his task, he ruffled Hudson's head affectionately before retreating into the living room, leaving the dog to savor the smell of Bella before it dissipated. At least I'm not alone.
When he had flopped down into the couch, he pulled his guitar into his lap. Laying with Bella earlier that afternoon and watching her sleep against him, so at peace and so relaxed, had sparked a melody in his head that he needed to get down. Too often, he waited too long to play the melody out loud and it was always missing something; but with her scent still clinging to his body and the memory of their afternoon still fresh in his mind, the song continued to play.
Music had always been an extension of his very soul; from a young age he had a connection to the melodies and had a way of creating music that seemed to represent his feelings. Always alone, he had thought that the music was complete, that he was complete within himself, but as she came into his life, it seemed that the music took on a whole new level and it didn't go unnoticed by anyone. He had never had a muse before; but not that was exactly what she was, his beautiful, angel of a muse and he knew that if she ever left, his music, his soul, would suffer.
His hands ghosted over the strings for a minute before he closed his eyes; the melody suddenly creeping back into the forefront of his mind. He let his hands move with grace over the strings, unconsciously stringing together various chords until they came together in the end and formed the melody that had been driving him crazy while she had lain in his arms. And when it was finished; when the song had ended on a soft and gentle note after the intense passion heavy middle crescendo, he smiled, leaning the guitar gingerly against the couch and feeling very accomplished. Lyrics would come later, at that moment, he had just needed a simple release, to play the music before it drove him mad or left him forever. Now, he would always have a melodic memory that he could connect to that afternoon.
It felt as though he had barely seen her since the day that she had shown up on his doorstep, the afternoon that Rosalie had confided in him all Bella's innermost secrets that she still kept hidden from him; for what reason he didn't know, he just hoped that she would stop running and learn that she could trust him because he wasn't going anywhere. Her husband had been a constant barrier to their relationship over the past week and he was growing tired of only being able to spend a few hours at a time with her. Instead of doing all the things he wanted to do with her; instead of taking her to Hyde park to enjoy the sun, instead of holding her hand and walking down Oxford street, instead of cuddling with her on the couch for hours upon hours, he found that his time was spent making love to her, his only assurance to her that no matter what, he loved her. He wasn't complaining exactly, he loved being with her, in so many ways it was the best thing in the world, but he wanted more; he wanted her completely and that was something he couldn't have when her husband was around.
His eyes glanced at the calendar. Tuesday. Two more days and he would have her all to himself for an extended weekend. Everything was set and to say he was anxious was an understatement; he felt like a child before the first day of school, nervous and excited. Everything was planned. He had called his mother and after a thirty minute talk, had convinced her to let him use the country home for a long weekend without interruptions. This however, had proven to be fairly difficult as she saw behind the guise and knew he was taking a woman with him; she made him promise to bring her around and he had, he just didn't give her a time frame. He had managed to convince Bella to invite Rose and Emmett, saying that after everything they had done for them, the lies and the support, he owed it for them to have a romantic weekend away. Thankfully, she had only put up a minor protest to that. What he didn't tell her was that he had already met the two, and he was looking forward to getting to know Rose and Emmett better, hoping that they would help him with Bella as the relationship progressed.
Everything was going exactly to plan; he just hoped that nothing changed in two days.
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"Where's your mind?" Edward looked up from his guitar, he had been tuning the strings and thinking of Bella, when he saw the face behind the voice, towering over him, drumsticks in one hand. Jasper was looking down intently at him, running his free hand through his messy blonde hair.
"Just thinking about the songs," he partially lied. Though he was thinking of Bella, the songs were about her, so it was more a guilt by association.
Jasper raised his eyebrows, "So I heard you were going up to the edge this weekend."
He nodded, "yeah. Alice mention it?"
"No, Esme. Seems she is really every excited to meet the mystery woman."
Edward bit the side of his lip, "I know. But…"
"She doesn't know she's married?" He shook his head and heard Jasper sigh. "I don't know… I think your mom's just thrilled to see you happy for once. I mean, she's going to leave him eventually right?"
Edward hadn't spoken to anyone about the things that rose and Emmett had said to him. Why, he couldn't quite figure out really. Part of him thought it was because it was Bella's secrets to tell, that before he could tell anyone about what was going on in his mind, she had to tell him the history behind everything. He knew how hard it probably was to dredge up the old feelings, and part of him wondered if she even knew how the past was affecting her present; Rose seemed to imply that Bella had spent so many years just accepting things and putting everyone else in front of her that it was a possibility she was blind to all the control and power the men in her life had over her. Still, he knew far too much about her past than he should have because of Rose and Emmett and though he tried to analyze and dissect everything, he knew that he would be in violation of both hers and her best friends trust if he were to mention anything just yet.
He would wait. She would tell him; he would find a way. It was one of the reasons why he was looking forward to this trip with her. Deep down, he was hoping that once taken out of the environment that seemed to stifle her, she would be able to breathe and to come clean to him and they could begin plotting their future together. That was what he wanted more than anything else, he just hoped that it was a realistic dream.
"I wish I could give you an answer to that."
"I'm sorry." Edward just shrugged. "Will you stay with her if she doesn't?"
"I'll probably be with her until it hurts too much," he answered truthfully and Jasper placed his hand on his shoulder.
"If it's any consolation, she's stupid if she doesn't leave him. You're a good guy Ed, you should be happy, and I'm not convinced that you are."
"I know that you're just looking out for me… But I'm okay. I am happy."
He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince really; Jasper or himself. The truth was, he was happy when he was with Bella, when he could pretend that they were together and no one else in the world but them existed. It was torture though, the moments that they spent apart, the moments he knew she was spending with her husband. It was then that he hated the situation and hated everything about it. He knew that Jasper knew this, that Alice knew this as well, but until he was certain that he couldn't be with her because the pain of not having her in his arms all the time was too unbearable, he would get through it, because she was worth it. The smile she wore when they were together, the sounds she made when he made love to her, the way her hands massaged his hair while he would lay his head in her lap while she was reading and he was watching the television; all the pain was worth those small moments, because to him, it was everything.
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He cast his gaze to the door and watched as she walked in, her hair blowing softly in the wind and suddenly bringing back the images of them together on the beach in Brighton: her smile and the way she looked at him and the glorious scent of her hair mixed with the salty ocean air. He was smiling wide as she walked closer to him, his heart thumping frantically in his chest as it always did when she was near.
"I'm glad you could make it," he grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist once they had met each other half way. He pulled her against him tightly, feeling the curves of her body against his own, wishing that the clothes weren't in the way and they were locked away in the privacy of his own flat.
She smiled into his chest, her arms wrapping around his back, feeling the ripples of his muscles. "Me too."
"Rose and Emmett coming?" He reluctantly pulled away, but he knew that they couldn't be so open with each other in public and the last thing he wanted was to cause problems for her. He knew enough to realize that if her husband knew about them that it could be detrimental.
She shook her head. "Rose should be here soon but Emmett is with Jake."
He fought the scowl and the jealousy as he heard his name roll off her tongue. It was a stupid thing, she wasn't saying she wanted to be with him, but just the fact that she had probably been with him earlier and the fact that she was going home to him later, was enough to send the spark of jealousy through him. Instead, he quickly diverted his eyes for a moment as he took a deep breath, bottling the emotion up and letting go of it as he exhaled.
"Work?" he lifted his brow as he questioned her.
"There's a Katy Perry concert at the O2 and since AEG owns it… They both had to go." Her hand reached up and smoothed the hair that had fallen across his brow and though she should have removed it, she let it linger on his cheek a little, feeling the soft skin of his face against the palm of her hand. "Emmett wasn't going to, but it was easier. Fewer questions."
He nodded and stepped back, her hand falling from his cheek. He took the opportunity to reach for it, entwining their fingers, as he looked closely at her and the deep blue of the cotton dress she wore. "Are you wearing this to torment me?"
She smiled and ran her free hand up his chest, the soft fabric of his shirt reminding her of butter. "I didn't know that a simple day dress would torment you."
He closed his eyes for a moment and pulled her hips against his, his mouth hovering over her ear, his breath tickling her neck. "You always torment me." His hands brushed her bare arms and he felt the goose pimples that formed on her skin. "When does your husband leave?"
"Tomorrow," she replied, her voice breathy and she knew that if his arm wasn't wrapped around her securely, she would have been a puddle on the floor. She knew she should have been worried that someone would see them, but it was so hard to think of anything other than him when his breath was on her neck and his body pressed against hers. She didn't care; Edward wouldn't let anything happen to her.
"Please say you'll spend the night with me then." She nodded, not trusting herself to speak and his lips found her neck. He kissed her there quickly before pulling away, leaving her breathless and whimpering from the loss. "I'll see you when it's over."
Bella watched as he retreated, her hand pressing against the skin that he had just kissed. Her body felt as though it was on fire and she was in desperate need of a cool shower to ease the feeling. The club was crowded but she was able to find a table, off in the corner in a darker area. It allowed her a good view of the stage and she hoped that once his set was over, they would be able to have a bit of time alone before she would have to go back home.
"Sorry I'm late!" Rose smiled, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down. "Have you seen lover boy?"
Bella nodded, still in a daze from his very obvious display of affection. Still, she couldn't bring herself to care if anyone saw. In fact, with the large gathering of girls that made up the audience, she almost hoped that one of them had witnessed it. It was a possessive thought and she was surprised by it; she had never been one to get that jealous before.
"So… Before this thing starts and we can't hear each other talk… I wanted to go shopping tomorrow… Pick up some things for the weekend?"
Bella nodded and though she knew she should be looking at her friend, she couldn't take her eyes off the stage. The first time that she had gone to one of his gigs, she had been terrified; afraid to look at him, to see the passion that she knew would be in his eyes, afraid that if she saw him and watched him as he sang to her, that nothing would ever touch her so deeply. And she had been right. That first night, when she had finally gathered the courage to watch him, his eyes had been so intense as he looked at her, that she hadn't been able to breathe until it was over. Now, she craved that feeling.
"Bella?" She could hear her name so faint in the back ground but it wasn't until she felt the small hand on her shoulder that she jerked her head away from the stage where Edward was setting up his guitar and looked into her friend's soft blue eyes.
"What?" Bella blushed, knowing that Rose had figured her out.
"Will you go with me?"
"Go?"
"Shopping… For this weekend…"
"Yeah… That sounds reasonable. I just want to be finished by five." Rose lifted her eyebrows.
"Any particular reason why?" She knew, but she wanted Bella to admit it first.
"I wanted to spend some time with Edward alone before we leave…" Bella replied, "I feel like I haven't seen him in ages and I just…"
"Need to be with him?" Bella nodded. "I haven't seen you like this in a long time Bells."
"I don't know what is going on with me…"
"Just… Don't let go of it okay? I like this new you… You're happy and you laugh when you're with him… I don't think I've ever seen you laugh with Jake."
"I know," she whispered.
"Just go with it…" Rose smiled, reaching across the table and patting Bella's hand for emphasis. "Don't think… Just…"
Rose didn't get to finish. The lights in the club dimmed, the spotlight hitting the stage and Bella smiled as Edward was illuminated. If she had thought he had looked like a God before, nothing compared to him under the bright light of the spotlight; his copper hair, shining as it caught the light, his green eyes, lit with excitement as he spoke into the microphone, and then she watched his hands. She couldn't take her eyes off of them as they slowly, but tenderly moved across the strings and she blushed as her thoughts moved to how those hands had played her body so skillfully.
She sat there, no longer paying attention to her friend but Rose didn't mind. She kept her eyes on the interaction that she was witnessing before her. The way he would look at Bella while he sang, his eyes bright with happiness and the way Bella seemed so relaxed around him; so at ease and happy with who she was and it was refreshing.
"Alright guys… We just wanted to thank you for coming out here tonight. I've got one song left." The rest of the band exited the stage, leaving Edward alone with his guitar and he smiled as he sat down on a small stool, looking up one more time, his eyes meeting Bella's. "This one… Well… It was inspired by a certain person who has come into my life in a rather unconventional way."
His fingers moved, and Bella smiled as she heard the melody; she recognized it almost immediately. He had hummed it to her one night before she had fallen asleep. He always hummed to her, and at the time, she remembered thinking that she had never heard anything more beautiful.
I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too
Rose kept her eyes on the stage. She knew he had a beautiful voice but this time, there was something there that hadn't been there when she had heard him at The Huntsman. This time, she could hear the deepness of his feelings for Bella and any thoughts, any worries about him breaking Bella's heart in the future were expelled from her mind. This man was completely, and utterly, in love with Bella and even if she was too oblivious to see it, it didn't matter. Rose knew that she could trust Edward; that if she could convince Bella to leave Jake, that she could live a long and happy life with the man that was sitting on the stage before her, spilling out his heart to her.
No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too
He hadn't intended on singing the song. He didn't even know that it was finished but when he saw her there, watching him while he sang, he had the strongest pull to let her know. The melody for the song had come quite easily; they had been cuddling on his couch one afternoon, she had been resting her head in his lap reading a book while he pretending to watch television but was instead watching her.
The lyrics on the other hand hadn't come quite as easily. He had spent weeks trying to find the right words, but they hadn't come to him until he was sitting at their coffee shop one afternoon without her. It was in that moment that he realized he didn't want to be without her; that he couldn't be without her and, most importantly, that he loved her.
Because
Oh
Because I've fallen quite hard over you
If I didn't know you I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
All of the while
All of the while it was you
You
You
You
"Thank you… And, goodnight," he said softly into the mic before walking off stage, his guitar in hand.
Quickly, Edward stored the guitar back in the black case before walking out to the floor. A few women had stopped him and he quickly said a few words but all the while, he kept his eyes trained on the corner table. When he had finally managed to escape the crowd, he found himself at the table; Rose smiling widely at him and Bella just sitting there, looking down at her hands.
He wanted to know what it was she was thinking but he had a feeling that he knew it all too well. The look on her face showed that she appreciated the song, but he knew that he was only helping to complicate things and it broke his heart. He just wanted her to know.
"Bella?" She looked up at him and smiled and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "Oh Bella… Why are you crying?" He whispered into her ear.
"That was beautiful Edward," she smiled and his heart leapt in his chest but her eyes were still swimming in tears.
He reached forward and brushed his fingers softly under her eyes. "Please don't cry my Bella."
She nodded and he pressed his hand to her cheek. "I wish I could go home with you tonight." Her voice was soft but he heard every word and knew that it was her way of saying the same thing that he had on the stage; he just knew that she couldn't be quite as vocal as he had been because he still knew that there were so many things that she needed to work out.
"One more night…"
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"You're home late," Jacob commented when she walked into the bedroom. She stood there for a moment, watching as he folded a few shirts that were on the bed before placing them in the suitcase. The night had been exhausting and though she truly did love Edward's song and his confession, it all just continued to complicate her life. She loved Edward and she was struggling with the thoughts of how she felt for her husband. She didn't know what to do, how to act, how to feel; she felt more confused and lost and alone than she thought she ever had. This person whose skin she was living in, was completely unrecognizable to her and it frightened her.
"Rose and I lost track of time. I'm sorry," she said softly, not wanting to fight with him. They had managed to go the whole week without a fight and she wanted to keep that up. He had been so nice after the last fight the morning after they had gotten back from his business trip.
"Whatever… I've been home for two hours waiting for you." She watched as he zipped up his suitcase before tossing it back on the bedroom floor. She flinched with the loud bang. "You see Rose every fucking day… You couldn't come home just a little earlier to spend a few hours with me before I leave tomorrow?"
"I really am sorry Jake."
"Prove it," his voice was low and he stalked towards her, his eyes roaming over her body and she wrapped her arms around her body trying to shield herself.
"No Jake."
"You can't keep denying me Bella." His hand was on her arm, touching the bare skin and she shivered though for completely different reasons than she had when Edward had done the same thing only hours before.
"You said you understood." She was backing up towards the bedroom door but for every step she took backwards, he seemed to move towards her.
"You're my wife Bella and I have needs that need to be met," he growled and she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. This was something that she had never seen from him before, and, to be quite honest, it scared her. Still, she couldn't bring herself to blame him completely; she hadn't been sleeping with him. It seemed like a natural response to feel angry, maybe even hurt, when the other wouldn't consent to an act that had, always, in her mind, been an essential make up of the married relationship.
"I'm going to sleep in the other room," she finally managed to say. She didn't trust him in that moment; the look in his eyes was so dark, so intense, that she knew that if she stayed that he would try something. She didn't want to make him feel guilty for her inability to make up her own mind and she couldn't help but think that if she stayed and he acted on his impulse, that he would blame himself.
"Fine Bella… Be a bitch. You're good at that," he yelled as she retreated through the door and into the guestroom.
She locked the door once she was in before stripping her clothes off and getting into the bed. If she hadn't been so tired, she knew she probably would have ended up crying, but instead, she wrapped her arms around her body and pretended that Edward was there.
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Bella sighed loudly as she let Rose drag her around the lingerie section of Selfridges, grabbing scraps of fabric every so often and handing it to her. She hated buying underwear; she always scrutinized her body under the unforgiving florescent lights of the dressing room; it was second worse to swimsuit shopping and she had a terrifying feeling that Rose was going to make her do that as well. Shopping with Rose was more a marathon than a sprint, and unfortunately, Bella was worn out. Her night had been restless at best, and though she wanted to talk to Rose about it, she knew that Rose would never understand. So instead, she put on a smile and followed her around, letting her take control.
"What are you doing Rose?"
"Buying you new lingerie."
"I have plenty," she grumbled, her hands ghosting over the soft lace of a La Perla bra.
"No… You have things that belong to Jacob…" Rose stated, looking at her friend. "You should buy something for Edward… Something Jake hasn't tainted… Something that can belong to him and him alone."
Bella looked at the lingerie that lay on the table, her cheeks turning a soft pink. "I wouldn't know where to start… I don't know what he would like."
Rose let out a loud laugh which caused a few of the saleswomen to stare at her. "Oh sweetie, that boy wouldn't care what you were wearing… It's the thought Bella… He would be blown away by the gesture."
"But Jake… He would know."
"I'll keep it at home… Emmett and I will pack it for you."
"I just…" Rose just shook her head.
"You trust me right?" Bella nodded. "Okay… I'll get it then. I know how stressed you are about this anyways. How about we just go grab a drink and talk?"
----------
"Bella? Are you hungry?" She looked up from the book that she had been staring at to see Edward standing by the edge of the couch.
She shrugged and he pulled his brows together. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she lied. She still couldn't stop thinking about what had happened the night before: the way he had told her he was falling in love with her and the way her husband had demanded sex from her. The two men were so different from each other and yet now, she felt as though she owed something to both of them. To Edward, she felt she owed her heart to; she wanted to give him everything because he was giving her everything. To Jacob, she felt she owed her life to; he had pulled her from the depression she had existed in after the loss of their child, he had stuck around when it would have been so easy to walk away. So how could she ever forgive herself if she walked away from him when he was going through whatever it was he was trapped in?
"You can tell me Bella," he said softly and she realized that he was now sitting on the couch next to her, reaching for her hand and pulling her closer to him.
She just shook her head. "No… This is supposed to be a good weekend."
His hand found her hair and he let his fingers comb the long waves. "Can we just go to sleep? I didn't sleep very well last night and I just…"
"Anything you want Bella…" He breathed against her head before dropping a kiss against her hair. "Anything you want."
----------
They had been driving for over three hours when Edward finally turned off the main road. He had tried engaging her in conversation during the drive but she had been so distant. He was worried about her but he was afraid to say anything. All night she had been restless, talking in her sleep about both Jacob and himself. He knew that she was struggling with everything, and from the sound of her dreams, she seemed to be blaming herself for an argument that she had with her husband, but that was the only thing he could make out.
It hurt him to see how upset she was about everything and he wanted more than anything to just make it all go away. So many times he found himself wishing that he hadn't bumped into her that afternoon, that he should have gone to Alice's house like he had intended, instead of back to his flat after practice. Still… He couldn't imagine his life anymore without her and regardless of the problem, he knew that somehow they would make it work. He had people on his side, they would help her see that this was right. That they were right.
"Ready?" His voice broke through the silence and she looked up at him. She hadn't even realized that they had stopped. Before she could answer he was out of the car and making his way to her door.
"You call this a house?" Bella asked as Edward opened the passenger side door of his Volvo once he parked in the driveway. Bella's eyes were wide as she took in the sprawling estate and he held back the chuckle, pleased with her reaction.
"Yes. This was home for eighteen years of my life."
"Does the Queen live here?" She grumbled and he smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her flush against his side before tucking her head beneath his chin.
"Silly Bella," he laughed as she moved her head and looked up at him smiling. "It's not that big."
"That's what you think. I grew up in a two bedroom house with one bathroom."
She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. "It doesn't change the fact that I'm still me," he said softly and she nodded.
"I'm sorry for being so distant…"
"It's okay. I know that this isn't easy for you," he spoke into her hair, pulling her tighter.
"Still… This is supposed to be a good weekend and I'm being such a downer."
"Well then… It seems we'll have to do something about that." He grinned and scooped her up in his arms. "There will be no more upset Bella… We are going to forget about everything and just have a good weekend together. Okay?"
She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck; she knew he wouldn't drop her but she didn't want to take any chances. "Okay."
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Leah looked out the window of the plane. She could feel Jacob breathing beside her as he slept and she was doing all she could to ignore him. All her life she had a plan for herself: go to college, get a great job, get married and finally have a family. She never intended for things to turn out this way though; she never pictured herself as the kind of woman who would fall for a married man. First Sam… Then Jacob.
She hated herself. She could clearly remember the look on Emily's face that day when she had shown up at the AEG office demanding to speak to her; at first she had been so calm, but as she continued to yell in the confines of her office, the barriers began to break and tears were streaming down her cheeks staining them black from her mascara. She never wanted to cause anyone that kind of pain and it seemed to only make it worse when she told the woman she hadn't known Sam was married.
"I don't understand," the woman said softly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she collapsed into one of the chairs in the office. "I've given him everything…"
Leah just stood there, her heart racing in her chest. She didn't know what to do but she wished that there was something. If she had known, she never would have gotten involved with Sam but he had been so sweet… He never wore a ring, he always answered the phone when she would call. Nothing had ever made her believe that there had been a wife.
"What does he come to you for? What do you do for him that I don't?"
She closed her eyes and sat down at her desk, her hands pulling at her hair. "I don't know… I swear I didn't know… If I had known I never…"
"I've given him everything," the woman whispered. "I gave up my career… My family…"
Sam hadn't stopped calling her after. He told her that he had been planning on leaving Emily and that he belonged with her. She was thankful that she never gave in though, because even among all his promises to leave, he never did. She didn't blame him really; the woman had become an essential fixture in his life. If he were to leave her and word of their affair leaked, it would have destroyed him; his father-in law would have rescinded his partnership at the law firm, and even Leah know that the majority of his money came from his wife.
So when everything had ended with Sam; it seemed that Jacob had been almost a breath of fresh air. He had been so understanding and sweet to her. When Leah had left the office that day, he had come in and taken her for coffee to make sure that everything was alright and though she wouldn't tell him, it was nice to know that someone seemed to care. And later that week, when they were walking through Central Park and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder to keep her warm… She had that familiar flip in her stomach and finally, she remembered thinking, she was with someone who was possibly available.
When they had kissed and moments later his wife had called, it seemed like everything was just crashing down around her again. And she had made a promise to herself that she and Jake would be nothing but friends… But then in Rome… They had drank too much and ended up in a rather compromising position, but still, she made sure that it went no farther than making out… And then Berlin. Berlin had changed everything. He had been angry about something and had said he was leaving Bella and again… They managed to drink too much and one thing led to another…
So when she saw Bella in Saint Tropez and she watched as Jake doted on her… She knew that nothing was ever going to change and that fact was even more apparent with how all the members of AEG were so taken with his wife; they adored her. Jake would never leave her because he knew that he would get shit from his superiors for it. She would always be in his life and Leah knew she had to accept that and the only way to keep herself from getting intimate with Jake, would be to befriend his wife. So she did. And then she saw a side of Jacob that she didn't even know existed.
He was rough and violent and his eyes were dark in a way that scared her. His grip on her arm when he pulled her to the side to yell at her had left small purple marks that she was able to cover with make-up, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was like this with his wife. No, probably not. Bella seemed too rational to stay with a man who abused her, she seemed to confident in herself and too happy.
"Thinking about Berlin?" His voice broke through her thoughts and she felt herself scowl.
"No." His hand moved to her lap and he squeezed her thigh.
"I am."
"Don't touch me Jake," she snapped, pushing his hand away and off her body.
He furrowed his brow for a moment before smiling. "Your right… Too many people here. We'll talk tonight."
She sighed and looked out the window. She didn't want to make a scene. It's going to be a long weekend.
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"I know you wanted to go out for dinner tonight… But maybe we could just make dinner here?" Bella asked as she moved her head on Edward's chest so she could look up at him. She was still exhausted and wanted nothing more than for a quiet night in.
"Is that what you want?"
"Are you okay with that?"
"Bella… I don't care what we do. All I want to do is spend time with you and get to know two of the most important people in your life. I don't care where we do it. We still have a few more days."
"Are you sure? I know you had something planned."
He shook his head and stroked her hair, tangling it in his fingers. "Bella. I swear."
Her eyes fell to the clock, "Rose and Emmett should be here soon. They'll probably be making good use of the bed all weekend."
He laughed, "Are they that… passionate?"
"Rose said that they've had to buy two new beds in the past four years."
When their laughter had died down, he reached down to her and cupped her chin, pulling her face up so they were eye to eye. "I'm very much looking forward to meeting them… I know how much they mean to you. How important they are in your life. I just hope they like me."
"They'll love you," she replied, scooting up closer to him, his body hard against her own and she could feel every inch of him against her. When she was finally level with him, she placed her hand against his cheek and leaned closer to him, brushing her lips softly against his for a moment, teasing, tempting him. She couldn't hold out long though; as many times as she had kissed him, it seemed that it was never enough and her plan to make him come to her was futile. She was never able to stay away from him for too long; her body craved him too much.
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Bella was in the kitchen making dinner when Rose and Emmett arrived. He hadn't been able to leave work until nearly three in the afternoon and they had been driving for the last three and a half hours. Rose had even mentioned that they had been seriously considering just waiting and coming up early the next morning.
"How was your dive?" Edward asked once they had all gathered in the kitchen. He had poured them each a glass of wine, save for an ice tea for Rose, and while Bella sautéed, Emmett and Rose sat on the bar stools while Edward stood by Bella, one arm wrapped loosely around her waist. He was enjoying being out of London with her; he was free to act as though she was his, as though she wasn't married.
"I made Rose drive," Emmett laughed and Rose just rolled his eyes.
"He had a long day so I told him I would drive." She glared at him for a moment. "Like I'd ever let you tell me what to do."
"True… She tells me what to do most of the time," he chuckled.
"More like all the time Emmett," Bella countered and Edward laughed.
"Yeah, I'm whipped. I'm okay with that. I've got this beautiful woman right here and," he placed his hands on her stomach, "she's making a little me right there inside of her."
"How many do you want?" Edward asked and Bella found herself stiffen at the subject that was suddenly being discussed. She still had yet to tell Edward about her possible in ability to have children. Then again, she wasn't sure if it was worth telling him, she wasn't even sure that a relationship that would involve children was even in their future. She wanted to tell him, but it was too difficult to talk about; even know, five years later.
"Three."
Rose lifted her eyebrows. "Let's just see how this first one goes okay Monkey?"
He just shook his head. "Nope… Even if you don't want more, I'll find a way to convince you."
"Do you want to clean up before dinner?" Bella interjected, more than ready for a subject change.
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After dinner and a long round of 'questioning Edward' best disguised as 'getting to know Edward' both couples had retreated to their respective rooms, but not before Rose had slipped Bella the extra bag with the items she had purchased.
"There are a few lingerie sets… And a few swimsuits."
"How much do I owe you?"
"Nothing," She shrugged and Bella pouted.
"Rose…"
"Just think of it as us paying Edward back for inviting us here this weekend. Besides… You know he'll need to relax after Emmett has his little talk with him."
"What are you talking about?"
"You really think Emmett would come here, knowing he was going to meet him and not prepare a little lecture?" Bella sighed. "He's just looking out for you Bella… We both are. Though that man… He's pretty damn near perfect."
"I know…" Bella replied before hugging Rose. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Have fun." She smiled and Bella was certain she could see her eyes sparkle with mischief. It was that single look that made her terrified to look into the bag and see just what it was she had purchased.
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She looked at herself in the mirror, turning to the left, then to the right as she examined her body in the lingerie that Rose had purchased. She had to give it to her, the lingerie was nothing that she would ever pick out for Jake, she had traded the La Perla for Agent Provocateur, but it was elegant and beautiful in a way that she knew Edward would appreciate. The cream lace was virginal, and she knew exactly what it was that Rose was trying to get at, and she couldn't help the small smile.
She reached for one of his shirts, pulling it over her head, not wanting him to know what she had on underneath yet and when she walked out she saw him sitting on the bed, a book in his hands, Tropic Of Cancer. He must have heard the door because almost immediately, he placed the book on the bedside table and smiled widely at her, his arms opening up.
"Come here love."
Without thinking, she sucked her lower lip into her mouth as she stood there suddenly shy about showing hum what it was that she had under his shirt. She knew it was foolish, that he would love it, but this was the first time that she had worn something special for him and it made her heart race and her palms sweaty. It was almost like the first time they have been intimate. Still, there was more to her nerves and she knew it, she just wasn't sure how to admit it to herself; she was terrified of being with him in his childhood home, in his parents' home. Did they know about her? And if they did, how could they condone it?
"Love?" He asked, pushing the covers over his body and letting his feet hit the ground. He was by her side in a few a matter of moments. "What's wrong? Do you want to sleep elsewhere?"
She shook her head. He couldn't have been father from the truth. "Is everything okay?" He placed the palm of his hand against her cheek and she nodded.
"I'm just…"
"It's just me Bella… And it's just you… It's us."
"But it's your parents house and… I just keep thinking they wouldn't want me here."
"They just want me to be happy love… Well… They want me to be a doctor too," he smiled, trying to lighten the mood and she smiled back weakly at him. "But mostly, they want me to be happy and you make me happy Bella."
"I just feel like…"
"No Bella. There won't be any thinking this weekend. It's just us. That's it. Okay?" He asked softly as he pulled her with him towards the bed and she nodded timidly. "As much as I want you tonight… If you just want to sleep I can deal with that. I won't do anything you don't want to."
"Edward?" She asked, looking up at him through her long lashes.
"Yes love?"
"I want you."
No need to ask twice. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, pulling her body closer to him, as close as he could possibly get her and when that wasn't enough, he turned her around and lightly pushed her down on the bed. He hovered above her, his hands tugging at the bottom of the shirt and pulling it slowly up over her abdomen, and when he reached her breasts he nearly groaned at the sight before him. If he hadn't loved the shirt she was wearing, he would have just ripped it off, but he completed the task and tossed the shirt off to the side of the room.
"You planned this Ms. Swan," he accused and she smiled at him, her cheeks flushed. His eyes lingered on the cream lingerie, the sheer material that left barely anything unseen and he leaned down and pressed gentle, open mouthed kisses on her neck, then her collarbone and when he reached her sternum, she whimpered. "You are a tease."
"Edward…" she sighed, as his hands moved down her stomach and came to rest on the delicate lace of the matching panties. She pressed harder into his hand looking for any kind of friction to ease the throbbing that was growing between her legs; his finger began to trace the line of her, and she whimpered, wanting more.
"I'm taking my time with you tonight Bella… We haven't been able to take it slow in far too long."
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Leah paced around the hotel room not knowing what to do. Jacob had been relentless in his perusal and she finally had to tell him that she wasn't feeling well to get him to leave. He had mumbled something angrily under his breath but when she began to make herself gag, she was certain she had never seen a man flee so quickly. All she could think of at the time was that he didn't care enough about her if he was willing to let her be sick all alone.
Still, she was thankful that it had done the trick. But she was still confused. She knew that her body still wanted Jacob but she wasn't sure if it was because she had been celibate for so long and he had been the first since Sam, or if she really did have some kind of unknown physical connection to him. Desperately she wanted it to be the first; she knew that anything regarding Jacob would end in either heartbreak or physical pain. Regardless, she knew that she had some control because regardless of how her body craved the attention, she had managed to push him away. She just hoped that she would be able to get through the weekend. If she could, she knew that she would be able to purge herself of Jacob Black for good.
Her thoughts drifted to his wife. She was so innocent and she knew she had no idea of her husband's indiscretion. She would keep an image of Bella in her mind; it was the only tool at her disposal.
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Wow… Long chapter and I realize that it is a bit disjointed but it was really difficult to write (this is quite literally, the third draft)… The next chapter will be shorter but will cover the same weekend. There will be much more interaction between the two couples at the country home… And there will be more Jacob and Leah interaction (this will serve as a tool to push Leah even more away from Jacob, and well… to demonize him just a little bit more).
Now… I have something to ask… I'm not very good with writing sex scenes and the next chapter needs one… Is anyone… Interested in helping me through this? I'm not opposed to writing it… I just think a coauthor might be needed for it (you will get recognized of course for the help). Anyways, if you are interested please let me know. It would be helpful if you have some of your writing posted so that I can see if the styles will mesh… But either way… I am looking for a bit of help. I feel that I can never write sex scenes well… They just feel too wordy when I do them.
And now, I am 100% finished. And this is just a reminder, to let me know what you think!