A/N:

I know it's been a while, so I'll keep this short. I'm sorry for the delay… There were family issues that came up and I've been doing job interviews and grad school interviews (which require early mornings as they are all London based schools), so I've been really busy… And now I have a job that requires me to get up at 4:30am every morning so well… You get the picture.

This was a difficult chapter to write and I'm still not sure it played out the way I wanted it to… But it's also the fifth draft and I'm not sure I can re-write it anymore times…

I hope you liked it.

Thanks of course to: zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual. You both rock!

You Found Me
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter Twenty

If you feel like getting even, I understand
I just wanna say 'I'm sorry' things got out of hand
I only wanted to you like me, that's how I am

Is it harder on your own
Is it hard to be someone
I've heard you're turning into stone
While I'm on my way home
And I've been for so long
I'm on my way home

If you feel like you've been cheated, that's no surprise
But there were things back then that I did not realize
I came to understand that sometimes your feelings lie

Is it hard to be unknown
Is it dull to be alone
I've heard you're sinking like a stone
While I'm on my way home
And I've been for so long
On my way home

Is it harder on your own
Is it hard to be someone
I've heard you're sinking like a stone
While I'm on my way home
I'm on my way home
And I've been for so long
I'm on my way home

And I've been for so long
I'm on my way home
On my way home

"On My Way Home," The Perishers

__________

Charlie didn't hover; it was one of his traits that he knew Bella appreciated. When she had moved in with him during her junior year of high school, he had been a fairly relaxed father; he had more than willingly given her the space she would have needed and wanted in order to adjust to living in a new town with new people. And, if he was being honest with himself, he knew that she had a good head on her shoulders and never would have gotten caught up in anything serious. So even when the boys in town started to show interest in her, he just smiled and shook his head knowing full well that she was more than capable of handling the situation on her own.

He had, of course, like any father, been concerned about her apparent lack of interest in her peers. Often times he was afraid that she had inherited his own antisocial behaviorisms, and though it worried him, she had always seemed so content and happy that he never thought to question her about it. It was probably the reason why he welcomed Jacob Black's affections towards his daughter when he started to come around. Charlie had seen the change in Bella nearly immediately; she seemed to enjoy being around others, no longer spending all her weekends holed up in her bedroom reading her books or studying for tests that she would have passed anyways. Jacob had seemed to bring her to life and it was all he wanted for his daughter.

Things had changed however, after the accident and most obviously, after the move to London. He suspected that living in a foreign area had taken a toll on the relationship, but he never had considered that Jacob would have turned as vicious as Bella had described him to be; if he hadn't known his daughter so well, he would have thought that she was lying but when she told him, the look in her eyes, the heartbreak and terror was so apparent that it nearly brought him to tears. He hated that he had bore witness to the marriage that broke his daughter, hated that he had been so approving of the man without questioning the boy, hated that he had done nothing, even when he had suspected that something was off.

Now Charlie was left with the broken pieces and he didn't know where to start. Bella had been home for a week now and since her breakdown in the kitchen that first night back in Washington, he had barely seen her. As he was nearing retirement he was spending less time at the station and because he knew that Bella needed him around, he did everything he could to stay at the house as much as possible, yet it didn't seem to matter; she never left her room. Sure, there were the few times in passing that he would catch a glimpse of her as she flittered from the bedroom to the bathroom or, when hunger and thirst became too unbearable, he would sometimes catch her rummaging around the kitchen. But all these sightings never led to any kind of conversation and that bothered him because he didn't know what he could do to try and fix things, to try and make things better for her. It broke his heart to see her hurting so much.

When he and Renee learned that they were having a daughter, Charlie had never known so much panic before in his life. He knew nothing about girls and the small things he did know, terrified him. But he could clearly remember the moment that the doctor placed his baby in his arms and he stared down at her, her infant colored blue-grey eyes staring up at him, he had never felt such love for anything else, nor had he felt the desire to protect another being so greatly. He felt now that he had failed, and that was a kind of pain that he knew he would feel forever.

Sighing, as he realized that he needed help, he picked up the phone that was resting near the couch. Reinforcement was exactly what he needed and he knew exactly who would be more than willing to help him out. He scrolled through the electronic phone book that Sue's son had set up for him one evening before finding the number he needed.

Her voice, light and airy, interrupted the ringing. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Cheney?"

"This is she."

"Angela, it's Bella's father…" he paused for a moment, considering his words.

"Of course it is! How are you chief?"

"I was wondering if you might have time to take a trip to Forks… There's someone here who needs you."

__________

Edward looked up at the large house as he raked his fingers through his hair. It was getting too long, he realized, and he knew that a hair cut was going to be in order very soon. Still, it was only a fleeting thought because almost instantly he was remembering what had last brought him out here, who had last brought him out here. When his mother had called to tell him that both she and his father wanted to do Christmas in the country, he had adamantly refused, not wanting to be back in the house that had been both served to bring him the greatest amount of happiness, but also the greatest amount of pain.

"Edward?"

He felt the small arms embrace him before he smelled her comforting scent. It had been too long and he had been hiding everything for even longer. His arms instinctively wrapped around her much smaller frame and just like that, he was five again, sobbing into the crook of her neck as she rubbed his back soothingly. He didn't know what it was he was so upset about anymore; he just knew that for the first time it felt good to be wrapped in the arms of someone who loved him, who would continue to love him, even after he spilled out the biggest secret of his life.

Esme managed to pull her son into the house and lead him to the living room. Call it a mother's intuition or blind luck, but she knew that there was some kind of strong pull urging her to spend the weekend at the country home and when she watched Edward's car pull into the driveway, she knew that this was the reason, that this was why she was there. Instead of pushing him to talk however, she let him lay on the couch, his head resting in her lap as she stroked his hair, listening to the muffled sounds of his sobbing as it began to cease.

She didn't know the entire story behind what was happening with Edward, any time she tried to inquire about the state of his life, his face always contorted to a painful grimace before he shook his head and dismissed her entirely. For the longest time she always assumed that his problems stemmed from his rocky relationship with Carlisle; it never escaped her notice that her husband often pestered their son about his choice in career when they had paid for his Oxford education that he wasn't using.

It wasn't until Alice had a few too many glasses of wine one night that Esme learned the real truth: that Edward had fallen and fallen hard for a woman who was married. This in and of itself did not surprise her much. Esme knew that when Edward was ready he would find the right person and would love her with the same fierce passion that she experienced with her own husband, Cullen men were destined to love with their entire being. What had surprised her, however, was that the woman had been married. Still, she knew, and she knew from experience, that when you loved someone, everything else didn't matter, that your heart wanted what it wanted and regardless of how terrible the reality of the situation really was.

"Everything is so fucked up." He finally managed.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything… She fucking left the country," he responded as he sat up and wiped at the corners of his eyes with the backs of his hands, watching his mother as she grimaced. "Sorry… I didn't mean to curse."

"It's okay." Edward was always surprised with the softness of his mother's voice, it was everything he needed. "Who left? Bella?"

She had never spoken her name and though Edward suspected that she knew about the woman, he couldn't help the widening of his eyes as she mentioned her. Though, because he had nothing more to say, he could do nothing but nod his head.

"Where did she go?"

"Back home… She left her husband and went back home."

"She didn't tell you?"

"No," he sighed and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. His body was so tense and he couldn't find relief.

There was a silence that fell between the mother and son: Esme contemplating her words, trying to see if she could tell her son the story that both he and Alice never knew, and Edward wondering if there was anything in this world that could alleviate the pain that he had spent months masking which had so quickly bubbled back to the surface.

"Dad and I never told you how we met did we?"

He snapped his head up to look at her, his eyebrows raised curiously, wondering what it was she was getting at, "yes… You were a first year at university and he was nearly finishing his medical degree… You weren't paying attention and were speaking with Aunt Delia when you ran into each other and his books and papers went flying everywhere. The rest I suppose, is history?"

Esme shook her head, "your father… he was involved with someone when we met."

"What?"

"He had been seeing a woman for three years when we met, they were engaged."

"Why didn't you ever tell us this?"

She smiled and chuckled to herself, "no one wants to hear that story… That one is much too painful."

"What happened?"

"Your father is, if more than anything, a man true to his word. Before he left for Oxford, he was deeply involved with a girl from his village, Catherine. He told me, that into his second year, he had proposed because he felt that he loved her and they planned to get married soon after he finished his degree as she went to Manchester. "Esme stopped for a moment and took her son's hand, letting her fingers rub small circles on the top of his hand. "I was so in love with him, even though I knew he was spoken for and one night when we were at a party…"

Edward groaned, "I'm not sure I want to hear this."

She smiled and chuckled lightly. "We were together for the rest of that year until he had to go home and my parents sent me to France for the summer… Though we talked, he said that he couldn't leave her because he had given her his word and he broke my heart… Later, when I returned to school, I looked for him everywhere, especially when I learned from Uncle Aro that he had called off the engagement.

"He didn't come back for me. Aro said that he believed he had hurt me too much and that I never would have forgiven him…" Esme shook her head. "Men are so foolish sometimes… Though maybe we all are, because I would have forgiven him, I did forgive him."

"When did he come back?"

"He didn't, not really. After I finished my degree, I moved to London. One afternoon, on my way to work, I was rushing down the steps of the Sloane Square tube station when I tripped and fell… Apparently, your father had lived in the area as well and was on his way to work… They say it's coincidence, but I think there was more to it than that."

"And you forgave him? For leaving? For not telling you he left his fiancé?"

"He's the love of my life Edward… I'm not saying it wasn't painful… But in the end, that didn't really matter… I'm not saying I let him off the hook… It took months to get the trust back in our relationship, but I've never been more thankful for a second chance."

"Why are you telling me this?" Though he knew, he somehow needed his mother to verify it for him. He needed to hear it from her that she believed that somehow, he and Bella would find each other once again because he knew that his life would never be complete without her.

"Because I know how you are feeling… And I have faith that she just needs to realize that everything from the past… the pain that you've both caused each other… That none of it really matters, that one year is trivial in comparison to a lifetime of happiness together… Give her time…"

__________

The knock on her door made her groan; she didn't want to talk to anyone right now. It was selfish, but she wanted to wallow.

"What are you doing?"

Bella shot out of bed and looked to the door, startled that the voice was not her father's.

"Angela?"

"In the flesh."

"What? Who?"

Angela smiled and went to the bed, flopping down next to her best friend, the friend she hadn't seen in two years but loved just as much as she had before she left.

"Charlie called… So what's going on?" She knew of course; Charlie had filled her in on the major details: the problems with Jacob (which, in and of itself, didn't surprise her much), the affair with the musician, the accident and how she left Jacob. Part of Angela was jealous of Bella, she was living such an exciting life, though the majority of her being was saddened, and hurt for her best friend.

"I'm sure you already know…"

"I do but I don't understand why you're here."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella… Tell me you aren't just as blind as you were in high school." Angela just watched as Bella scrunched her brow. "I mean… No man would stick around if he didn't love you… And he was there, at the hospital… You left Jacob, you don't have anything holding you back anymore."

"I know he was there Angie… I know that he loves me and god… I want him so badly but that doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do… I've hurt him so badly."

"So make it better."

Bella could feel the tears as they began to pool in her eyes, "that's the problem… I don't know how."

Angela didn't pressure her any longer. Instead she laid back on the pillow and enjoyed the silence with her. There wasn't anything else she could tell her, yet she, for the most part, just wanted her to think about it. It was true that she didn't know the entire details of the situation, but that didn't change much really; deep down she knew that Bella knew what she had to do… She just needed a swift kick in the ass and that was exactly what best friends were for.

__________

Bella pushed the large metal cart down the cereal aisle as she inspected the different boxes. Charlie's kitchen was void of everything except for three frozen dinner entrees and though she wasn't sure how long she was going to be living with Charlie or staying in Washington, she knew that either way, food would still be a necessity. The sheer volume of the choice before her was overwhelming however; she had forgotten how different it was shopping for food in the United States as opposed to the United Kingdom, hell, the entirety of Europe for that matter. Like her life, she would have to make a choice and though it should have been easy, she was beginning to realize that there wasn't such a thing for her anymore.

She could stick with the usual, her daily bowl of cheerios. It was comforting, was always the same though if she felt like it, she could add a banana or strawberries, but regardless, they always sat there, floating in her milk like little life preservers, keeping her afloat; it never changed, they never changed. But, as her eyes flickered over the boxes she saw how many different choices she truly had: Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, Corn Flakes, Shredded Wheat, Cinnamon Toast Crunch… The possibilities were endless and yet, as her eyes passed over the Cinnamon Toast Crunch one more time, a flicker of a distant memory flashed before her, a conversation held between her and Edward in which he had told her that the cereal was one of the most memorable things from his trip to the states. So without thinking, she reached forward, plucked the box off the shelf and tossed it amongst the rest of the items she had managed o select.

It had been a week since she had returned to the United States and one thing was blatantly obvious to her, Washington no longer felt like her home. It was a startling realization but one that she knew was coming to her. Her home was with Edward, it always had been because from the moment she had met him, her entire life fell into place, her whole being came to life and without him, she was left with an empty heart. Angela was right, though that wasn't very surprising, if she wanted to be whole again, she had to make things better and that was exactly what she was going to try and do.

As she reached the checkout she momentarily checked the weekly rags though what she saw nearly made her faint. On the cover of Life & Style was Edward. Her breath caught in her chest as her heart raced, pounding violently against her chest at the mere sight of his face. She had been so wrapped up in everything back in London that she had failed to note that the band was becoming popular even here in the states, not that she ever doubted they would, not with his voice and stellar good looks. Her hand reached for it though she couldn't tear her eyes from his beautiful face, marred with the hideous bruise and his eyes tired and dull. Her heart ached from the photograph and it was only then that she saw the caption in large, yellow lettering: Edward Cullen caught in violent love triangle.

Without thinking, she threw it into the basket, resolving to read it when she was back home and could call Rosalie to ask her about it.

__________

Life & Style reports exclusively that Waking in the Fire's front man Edward Cullen has been involved in a salacious affair with an AEG executive's wife.

Two weeks ago, photos surfaced of the musician's face marred with a rather nasty looking bruise. It appears that an altercation between him and Jacob Black happened at the hospital that Black's wife was busy recovering at from a nasty accident on the M6.

"Edward has done nothing wrong but love the woman while her husband used her to make his own life easier," a source close to the couple tells us. "When she was in the accident, Jacob was barely around and it was Edward who was visiting her every day, waiting to hear from the doctors."

Eye witnesses say that when Black approached Cullen in the waiting room, Black was furious having learned of the affair. Though any taped video of the altercation has been confiscated, the bruise speaks for itself. The question remains is who is this woman and what were her intentions.

"Everyone is so quick to point fingers and I'm sure that once this surfaces, everyone is going to believe that she is with him because of his status, but they fell in love before the band even became famous."

In fact, we've learned that Cullen and Mrs. Black had been separated for three months when the accident took place and the two had barely even spoken. So why was Edward at the hospital?

"Plain and simple… it doesn't take a genius to answer that one, the man loves her."

This is startling for anyone outside of the know… Wasn't it only a few weeks ago we saw him walking hand in hand with Jane McCullough?

It appears that Jane entered into Edward's life shortly after the split between Mrs. Black and himself. Though there was always a question as to the status of their relationship, the constant hand holding always seemed to point in the direction of a relationship. However, since the altercation, Jane has been seen around London with another bloke who has now been identified as Sony BMG executive Tom Dailey.

She couldn't bring herself to read anymore. This was the last thing that she had ever expected and she wondered just how things had gotten this out of hand. Her heart broke, not because she was involved in this, but because she was afraid of how this would affect Edward. Her name was officially slandered, her biggest fear finally a reality, but really, all she could think of was how he must be feeling and how all she wanted to do was make it all go away for his sake.

__________

Rosalie answered the phone after five rings and Bella had never been so happy to hear another person's voice before. She hadn't realized just how much she missed the tall, beautiful blonde who quickly became her person, the one stable in her life who never worried about hurting her feelings if it was the truth.

"Bella?"

"Hey Rose…"

"Thank god! Why haven't you called?"

Bella bit her lip for a moment, "Things got a bit…"

"Come back Bella…" Rose didn't even need to know anything else… She had suspected all along that as soon as she would get home that Bella would just sulk and wallow in her misery. She couldn't fix this from Washington and it was the one thing that Rose tried to tell her before she left, she just didn't listen. But Bella was stubborn like that.

"I need to ask you something…"

"Yes, he still fucking loves you."

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"I need Edward's address and his schedule and… I need his phone number."

"Oh thank holy fuck!" Bella couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face as she heard Rosalie's enthusiasm. "It took you long enough! I'll send an e-mail."

"Thank you Rose."

"Thank you Bella… For coming to your senses."

__________

The weekend at the edge was exactly what he needed and as he walked to his door, he saw the box against the front door and couldn't for the life of him figure out what it could have been. He hadn't ordered anything, and if the label was sending something, he was certain that they would have informed him before they did that.

Once he was situated and the box was sitting on the kitchen table, he took a knife to the tape and opened it, his hand immediately pulling the white envelope out and extracting the letter, carefully letting his eyes graze over the familiar messy script.

Dearest Edward,

I wish I knew how to start this… after everything that we have shared, I would have thought this would be easy. I've never been more wrong of anything else in my life. So instead, I'll start with what I know.

I feel like Lady Chatterley sometimes, or rather, I once did. When I arrived in Washington, I found the book nestled deep into my bookcase and as I read it, I couldn't help but think of you and of us and our situation. Though I loved Jacob, I knew after meeting you, after having that inexplicable connection and draw towards you, that though I had loved him, my soul would always be bound to you.

If I could apologize for anything, it's for the way that I treated our relationship with such disregard. It was easier to believe that you would always be there, and that when I was ready, we could be together the way we had once spoken about. I hope you know, that though I never left Jacob until it was too late, my feelings for you never faltered and even from here, I am forever in love with you.

What I don't know how to do, though I desperately want to, is how to make things right again between us. I know that I have hurt you and as much as I want to take it all away, I know that it is impossible. So instead, I am sending you this with a promise to show you that I know you, that I love you, that I'll always love you.

Edward looked up from the letter that he held in his shaking hands and as he brought it to his nose, he could smell her, freesia and strawberries and innocence and sunshine, on the delicate paper. Her scrawl was nearly unreadable, but he loved her all the more for it, and maybe she was right, maybe her leaving, putting an ocean and entire continent between them, would provide them both the time they needed to figure it out, to show one another that they knew each other but still had so much more to learn. He could only hope that this was them, moving closer together, crossing the land and the sea, and finding each other amongst the mess that they had created.

As he opened the box he smiled. Nestled into the wrapping he saw a book, A Room with a View. He had told her that he had been meaning to read it, she had remembered. And, as he picked it up, he saw a notebook that was laying beneath it with yet another note from her. "Because we can't discuss it in person, I've written down points I am almost certain you would have brought up and what my reactions to you would have been."

Placing the book and notebook aside, he found the CD. The metallic outside cast rainbow shadows over the room as the sun from the window caught it and as he looked at it closely, he saw that it was entitled with a D.H. Lawrence quote; a quote he knew would set the tone of the entire collection of songs stored on the plastic memory keeper, "one must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it, and the journey is always towards the other soul."

__________

The next letter arrived three days later and Edward smiled when he saw it, mixed in with the other crap that always seemed to fill his mailbox. For two days the CD that she had made had been on repeat and he hadn't been able to stop listening to it. For some reason, he knew that she couldn't say everything that she had to and the songs were there for that matter. If she went into every detail of her life, and the life that she had before and after she met him, that it would take far too long and he was okay with that. He appreciated it that she was using music, a medium that he understood, that he loved.

He pressed play on his iPod speakers and let the eleventh track play as he sunk into his chair, Hudson sitting at his feet: James Morrison, "You Give Me Something." Carefully, he unfolded the paper and let his eyes read the words she had to say this time, hopeful that it would give him more of an insight into how she was and what was going through her mind.

Edward,

I've been working with a therapist for the past few months and though I'm in Seattle now, I still speak with her on the phone every few days… She suggested someone here, but I was afraid that it would only put me behind if I had to find someone else…

Obviously, because of this, I've been thinking a lot… about us and I keep coming to the same conclusion: I never appreciated you when I had you. I think it was because of that, that I knew I had to leave England when I left Jacob. You didn't deserve to be with someone who couldn't see just how amazing you are.

So here is what I want you to know, the reasons why I love you…

You have this uncanny ability to put me at ease in any and every situation

When you smile at me, it's like the whole world disappears and I know that you can see only me

You have the biggest heart that I've ever known… You can love even when you've been hurt and I envy you for that

You see the real me and it doesn't scare you

You are the most intelligent man I've ever met… And you're capable of such great things, even if you don't always believe in yourself

You aren't afraid to tell me the truth… I think it's why I've been afraid to face you… I'm terrified of what you might have to say to me and I'm such a coward from running away from you and not facing you like I should have

You make me feel alive. When I'm with you, it's like everything else that I've been through doesn't matter, because, I know that to you, it doesn't

When you hold me, I feel like nothing can be wrong in the world

I love you Edward… and though I've been running from it… I don't want to anymore.

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies between us." Emerson said that… For the first time, I understand him… I can only hope that you do too.

It was hard for him not to smile at the end of the letter, and though he knew that she had hurt him, he also knew that this was their unconventional way of mending the divide and finding their way back to each other. Slowly, he was learning things about her that he had overlooked before. Where he had once thought her to be uncompassionate and unaware of how much she had hurt him, he was beginning to see that she could see him, it was just through opaque glass.

Though he had suspected it from the start, her words only helped show him just how much Jacob had broken her. He never thought she suspected that she was unworthy of him.

__________

The letters continued to come, though they were less intense than the first two had been. He had even taken to composing his own letter, though every time he went to send it, he couldn't bring it to drop it in the post box. And yet, even though he had not responded, he was surprised at her persistence. She had not given up, even one month and eighteen letters later, they still continued to come.

What surprised him even more was the letter he had waiting for him when he checked into his hotel in Vienna.

He stuffed it in his back pocket but it didn't escape Alice's eyes as she reached him and pulled it out.

"What's this?"

"Alice," he grumbled, "give it back."

"Washington…" she read the postmark and her eyes went wide before her smile mimicked it. "Oh my god! Why didn't you tell me?"

"This is personal Alice."

"Are you together again?"

Edward didn't know how to interpret the change in attitude that Alice had towards his former lover. She had spent so much time trying to convince him that he didn't need her in his life, and now, it seemed as though she was ready to plan a wedding.

"No."

"Then?"

"She's been writing to me… explaining the reasons she did what she did."

"Have you spoken to her?"

He shook his head and she grimaced at him. "Why not?"

"Alice… This isn't your business," he responded, ripping the letter from her fingertips but as he saw her pout he knew that he couldn't hold out on her. "I think I'm still afraid that it's too good to be true. She's not ready Alice… When she's ready… And there's still a lot of problems I'm working through regarding her in my own head."

"So she's still writing and doesn't know you want her to keep writing?"

He shrugged and watched as Alice smiled again, "it's good that she is. It shows she's not giving up on you."

"I think so too."

Edward left it with that and walked down the hall to his own room. Alice and Jasper were on a different floor and he was rather thankful for that. In the last city they were in, their rooms were right next to each other and he hadn't been able to sleep from the loud noise that resonated from the other side of the wall.

When he was comfortable and all his things situated in the right places, he laid down on the bed and opened the letter, watching as her scrawl came into focus. As he did with every other one, he brought it to his nose, once again breathing in her scent, thankful that somehow the paper was able to saturate it enough.

Edward,

I was in Seattle with my best friend the other day… Angela. We were walking through Pikes Place Market when I saw a couple walking with their son… I see couples all the time but for some reason, I thought of you and I think it was because the man had auburn hair and his companion was a brunette as well. The son was adorable, Edward. He was the kind of son that I always imagined, do imagine having with you if we ever get there… I tried to shake it off, tried to believe that it was foolish even thinking about this.

So we continued to pursue the market and I tried to put it behind me. But as we were walking down 1st avenue later, I thought back to something that happened at the hospital.

Did you know that your father was my doctor? I suppose you probably do… But the day that I told Jacob that I wanted a divorce… your father said something to me… "Life… sometimes give you a second chance… don't let this pass you by."

That's exactly what I did… I was being given a second chance at life… a life that I would have been proud of, one that I would have been excited to have… and I threw it away because I was too afraid. Your father could see that in my eyes and he tried to tell me… even Rose tried…

Things I'll forever regret

Hurting you

It's a short list and though I wanted to put marrying Jacob on it… I can't bring myself to do that. Being with Jacob brought me three of the most important people in my life: Emmett, Rosalie and most importantly, you. How can I regret someone who brought me to the love of my life?

I hurt you. I can't deny that and I can't pretend that I didn't. I think what bothers me the most about it, is that you were so willing to give me the world and I made decisions that I should have made with you. I wanted to believe that I knew what was best… But I was so blind because what was best has only seemed to be the worst decision. I left because I thought it was the right thing to do. I've never felt worthy of you, but when I had you in my life, I was too selfish to even think about letting go… So when everything happened and I was able to see my life for what it was, I was so convinced that I could only bring you down. I wish I could have seen that by leaving, I was continuing to do just that.

"Can't Let Go," is a beautiful song Edward… And if that's still how you feel… I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

There was another reason for writing this, a reason that was completely unselfish. If I've learned anything since I've come home, it's that a father's love is unconditional. I know that you have had problems with your father Edward… But he loves you… Talk to him. Mend that relationship. It's one less obstacle in your way, and one more person on your side.

His hand fell to his chest taking with it the letter as he pressed his head into the pillow. For the first time, he was beginning to believe that maybe Bella knew him better than he even knew himself. He did need his father, and though he was trying to deny it, she saw through him, through everything. And what he found most startling of all was that his father knew about her the entire time and tried to fix it, tried to get Bella to go back to him. Though he often questioned it, for the first time, he truly felt the fatherly love that Bella was talking about

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"Edward… What are you doing here?" Carlisle opened the door to find is son standing in his office. The last he had heard, he was supposed to be in Amsterdam, and yet, here he was, in his office.

"We had a few days off… and I needed to talk to you."

"Is everything alright?" Ever since he had graduated from Oxford and Carlisle had been on him to find a real job, their relationship had been more than strained. There were times when they would go months without speaking, Carlisle always thinking that his son was just throwing away the talent that he had. It wasn't until he had seen his son play one night, while sitting in a dark corner in the back of some club that was popular with the twenty something's, that he realized how deep his son's passion was and how good he was when it came to music. Though he knew then as well that it was probably too late to mend any bridges that had been burned unless Edward truly wanted it that way: there had been too many harsh words exchanged.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"About you and mum…"

Carlisle just flopped into his chair and raked his fingers through his hair, a habit that he had passed on to his own son. "It was such a hard period in my life… In your mum's life… It was better to tell the story as it should have happened then as it really did."

"But even after everything… I know you know about Bella," he sighed. "You knew how bad it was for me… Or at least, I suspected you knew how bad it was and you had been in her position… I don't know… I don't understand, the more I think about everything, the more confused I get."

"I wanted to tell you, every single time I saw you but I couldn't because… I guess part of me was deeply ashamed of how I had handled things with your mum. She forgave me, yes… But I don't think I've ever, even now, forgiven myself." He paused and took a deep breath. "When you hurt someone like that, someone that you love that much, and it cuts them that deep to the core, it's hard to imagine that they could ever forgive you and that you could ever be worthy of them… And, I've hurt you too over the years…

"I never wanted to believe that medicine wasn't your calling. I thought that you were being foolish and young and acting on childish dreams… It wasn't until I saw you play that I knew how wrong I was and I wanted to tell you about that but I knew that I had pushed you away. God Edward… I've done a lot of shitty things in my life but what I did to you, it's nearly as bad, if not worse, than what I did to your mum."

"But Bella dad."

"It wasn't my story to tell… I might have been through a similar situation but I didn't know the girl well enough to do that. What I should have told you was that I spoke with her in the hospital and could see just how desperate she was for a way out of the situation she was in… And when she didn't deny the relationship with you… That was what you should have known but… I guess I thought she would go back to you… I thought that it would have been different, that because she had been through what she had with her husband it would have alleviated the guilt she felt about being with you while being married to him. Though it was similar to what I had been though, it was still uniquely different."

Edward nodded his head; it wasn't the answer that he wanted, but it was what he needed.

"For what it's worth… I'm sorry," Carlisle moved closer to his son, but still kept a bit of a distance. He wanted to hug him, to wrap him up in his arms like he had when he was a child but he couldn't bring himself to do it, not without knowing that he wouldn't get pushed away.

Thankfully he didn't have to dwell on it long because Edward bridged the distance and embraced his father, the act mending the past and moving them forward to a different future.

"I'm sorry too."

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Edward walked around the city after leaving his father. He would have taken Hudson with him, but he had left the dog with his mother and though Carlisle knew he was in town, he asked him not to tell her. He wanted some time to decompress after everything, time to put his life into perspective. That was why he went walking and he continued to walk until the daylight faded and twilight took over. The streets were thinning and a chill took over so he directed his steps back towards his flat.

As he walked down the hall he could see another package resting against the frame of his door and like always, he couldn't stop the smile from appearing. When he was closer, he reached down and picked it up, tucking it under his arm as he let himself in. After putting his keys down he opened it to find a lack of a letter and merely a CD.

The CD had one song on it and he noted immediately that it wasn't labeled. Carefully, he placed it in the stereo and pressed play, the soft sounds of the piano playing filtered through the speakers, it was a song that he recognized nearly immediately, Bella had loved it, Jon McLaughlin, "For You From Me." She was telling him that she was ready, and it was hard to contain the smile, because though he hadn't responded to her, she hadn't given up and he knew that deep down, the feelings were there, and she loved him just as much as he loved her.

Just as the voice filled the room, he heard the knock on his door which sent his heart racing. No one had known that he had come back to the city aside from his father and band mates but as he walked closer he looked through the peephole and his breath caught in his throat.

"Bella?" he whispered when he opened the door to find her standing there and he could see the fear in her eyes.

"Hi Edward," she replied, her voice just as quiet and though she wanted to close her eyes and hide herself, she couldn't take her eyes off his face, the face that she had lived without for far too long.

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you…" She finally tore her eyes away from him, her cheeks heating up with the blush from her embarrassment. "Can I come in?"

He nodded and stepped aside, closing the door once she was inside. He felt like he was in a dream. She was there, in his flat. He had dreamed of this and yet now, it felt so surreal. He could reach out and touch her if he wanted and he did want to, he wanted to pull her into his arms the moment he opened the door and found her standing there, but he couldn't just yet, so instead he just kept his eyes trained on her, partly afraid that if he looked away, she would be gone.

"When did you get here?"

"Yesterday."

"How did you know?"

She bit her lip and rubbed her arm. "Emmett told me… I just… There were things… I miss you Edward… I thought that going away would be better, for the both of us and it made things worse… And I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry for everything… And I know I don't deserve you… But you said that you would be waiting and I know you haven't returned my letters but I had to know…" She dropped her gaze back down to the floor, unable to find the courage to look him in the eyes. "I just needed to know if you still felt the same way."

"I…"

"Nevermind… I'm a foolish girl. I'll leave. I'm so sorry Edward… Truly, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have even come back." The words came quickly, unable to bear the thought of him rejecting her and as she turned around and began to shuffle towards the door, she nearly gasped when she felt him grab her arm.

"Don't you even think about leaving again," he replied, turning her to look him directly in the eye, his other hand under her chin. "Don't you even dare Bella…"

"How can you…"

"How can I what?"

"How can you forgive me?"

"I don't know that I have yet… I just… You belong here… with me."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out," she replied softly as he pulled her into his arms.

"It doesn't matter… You figured it out… You're here."

"For as long as you want me."

"Forever…" he breathed, leaning down and pressing his forehead against her own. "I want you for forever Isabella."

"Forever," she repeated.

__________

Okay… So… They still have a lot to work out… But… They're back together. I promise you that.

When you're done here, come play on the forum. You girls are amazing!