Happy New Year everyone! I am so sorry for the delay on this one. I have been on and off sick for the past 7 weeks, just finished up school and have been looking for a job, not to mention the holiday season had passed. Busy would be an understatement. Anyways…here it is and I hope you all like it!

Shattered and Broken

Ten hours. I have been doing paperwork for ten hours straight, a punishment given to me for getting a little too rough with a suspect. Ass duty was probably the best phrase anyone could have come up with because my ass hurt from sitting in this damn chair for so long. I can't even remember when the last time was I ate. The smell of Olivia's sandwich made my stomach growl and so I knew it had to have been a while.

"You got another one for me in that bag?"

"What's the matter Stabler? Too busy or too lazy to get your own?"

"Let's just say I've been too busy to think about anything else other then getting these files completed so I can go home this side of Wednesday. Now stop teasing and tell me if you have food for me or not."

She smiled and tossed a ham and cheese sandwich at me. I caught it, opened it up and began to eat the best sandwich I have ever tasted in my entire life. But now I was thirsty. Just as if she read my mind, a coke was laid on my desk.

"You are my life savor today."

"Just wait till tomorrow. You might be calling me a bitch."

I ignored her as I inhaled the food and drink. Ever since I virtually pounced on Olivia in her apartment and all was forgiven in the locker room six months ago, our friendship was back on track. We began to talk, share things and even bantered like we used to. She even helped me find an apartment and move in to it. The only question I continued to ask myself was now what? Do we continue this friendship? Should I ask for something more with the risk of pushing her away?

"Okay what are thinking about?"

"What?"

"You have that 'I want to say something but I'm not sure I should' look on your face. What's up? Just spit it out."

I set my sandwich down and whipped my mouth off. Chewing the last bit of food, I looked up into her eyes and smiled.

"Can I talk to you in private?"

"Uh…okay."

"Now."

I stood up and hoped that she would follow me. To my luck I could hear her following me up the stairs leading to the roof of the precinct. I opened the door and held it open for her. After closing it behind us, I turned to her and smiled.

"I think I'm ready to start dating."

Her eyebrows went up and she has an expression of shock crawling across her features. I guess she was as surprised as I thought she would be.

"Dating? Really? Anyone in particular or were you just gunning for any lucky girl you pick up?"

"I do kind of have someone specific in mind but I'm not sure she'll say yes."

"What makes you think she won't say yes?"

I begin to walk a little closer to her. I'm aiming for her being pinned against the wall so she can't escape me but I don't want to scare her away so subtlety will have to be the way to go.

"Well…I know she likes me but I think she might be afraid to date me. We've known each other for a while you see and she thinks I'm still hung on my wife, not to mention we sort of work in the same precinct."

I place my hand on her exposed arm and begin to rub up and down the soft flesh. I can feel goose bumps rising and I catch my breath. Having an effect, any kind of effect on Olivia has always fascinated me. How can a tough, independent woman ever allow any one, man or woman, effect her in any way. In a sense I'm flattered.

"You'll never know what she'll say unless you ask her El."

"Okay…Will you come to dinner with me?"

"Ah…so I'm the mystery woman."

I laugh and shake my head. How could I have been such a lucky guy? I know that I have been through some shit in my day but just having a beautiful woman like Olivia as a friend and a partner has been a blessing. Being able to explore other aspects of our relationship would be a godsend. I cannot help, at this moment, but look into her eyes. As much as I would love to get lost in them, she still has not answered my question.

"So…is the mystery woman going to say yes?"

"The mystery woman is going to say no Elliot."

And here I am, back at square one with nothing to show for it. I cannot understand why she is so unwilling to try but then again…deep down I do know why. I'm just not sure, no matter how I feel for her, that I can wait much longer.

I let my hand drop from her arm, place them in my jacket pockets and I back away slowly. Just as I feel like I am about to cry, I turn my head and look out onto the city lights. The last thing I want her to see is how much she is hurting me. How much I am hurting myself.

"Me saying no has nothing to do with the job or the fact that I think you are still stuck on Kathy, even though I know a little bit of you is. How can you not after being married for so long. Elliot…you are a great guy and any woman would be lucky to have you. I just don't think that girl should be me."

"Any why the hell not? Look, I know that you have been through a lot when it comes to relationships and I know that…"

"Stop. My fuck ups with relationships has nothing to do with me saying no to you right now. Elliot, you are a great father and a great friend but the truth is that I am not…marriage material, at least not the kind you are used to. And I…"

"Liv, I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm just hoping for one damn date."

I could see her head sliding from side to side and her chest congesting as air flowed in and out. "We both know that one date will not be all. Will date for months then you'll ask me to move in, I'll say no because I like my space and then hell will break loose, our friendship will go down the toilet and I won't have you at all. Or one of us will do something stupid and we'll still end up in the same place."

"Jesus you've given this a lot of thought. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you might say yes to the moving in thing? That maybe you and I would be or could be great together? Or did you only focus on the negative things?"

Silence. My question had been answered by silence. She never thinks about the good things and always dwells on the bad. Words never seem to get us anywhere anyways so why the hell not.

I make her face me and kiss her with such passion that I didn't even know I had in me. This time, however, she didn't fight me. I could feel her giving in to my menstruation and could feel her wrap her arms around me. To say I was in Heaven would be an understatement. I didn't want it to end but I had to know how she felt, what she intended on doing.

As soon as I looked into her eyes, I could see them watering. Now I was confused. I knew she felt the same for me but what I couldn't understand was why she was fighting so damn hard to push me away.

"I can't…"

"Liv?"

She slowly releases herself from my grasp and walks backward. "Don't do that again. I can't…I can't handle this Elliot."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you and I to go on as we have been these past six months. I just want us to be friends."

Now I want to crawl under a rock for being so stupid. She doesn't want me or think about me the way I think about her at all. I'm just a friend to her and nothing more. That was the last time I made a fool out of myself. Never again.

"Don't worry. I won't do that again. I'm sorry that I thought you wanted more. I was a fool to think otherwise."

I could see her approaching to comfort me and the last thing I wanted was her pity. I backed up and shook my head.

"I need to get back to work. Cragen's not going to let me off ass duty until I finish that damn paperwork so…yeah."

I turn my back on her and as I open the door I can hear her softly say my name. I stopped and didn't even bother to turn around. I softly whisper, "What?"

"Please tell me that we'll be okay."

I was silent for a few seconds then decide to put on a front for her. It was the least I could do after totally and completely misreading how she felt about me and inadvertently screwing up our friendship once again.

I turn around and plastered a fake smile on my face as I whispered, "Yeah. We'll be okay."

But I know deep down that we won't because all I can think about is how much it hurts. Rejection was never something I had to deal with, at least not since my high school days before I meet Kathy. All I kept thinking about is here is a woman that I made myself fall in love with and not only was she refusing to go on a simple date with me but she still wanted to be friends, a woman that I would have to share every day with. Could I do it?

The rest of the day was spent in silence. Cragen said that I could work no later then eight and it was going on eight now. Olivia was still sifting through paperwork and getting ready for trial in the morning. Silence was all that was shared between us after embarrassing myself on the rooftop. I didn't even notice that she stood up until I heard her chair being pushed in.

"I'm going to head out. Want a lift home?"

"No."

"Elliot, Cragen told you to be off by eight and…"

"I know what he told me. I can call a cab."

She shook her head, looked at the floor and folded her arms across her chest. "So this is how it's going to be from now on? You told me we'd be okay."

"And we will be as soon as I get over feeling like a damn idiot."

Her eyes redirected themselves on to me. "You're not…"

"Don't say it. Just…go home Liv. I promise that once I get past this humiliation, we'll be fine. Just…go."

I wasn't yelling or even upset. I just needed to think. With her being this close to me, my head was clouded and nothing made sense. I needed to figure out where I stood and what my next move would be. I couldn't do that when all I wanted was to take her in my arms again and just forget…everything.

"I never meant to lead you on."

"You didn't. I led myself to believe that you could ever feel something more for me but I was wrong and I'll deal with it."

"That doesn't mean I don't feel shitty for…"

"Liv, for the love of God just go!"

Now I was getting irritated. What part of 'just go' was she not understanding? I never intended to get upset because let's get real, I did this to myself. What the hell was I thinking? To believe that a woman as beautiful and amazing as Olivia could ever want me? I must have been out of my mind.

I could see her eyes fill up with tears and see her head bounce up and down as she tried to hold back her disappointment. "We can't go back to being just friends can we?"

"Maybe not right away. I just need time to deal with this."

"Okay. Good night."

And there she went. Dreams of being with her slowly faded along with any hopes I had for the future. Where do I go from here? Usually I wrap myself in my work when things went wrong in my personal life but since Olivia worked with me, that wasn't an option. My only other thought was dating and seeing where my cards fell. Maybe then, I could figure out if I was ready to move on.

I know it's not as long as my other chapters but I was thinking about how I wanted to write this for a long time and long really wasn't what I had in mind. I know that a lot of shipper fans are hating on me for this chapter but trust me when I say this story will have bumps and some sad parts. I hope that it was a good one but please let me know if you had a problem with anything.