I hope you all want a long chapter because this was the longest chapter I have ever written before… I hadn't expected it. In fact, it was suppose to max out at 8,000 words… I give you 11,000.
So. This one here has a lemon. Be nice. It was difficult as all hell to write and I still don't like it. I'm not sure what it is but whenever I write them, they seem awkward. But you'll see for yourself.
Big thanks goes out to my betas: zgirl21 for her support and help and NoMoreThanUsual for fast validation and such positive feedback!
Now… Onto the chapter.
You Found Me
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any recognizable characters.
Chapter Twelve
(Part Two)
Back of loneliness and hello tenderness
I've been waiting for your call, for so long
And, it must have been hard just to follow your soul,
To stick the road that your heart wants you to go
And as you slide through the door with your morals on your sleeve
And I think it's time for all those morals to leave
So let's get down and freaky baby, let's get restless baby
Come on get crazy with me and I said
When you're loving me, I'm loving you
And I love your prowess and the things that you do
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
And that's when we've got it going on, yeah oh
And I was so stranded, I was lost and abandoned, yea
And I needed another home
And you flew in my arms, you just flew right into my arms
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
And I love the prowess and the things that you do
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
And that's when we've got it going on
Paulo Nutini, "Loving You"
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The morning sunlight peaked through the window casting a soft yellow glow on the room. Edward stirred, his eyelids fluttering open slowly and, if only for a moment, he forgot where he was. The dark blue duvet was a far cry from the brown one that resided in his own bedroom, and the blue walls were an obvious difference from the white ones back in London. He was at his childhood home and for once, he didn't hate it. It was vastly different under these circumstances. Turning to the side, he saw the woman who was wrapped in his arms; the image brought a smile to his face. Her hair dark hair seemed to glow from the light of the sun and her breath was warm against his neck as she nuzzled herself closer to him. No, he was more than home, he was in heaven.
He loved waking up like this: her legs tangled between his own, her arm draped across his chest and her mouth parted slightly, her breathing slow and steady and warm against his skin. He felt at peace when she was there, the constant worry over her safety was no longer an issue because she was with him. But it was more than that; it was how easy sleep was when she was there, how the restless nights of tossing and turning, which happened when she was absent, ceased to exist. Their world was a bubble and though he knew better, he was happy in his ignorance and avoidance of their reality.
As he looked at her the life that he wanted with her flashed before his eyes: the simple wedding they would have, because she wouldn't want too much attention on herself, the birth of their first child, a girl who would have his strange hair and her deep chocolate eyes and a son that had her dark hair and his green eyes, possibly more, no, definitely more but they would figure that out later… Everything he thought he never wanted was suddenly everything he did want. He wanted to settle down, he wanted to be with the same woman for the rest of his life, he wanted to have children and to watch them grow old, to teach his sons how to play football and cricket and rugby, to scare away boys who would come to his front door, intent on taking his daughters out, but mainly, he wanted to grow old with Bella and to love her forever.
He ran his fingers over her bare back; her pale skin was tinted a slight brown from her weekend in Saint Tropez. He wouldn't have even been able to tell the difference if it wasn't for the slight tan line from where her bikini had covered her. Had Jacob touched her? Had he kissed her and the skin that lay exposed to the sun? His jaw clenched; the sudden awareness that something could have happened between them running through his mind. She had promised to tell him but how could he ever truly know? He shook his head as if to shake the thoughts from his mind. He had no reason to think she was lying, she never had before. At least, not to him.
Still, even if something did happen and if she never told him, would he have the right to hold it against her? He had known what he was getting into before this had started. He had been completely obsessed with her knowing all the while that she was off limits. How could he hold it against her if she chose to stay with Jacob? He knew he couldn't. It was her life, and her decision to make. She had already invested so many years in her relationship with the other man: four years of marriage and from what he gathered, at least ten years of friendship turned romance. Fourteen years with one person, it paled in comparison to his mere four months of knowing and well, loving her.
There was a soft rapping on the bedroom door and he reached down and pulled the covers over her naked back and shoulders. He knew it could have been one of two people and though Rose and probably seen her naked before, the idea didn't set well with him. He didn't want anyone but himself to see her in her state of undress, that was, in his mind, for his eyes and his eyes alone. Even if that wasn't the case come their return to London, he wanted to believe that it could be that, that it was his reality.
After a few moments the door creaked open and he saw the statuesque blonde looking into the room and eying them curiously.
"Good morning," she said softly, moving closer to the bed. He caught the smile that seemed to grow on her face as she glanced at the floor which elicited blush that could have rivaled Bella's when he realized that his clothes and boxer briefs were strewn among the floor along with the delicate lingerie that Bella had worn and that he had removed with haste as carefully as he could the night before.
"Good morning," he whispered, moving himself up the bed slightly so he was sitting more than lying. He felt Bella stir next to him but she merely tightened her left arm around his stomach making it difficult for him to move. The possessive act brought forth a small smirk and he noted that a few strands of hair had fallen across her face. With a light touch he brought the pads of his fingers to her cheek and brushed them away; he hated it when her face was obscured, he saw so little of it that he wanted nothing more than to see it every chance he got.
"I take it you had a good night." Her eyes were lifted curiously and again, he felt his cheeks redden as he nodded. His discomfort however was eliminated when he saw her smile and she quickly changed the subject. "What is there to do around here? Emmett is getting a bit restless."
"There isn't much… I was thinking of taking Bella to the edge this afternoon. If you want to go ahead we could meet you there later."
"Did you want to go there alone with her? We wouldn't want to intrude."
He shook his head, "I didn't have any concrete plans. I'm sure she would want to spend time with you as well. My intentions were never to keep her from either of you."
"I know, we just figured that you don't get to spend much time with her that you'd want some alone time."
He shrugged, "I have Sunday and Monday."
"Jake's back on Tuesday?"
Edward nodded and she sighed. He wanted to ask her more questions about Bella's husband but he knew not to, at least, not when she had the chance to wake up and hear the questions. She needed to tell him and she would, he would make sure of that, she just needed more time.
"Well… There's shopping in the village right?"
"High Street would be the best place to go."
"I'll have to check that out. What time were you thinking of going to the edge?"
"I'm not sure she's been sleeping much so whenever she wakes up?" It was more of a question than a statement but Rose knew what he was saying and why he was so concerned. Though Bella hadn't spoken to her about Jacob, she was not blind to the tense atmosphere the week before while in France, and she knew that things weren't entirely right. She also knew that when there were problems in the relationship that it led to a great deal of sleepless nights. Bella spent too much time thinking things through and analyzing everything until it resembled a big mess.
"Okay well… Give us a call and let us know what's going on."
She didn't give him time to respond. She had been heading to the door as she was speaking and with a quick glance over her shoulder to his nodding head, she was gone and closing the door behind her.
Bella stirred against his side, muttering some incoherent thought and he laid back down, pulling her closer to him. Her smell filled his nose: a combination of both her shampoo and body wash with the distinct scent of himself all mixed together creating a fragrance that stirred his passion again. It seemed that he could never have enough of her, not that it was all too hard to see why. She was the most beautiful and most precious thing in his life and he wanted her to know that and the only way he seemed to be able to tell her that was through the act of making love to her and through his music. It was the two things that he was always the most confident in, the two things he never failed at: sex and music.
"Jacob," she muttered and his heart constricted. Though he usually loved to hear her talk in her sleep, to listen to the crazy things that often rolled off her tongue, he couldn't help but feel his heart still as she spoke her husband's name and not his own.
He was surprised how quickly his worries rushed back to him. Would she ever leave Jacob? Would she ever be truly his? Would they ever be able to walk the streets of London and hold hands openly? Would he ever be able to kiss her whenever he wanted without the constant suspicion that someone could see them? He wanted so badly to believe that they could have the future that he often dreamed about, but sometimes it seemed that it would merely be just that: a dream.
He just didn't understand. She told him frequently how unhappy she was and yet, she was still married to him. Why? What was the tie that kept her from leaving Jacob? Though Rose has mentioned some things it didn't seem like a good enough excuse. He would never leave her if they couldn't have children of their own and yes, he hoped that they could if that ever was a possibility for them but it was by no means a deal breaker. He loved her too much. So why couldn't she accept the happiness in their situation and let him love her completely and fully without the lingering imposition of her husband?
Was it because of money? Because his job wasn't stable? Jacob was 28 and making more money in three months than he barely saw in a year. Yes, he had the trust fund but he didn't want to depend on his parents. And true, he used the flat that they owned but that was it; he paid his own bills. Still, he knew Bella wasn't that superficial but it was easier to think that it was the reason behind her apprehension. It was the one thing that he could change; the one almost tangible reason. He had options. He didn't have to stay with the band. He could provide that stability if that was what she needed. He would gladly give everything up for her.
He had always dreamed of playing sold out crowds at the Hammersmith Apollo but he would give it all up for a lifetime with Bella. He had his medical degree. He could finally put that to use and he knew without a doubt that his father would approve of it. And he wouldn't have to give up the band entirely. Sure, they wouldn't have as many practices and they couldn't play as may gigs as they did currently, but he could make it work. For her, he would make anything work. He didn't have to be a surgeon, a private physician would be good enough, it would still put a great deal of money in his bank account. It was a win-win situation: he would have her and she would have financial security. Not to mention, he was quite happy with the fact that if he did go forth with the plan, his father would stop nagging him.
He was biting his lip. No, it was useless. He knew Bella would never let him go through with it. She knew how passionately he felt about the music, how much he wanted to play. She would never let him quit and he both loved and hated her for it. Loved her because she wanted nothing but for him to be happy and hated her because she didn't seem to grasp the fact that any success in music would be nothing without her there with him.
He could feel the tension in his forehead and groaned softly. He was breaking all the rules. He had not more than twenty four hours ago told Bella that they wouldn't think all weekend, that they would just be and here he was, over thinking everything. It was giving him a tension headache and muddling up his mind. They only had four more days together, he would have to make the best of it and not worry about what would happen later. They would figure it out.
His arms tightened around her small waist as he pulled her closer and he heard her moan softly as he did so. Carefully, he dropped a kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes with his nose buried in the soft waves of her hair. He would sleep. He would let himself be in a world where nothing but the two of them and their feelings for each other existed because at that moment, it was all he could do until they were able to work out the rest. He would settle for that and hope that it would be enough.
"I love you," she murmured and he hoped that she was dreaming of him.
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"Where's that pussy whipped brother of yours?" Garrett's voice boomed through the pub where he had agreed to meet Alice and Jasper. It had been a week since he had last heard from his friend and he knew that it had to be because of that Bella Black woman that he was so obvious infatuated with. Still, when Alice had called, she had seemed concerned and he hoped that they were planning to stage an intervention. Edward needed a wakeup call and he needed one soon before he let himself fall even further into the bottomless pit that he had jumped feet first into.
"Cheshire." He glanced at the blonde that was sitting next to her and he clamped his jaw shut tight to keep it from falling open. "Garrett, this is Kate. Kate, this is my brother's mate Garrett."
"It's a pleasure to meet you." Her voice was soft and though he wasn't entirely sure, because the pub was quickly getting louder as the minutes wore on, she sounded Scottish.
She extended her small, delicate hand forward and he clasped, marveling at how soft it was and how perfectly it seemed to fit with his own. "Likewise."
"Kate just moved to London from Milan," Alice continued.
"Milan?" He furrowed his eyebrows, he was certain that she didn't sound Italian.
"I was working for a fashion designer there for a few years before I was offered a fashion editor position at Vogue."
"Well… Terrible loss for Italy but a fantastic gain for us blokes here in London." She flushed at his comment and he beamed with pride that he had been able to bring out that kind of a response in the woman. Before he could embarrass himself however, he stood up and walked to the bar. He would need a drink if he was going to charm her tonight because he now had plans, and those plans involved Alice's blonde friend.
With a drink in front of him, he turned his attention back to Alice who was talking animatedly with Kate and they both stopped talking when he sat back down. "I take it he brought her with him?"
"He did."
"He's going to end up hurt over this." He brought the pint glass to his lips and sucked down a bit of the amber liquid as he watched Alice's facial expression change. He had managed to bring out the protective sister in her and he was beginning to fear it. He knew that she was small but looks were completely deceiving in her case. Alice had the ability to make grown men cry. He would know, she had put him in his place multiple times before.
"You don't know that," she said through clenched teeth and Jasper rubbed her shoulder trying to calm her down and make her relax.
He snorted and placed the glass back down on the table, a bit of the liquid sloshing over the side and running down the clear glass before pooling on the wood table top. "I know that he is way more invested in whatever it is that is happening between them than she is."
"Have you met her?"
"No. But I don't need to meet her to know this. If she was really invested in Edward she would wake up and leave that wanker husband of hers." He didn't want to upset Alice, not really, and he really didn't want to do this in front of Kate seeing as he was just meeting her and wanted nothing more than to impress her, but at the same time he was furious at everyone and their delusions. "You've all romanticized this relationship between them and you can't see passed your damn noses. So I'll say it once and that's it and you better listen and think about it."
He took a breath and looked to his side for a moment; Kate was staring into her glass, probably trying to drown in the pink concoction she was drinking and Jasper was still rubbing Alice's shoulder but it wasn't helping really, she still looked like she wanted to murder him.
"I haven't romanticized anything Garrett. You wouldn't know how he feels because you just use women for sex and throw them away. Exactly like he was before Bella walked into his life. I think you're just upset that your wingman is gone and you don't have anyone else to commiserate with," she seethed. "Besides, I've known him a whole hell of a lot longer than you and he has never been happier."
Garrett saw Jasper pull on his bottom lip and knew that he didn't quite agree with his girlfriend. At least someone is on my side, even if he is too afraid to speak up. "Whatever Alice. I call it like I see it. And the way I see it is this: She. Will. Never. Leave. Her. Husband."
Alice had jumped out of her seat once the last word had been said and was stomping towards the back where the toilets were, Kate trailing her to offer support and comfort. Jasper looked off and watched her until the door had slammed behind her before turning his attention back to Garrett.
"You shouldn't have said that."
"Oh come on, you know I'm telling the truth. You know that he isn't as happy as she is making him out to be."
"He thinks he's happy," Jasper responded.
"That's not enough. The man is going to seriously get hurt if he doesn't just drop it and you know that."
"It's not really our lives to interfere in… If he wants to be with Bella and he does, willingly knowing what might happen, that's his prerogative. Just stop pissing off Alice because you're just making a mess for me to have to deal with later and I'm exhausted."
"I'll drop it for now but I'm not going to stay silent forever… Especially since I just blew my chances with Kate trying to get Alice to see the light."
Jasper snorted and choked on his beer, coughing and laughing while Garrett looked on, his brows pulled together tightly. "You think you had a chance to begin with?"
"Oh fuck off."
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Emmett stood by the glass window, his eyes roaming over Rosalie's body as he watched the two most important women in his life lounge by the pool. He felt the usual warmth in his body that he always felt when he gazed upon her growing belly and the baby that was forming there. It was still a rather small bump, her being only a few months along, but he saw it and he loved it.
"She's three months along?" Emmett turned to see Edward standing to his side and if he embarrassed easily, he would have flushed but he couldn't have cared less really. He wanted the world to know how happy he was that he was finally becoming a father.
"Yeah. Five more months and I tell you, they can't come soon enough." Edward smiled and nodded while he handed the burly, bear of a man a beer that he had pulled from the refrigerator.
"I like you man but I think we need to have a bit of a talk."
"I had a feeling you would want to," Edward admitted and pointed to the other room.
"Bella's not my own blood but she might as well be." He fell into one of the couches and paused to take a pull of the beer as he watched Edward sit opposite him. "She doesn't have anyone here who really looks out for her beside Rose and I… Over the past three years that she's been here well… She's like my sister and I'd do anything for that girl." Edward nodded and remained silent, taking his own bottle and placing it to his lips. "I'm sure you'd do the same thing if your sister started dating someone… And I didn't have the chance to tell Jacob this before he and Bella were married or hell, when they even got together and I sure as hell wish I knew her back then."
"I would."
Emmet cocked his head to the side, not understanding exactly what Edward was saying.
"I would do the same thing for my own sister," he repeated. "If fact, when she got together with my best mate I more then told him that if he hurt her I would kill him."
Emmett put the bottle down and slapped his hands together. "Excellent. Then I'll just say a few things. One, you hurt her and I'll kill you. I like you but I won't fell any remorse at all because I love her." Edward nodded. "Second, you should know that Rose and I want nothing more than to see Bella happy and we both see that you make her happy… We are going to do whatever we can to try and make her see this..."
"Thank you."
Emmett laughed, "I'm not doing this for you, you idiot. I'm doing this for Bella. Well, and because I can't stand that dipshit of a husband of hers. If at any point Rose or I think that you aren't good enough, you better believe we will be more than happy to voice that opinion to her." Edward let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, he could feel his heart racing in his chest. He knew that Bella respected and admired the couple; she would pick them over him if she had to choose and well, he couldn't blame her. "Like I said… I like you, Rose likes you… Don't give us a reason to think otherwise."
Edward just nodded. He didn't really know what else to say because he knew he would never hurt her and though Emmett had been firm, he suspected he knew that as well. If anyone was going to get hurt, it would be himself but he was okay with that. He would rather it was him hurting than her. She was too precious to feel that kind of pain and he would make sure she knew that. When she was ready to make her choice he would let her and tell her that no matter what she chose, he would be happy for her and that she shouldn't look back with regret. He knew that he wouldn't. How could he possibly?
Tennyson had so perfectly said that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If, in loving Bella, he were to lose her, it wouldn't matter because it was the single, most powerful thing he had ever experienced. Her love had transformed him from the person that he was into the person that he had become. No longer was he searching for happiness within himself, he found happiness in those around him, and yes, most specifically in Bella, but he knew that there were others that could now evoke that same feeling. All the resentment that he had once harbored towards his own family even was slowly melting away; everything was so clear to him now. Love and happiness went hand in hand, and it wasn't until he found love, that he was able to find true happiness. He could never hate her, regardless of what she would eventually chose; she had taught him the most basic and important thing of all, to how love. But did she know? Did she know what love truly was and how it could transcend everything? Could he help show her, and make her a believer just as she had made him?
He was never a romantic, but now he knew he always would be.
----------
The hotel was beautiful and Leah couldn't deny that fact. What she hated was how it appeared to be a romantic getaway for other couples. As she sat in the drawing room she watched men and women holding hands as they made their way to the rooms where they were presumably going to spend the night enjoying each other. It stung and hurt in ways that almost made her want to cry.
Jealousy was something she never thought about much. It was a pointless emotion rooted only in the barbaric animalistic nature of man. Why hadn't evolution managed to squash it? The violence that it evoked was terrifying and horrible and most importantly despicable. She knew that once you engage in the emotion, it was hard to ever break the surface again; you drown in it, hurting not only yourself but everyone around you.
Still, as much as she hated to admit it, it was hard to not feel jealous of everyone around her. Their smiles made her sick, their words of love and endless devotion caused her stomach to flip and bile to rise. There was no way for her to not be jealous. Her own fear of being alone in the world was suddenly a bright blinking sign in front of her. Her own biological clock slowly ticking away and it was so obvious to her that her life could always be like this: a series of relationships doomed to failure.
All she wanted in life was to have someone to love and for them to love her back. As a child she had dreamed of her own prince, gallant and charming as he swooped down off her white steed and gathered her into his arms, telling her that no woman would ever be as beautiful as her and no man could possibly love her more than him. Why was it so hard to find someone? No longer did she hold her ideas of grandeur, she knew that dreams were merely that and princes were not real and men were not perfect, but why couldn't she find at least one decent man?
Would she forever be doomed to wander the world alone? Could she be happy? Could a life alone be enough? She wanted to hope that it could be. She knew she was fine by herself, knowing full well that she could take care of herself without being worried about her finances or her own personal safety. She was a strong, independent woman. Still, she wanted someone to love her fully and completely. But why was it that the only men in the world who wanted to love her were the kind of men incapable of giving her their heart? And, knowing that, how could they allow her to let them in?
There was a pounding on her door and she sighed and walked to the peephole and saw him standing there, one arm leaning against the wood and the other pounding relentlessly.
"Come on Leah, I know you're there… We need to talk."He sounded tired and possibly broken but she couldn't. Hadn't he realized that he had hurt her enough? "I know what this looks like… But it's over between her and I. We've been over for a long time she just doesn't know how to accept it."
"Go home to your wife and child Sam." She called, her back pushed against the wall as she slid down it until her knees were pressed against her stomach and she cradled herself in her arms. She willed the tears to cease. She was sick of trying and her eyes burned but there was no stopping them.
"Leah don't do that… I want you. I don't want her."
"What about your son?"
"Lots of people get divorced and are still there for their children. Nothing will change that, I'll still be in his life but I want you in my life too Leah."
She could feel her resolve weaken as he spoke the words that she wanted him to say. She wanted to be angry with him, she wanted to yell and tell him that what he did was wrong but it was so hard to do that when he acted the way he did. When he was so attentive to her and seemed to really love her. She sighed, it was pointless to fight it. If he was leaving Emily then they could be together.
"Nice to see that your headache went away." She was broken from her reverie as she looked up to see Jacob towering over her. She cringed slightly. She had spent the whole day trying to avoid him because when she wasn't around him, she almost felt normal. It was only when he was around that she found herself losing control.
She wasn't in any danger of falling for his antics anymore. She had learned from her past and had learned from Jacob's own behavior. He was too terrifying. She had doubt in her mind that he could over power her and she didn't want to do anything to upset him, especially not with clients around.
"I'm just going over the figures for the meeting tomorrow."
"How about we go over the figures in your room?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Why? What happened?"
"I can't do this Jake. Not with you."
"You didn't have any problem doing that with me two weeks ago. Why not now?"
"Because I'm not going to get involved with you and hurt your wife in the process. She's too good of a person for that."
He laughed a dark, throaty laugh which surprised her. "You got that from a few days spent with her? You don't know shit Leah. That woman might seem all innocent and wonderful but she's a real bitch."
She shook her head, disgusted that he would say such horrible things about his wife just to get her to sleep with him. She knew that routine all too well, Sam had often said the same things and it was one of the reasons why she put up with him for so long. She knew better now. "Either way Jake… We work together; we never should have let it happen the first time."
He stared at her for a moment before shaking his head and stomping off leaving her in peace and by herself. She was thankful. It was easier when he wasn't around. Besides, she was rather thankful that it seemed his true colors were shining, it was easier to hate him and easier to keep herself from ever doing anything with him ever again.
----------
He waited for the fifteen minutes that she told him to wait before he walked into his bedroom to find the lights off and a few candles lit. He didn't know what to expect, but he could feel his heart race as he looked around, trying to find her. She wasn't there but the bathroom light was on and he cleared his throat loudly waiting for her to appear.
"You didn't tell me it was your birthday." He heard her call from behind the closed door.
"I didn't think it mattered… Besides, you being here with me is the best present I could ask for," he replied lamely, still it had been the truth. He didn't want anything but Bella for his birthday. Well, maybe Bella and lots of sex with her, but he figured that that went hand in hand. "How did you find out?"
"I was looking for something back at your flat before we left and I saw the birthday card."
"What were you looking for?"
The door opened and he thought his heart had stopped at the sight before him. She was standing near the door, a silly, slightly drunk grin on her face as she wore the black lace undergarment that he often spent nights fantasizing about. He snapped his jaw shut and felt his pants grow tight before a small smirk appeared on his face. She might have bought it for Jake months ago and now he was thanking his lucky stars that the man had fucked up because no one would ever see her in it but him. This was for him, and she was doing it because she knew he must have looked in that bag. Damn vixen.
"Happy Birthday," she said, her cheeks tinged pink from what he assumed was his probably intense gaze. He couldn't help it though. She was stunning.
"Come here." He opened his arms up and she ran on her toes to him and threw herself into his arms. "God Bella… You're going to kill me tonight you know that?" She giggled, her hands brushing over his chest. "Though I couldn't think of a better way to die."
"Do you want anything to drink?" She asked, pulling away from him.
He didn't give her a response; instead he rolled her over onto her back so that he was on top of her, looking down at her face and the way her hair fanned out from underneath her. And, if he wasn't already aware of his painful arousal, when she pushed up and pressed her lace clad hips against his trousers, he knew just what kind of a state he was in.
His lips were on hers and kissing her hard and deep. He wanted her and he wasn't sure just how to get her close enough to him without fully entering her. He wasn't ready for that, but as he let one hand trail down her side, her body shivering underneath him, and finally resting it against her, rubbing her from outside the thong that matched the damn slip thing she wore, he knew she was.
She moaned into his mouth and he pressed his hand harder against her, finally removing his lips from hers and kissing her cheeks, her jaw, her chin, her throat, the side of her neck. He let his tongue press against the skin, tasting her, the salt from the sweat that made her body glisten mixed with her own personal taste. It was wonderful. He felt her hands as they fisted his hair, tugging hard as she writhed beneath him, rubbing against his hand harder for friction that she needed to calm the storm temporarily.
"I was supposed to seduce you Mr. Cullen," she panted and he smiled, removing his hand and moving his lips against hers once more.
"As you wish Isabella," he smiled as he pulled away from her again, letting her lay beneath him until she was ready.
He groaned when she was able to roll him over, her body straddling his stomach, the black lace hiking up even further on her thighs. She very rarely took control, but then again, he usually never let her as he always wanted to make her moan, but tonight, he wasn't going to fight it. If this was what she wanted, he would gladly sit back and enjoy the ride.
He let his eyes rake over her body, to take in the pale color of her skin against the sheer black lace and the way the candles casted a soft golden glow against her. She looked beautiful, so damn beautiful that it hurt him and he could feel it to his very core. His hands dug into the sheets. He needed to keep himself from reaching up and ripping the damn thing off her body. He wanted to skip the foreplay, hadn't they had enough? All he wanted was to be inside of her again, though unlike before, he knew it wouldn't be slow and gentle and she didn't appear to want that either.
She leaned down, her lips against his neck, kissing and sucking while her hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. "You taste so good," she murmured against his neck and he smiled, his hands lifting from the sheets of the bed and slowly trailing along her exposed thighs. She shivered and he felt it against his erection which she was slowly grinding against.
"Bella…"
She shook her head and pulled away from him, his chest now exposed, her fingers scraping lightly against the skin as she moved down his body. Her hands were on his pants before he could register that she had moved down his body and once her hands were on the fly, slowly reliving him of some of the pain caused from the constriction, he placed his own hands on hers.
"You don't have to."
She didn't listen and instead slowly moved off the bed, pulling with her both his pants and boxers leaving him naked and completely exposed. He didn't take his eyes off of her as she stood there before him, her eyes drinking in every ounce of his body, her eyes hooded. She was allowing an animalistic nature in her appear that he had never seen before and it was painfully erotic. He knew he would get his release, but the waiting was torture. Her hands reached down to the bottom of the negligee and she removed the thong before fingering the bottom of the baby doll, her eyes never leaving his.
"No… Leave it," he whispered unsure at first if she had even heard him but when she smirked and left it in place as she moved across his body once again, he smiled back, enjoying the way it fit her figure and exposed everything he wanted to see. She was a living fantasy and he wanted to enjoy that to the fullest.
She didn't move all the way up though, pausing to push herself between his legs and to settle down between his knees. He bit his lip and watched as he hand moved closer to the promise land and when he touched the base of his cock, his eyes went wide. Her hand felt smooth and cool against the heat and he closed his eyes, concentrating on how her skin felt against the sensitive area.
"Bella…" He groaned and he heard her faint giggle. Suddenly the cool of her hand was replaced by something, warm and wet. His eyes shot open and he pulled his head up in time to see her lips pucker and her tongue jut out of from between them, touching an open mouthed kiss to the head.
"Bella… You don't have to do that." His voice was strained. It felt so damn good and he didn't want her to stop but at the same time he had never let her do this to him before. She had tried, oh god she had tried but he never wanted her to think that it was something she had to do. Most of the women that he had been with before had merely reciprocated the action out of duty and he wanted her to know that he never wanted her to do anything that she didn't want to. Still, her lips felt so damn good against him that he was instantly regretting the words. He had imagined what this could be like, and though she had done nothing more than kiss the naked skin, he already know that the fantasy was severely lacking.
"I want to," she replied, her eyes meeting his and as her lips wrapped around the head, silencing him from protesting further, not that he was sure he would. Her mouth was wet and warm and as he touched the back of her throat, he moaned and lifted his hips slightly to push further in, to feel more of her mouth around him.
His eyes rolled into his head as he pressed his head down into the pillow. He could feel everything: the way her tongue felt as it swirled around the head, her hand that pumped what she couldn't take into her mouth, and the gentle vibrations that her moans made.
"God Bella…" he groaned and lifted his head to find that she was watching him. She pulled him out of her mouth and he whimpered from the loss of the contact but she didn't respond, she merely moved over him
He wanted her to take control, but he wasn't fairing well as she did and instead shifted under her, rolling her to the side and positioning himself on her. He needed her, and he needed her soon. His hand went straight to the bottom of the baby doll, pushing it up just enough so that his hands could touch the smooth skin of her stomach.
She wiggled under him and smiled as he leaned down and captured her lips as his hand moved lower. His erection pressed against her leg and she moved against it more as he moaned into her mouth, his fingers finally arriving at their destination. He ran them softly, almost teasingly, on her folds and could feel her wetness in his skin. His cock twitched in anticipation but he ignored what he wanted, and instead pressed his finger into her, moving it languorously as he felt her and she whimpered. He pulled away from her mouth and moved to her neck, kissing and nipping at the flesh as she moved against his hand with more force, trying to get him to move faster inside of her.
"Edward…" She said firmly, causing him to look up, their eyes meeting. He didn't need any more direction and he pulled his finger out of her and moved back up her, his hand gripping his painful erection as she spread her legs giving him the room that he needed.
He guided himself to her, letting his length move slowly inside before stopping. He could feel her tight walls around him and he savored the feeling for a moment before he felt the heel of her foot against his butt. Glancing at her, he could see the smirk and he grinned back and leaned down, resting his weight on his forearms as he began to move inside of her: slow and firm as she bucked at his hips, pushing him to go faster. As her arms snaked around him and her nails dug into his back softly he groaned and moved harder, much to her delight. His lips moved back to her neck as he continued to nip at the flesh, hoping beyond all hope that he wasn't going to leave a mark on her creamy skin. As much as he wanted to, he knew that it would be problematic if he did.
"Do you like that?" he grunted out and she moaned her response softly.
There were no words left to be spoken as he moved deeper and deeper into her, his own movements matched with her own. The rest of the world disappeared and though they were probably making more noise than they should have under the circumstances, neither seemed to care.
This was primal; it was pure passion in its rawest form. They pressed their bodies together, each trying to get closer to the other, neither feeling complete when they moved away. His lips once again found her throat and he kissed her there, tasting the sweet salt of her body. Her hands found his hair and she pulled him back to her mouth where their lips met with fervor and they kissed until her body shuddered beneath him followed by his own release moments later.
He collapsed on top of her, but pulled away when he realized that he could be crushing her.
"No," she whimpered, panting as she tried to regain her breath.
"What?"
"Stay there… I want to feel you on me."
He smiled and pressed down against her once more, still cautious of the weight that he put on her, not wanting to crush her. He could feel her hot breath on his sweaty skin, cooling the area and sending chills down his back. Her legs moved and she wrapped them around his waist, holding him tightly against her. They were close, as close as two lovers could possibly be, but he couldn't help but feel the divide that still lingered between them.
He would find a way. They would find a way.
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"Bella?" Her eyes fluttered. Gone was Edward's velvety voice and as she looked up, she could see Rose standing there. Her cheeks flushed and she quickly surveyed the area to insure that he had picked everything up. There wasn't a single article of clothing littering the floor.
Pulling the sheet up, she wrapped it around her body. The bed was cold and she had no idea how long he had been gone and it didn't settle well with her. Had she scared him away? Had she done something to upset him? She closed her eyes briefly trying to think of anything that would cause him to leave their bedroom. Nothing came to mind. Why would he leave and not wake her up? Why would he leave at all?
"Where's Edward?"
Rose just shrugged and sat down on the side of the bed. "I think he and Emmett went to the village to get some groceries or something. I heard Emmett grumble about making dinner tonight."
"Why wouldn't he wake me up? Was he upset with me?"
"Bella, stop over thinking everything for once…" she sighed, rubbing her furrowed brow. "What are you so afraid of?"
"I don't know."
"He loves you Bella… Haven't you figured that out?"
"I don't deserve it," she sighed and she could feel the tears as they prickled her eyes.
She had tried multiple times to convince herself that she was worthy of him, that she was worthy of his feelings for her but she couldn't. She was letting him give up everything for her. He could he happy but not with her, not with her holding him back, making him think that there was a chance when she wasn't even sure that there was. The basic truth of it was that she had far too many problems to deal with, far too many insecurities and hang ups and she was relying on him to fix her. That wasn't fair. It was too much to put on one person. She was broken and he couldn't fix her, no matter how hard she wanted to believe that he could, no matter how badly she knew he wanted to.
Her life hadn't turned out as she had expected it to at all. There were times when she would thumb through the photos of the past and wonder what had happened to her. Though she had never been confident, she had always had a self assuredness that after losing the baby seemed to melt away. Baby making wasn't an essential thing in her life, she never considered that it was the only thing that a woman could do, but the fact that she wasn't able to, at least, to her knowledge, pained her in ways that she couldn't seem to describe. An essential part of her womanhood was ripped from her and it was all her fault. She couldn't take it back; she couldn't go back in time and stay home when Jacob had insisted that she did. She made herself into the person she was and this life was her punishment. Happiness wasn't something she felt she deserved but she was selfish and took from Edward all he had to give, while giving so very little back because there was nothing left of her to give to him. She hated herself.
"How can you say that? How do you not see the woman that Emmett and I see when you look in the mirror? This is ridiculous Bella! You can't keep blaming yourself for things that are completely out of your control!"
"You don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what this is like."
"That might be true… But I know what it feels like to have a life growing inside of you… I know how terrifying it is to lose that life. I've been there… But I didn't wallow in it Bella. You're still beating yourself up over something that happened four years ago!" Rose's voice was stern but quiet. "You keep withdrawing into yourself instead of dealing with it properly. How can you ever really come out of this if you refuse to get the help you need."
"I don't need help Rose…"
"One day you'll figure it out… I'm just afraid of what it's going to take for you to realize that you deserve more than the life you've settled for." Rose frowned while she stood up to walk to the door. With her hand on the knob she turned around one more time. "I just hope that you realize it before you lose everything. Happiness is in reach Bella but you're too blind to see that. I hope that one day you will realize that all this internalizing is only hurting you."
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Bella watched him from inside of the house. Her eyes carefully examining his movements as he dropped four steaks onto the grill. She could see the heat radiating off of it, distorting his perfect face and his smile as he laughed at something Emmett had told him. He wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead before closing the cover and picking up his beer. Her eyes went to his lips as they wrapped around the head of the bottle and she closed her eyes, images of him the night before flashing through her eyes.
"God Bella… Beautiful Bella," he whispered against her skin. His lips were against her stomach, kissing every inch of skin and she looked down at him. His eyes were dark but not in the way that she was use to. With Jacob, dark eyes were a sign of his exerting dominance. Jacob was always dominant in the bedroom and Bella never argued, it was easier to be submissive. Edward's eyes were different though. When darkened to the most beautiful shade of green, a shade that reminded her of the evergreens of the Pacific Northwest, they told her one thing: pure and unadulterated passion.
She moaned as his lips latched onto the nipple of her left breast and she felt him rest one hand over her heart.
"Yours," she whispered so quietly she knew he couldn't hear. It was all she could give him.
"Are you coming outside?" Rose's voice was light, but Bella could hear the remaining anger laced in it. All afternoon she had managed to stay in the bedroom. When Edward had returned home, she had pretended to still be asleep and though he had pressed his lips to her forehead, she remained still. No one had bothered her since, and she had taken to thinking. The one thing she promised Edward she wouldn't do.
"Hi." His smile was bright as he looked up and saw her walking towards him. Her heart flipped in her chest. She rarely saw that smile. It was big and lit his entire face up, such a contrast to the beautiful crooked one that she was so use to. This one, she knew, was strictly for her.
"Hi."
He opened his arms and she nestled herself against him as he clasped his arms around her tightly. Home. His arms always felt like being home. Was that the essential definition of true love? The ability to feel completely at ease with one person, to feel as though you belonged even when you thought you didn't?
"Did you sleep well?" His lips brushed her hair and she wrapped her hands around the bottle he held in his hands. She nodded her head and he placed the bottle to her lips, closing his eyes and groaning so soft that only she could hear as she wrapped them around the bottle. Taking a small sip, he leaned down and his warm breath was on her neck and sparking electricity all over her skin. "Tease."
She smiled as she released her lips on the bottle, licking them with her tongue and tasting the lingering beer. She wasn't a big fan of beer really, but she could taste his lips on the bottle and it seemed to ease the bitter flavor. Maybe she would drink beer all the time if there was a lingering flavor of Edward on it.
"I hope you're hungry." He grinned, brushing her hair off her face. "It's just us after tonight and I don't plan on moving from that bed much."
"I'm going to grab a beer. Do you want another one?" she asked, slipping from his grip as she began to walk back into the house. He nodded and watched her as she walked away.
She didn't look back over her shoulder. Instead, she closed her eyes and placed her hand on the French door. Being with Edward was everything she ever wanted in life, and Rose's words from the afternoon were reverberating through her mind. Happiness is in reach Bella but you're too blind to see that. Yes, happiness was within reach, but would he still feel the same way when he knew the truth? There really was only one way to find out, and then, she would find out just what the future held for her.
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They went to the edge after saying goodbye to Rose and Emmett. He had wanted to spend time alone with her and she wasn't opposed to that. Though they had gone to the place earlier in the weekend as a group, it was different when they were alone. It seemed different, the air around them had changed and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Everything was about to change and it both frightened and excited her.
She stood under the shade of a large tree as she looked at him; his bronze hair shining as the sunlight caught the gold flecks in it. He was beautiful, though that wasn't something she didn't already know, but seeing him in the sunlight was breathtaking. Her stomach churned with that familiar happiness that she always got when she was with him and she wondered if he felt it too.
He was always more vocal about his feelings for her but the reason she never said much to him was because she was still so unsure about her future. She wanted to give him everything she knew he wanted, but she wasn't sure she could. She knew he wanted children, he had mentioned it once, but she didn't know if that would ever be something she could give him; she knew he wanted to get married, but she already was married and after everything, even if she did get divorced, marriage wasn't something she was sure she would ever want again, even if it was with someone was wonderful as Edward. Still, she loved him, she just couldn't tell him that. It wasn't fair to him. Though none of this seemed fair to him.
"I don't think I'll ever get tired of that." She blinked and saw that he had moved from his place overlooking the village and was sitting behind her, pulling her into his chest.
"Of what?" she asked as she situated herself in his arms; her side pressed against his chest, her head resting against the apex where his shoulder met his arm, her eyes gazing up at him.
His fingers touched her lips, tracing the small outline of the smile she hadn't realized she was wearing, "seeing you happy."
They didn't talk for a while. She just cuddled into his chest while he buried his head in her hair. They didn't need to talk. She just wanted to enjoy the time she had left with him and he just needed to be near her before she would be ripped from his arms yet again for an indefinable about of time.
"Bella?"
"Hmm?"
"I uhm…" He stuttered and she looked up at him, placing her hand against his cheek feeling the stubble from the hair that had been growing that day.
"What's wrong?" her voice was soft as he gazed down at her.
"I just…" he didn't know where to start but he knew he had to ask, he needed to know what she wanted for her future. He needed to know if she wanted him like he wanted her.
"What is it?" Her heart was racing, unsure as to what it was that suddenly had him so tongue tied. "You can tell me… Please, you're scaring me."
He chuckled nervously, "I'm scaring myself… I just don't want you to get upset with me."
"I won't. I promise," she whispered, her eyes never leaving his. She could see the fear in his eyes and she imagined that hers were similar.
He nodded, "you've always said how unhappy you are with him… But why are you still there? Why are you still with him when he makes you miserable?"
She bit her lip. This wasn't a conversation she had been looking forward to, but she knew that it was coming. For months now she had been telling him about her relationship but concealing the one thing she never wanted to talk about. The last person she had ever told was Rose and it had opened up scars that she never wanted to deal with ever again. But mostly, she was afraid that he would never see her in the same light ever again; she would be damaged and not worthy of him. Still, she owed him the truth.
"I haven't been completely honest with you…" she started, her eyes trained on the grass. He didn't let her look away though, his hand cupping her chin and pulling her eyes back to his own. She was amazed at how soft they were and how much, in that moment, she trusted him. "There was a miscarriage… But there's more than that… It was right after Jake and I got married… I went out to the store to get some things when I was in a car accident… When they went to take out the fetus, they found a cyst and though it was benign, there was some scaring after the removal… I guess between that and the extraction… my body just didn't take it very well. I might never have children again."
"Oh Bella…" He wrapped his arms around her tighter, kissing her forehead.
"I wasn't okay Edward… After it I mean…"
His fingers were combing her hair, trying to get her to continue, to help him understand.
"For six months I was like a zombie. I was there physically, but mentally I was miles away from everything… Jake stuck with me… He didn't leave when it could have been so easy to. I treated him horribly. I completely shut him out. But he didn't leave…" She sucked in a deep breath for a moment before exhaling. "He could have left and I wouldn't have blamed him… I would have probably done the same thing… The thing is… I just. Now… I don't know."
"You feel like you own it to him to stick around…" he whispered.
"I want to give you my heart Edward… I want to give you everything but there isn't anything left for me to give."
"What do you mean Bella?"
"I can't give you what you want…"
"You don't know what I want," he replied.
"Tell me what you see in your future Edward."
"I see you. I see us as a family Bella.. That's all I want. I want us to be happy and together."
"I can't give you that."
"Who says?"
"My body Edward! I can't give you children," she sighed. "And, I just… I can't leave him knowing he might be going through something. I can't leave him alone. I owe that to him."
"I don't care if we adopt Bella… I don't care, I just want you. That's all. But it doesn't matter what I want… What about you Bella… What do you want?"
"I don't know…" Her voice was low and he could see the tears pooling in her eyes and he felt his heart drop to his chest. It wasn't his intention to upset her, all he wanted was to understand and now he was hurting her, just like Jake was hurting her. He wasn't any better than her husband.
"I'm sorry Bella… I'm so sorry. I didn't want to upset you…"
She shook her head. "I don't know what I want Edward… I just know that I love you…"
There they were the three words he needed her to say. She may not have given him everything that he needed but for now… That would be enough.
"I love you too Bella…" he whispered against her hair.
"Edward?"
"Yes?" he asked, his fingers stroking the soft skin of her cheek.
"I want a family."
"I want a family too Bella, my Bella, my love."
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She smiled as she kissed him goodbye. There were things she would need to work out, but he would be there, she was certain of that. He loved her, and she loved him. They would figure it out together. Her heart soared with the happiness she knew Rose was talking about. She was happy. For the first time in years, she felt on top of the world.
"I'll call you tomorrow," he said before kissing her one last time and she nodded. "I love you." He wanted to shout it from the roofs, he wanted everyone to know that he loved her and that she loved him back. Four long months of torture had led to this and he wanted to celebrate in it.
"I love you too."
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"Bella?" She looked up from the couch, setting down her battered copy of Anna Karenina. "Are you home?"
Jacob appeared at the entrance to the room and he looked at her curiously. "Hi."
"How was your trip?" She asked and watched as his face broke out into a smile. She had seen that particular smile only on a few occasions. The first was when she had agreed to marry him, the second when she had been walking down the aisle towards him, and the third, when he got the promotion that changed their lives.
"I'm up for promotion again at work. They want me to run the entire concert division here in Europe Bella." She bit her lip when she realized just what this meant for her. "I'm having the CEO over for dinner tomorrow night. He loves you and I figured it would help them speed this process up."
"How long before you know?"
"Baxter is retiring next summer so they are going to spend the rest of this summer and through the winter testing us out… I'm assuming we'll know sometime in February."
"Dinner?"
"No one makes a better roast than you Bells. Baxter, Davidson and Parker are all coming with their wives tomorrow night."
"Okay," she said softly and watched as he left the room, his bag still in hand.
She closed her eyes, pressing them tightly, trying hard not to cry. This changed everything. She couldn't leave Jacob when he needed her. A few more months wouldn't hurt anything. Edward would understand. It was the only way she could leave Jacob without feeling guilty. She would stick by him through this promotion and once he knew if he got it or not, she would leave.
Her stomach twisted. He would understand, she continued to tell herself, but she couldn't help but think likewise.
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Well? I'd love to know what you think! And come play on the twilighted forum for this story. I've taken to posting teasers!
Thank you for your time. I know this chapter was long!
Oh, and one more thing… I'm toying with writing a story about Edward as a politician (running in the California Senatorial Election) and Bella, a former political correspondent for the Los Angeles Times who takes a job as either his Media Strategist or Communications strategist. I'm curious if you would be interested. It's a light hearted Edward SOB/Womanizer story… My degree is in US Politics and I thought that it might be fun to take what I actually know and work it into a story.