I just want to start off by saying how sorry I am for lack of updates. My life has been really chaotic lately and I am trying to find a sense of balance. My writing, unfortunately, has taken a back seat. I'm going to try and change that.

Fire Starter

Two weeks. That's seriously how long it takes for a woman to think about the future? I have been waiting for Olivia to give me the green or red light in our relationship for two damn weeks now. Finally I get some sense of a hope…or doom ahead. I feel like I have been stuck in limbo forever. Seeing Olivia at work and trying to give her time to think was killing me. I don't know how many times I wanted to shake her and scream, "Just give me something! Yes or no, dammit!" Patients has never been a strong suite of mine.

"Stabler."

Hey Elliot. Can you talk?

The sound of her voice on my phone made it seem like it was important but I did have the kids over. Richard was kicking everyone's butt in Monopoly. I never did like this game. There's a reason why I became a cop and not a Real Estate Agent and why Kathy handled all the finances.

"Uh…I have the kids but if it's important I can take the phone in my room."

I just want to know if you could meet me for coffee tomorrow before work.

"Sure. Same place as always?"

Yeah. Say hi to the kids for me and I'll see you around 7 tomorrow?

"7 sounds good."

After hanging up the phone, I couldn't help but feel a sense of fear. I knew that one way or another, I was going to transfer out. Queens Homicide was in need of a good detective and I already had the transfer papers ready to get processed. If Olivia did want to give it a go then we couldn't work together and if she didn't then we still couldn't work together.

Being around this woman was like being 14 again. I had nervous sweats, sweaty palms and shaking hands. My heart raced whenever she was near me but the strange thing about this whole situation is that I never felt this way about her the entire time we were partners. I never truly saw what she meant to me until I had lost Kathy. It was as if a barrier had been broken down and I could see clearly for the first time. Sure I cared about her and I would have given my life to protect her. Somehow the feelings for her changed.

"Dad, it's your turn."

I returned my attention to my kids and just had to wait until I talked to Olivia tomorrow. Dwelling on the unknown was only going to irritate me.

"You have to pay me Lizzy. You landed on my hotel."

"No I didn't! I landed on Dad's hotel space and I paid him! Stop cheating!"

"I'm not! Dad's is the one on the left corner! This is the right stupid!"

And the family feud began. "Don't call your sister stupid. Liz, just take away the money you put on my pile and give it to your brother."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and threw the fake money at her brother. Seeing my kids like this always put a smile on my face. Richard smiled because he knew it would make his sister even more upset and I rolled my eyes because my son's sarcasm came directly from me.

After dropping the kids off at school the following morning, I headed to the coffee shop Olivia and I have been going to for years. Cafe Lalo in the Upper West Side is a great place for sweets with coffee and in my older age I have been craving sweets like you wouldn't believe.

The smell of the coffee and the coffee cakes overwhelms me as I enter the coffee shop. I see her sitting down at our usual table with my coffee sitting across from her. I had to smile at how well she knew me. After setting my coat on the back of the chair, I sat down rather slowly. A mixture of anticipation as well as fear flooded my senses.

"Hey."

Olivia looks down at the coffee cup in her hand. "Hey. How was the visit with the kids yesterday?"

"Good. I think they were a little eager to leave though. I really need to find a bigger place. That shoebox I live in is way too small to have two teenagers and a small infant for more than a few hours, let alone a whole damn weekend."

"I'm sure you could find something here."

"I think I may have to venture out of Manhattan. Brooklyn is just not going to work so I think I might have to stick to Queens."

She shook her head in agreement and breathed in deep. I could see that I wasn't the only one nervous sitting at this table.

"So…what did you want to talk to me about?"

It was silent for a few seconds but she answered me, her eyes were focused the entire time on the table dividing us.

"I think I want to try and maybe give a relationship a go but I do want to lay some ground rules, so-to-speak."

"Ground rules? Are you serious?"

"Yes. I care about you a lot Elliot and I do want to see where this leads but for a while I would like to keep it between us. No one at work can find out and your kids can't know either. I want to try and figure this out with you and no one else. I also want to take things slow. Relationships in the past haven't exactly worked for me for many reasons and I don't want to ruin things between us because we rushed into something neither of us were ready for."

"Anything else?"

She finally looked at me with a very serious look. I know that she has had issues with commitment in the past but I never thought those issues would ever be transferred over to us. For some naive reason I always thought that Olivia and I would have no problems if we ever decided to be together. Hell, she knows me better then I know myself sometimes.

"Elliot…"

"I know. Sorry. Look Liv. I have done the marriage and baby makes 5 thing. I'm not looking for a lifetime commitment yet. I want to take things slow as well but I won't be able to do that without being given a chance. That's all I want. The work thing won't be an issue anyways."

"And why the hell not?"

"I already requested my transfer to Queens Homicide. They need a good detective and I need to be close to my kids, not to mention the job is just getting to be too much for me to handle."

"Too much to handle? Who the hell are you trying to fool Elliot? I have been your partner for a long time. I know when you are making excuses."

"Yeah well…"

"If we want this to work then you have to stop this."

"Stop what?"

"Holding back the truth or how you feel. Hell just talking would be nice."

Talking. That was never my strong suite. Growing up in my household was like growing up in a Monastery. No one ever talked for fear of being criticized, hurt or belittled. My father was good at making people feel less then what they were and talking would only make matters worse. Though I did struggle with it, I have gotten better at opening up, though I still think that some things are best left unsaid.

I took a sip of my coffee and looked around the café. People all around us were talking and smiling and carrying on with their lives as if props in a play. One lady was just standing in a corner chatting about the damn cab driver that almost ran a woman on the crosswalk over. Just watching all of these people go on with their lives made me stop and want a life with this woman sitting in front of me. The only way I was going to be able to do that was to play along and give in to her requests.

"Alright. I got the transfer in because one main reason. I knew that we couldn't work together if we either worked on a relationship or if we chose not to."

"When did you request it?"

"About a week ago."

"You see! This is what I am talking about! You should tell me things like this. What if I was the one that wanted to transfer or I wanted to continue to work with you but we could have found a way round the awkwardness! You have no consideration for how I would feel about a huge decision like this!"

"That's not true! I do consider you Liv. That's a large part of the reason why I decided to leave."

I knew I had confused her by the look she gave me.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why would I not want to work with you?"

"Are you kidding me? Did you not see me after you rejected me? Do you not remember the last few months? Olivia, I don't know if you have noticed but I am a huge asshole when I don't get my way."

"Oh trust me. I've noticed."

"Yeah well…I know that I couldn't handle being rejected a second time so I made this decision for both of us. Yes, I should have talked to you but I wanted to give you space to be able to think about things."

"That cannot happen again. You have to talk to me."

"I promise that in the future I will make a conscious effort to talk more but you need to understand that talking has never been a habit of mine. You need to understand that I am not telling you things out of routine rather than me just not wanting you to know."

She took another sip of her coffee and shook her head in agreement. In everything that Olivia and I have been through, we understand each other probably better then Kathy and I ever did. Before, body language was the bigger understanding but now we were going to have to work on verbal understanding. I was more than willing to sail that ship. Hopefully so was she.

"When can I take you out?"

"Take me out?"

"Yeah, on a date."

She laughed that adorable laugh and smiled at me. "A date? Elliot, dates are for people who are trying to get to know each other. I think you and I know each other well enough."

"Dates can be more than just getting to know each other. It's to have fun and maybe get a little nooky." I moved my eye brows up and down and smiled at her as she laughed.

"You're not getting lucky that soon Stabler. You have to earn it."

"Hence the date. I want to show you my moves. You can tell me if they work or not by giving me certain body languages to."

"Moves? Elliot Stabler has moves. Now this I have to experience. I think we might be able to perform this date on Saturday night. We both have court so all we would have to worry about is paperwork."

"Performance? My moves are not performed they are perfected. Get prepared Benson. Saturday night you are going to fall head over heels in love with me."

"Yeah. Yeah…We will see."

We both laughed and headed out of the café and back to the real world. Keeping this a secret was not going to be an issue but holding back would be. I wanted so much to kiss her right now but perhaps I will have to wait until she made the first move. I don't want to over step my bounds and cross a line she isn't ready to tangle with. But whenever she is ready, I will be there standing and waiting in anticipation. I feel like I have waited all my life for a woman like this. I figure waiting a few more months won't cause me to burst into flames. Olivia will always be there to put out the fire.

I realize this is rather short but I wanted to give my readers at least a little something until I can get back in my writing grove. I hope the little you did get was to your liking. I'm finding it rather hard to write from a male perspective so I hope it's coming out okay. Please let me know if you think it's not.