I do not own Edward, Bella , Jacob or Mike. they're all magnificent Stephenie Meyer's.

Burntcore is still my fave author here.

special thanks to my buddy C for reading these.

The Break

The words left my lips quicker than i thought , when they're done i was too dazzled to recover myself. I cursed myself in several languages i know.

He froze in his place , then his embrace became too tight and i felt him shudder in his chest under my head. He set me free of his arms but i didn't have the guts to look at his face, instead i watched his jaw, i watched it tighten and release with momentary intentions to speak, i watched the hesitation there. I pictured his face, it should be shifting colors, and after a few colors on his russet skin, he would speak and maybe he would order me to leave this apartment.

But he didn't. All of that i told happened between two ticks of a clock But as all we know sometimes seconds are too small to measure the events.

He started laughing hysterically and made the whole bed rumble with him. It was the point i realized he lost it. He started mumbling unintelligible things , i couldn't understand even a word from it. Then he said with an emotionless voice:

-Yes, you probably did ,but how? you sleep beside me every night.

Not every night , and i don't really sleep at all i thought to myself, as i was too disgusted in myself to talk. He continued his monologue, if i didn't know better I'd think he was talking to himself.

-No you didn't , is it's a joke please stop it,

He sat on the bed with sheets resting on his legs , placed his hands on his temples and stood still for almost 5 minutes. As he did the inner talking ,silence was killing me but i was too coward to talk. I was concerned beyond belief that i hurt him irreversibly. But i didn't have the right to feel guilty , it wasn't just once, if it were i could forgive myself ,even he could maybe. But i betrayed him more than once ,more than i can keep the track. My mind didn't even try to find some way to make this up or even make a movement. I sat there as still as a statue. Statue of a traitor. Statue of a weak creature.

And he stood as still as me beside ,but if i dare to compare us , i knew i would lose in every category. He was calm in his own way, as a person big as him can be. But he never was the one of his shape, he was the nicest man i know with the lightest touch a a hand like his can contain . And his hands were big, almost two times of mine. He was the statue of a man that lost the biggest war of his life.

It took him time to take it in and when he did he started asking questions.

-Once ?

I just made the movement with my head.

-How many times?

I didn't have the answer to that. i didn't know if it was better to tell the truth , but i already said too much. so why not go with the truth i said to myself and mumbled

-a-a lot..

A growl ripped from his chest but he was till calm on the outside. his face didn't carry any emotion. i held myself together with my arms and started moving forward and back absentmindedly, like a child who tries to protect herself from her nightmares.

-On this bed?

- N-no never.

-In this apartment

- Never. My voice started to come off as whispers.

-Do i know him?

-I-i don't think so.

He got up from the bed and walked to the exact spot where i stood about 20 minutes ago. When he turned around to face me finally there was anger on his face. I knew he went there to stop himself from hurting me, shrugging me to tell the truth. He was afraid of what he could hear, and he already started to shatter from inside. I was a murderer. He moved to the crucial question.

- Do you love him or should I've said them?

Have i loved them? not in the slightest bit , i barely thought of them as human beings , they were just reminders of the men who left me with a part of them. Some of them smelled like him , some of them had the exact shade of hair he had , some of them were just looked like him or sometimes they were just strangers to soothe me.

I didn't love them. But i loved the man who left this scar deeply , deep enough to be hurt after him irreversibly , enough to be a slave to his memory.

- No, Jake i don't even remember the names.

I wasn't sure if it hurt less to be cheated on with someone i loved or be cheated on with random guys.

He raised his fist, i saw his knuckles went white as he try to hold himself together. He broke a few things close to him by throwing them to the wall beside him, as far as i see, it didn't help at all. He stopped himself before he destroy all the things breakable in the room.

- I don't have any word to say to you, I'm done. Oh, God it hurts. How could you , why would you? his words trailed off and started getting unintelligible.

He searched for his clothes and found them on the chair, got his car keys and his wallet from the drawer and left the room in his boxers. He hesitated for a second by the door , maybe because i didn't look at him or he really had no words to discuss , he left. I heard the door bang.

There i was left alone as i deserved, in the middle of a huge bed , naked.

And after four months of sleepless nights, and many years i spent half-asleep ,i felt the sleep creeping on me. I left myself on its hands and drifted off a sleep that held no dream.