.A/N: Thank you guys for your awesome reviews!!!!!!!! Well, hopefully I won't ruin this chappy. I have a bad case of flu…..yup….AGAIN!! but it's worse this time. I lost my voice too. And can you imagine? My first exam is in two days and I'm in bed because I'm sick. I have some great luck! Anyway, Let's hope I don't mess neither this chappy nor my finals. Well, let's pray for that lol.

Recap:

I felt the warmth of her presence. Her presence in my memory. That alone, was enough to make me smile in hell.

Enough!

One, two, three, four

What do you think I am?

An empty whole?

You throw your words

And he his

An empty whole that needs to be filled

Filled with pain, suffering, and gruff

The whole is filled.

Enough is enough!

BPOV

"Hey there, Beautiful" I heard a voice call from the window. I smiled and found Damien. He jumped in from the window and in a second he was by my side.

"What's with vampires and windows?" I chuckled, "Don't you guys know the function of the door?"

Damien and Jasper glanced at each other then back at me. "No" they both said and shrugged together.

They both laughed and I joined.

"How's Edward?" I heard Jasper ask quietly. My laugh stuck in my throat and I stared at Damien.

"He's……fine" Damien mumbled to Jasper with a meaningful glance. I knew it was a lie. A very big lie. He was refusing to talk in front of me. A part of me was grateful but the other was infuriated. I wanted to know how he was. I needed that. But at the same time I didn't.

"Oh…ok…good" Jasper stammered.
I sighed and closed my eyes. It was silent for a while.

Did I really want to know how Edward was? Was I ready to figure out exactly how much pain I caused him? But…maybe…maybe he stopped caring as much as before. Maybe his love for me lessened by the passing of the months. If that were the case……then he wouldn't be in too much pain. That would be a good thing……wouldn't it?

I don't understand. I don't want him to be in pain, then why was that possibility killing me? I want him safe, I want him happy, I want him whole. Not broken like me.

If that was my desire, then why wasn't I hoping that he loved me less than before?

I knew why. I wanted him to love me, just as much as before, if not more. I wanted him to force me. To take me back against my better judgment. To accept what happened to me without letting it come between us. To just……make me be Bella again. That person that I had lost months ago and can't retrieve.

I need to know right now, if he still cared as much as before. A strong urge that I can't ignore.

"How is he, Damien?" I murmured with my eyes still closed and my breath caught.

I heard Damien's hesitation, and I guessed that he was feeling worried because I felt Jasper's calming waves.

"I want to know Damien. I mean it" I whispered.

I heard Damien's soft sigh and whisper, "He's horrible"

I winced but did not interrupt.

"He…He was so…weak. He needs you Bella" His whisper was almost pleading.

My eyes squeezed tighter and my heart stammered, "Jasper" I whispered, and his response was at once. The calm waves stopped the seizure before it came. "Thank you"

"Anytime" he muttered.

"Damien….d…does he think that I…don't l…love him?" This scared me. If he thought I didn't love him……

"It's hard to tell. I don't think he's thinking of anything but how much he hates himself"

A whimper escaped my lips and I felt two cold hands on my arm.

"Bella" One of them whispered but I couldn't distinguish.

"T-tell him that I love him-m. Tell h-him that I'm s-sorry I c-can't be there for him. Tell h-h-him-m…" and the sobs broke free. Two cold arms encircled me and I knew very well that they were Damien's. I buried my face in his shoulder. "I love him s-so much D-Damien-n" I whimpered.

"I know, I know." He said as he rocked me back and forth and rubbed my back, "everything will be ok. Everything will be ok"

Damien held me close as I cried and Jasper followed soon after. Both of them trying to soothe my pain. Hours passed as I wet Damien's shirt. Jasper kept my hand in his. Caressing my arm and palm. Soon my sobs turned into whimpers, then to silent tears. Till it became just a quiet numbness.

I kept staring at nothing as they tried to make me feel better. I pulled away from them and relaxed back against the headboard.

"Will you tell him for me , Damien?" I said and my voice sounded empty. I wanted to cry more but I had to hold myself together. No one deserved to suffer with me. Least of all Damien and Jasper.

"I will" He promised.

"Thank you. Now could you please call Angela and Emily for me?" I was in a serious need of a bath. It always stung me when I realized that I couldn't go take a bath by myself.

"Ok" Damien was out of the door in a second.

"You go to Alice now Jasper. I don't want her to worry too much. Or…" I looked at him and tried to smile, "get jealous"

He grinned, "We wouldn't want that now, would we?" he shook his head and chuckled, "and I would very much like my sister to not talk to me formally" He said seriously but there was still a smile on his face.

"What do you mean by 'formally' exactly?"

His smile softened and so did his voice, "I'd very much prefer my sister to call me as my other siblings do."

My eyes widened and I gaped at him. I started to feel my insides warm with happiness, "you…you want me to call you Jazz? Really?" I said in a small voice.

"Yes, really." He said as he rubbed the hand that was in his. I squeezed his hand and I felt the smile on my face.

"Thank you…Jazz" I felt a thrill at saying it, and I was sure he felt it too because his smile widened. I felt like I was treated like I belonged with them. It felt so amazingly good.

"Anytime. Now I have to go hunt Alice down" He gave me a wicked smile. I smiled back and nodded, "see you later"

"See you" and he disappeared.

Just before I could rest my head back against the bed I heard a very warm voice, "Bella" Angela cheered as she ran inside the room followed by a smiling Emily.

"Hey girls" I said smiling as they both hugged me.

"How are you today?" Emily asked as she smoothed my hair back.

"better, thanks" I said sincerely. Jazz made me feel better. I smiled at the name.

"You need a haircut" Emily said taking a lock of my hair between her fingers. I rolled my eyes, she was like the human Alice.

"And I think it's time for your bath" Angela said.

I sighed, How would I ever repay those two. They've done so much. If only I could walk again….I winced internally, because I knew something like that wasn't possible for me.

"Girls…" I started.

"Uh-oh, I know that look" Emily started.

"Yeah, the You-do-so-much-and-I-do-so-little look" Angela giggled. I rolled my eyes again.

"Before the shower……. Mike and Jacob want to talk to you" Emily said warily.

I sighed.

"They actually want to apologize" Angela corrected.

"Apology number…?" I asked with a small smile.

Emily grinned and said, "that would be thirty-two"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Let them in"

"Mike! Jake!" Emily called. And they both stumbled in as if they were standing behind the door for hours.

I raised an eyebrow and stared at them. They both stood up and started fidgeting.

"Um would sorry cover?" Jake asked.

"Yeah?" Mike mumbled, "would it?"

I sighed, as much as I wanted to be mad at them I had to remind myself that it wasn't their fault that I had seizures. That's my problem.

"Guys, if you can't stop it, then I'll have to ask you two to leave. I can't take anymore" I whispered.

"You saw him again, didn't you?" Jacob asked, his eyes were cold.

I winced but nodded slowly.

"So do I hear wedding bells?" He asked sarcastically.

"Because the only reason you would throw us away would be because he was back" Mike's voice was cold and it cut me. It looked like they thought that through together.

I gasped, "what? Do you think I'm using you two?!" I realized I was shouting, but I couldn't help it, his assumption hurt me, "I was clear and told both of you that we are friends. You don't believe it, that's your problem not mine! And for your information, he's not back. I've just had enough pain. I don't need anymore" My eyes were wet again.

They both gaped at me silently.

"I didn't know that that was the way you thought of me. Please this is enough. Thank you for bringing me here, and trying to make me feel better. But I can't be friends with people who think that I'm a hypocrite" As I talked I pushed myself to the end of the bed. Emily got my wheelchair from outside and with both her help and Angela's, I sat on the damn chair.

"B…Bella we didn't mean it that way……" Jacob started but I cut them off.

"Save it! And please excuse us. I need some private time with my friends" I said formally. They both winced and looked at Angela for help. She nodded to them, and I knew she would try to fix this later. Their heads hung as they walked out of the room. The whispered apologies that meant nothing to me. When the door was closed, I rubbed my eyes from the tears that hadn't fell and started to push my chair to the bathroom.

"Bella…" Angela started

"Please Angela. Not now" I whispered. Enough pain for today. Enough!

A/N: I messed it up. I'm so sorry, I promise next chappy will be better. This was horrible, please forgive me. Stupid flu!

Abby: Thank you! You will know in later chapters :D . Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me.

Love

Mai