.A/N: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! THE REVIEWS MADE ME SQUEAL THAT I BROKE A VASE IN JAPAN!!!! I HOPE I NEVER EVER EVER DISAPOINT YOU!!! And btw I GOT CONTACTS YAY!! LOL.

No need for a recap, it's the same chappy.

AGAIN I REPEAT!!! THIS IS THE SAME CHAPPY BUT IN BELLA'S POV!!!!!!!!

Tears Of An Angel (BPOV)

I love you

But I can't do this to you

Your love won't leave me

No, not ever

But now I have to bear this forever

********

That scream. I knew that scream. I heard that scream. I lived for the source of that scream.

"Edward?" I whispered timidly. Afraid that I might be hallucinating. But I couldn't be. How could I be hallucinating? It was too loud. Too clear. Too real. If I haven't seen Damien's head snap in the direction of my window, I would have thought that I have surely gone mad. But I wasn't and that only meant that what I heard was real. That he was here. Just a few feet away from me. I had to know or I would go crazy.

"Damien….Is…he out……there?" I was so afraid of the answer. What id he wasn't? I already fell in the trap, my heart was already beating hard. How could I crush that hope now? I didn't recover from the first tear in my heart to add another one. Couldn't I just sleep and pretend that it was all I nightmare? Why wasn't it that easy?

But what if he was? Could I see him again? Was I ready for that? Was I ready to see his eyes again? Without the look of the love he used to hold for me? Without his warm and loving gaze?

How could I see him without breaking down? How could I talk to him without remembering how close we…were? How could I……? I gulped.

"Well…um…he is" Damien admitted. And I wondered for how long? Damien must've known. With all his vampire senses he was bound to know if someone was out on a tree or not. So why didn't he tell me? How much did Edward see of my suffering?

And then a thought hit me. Did he know? About my……condition? Did Damien tell him about what happened? And if he knew? Would he care? DO I want him to care? But if he did then it would only be his pity, not love. No, I did not want him to care about this. And I was deeply hoping that he didn't know.

As I stared at my opened window. My thoughts running loose in my head. I …I …I saw him! He was right there. Sitting on my window. Looking as beautiful as ever, but still there was something wrong with him. He had his head bowed but I could see his face. I knew that face. I remember when I last saw it.

Flash

"We're leaving"

"As long as it was what's best for you"

"You're not good for me"

"I don't want you to come with me"

"It will be as if I never existed"

"I'll make you a promise. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me"

"Goodbye Bella"

"Take care of yourself"

He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for

the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

My eyes flashed open. He was gone.

He was gone.

Gone.

---

I could feel my breathing laboring as I recalled when I last saw his face with that expression. I fought to keep my hold on reality but I couldn't. My heart ached and my chest contracted in pain. He was gone. He was gone. Why was my mind playing tricks on me now? Wasn't it enough without having to see him?

No! You're not here! I shouted in my head. I had to fight it. No hopes!

But the memories invaded my mind. And the pain was too much. I didn't know where I was. And I couldn't see anything. All I knew is that I was in pain. I wanted to scream. I wanted to be saved. I wanted someone to save me from the darkness. From the darkness of the memories.

My head throbbed painfully as I tried to keep the memories away, and my throat tightened with my urge to cry. Why? Why must I bear this? Why did these memories always flash in front of my eyes. Did I have to see the things that I envied my past self for having? And hating my current self for losing?

I saw his golden eyes that shown with the love that was no more. I saw his crooked smile that seeped happiness that I was the cause of. That also was no more. I heard the laugh that was my favorite music. I even smelt his amazing scent that was no more.

Then I felt something running down my throat. Liquid. I choked. Trying not to cough for the sake of my throbbing head I felt my vision return. It was a blurry but not enough to save me from the knowledge of what was happening.

I was in the hospital. In Alaska. And with……Edward. I could feel his cold arm around me and I closed my eyes as I basked in the feeling of it. I didn't want to pull away but I knew that my heart can only bear so much. So I opened my mouth to talk but nothing came out. So I closed in it again. Then opened again.

"What……are……you doing……here?" I whispered. Why did I say that?? I had no idea why I asked that stupid question, I just wanted to distract myself from the feel of his arm around me. I felt a slight movement from him before he, reluctantly, pulled his arm away. And I wanted to yell at him, and tell him that I didn't want that, but another part of me was relieved he did.

A few minutes passed in silence and I started to wonder if he wasn't on speaking terms with me so I turned a little to look at him but was shocked to find his broken face and closed eyes. It broke my heart to see it that way.

"Edward?" I croaked again, needing to hear his voice again. It has been too long. He opened his eyes and stared directly into mine. And I was relieved to find no hatred or anger in his. But was also sad to find pain in his eyes. Why was he pained? And it hit me.

I had a seizure in front of him. Smart move Bella, now imagine what he's thinking. He must think I've gone crazy and he would probably try to decipher why and he would……….blame himself. Guilt. Why? Why did he always have to blame himself? Why did he cause himself pain when he deserved to live in happiness?

Stupid Bella. All your fault.

Then he fell on his knees. I almost fainted at the site of seeing him so weak. What have I done? Couldn't I control it long enough for him to be saved?

"please don't cry" he whispered. Even though his voice sounded like broken velvet, it was still beautiful. And I still couldn't deny him anything he wanted. And it was clear that the site of my tears were increasing his pain. Why no lessen it? Even if it hurt me to keep my tears inside. So I averted my gaze and tried my best to hold them back. I wasn't successful but I had to try. For him.

"I'm sorry" he whispered strangled.

Why on earth was he apologizing? For not being able to love me back? What was he supposed to do about it? It wasn't in his hands. Then why was he even bringing it up. Why?

I looked again at him. I hadn't realized that I asked the question out loud. But he looked like he was struggling to answer.

I saw his eyes tighten as he whispered, " Bella……I…I…I love you. What I said before……"

No! protect yourself! My brain commanded. And I obeyed. I shook my head violently and tried as much as possible to not appear defensive.

"No" And it came out a little too loud as my panic build. I saw him cringe a bit and it hurt me so I explained, "No! No lies. Don't you realize what that could do to me? You feel guilty. I get it. But you lying for me, because you pity me, won't do any good" My voice was still too high but my brain was fighting to protect itself.

And I heard him……sob! No! Edward shouldn't sob. It wasn't right. He shouldn't be in all that pain. And not because of me. He took my hand in his and I tried not to enjoy how that felt. No hopes!

"Please Bella. I'm not lying" He pleaded. I stared at him wordlessly. Why did he have to look so sincere? It was always clear in Edward's eyes when he wasn't lying to me, then why wasn't it clear now? Why did it look like he was saying the truth?

"I left because I wanted you safe. I never stopped loving you. What I told you before was a lie" He confessed with an edge of a plead lingering in his voice.

I closed my eyes to shield myself from the sight of his honest eyes. Why was it hard not to believe him? I knew why. Because that was what I wanted to hear. But his voice was so sincere as his eyes. How could I fight that? I had no other way. So I settled for begging.

"please, you dunno what you're doing to me" I took a shaky breath. "If I believe what you're saying…" I shook my head and felt the tears wet my cheeks more. I squeezed my eyes against the possibilities of what could happen from just a simple thread of belief.

"Believe it" he pushed, "I swear to you, that what I'm saying comes from nothing but my heart. It has nothing to do with pity"

How I wanted to believe him. How I felt myself already believing. No! Bella don't fall for it.

"Please Edward, If you've ever loved me, Don't let me hope" please, please. I was already falling and he was my only chance of saving myself. And then he said the words that I couldn't even try to ignore.

"Bella, I love you devotedly. I can't live with the fact that you think I don't. Please Bella. Hope. Believe. Trust…." My eyes snapped open on their own accord. Trying to prove to my heart that this wasn't on of my dreams.

He looked like who was caught in a battle. So weak and defenseless. SO honest and pure just like a child.

"E…Edward…I c…can't" Where was my wall? The wall that had protected me? Where was it now? I almost believed him. Just one more small push and I would be in his mercy. My only chance was for him to prevent that from him happening. To turn his back and leave. As much as it would pain me as much as it would be helpful for my condition.

My condition. I almost gasped aloud. What would he say when he finds out? What would he think? What would he do to himself? If he really did love me as he just confessed then it would kill him. I couldn't do this to him. He couldn't find out. He shouldn't have to suffer with me.

I shook my head again and tried to regain any of my lost strength to save him, "No, you already said I'm not good enough for me, and you're righ…"

He cut me off. His eyes blazed with anger and hurt as he shouted, "Good enough for who? Me? A filthy, rotten monster like me? I never deserved your love in the first place to lose it. And now, I'm selfish enough to beg for it when I don't deserve it now more than ever" I stared at him as his self-hatred exploded in front of my eyes. He took my face in his hands and his eyes burned in mine with such intensity that if it were possible to stand I would have fallen. His soul was in his eyes. Clear as an open book waiting for me to read. There was this strange magnetic feeling pulling me. That feeling was intensified by every moment longer I spent locked in his gaze.

"Please believe me" he begged.

Don't Bella. Don't. Think about what it would do to him. "I…I…" I tried to talk as I searched his eyes for anything that would make me not believe. But nothing was there. I was on my own in this battle. I swallowed loudly as I barely mouthed, "No, I can't" I wouldn't do this to him. I wouldn't kill him with my hands.

One of his hands left my face and reached in his pocket. The intensity of his gaze never faltered. It was still tugging at me and it was getting harder to fight it. When his hand was out of his pocket I was able to free myself from his lock and look down at his hand. I gasped and my hand flew to my mouth. The most beautiful ring laid there on his hand. It had a sparkling heart that looked amazing. My tears were already falling on his opened palm and my heart was crashing against my chest when he looked back into my eyes and whispered,

""This was my mother's ring. I wanted to give it to you ever since I laid my eyes on you. I wanted to you to wear it and know that you own me. That you hold my heart. And that I would be able one day to call you mine. This ring never left my pocket ever since I left you. Just like my love for you never left my heart" His voice rang with honesty, and my heart as miles out of my chest in joy. The strange magnetic feeling increased and I couldn't fight it anymore, because I fell for it. I believed him. I was too weak to fight such a strong pull.

"Edward" I croaked as I put my hand gently against his cheek. Caressing the cold stone that made me feel warm. He slowly came closer, hesitantly and I didn't object. With every inch closer that magnetic feeling was lessening. He pulled me in his embrace and I felt safe again. I felt whole. I felt complete. I felt………devastated. Because I knew that this was impossible. If I really cared for him, I should spare him the pain of having to see me this way. He shouldn't suffer with me. He should be safe.

"I……I love you too, Edward……but…" I felt him still, "This can't happen" I broke my heart again. Crashing the joy it felt only seconds ago. It was too painful to hurt myself. To deprive myself from the only thing I wanted, let alone hurting Edward in the process. But it was all for him.

"Why?" and I felt him grip me tighter. I did too as I sobbed harder.

He didn't know. IF only he did. If only he realized that my heart wasn't the only thing that died when he left. If only he felt what was wrong with me while he embraced me. If only he had noticed. But he didn't and even though I was relieved he didn't, I was devastated. So I had to do this. He didn't know and he wouldn't.

"Because the Bella you once knew is dead"

A/N: Hope this wasn't boring for you since it was the same chappy. I tried to make it as different as possible. So you now see Bella's point? Hope you can sympathize with her now. Cya next chappy!

Review reply for anon:

Twilightlover34: Thank you so much. Glad you did. Hope you liked this one too.

Thank you all

Love

Mai