6. The One I Would Want Forever...

"Bella can you stop being so remarkably absurd? Please I need you to open your eyes."

This is a start, he said I was absurd, he may be mad at me, maybe he won't want me,. For the more excruciating effect that thought had on me, I was trying to accept it, I knew he was worthy of more than me, this time my average look and my non notable personality so normal and human had nothing to do with this. This time it was different, I wasn't made for him, the perfection of Edward not just his extremely fine appearance, the good person he was on the inside, the exceedingly kindness that his eyes reflected, the enormous size of his immobile heart, I did not deserve that-not deserved him.

I remained with the eyes closed, considering the possibility of what would I find out when I opened them. A tiny voice in my head screamed two plausible options:

First Option (my kind of option, then one I wish was true):

I'd never left the party; I just fell asleep as the real apathy I'm for parties or maybe I did just stumble and cracked my head wit the wet grass, I did not fell in Jacob's arms nor he took me anywhere far form Edward.

Second Option (the true option, the one that happened):

I did left, left with my friend Jacob, I hurt them both, the only thing I was going to find when I opened my eyes would be Edwards beautiful angel face with the golden eyes full of sorrow and hurt. When I opened my eyes I would know it was true, I hurt the love of my life in unimaginable ways and I wound my friend to unconceivable manners.

"Please Bella open your eyes." The tip of his fingers traced the shape of my lips, for more icy his hand was, I felt how my lips burned.

I tensed them more than ever, I felt how my head went through colorful, painful, vivid memories, to a real darkness, maybe I had a nervous collapse that can cause brain damage, I may get comma…

Is that what I'm really wishing for? I should face this! I will face this… when I wake up.

Again, I felt on the indeterminate state where I couldn't wake but couldn't rest either.

My mind went every through every memory I have had with Edward, from his fine eyes, to his beautiful face, through his bronze hair, through our first kiss, through every possible memory my mind had saved.

I couldn't deceive myself anymore, the dream I had the one I thought it was my dream, was just a part of it. I think I suppressed what I really didn't want to hear or remember again. While I was in this halfway state I remembered how clear it seemed my dream. While the two little figures disappeared through the woods, I found Edward, when I turned my head Jacob's face was the one that was staring, the two little kids where holding hands with him, watching m holding Edward. I looked up again and found Edward's face smiling. I was asking Edward to let me go, I wanted that future so badly, my kids and Jacob were leaving through that hazy forest, leaving without me, they were slipping away from my fingers.

I felt confused, hurt, offended, pain was blocking my mind.

Everything happened backwards of what I thought it was. I was trying to release from Edward not Jacob! Truly I was wishing that I had kids, that I had them with Jacob. That Rene and Charlie were still there with me, holding the one little boy and girl.

I wished them so badly it hurt; I loved Jacob, more than I could possibly conceive.

I was meant to be his and he was meant to be mine, that life I saw was nothing but the truth, nothing but a real future, one I could reach easily being with Jacob.

My future with Jacob disappeared abruptly, my mind changed of scenario. I was now in the meadow, I turned my head to see what I found, to at least remember.

I found my eternal love sitting on the grass; his figure enlightened the dark meadow, giving the flowers and grass light, light stolen from this beautiful being that was in front of me.

I was afraid of speaking, I would be irrupting the perfection that Edward was. His eyes were closed, his face pointing to the sky. That image seemed so peaceful, so faultless, and so beautiful I was scared of ruining it.

It was heartbreaking to watch, a real strong feeling invaded my chest, I felt I couldn't breathe a real oppression in my heart, one that I enjoyed, not because I'd turned masochist, because that feeling was the first feeling I felt when he touched me, when he called my name with his mellow voice, when he traced my lips with his hand, when he smiled, when I somehow made him laugh, when he first kissed me, when he said he loved me, surprisingly when he took me to the stupid prom, the first time I felt hope, the one time he held me close, when the only motive he had for marrying me was love, when I heard his letdown when Charlie thought I was pregnant, when he thought it was true… all the moments I passed with him, every second I stood at his side. I felt this feeling oppressing my chest, every time I was with him, every word he spoke, every stare he granted me, every time I looked at his eyes, every kiss he gave me, every scold of why I wasn't normal or scared of him, everything was in my memory, so fresh and sweet and good.

This feeling was overpowering, it literally took my breath away, I started to hyperventilate.

I focused my stare where I had left it. As some ridiculous, magic exists, thing happened. The sky opened just enough to wash Edward with sun light.

As if he needed light to shine, to make every inch of him more precious than he was already!

His skin began to flash, the tiny little crystals where making Edward's face look beautiful, no more than usual, but beautiful after all.

That ray of light that trespass the cloud allowed me to see why I really loved Edward, not because of his looks, not because of his wealth not because those insignificant, idiotic things.

Just because of him, his precious being, the kind and good person he was, the generous and patient and caring person. Everything about him, every inch of him I loved.

In that moment I realized half-heartedly and exceptionally in love, that Edward is what I wanted, that the wedding was something that I truly wanted to happen. I suddenly realized that in literal terms Edward was my life, I loved him even more than I could stand, I loved him more than I should, that much I was taking it to the point of insanity. But I couldn't remove those feelings, now it was unattainable. I would love him through the course of eternity, I would love him forever.

Though I loved the future I never had, I loved those two illusory children of mine, despite the fact that I hopelessly wished for them to be mine, even if I truly loved Jacob for making me craved for that children so much, nevertheless I would miss Rene and Charlie to extreme points of pain.

I loved Edward more, so it may sound irrational and selfish, I do, I love him too much I was capable of quitting of what could have been my future, of renouncing Jacob, of with so much pain inflicted refusing to have my two little kids.

The only thing I needed was him, I needed the sad and prefect figure that was in front of me, the one that the sun was covering in rays, the one that truly loved me and I loved, the one I would want forever-Edward.