I am truly sorry to having kept my readers waiting but it's been hell of a hectic month for me. Finaly, fifth chapter has arrived and I hope you all like it.
As always this chapter is dedicated to my one and only Kevin and Burntcore.
It's been 3 months since he left and everything on the surface is the same. Every night I sit on the same barstool, drink the same beverage, thinking about the same things over and over. It was September when he left, now it's almost the end of December. Now I do everything we did together alone, I even go to the movies by myself. Most difficult part is sleeping alone, I get night terrors most of the time, in the very little sleep I succeed to have. Of course we talked like two civilians in the beginning but it was mostly small talk and legal things about him transferring his share in our apartment to me. Yes, he is that much a gentleman, he never brought out that subject again and didn't make things difficult for me, he didn't even came himself to take his stuff, he sent Quil and two or three transport guys. Even Quil was nice to me, I can bet 100K he didn't tell him what a horrible person I am. They took care of everything when I was at the restaurant, one morning the apartment belonged to Jake and I, the next he was all gone. Sometimes I even think he expected this kind of a thing from me, because all I told you happened in one week, all organized perfectly. Don't think I blame him for being ready for such a thing, actually I am deeply sorry for him to live through such a thing because the same amount that my life changed, his life changed, too. I am used to leaving places, leaving people but he isn't. I didn't call him after all these stuff were taken care of. I don't want to ruin his existence with mine anymore.
What I did in those 3 months is basically bullshit. I ran my errands, went to work everyday, and didn't skip a single appointment at the salon. As I told you everything is perfect on the surface. What I thought through that time is another tale. First I was dead mad at myself for putting him through such things, at the same time I was sorry for him, then I seriously thought about killing myself, but every time I thought of this Charlie came to my mind and I came back to life. In the end I just accepted who I am as I am and felt sorry for only myself. Jake can take care of himself. I am the one who is disabled without someone keeping me erect.
What is really interesting about those 3 months is I didn't have sex with anyone. I almost think the curse on me was over. Men came over to offer me drinks; I tuned them down with the same line, sometimes after a drink or two. I saw some men resembled me of Mike but somehow I managed to turn them down. Either I'm getting stronger or God decided to do me favor by healing me.
I bought a lot of new clothes to fill Jake's section in our closet. In the first few weeks our apartment was a mess, I hired a maid but after two weeks I fired her. After she's gone I threw away little things that they forgot to take like his toothbrush and his mug changed the curtains of the whole apartment and redecorated the living room and the bedroom. It was difficult to give up on the bed that I got used to in all those years but I adapted. I bought a smaller one. Like in the days of college. I did some changes in the restaurant, too. I expanded the bar area by buying the little shop next to us, too. Now I employ two other barmen than Alec. Jane is still catty but she takes care of TLC when I'm away so I still didn't fire her. There were some red decorations around the old bar area, I changed them with all black ones. Now it's all black with somber lighting, I changed the uniforms too.
Like you have seen, I adapted. Like I always did. I started where I left before Jake came into my life. It means I erased 3 years of development in one night. But it's okay. I can get used to. Like I always did. The only thing that annoys me nowadays is that two skanks living on my building named Jess and Lauren or something like that. I don't how they know each other but I see them with Quil sometimes and if this is not enough they giggle behind my back like junior high. He is still nice to me, though.
Only time I cracked is on November 11th when I called Charlie and cried like someone died on the phone for absolutely nothing. He flew here the next morning to check on me found me on the living room floor all wasted , make up messed up but I persuaded him that it was one my tantrums I used to have when I was a kid, when he asked about Jake I just told him we broke up. He understood but he was thankful that it was just one night, I wasn't certainly like when Mike left. He left after two days and went back to his stepchildren and Sue. And his second love in his life, his job. He became a workaholic after Renee's death.
It's another Friday night, it's almost 11 PM and I already turned down two men the restaurant is still flowing with people. I am sitting on my usual barstool with huge folders of financial document before me. Before Alec takes them back to my office I take a one last look. They're all done. I order Alec to come take them. He nods from the other side of the bar; he's flirting with the guests as always. He takes them away quickly and brings me water in a martini glass. My eyes scope around the place to find out if there's someone familiar, nope there's no one I know around. I play with the hem of my dress a little bit, I like how saitn feels under my fingers but my nails mostly get stuck on my opaque black pantyhose and I don't want to ruin them. I draw circles with my heels on the ground, and that kinds of things, I am completely away from where I stand right now. I think about taking a week off and going to tropic islands or somewhere like that, or maybe Aegean islands. Exactly when I was on the part of swimming naked in the night I hear a velvety voice behind me.
There is a tall muscular man behind me who's about to sit on the barstool next to me. It all happens in the slow motion, I examine every part of him in two third of a minute. In the somber lighting of where we stand he seems to have worn all black.. A geometrically knitted sweater which embraces him in all the right places, slick black trousers and elegant shoes, either he has a really stylish girlfriend or he's really into quality clothing because everything on him are timeless pieces, simple but carefully chosen. Although I have to say, even if he worn a sack, it would look good on his angelic figure. His tousled bronze hair shines even in this light, it's such a beautiful mess. He's no less than Michelangelo's David. With a warm but perturbed smile.
-Either those were water or you're about to go into a coma.
-Excuse me?
-I'm sorry , it's Edward.
He extends his hand.
-Bella, aaand?
Without thinking I extend my hand too and shake his hand. His hands are extremely soft for a man and his fingers are almost marble, long and smoothly white, like I said he's a walking sculpture. I almost don't want to let go of his hand. He sits on the barstool next to me.
-Um, I've been watching you from the corner and this is your sixth glass.
-You don't go into a coma with six martinis.
-All right, I'm sorry I bothered you, it's just I've been worried.
He creases his eyebrows and it creates a beautiful image.
-You shouldn't worry about every stranger drinking alone.
I am definitely faking; I am not annoyed in the least bit. He's so politely worried, if there's a definition like this exists. He's so polite in his gestures and his words.
-No.
He talks like an actor who knows his lines by heart.
-No, what?
But I didn't know mine at all.
-We just met you're Bella.
He extends his hands with a gesture pointing me.
-And Bella drinks a lot, so you think you know me.
-Not quite, but it's a good start I guess.
-You know what; people comment on my drinking habits a lot lately, what they don't know is….
-Yes.
He gestures me to go on with his hand, I can't describe how effective he uses his limbs. He almost dances when he does that.
-I don't drink at all.
He did that eyebrow thing again, and it's getting prettier.
-You were right, those were water.
I didn't hesitate the least bit about giving myself away.
-But why? You seem pretty legal.
Thanks for the compliment.
-Yes, I am.
-So you're a good actor.
If I were acting at all, it would be all improvised because I can't even think about what to say, he lures the words out of my mouth so easily.
-Not actually, Jake says I can't lie.
Why am I bringing up Jake?
-He's wrong; you seem to lie pretty well.
-How can you possibly know that?
I can't stop myself from teasing him. I want to see that thing he does with his eyebrows.
-Yeah you're right if you're that good a liar I wouldn't have tell, but I'm betting on you're a good actor and that's not the only thing you're good at.
He attaches little gestures at the end of every sentence.
-Like what?
Does he analyze me too, like I do now?
-You tell me.
-I eat men like air.
Oldest trick in my book, Sylvia, my old friend.
-Oh, so you're good at literature, too.
So you're good at literature, too.
-You know the line?
-Yes, miss. It's Sylvia Plath's Lady Lazarus.
Sometimes he speaks like he's from another time.
-I use this line towards a lot of men and you're the first one who recognized it.
-So you use her poetry to turn people down. She would be proud.
Now he exceeds to a playful look on his eyes.
-I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind, though I must say I'm impressed.
-I think I am too.
He does a thing that he never did, a spectacular crooked smile. It takes me away for a second or two but I come back. Even his smile makes me dizzy. What am I a teenage girl? Or what is he? a God came to the world to play tricks on mortals?
-Well what do you do other than faking alcoholism?
-Um, I own a restaurant
-What's its name is it around here?
He's almost, excited.
-Actually you're in it right now.
I mimicked his gestures to show him around.
-Really, you own this place? I mean it's great, I love this place.
Now, I am excited.
-You come here a lot?
-I can't say I do, I come here once every three months or so. But I tell about this place to everyone I know around here.
Can I get any more excited? I wasn't this hyperventilating when we got our first positive review from a famous magazine.
-I'm really glad somebody likes it here other than me.
-Oh come on, look around. It's past dinnertime and there are more than 100 people present. They can't be coming here just to see your face, do they?
He holds my chin gently to turn me around; it's more like touching a lightning.
-I don't know whether to take this as a compliment, you say this place is better than my face.
-No, I wouldn't dare to say something like that. By the way, what is LTC?
Crooked smile strikes again, I can't think of anything else. Somehow I gather my thought and tell Alec to bring the silk napkins that we give to our special guests. The ones that have La Tua Cantante written in metallic baby blue on black.
-La Tua Cantante. A singer. So you sing too. A true multitalented individual.
-So you speak Italian?
-Not exactly. Io canto in Italiano.
-You're a singer?
He already speaks as if he's singing.
-Um, I used to sing; now I only do it in the shower. I'm a pianist.
-Are you kind of a big shot?
-I hope I'm not.
-You play that bad?
-I suck.
How can he be this humble and why didn't I guess it from his fingers that he's a pianist?
-Can I buy our next round?
Actually it's our first round together.
-No it's on the house.
-A real martini?
-Yes, and scotch for you.
I wave to Alec to come over and order our drinks, he chuckles when I order a real martini and does his little dance to congratulate me. Of course Edward didn't see that.
-How did you know?
-I just guessed. You know what; a while ago another man approached me with the same line.
-What happened to him?
-He left after Lady Lazarus.
What a huge lie! I slept with him and left him before he didn't even wake up..
-So you really use the line to turn people off, I thought it was just me.
-Well, I have my routines and you're the only one who passed that line. They usually think I'm a psycho.
-So there's a lot of them.
Sad? Desperate? I can't make anything of the tone of his voice.
-Guess some people –unlike you- find me more attractive than my restaurant.
Cover your amazement with sarcasm, right Bella.
-Why didn't you turn me down too?
It was a hard question to answer and it hit pretty hard, when I least expected it. I couldn't just get away with him knowing Lady Lazarus. Was it his voice, it was the closest thing to velvet, singing every word, or was it his crooked smile with that set of pearly teeth, it was like some artist spent years to embed little pieces of pearls on them, or was it his hypnotic green eyes, I cant believe I can still see them this clearly after I closed my eyes. It was like if i get anymore closer I could walk right into his eyes and step into a dark forest, but not a scary one, more like a fairy tale forest. It's too green.
-I didn't know it was that hard a question, earth to Bella, are you there?
-I'm sorry it's just…
You're different from everything I experienced through my whole life; you overran my security walls like they were made of soap bubbles. I can take neither my mind nor my eyes off of you.
-Its okay you don't have to answer anything.
-No it's just you're different.
How can he lure me out of my walls?
-How?
-I don't know you approached me like everyone, like I said, but you…. That look on your face. It's like you're…
-Fascinated.
-Exactly, even I don't find myself that interesting.
What is it to me that is interesting, even fascinating? Those were the two last adjectives I'd use for myself. Next to him I am too plain, too dull.
-You don't see yourself clearly, there are 3 more women there on the bar, sitting alone, but men come to you. I've been watching you for almost an hour, I know it sounds creepy I don't mean to sound like a weirdo but you turned down two men before me. There's something strange about you. You shine, more like... you smolder. I don't know what gave me the courage to come talk to you but you seemed so beautifully lonely, it's like you have your own world inside your head.
A world where nothing is as beautiful as you, everything is dull black, a world where a strange woman lives, even I don't know her.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I can predict almost everyone's thoughts in this room they're so tragically ordinary. You can see everything they think from their faces. But you, you give nothing away.
-I don't let anyone in?
-But you led me.
-What makes you think you're in? You just know my first name and where I work, I can be lying to you even at this moment, my name can be Marie, my accent can be fake, what do you truly know about me?
Believe me I did these to a lot of men.
-That you're alone. I know it sounds like a cheesy movie quote but that is true.
-Are you a superhero or what, guessing right everything about me, predicting people's thoughts?
-If you're that good a liar I can be one, too Bella. What if I'm not the hero, what if I'm the bad guy?
-You give so much away, unlike me, you're good and it comes from inside.
You give so much away with even your smile; you can't even hurt an insect.
-You don't know anything about me, too. OK?
That sad look again, why him being sad makes me almost cry?
-I'm sorry for being this cynical, how bad can you be? Let's start over.
I want to believe in you angel, even it lasts for only tonight.
-Can I buy you a drink, Miss?
-Yes, mister.
-I'm Edward Cullen.
I don't know if I can handle to touch him again.
-Bella Swan.
-Excuse me, a martini for her and Scotch on the rocks for me.
Alec seemed really confused; he had the look "I already know that".
-So what brought you here on a Friday night?
-I have a sister that lives just around the corner. My parents sent me to take care of her.
-How old is she?
-Just 21.
-A wild child?
-Maybe you know her, her name is Alice.
-Alice Cullen, that spiky haired socialite? I'm sorry I didn't mean to call her a socialite, you don't look alike, she's very little and you're big and muscular.
-You said that like an insult! For the first time in my life I get blamed for looking good.
-And you say I don't see myself clearly, you definitely look better than me, that woman sits right next to the window watches you over her partner's shoulder for like half an hour.
Did he blush or what? Can he get any more endearing?
-Um, I think I'm about to blush like a little girl. Let's get back to Alice.
-Sorry, what's with her, I run into her from time to time.
I don't want to have a flashback of the night I saw her in Volturi.
-Actually she's the nicest but you know bad company. You know that lousy club Volturi?
Of course I know that loud shithole.
-God, I hate that place!
-Alice gets too wasted one night, paparazzi snatched her, she fell and….
-I hope there's nothing too bad, is she okay?
-No, she's fine, she only had a concussion but she needs to get away from that lifestyle really fast, you know she always was the brightest one in our family, it's not how my parents raised her, it makes me really sad to see her like that. She can have a real future with that genius of her.
-I'm truly sorry for her. She's lucky to have a brother like you.
-Thanks, but I don't know how to help her.
-You just need to let her know that you're there for her. Everybody has wild phases, I mean weren't we all had some experiences like that in college?
-Actually I didn't. I was the weirdest, geekest boy you can ever see.
-I can't believe, I can't imagine in you in glasses and stuff.
-No I wasn't like that, it was just everyone saw me as that wunderkind, so talented and gifted and I wasn't that social , my mom worked really hard to hook me up with some girls but they all found me irritating.
-Don't tell me you didn't have women around since college.
-There're women around of course, but they're so monotone, so dull.
-Seems like you're the lonely one here.
-I'm a bit of a loner I guess.
I don't know what gave me the courage to touch his hand when he poured his face down, to assure him. but I touched his hand and he cocked his head to the side where our hands connected to look me deep in the eyes. It was just for a second maybe and I am not sure if he saw the same thing I did.
-That's enough of me.
I can never get enough of him and knowing the truth of this will last for one night only, knocked the breath out of me. Of all people I should've known how a little moment can change your whole life, this can change me forever.
Alec led me know that it's almost 3 AM and he's about to close the place down. How in the world could this be, if you ask me it was no more than 15 minutes, not even close to 3 hours. I guess it was time for him to turn into a pumpkin like Cinderella. I can believe in that without doubt, he was too perfect to be one of us. Of course he belonged to a fairy tale.
-I lost the track of time.
-I don't want to be persistent but can I take you to somewhere else.
-Yes, I guess, I have no one waiting for me.
Absolutely no one.
-My car or yours?
-I can leave mine here, so let's take yours.
Alec brought us our coats, we matched. His was a little longer than mine and he looked better than me in his simple but elegant black coat, like everything he has on. They were really of good quality but they weren't shouting their designers away. They may have worth a million but you would think they were from the corner shop by his humbleness. All of his clothes, even his shoes looked like they've been molded for him only. It was colder than I expected outside, I hid my hands in my pockets as he did the same. He looked like a child waiting in the cold with his shoulders in a position like this. I tried really hard to stop myself from embracing him and protecting from the cold. It was in vain, I couldn't protect him with my petite figure anyways but he looked so little, so lonely in the cold. You're the one who's beautifully lonely. We got out to the valet booth, he gave his ticket. The boy brought a shiny black Aston Martin Vanquish. It was what I expected, always nobleness in his choices, he was otherworldly perfect.
-You having cold feet?
He called, holding the passenger door for me. I didn't notice him walking down the stairs, even with the silence of the night. And I don't know if it was just me or did he took a moment to take it in while I was walking down the stairs. It was the fascinated look in his face again and I could feel the blush on my face as he buried his eyes deep into mine. I can go everywhere if he want to take me with him , I can leave everything I have here and start a new life all over, if I'm gonna be next to him. I know it sounds crazy but his existence left me nowhere to go.I was already in too deep because when I thought of his eyes, his hypnotic voice I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I thought while killing the silence with my footsteps, surrendering to him.
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