I am very sorry for the delay. I have been so busy that it's not even funny. School has been kicking my butt and the only reason I am updating now is because I have a day to do this and because I am not sure when I can do it again.

Friendship Revealed

As I walk in to the all too quiet house I spent years and a lot of money on, anxiety takes over. I begin to doubt myself and the decision I came to make after my talk with Liv. I can hear the sound of Elmo talking in Eli's room and the sound of computer keys coming from Elizabeth's room but the TV in the living room and the lights in the kitchen are both off. Granted I am home a bit earlier then normal but I'm not used to hearing such silence.

After taking off my coat and placing my keys on the kitchen counter, I softly climb the stairs. The light in Kathy and my bedroom is on and I know one of two things, she is either reading or she's talking to a friend on the phone and she wanted her privacy. Guess number one was correct. She was reading Mrs. Dalloway for the millionth time. I never really understood her fascination with that book and I never have asked.

As soon as she notice me entering the room, she set her book down and smiled. After Eli was born things began to change in our relationship. She began to talk more about how she felt but instead of getting angry when I wouldn't, she let it go. It was as if she was giving me time to deal with the changes of being a father to a baby again and maybe that was true but it was more then that. Much more.

"Hey. I wasn't expecting you home so soon."

"Yeah. I had a bad night so Cragen let me go home a bit early."

"Speaking of which, where were you? I called your desk, your cell and even talked to Olivia and Cragen. No one knew where you were."

And here we go. This is how most of our fights began. My unwillingness or forgetfulness to call her and inform her about my every move always caused the biggest confrontations. The one thing Kathy doesn't understand is that when I am on the job it's all I think about. One track mind would be the best way to describe it. Last night unfortunately had nothing to do with job. Tequila and a lot of it did. I sat down on my side of the bed so that I could face her and decided to be totally honest with her. After all, I deserved to give her that much after what I am about to do.

"I did something totally and completely stupid last night."

"Okay…"

"I just…couldn't handle it. Dick ended up being a murderer. The man I shaped my whole life around. The man I named my own son after turned out to be no better then the basterds I put away and I couldn't deal with it. Everything that I knew and everything I thought I understood turned out to be nothing but a lie and…"

"Elliot, what did you do?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath because I knew this next part would sting. I knew that she would look at me as a disgusting piece of shit and I deserved it. I cheated on my wife and what did I have to show for it?

In a low and shameful whisper I said, "I kissed Olivia."

Silence. I just told my wife of twenty-three years that I kissed the very woman she was afraid I might start an affair with and there was silence. She didn't yell at me, she didn't throw objects at my head or curse me to deepest pit of Hell. Silence.

I looked up into her eyes and then I realized why she had not said anything. She had silent tears running down her face as her eyes were shut, taking in all of what I had just said to her. I wanted so desperately to reach out and wipe away her tears and hold her as I apologized but somehow I realized that not enough "sorrys" in the world would take away the pain I had caused.

"How long?"

The words were so low that I almost wanted to ask her to repeat them.

"Last night was the first and only time."

"Did you do more then kiss?"

"No! No. After arresting Dick I…she…damit! I kissed her because I needed an outlet and she was there. She pushed me away and smacked the shit out of me if that helps any. After leaving, I went to a bar a few blocks away, got way too drunk and passed out in an alley next to the bar. It can be safe to say that I am not drinking tequila anytime soon."

Kathy laughed a little and whipped her cheeks with the back of her hand. I could see her emotions going into mellow mode and I hoped it would stay that way. Once I saw her shaking her head I began to doubt that it would.

"I'm glad you are okay but…I know you better then you think I do and I know that you didn't just kiss Olivia because she was the only woman around Elliot. You kissed her because you wanted to. Let's just be honest here."

I nodded my head to confirm that she was right. "I know. Kathy…I never meant or planed for it to happen. I was frustrated and emotional and I finally let it out. I'm sorry."

Kathy sniffled and rested her head against the headboard while she contemplated the next words that were to come. She always looked up to the ceiling when she needed to find the time to think. She did this when we were teens and has been doing it ever since. I used to find it annoying as hell but now…it's just Kathy.

"This isn't just about Dick is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Elliot, God knows I love you even though you can drive me up the wall sometimes and I know that you love me too but…I need to know what you want. Do you want out? I just don't want you here if you don't want to be and I sure as hell am not going to be the reason you're unhappy."

As I let the words seep into my pores, into every crevice of my skin, I couldn't help but be afraid. Doubting myself when it came to my marriage has always been in the back of my mind. I always used to ask myself if I was a good enough husband and right now my answer would be no. I'm not a good enough husband. I guess the reason for that would be because my heart is just not in it anymore.

"When you and I first got married, I thought that I would be able to do everything in my power to support my family, to be a good husband and a father and do what needed to be done in order for everyone to be happy. The only problem is that I lost sight of what made me happy in the long run. I'm not saying that I regret the decisions I've made because…I don't. I love you and I love my children and if I had to do it all over again I probably would. I think I'm just at a time in my life where I just can't give anymore. I need to be happy before I can be the kind of man that I need to be and right now…you deserve better."

Kathy breathed in deep and moved closer to me on the bed. I thought I was in the twilight zone when I felt her head on my left shoulder. I wanted to say more but kept silent. I was good at silent.

"Maybe we both deserve better."

I just nodded my head and rested it on top of hers. Right here, in this moment is how our relationship should be like. Not filled with anger or shouting or disappointments. We became what we started out being. Friends. Perhaps this was the role that should have stayed the same instead of changing into something it shouldn't have because of one mistake. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I can't. My kids are my life and they deserve a happy mother and father. If that means having mom and dad not together then so be it.

"What do we do now?"

I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I think the first step is to talk to the kids and explain things. That way they aren't thrown into something they aren't ready for. I also need to start looking for an apartment and maybe we can call the lawyers and see if the divorce papers from before will go through."

"I know all of that Elliot. I meant with us. What happens with us?"

"I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"You and I have been married for so long. I'm not even sure if we remember how to be anything else to each other. What kind of relationship will we have?"

"We're doing it right now Kathy."

She lifted her head off of my shoulder and looked at me with a confused expression on her face. "What?"

"We're being friends. That's the way it should be."

She smiled and nodded her head, her hair falling to the sides of her face. "I guess you're right. Wow…friends. I think…I think I like that."

"I think I like that too."

From the smiles on both of our faces I knew that perhaps doing what made me happy wouldn't be so hard. Little did I know that I was wrong.

Okay, I know this is starting out a bit slow for all of the Elliot/Olivia shippers but…it needs to for how I am taking this story. I hope this chapter was to everyone's liking and please tell me what you all think.