.A/N: So, so, so sorry for the late update guys. But I've been studying like I've never seen books before. I've been studying my novel since 12:05 PM on Saturday till 6:13 AM SUNDAY! So I think I lost my mind lol. I'm so exhausted but I had to update. I promised you guys I wouldn't take long to update. So I hope you like it!

This chappy is dedicated to my best friend Yaya. I love you so much and you love Jasper so much. So here is a so much more Jasper than you've ever seen me write. :D hope you likey my view on Jasper.

Recap:

"No, at least I don't think I did" he said as he looked back at his hand. "You?" he asked.

"No" I said as I touched my palm that was still tingling. "No, I don't think I did"

Secrets

BPOV

Edward, Edward, Edward. Come back! Don't leave. I'm sorry…

No, you'll get hurt. Don't come. Stay away, you don't know…

Edward, Edward, Edward. Come back! Don't leave. I'm sorry…

I braced my head with my hands and buried my finger in my hair. I felt my head was going to explode from the conflict between my heart and my mind. My good side and my selfish side. It was maddening. I sobbed loudly and hysterically. Losing him twice was too much. And this time I was the reason for losing him. My heart scolded me and wanted to kill me for what I did. It wasn't ready for a new break, a new wound, a new pain. It couldn't bear it, just like I couldn't.

He's probably hurt right now, and I hate it. I wanted to take back my words but I knew if I had the chance I wouldn't. I saw the pain in his eyes when he saw my seizure. It was torture, and to think that could be nothing at all in comparison to what it could be if he finds out the rest. I shied away from the thought. No, I wouldn't do that to him. I'd rather suffer from this unbearable pain than do this to him.

I love you Edward. Come to me.

No! Stay away. I'm not good for you.

Come Edward, you will be happy to see that I still want you.

But you would be more pained when you find out the truth.

I rocked myself back and forth, trying to stop the conflict. My head throbbed and if it weren't for the pills that I just shortly took, I would have surely had a seizure.

Suddenly, I felt myself calm down and the conflict subsided. It was so sudden that it made me dizzy. My sobs were hiccups and my hands left my hair and covered my face.

Then I felt a cold hand on my forearm. My first thought was Damien. But this hand was too small to be his. I felt it's thumb stroke my arm gently.

"Bella" I heard a soft whisper that I wouldn't have heard if the source wasn't just inches away from me. Even though the whisper was so low, it rang loud and clear in my ear.

My hands fell from my face to meet two golden eyes. Two very pained golden eyes. Once my mind comprehended who it was, I found my arms locked around her neck. Holding her tightly and she hugged me back.

"Alice" I breathed as I tightened my grip on her.

"I missed you so much" She said as she rocked me. Her voice was muffled against my hair, but it was her. I took in her scent and smiled. I squeezed her tighter to let her know that I felt the same.

"I miss you so much more"

I opened my eyes and found Jasper standing on the edge of my bed, staring at me with guilt-filled eyes. That explained the strange calmness.

"Jasper!" I held out my hand to him and in a second he was behind Alice and his hands were around mine.

"I missed you" he said strangled. I wondered if my scent bothered him. To make things easier for him I started to withdraw my hand from his, but he held mine tightly. Refusing to let it go. I smiled and buried my face in Alice's shoulder. Feeling happiness and relaxation flood through me. I missed them so much. Especially Jasper. I had regretted not knowing him better. I had memories of all the family, except him (well if you don't count Rosalie). But I could fix that now. I could get to know Jasper more. I felt my smile widen and the wave of calmness was started to make me dizzy.

--

I woke up later in Alice's arms. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tight.

"Should I say good night?" Alice chuckled and I glanced out the window and found it already dark.

"Wow, I didn't realize I slept that long" I whispered my voice a little raspy, "Thanks Jasper" I grinned at him and he smiled back.

Just as I was about to talk I felt and heard my ignored stomach growl. I heard Alice chuckle again.

"Damien said that you were going to be hungry when you wake up. Are you sure he's not a psychic? He knows so much about you" Alice said with a smile.

I laughed, "He does creep me out sometimes. He knows me better that I know myself." I haven't felt this carefree in a while. I guessed it was Jasper's doing.

"Here, Damien said you liked this stuff" Alice said as she handed me a big box of pizza. A new one? I didn't even finish the first slice in the first box.

Alice helped me sit up and laid the box on my lap. I opened it and started eating slowly. I wondered where Edward was but quickly shoved that thought out of my head before I suffered from it.

"So how have you been Bella?" Alice asked softly, squeezing me tenderly.

I tried to appear focusing on my food so she would miss the lie, "I've been…good"

She laughed, "And here I thought that humans changed. You haven't changed a bit. Still attempting to lie……and failing miserably, may I add" I felt my cheeks burn but I didn't meet her gaze. I paid too much attention, more than needed, to chew my food.

"Oh" I heard Alice breathe, I looked up at her and found her staring at Jasper. I looked at him and then back at her, trying to understand what was going on.

I kind smile appeared on Alice's lips and she nodded in Jasper's way, "What?" I asked confused.

Alice broke their eye contact and looked at me with a soft expression. "I'll leave now" and she cocked her head in Jasper's direction and said, "Someone wants to talk with ……his sister" she said the last two words firmly. As if she was trying to let me see that Jasper did accept me, even if it was too late.

"Ok" I said with a smile, "but come back" I added quickly.

She smiled, "I promise"

My wince didn't escape her notice. I was done with promises. Every promise this family gave me was broken. The wince was just a knee jerk reaction, I couldn't control my mind's actions to protect me.

Her smile fell a little though she tried to keep it in place. With a little effort if I might add. "I will come back" She said and after she had given me a quick hug, she disappeared.

I sighed and looked at Jasper, giving him the most reassuring smile I could manage. He seemed so torn, so agonized, so……weak.

"Hi" he breathed as he fidgeted with his clothes. I had never seen a vampire fidget before, so this looked a bit…odd.

"Hi" I whispered back. I waited patiently as I watched him straggle to talk. He opened his mouth to talk. Then closed. Opened. Closed. Opened. Closed. Opened….and sighed. He ran his fingers through his honey-colored hair, some of the locks fell back on his eyes but he smoothed them back.

"I…" and he stopped again.

"Yes?" I urged him, but he only seemed to get more lost by the second.

"You…" and trailed of again. I laid my head against the headboard, anticipating that this would take a while. I'm no Alice, but I could see that this won't be fast. I was patient. I didn't mind waiting for Jasper, I was already so happy that he had accepted me.

I heard him laugh, a frustrated laugh, "here I am, having the power to calm anyone down but myself" he shook his head and I smiled. Note to self: Jasper had a good sense of humor. I liked that. I liked that I could know more about Jasper, and it wasn't just how he could jump on me and kill me in any second.

I pushed myself off the headboard and patted the spot next to me, hesitantly. I didn't know if it would be too much for him, but he came and sat beside me anyway. I put a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "what is it?"

His gaze met mine and I finally saw Jasper. I saw the real Jasper, the honest, pure, almost child-like Jasper. I was almost stunned to see how vulnerable he looked. Even his featured changed in my eyes. Turning into that honest little guy who would do anything to be normal.

"I ruined your life" he whispered, his eyes burning in mine. And when he said that, he said it with a lot of conviction that his eyes were like an open book. I could see how sure he was of his words. How regretful he was. How dreadful he felt. How much anger he kept in his self.

"No!" I said quickly, squeezing his shoulder, "no, no, no. Don't ever say that. What happened between me and…him." I winced, "has nothing to do with you Jasper." I tried to reassure him, "what you almost did was an accident. I know you didn't mean it, and I'm not mad at you"

"I am'' he whispered, so low that I wasn't sure if he said it, "Bella, these last four months has been torture for me just like Edward. I was best to know how he felt, and that only increased my own pain. I did this to both of you" he turned a little so that his legs were under him and his body was facing me.

"Don't try to justify what I did, because it was horrid. I wanted to tell you how much I loved and respected you. How much I was proud that you were my sister, even if you are just human. You did so much to my brother that I can not find where to begin. You brought life to our family. And the same to him. I killed all that" He said all in one breath that I couldn't interject.

"Jasper, please don't blame yourself. You……you don't understand……you're b…brother and I c…can't b…be t…together" I whispered shakily.

His eyes turned pleading, "Bella, I can feel it. You still love him. Just as dearly as you did before. Even more. Is it me? I know I can not ask you to trust me, but I could ask you to trust my brother to keep you safe. He wouldn't let me harm you" His whispers were getting shaky by the minute. And I didn't know how to calm him.

"Jasper, it's not you. I…it's m…me. I'm not how I used t…to b…be" I stammered, fighting back tears, "I do trust you. And I do trust him"

"Then come back to us" he pleaded, taking my hand and holding it tightly, "give us our brother and take your love back. Give us our beloved sister and daughter. We need you, and you need him"

I closed my eyes closed and tried to block away the image of his pleading golden eyes. His broken face. His tearless pain.

"I do need him" I whispered honestly, opening up for the very first time, and to the last person that would have come to my mind. "Even more than he needs me"

"Then come back" he repeated. "Don't you love him?"

"I do" I whispered painfully, my mind/heart conflict coming back. My mind's side was being overcome.

"And don't you desire reunion?" He urged.

"More than anything" I felt my eyes wet again behind my closed lids.

"Then why?"

"Because I love him" I confessed.

He was silent for a moment. Probably struggling to find sense in what I said. I knew he wouldn't find any, because he didn't know.

Seconds ticked by, one by one and when I was staring to doubt that he was even here I opened my eyes and found his golden ones staring at me.

"I do not understand" he murmured.

I smiled sadly, "I know"

"Bella…" he started warily, "what happened when we departed?"

I looked the other way, stared at the empty wall and fighting back tears, "A lot" my voice thick and almost incomprehensible.

"Bella?" I felt his hand on my shoulder, cold and reassuring. I felt his calm waves and it didn't do much. I averted my gaze to meet his again, his eyes were full of understanding and care, "trust me" he whispered in an almost plea.

And I did, and I felt like I wanted to tell him. I trusted jasper. I don't know why I wanted him to know. Maybe because I wanted to talk? Maybe because I knew that Jasper and only Jasper would understand? Maybe it was because of that. Because he, of all people, would understand.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"For you" he assured me, and I knew what he meant. For me, he would keep a secret from Alice. I knew how hard that was for him but Alice wasn't my concern.

"And Edward?" I whispered.

"Easy to block" he said squeezing my hand for reassurance. I stared into his eyes and I knew he was telling the truth.

So I took a deep breath, "Is any of your family in earshot?"

He waited for a few seconds to make sure then said, "No one's near"

He felt my panic and calmed me further, "you must never tell anyone Jasper, please. I'm trusting you, not to give away my secret" My voice was already broken and I felt my tears run down my face.

He squeezed my hand tighter and whispered, "I promise no one will know"

I closed my eyes and hiccupped. With all the courage I had left in me, I mouthed.

"Jasper…" I swallowed loudly and squeezed my eyes tighter, "I'm leg paralyzed"

A/N: GASP! No! she's not! Lol, yes she is, and I know. A CLIFFY! Yay! Lol. Hope you guys aren't mad at me for updating late. Love you all. And sorry, that the quote wasn't here, I was going to continue but I had this tempting ending lol.

Love

Mai xxx