Destiny

Chapter 6

Now would be the perfect time for swearing.

"You see me as a brother?" he choked out quietly.

Aww man! I bet he's disgusted I see us as that close. He's a boy, isn't he? Boys don't tend to do the whole touchy feely stuff, do they? He must think I'm such a loser for seeing us as that close!

And I talked about his mum. He must be in so much pain right now, especially since I wrote about what effect she had on me. We never really talk about that kind of thing. It must be opening up a wound somewhere, me talking about his mum so intimately.

I loved Esme.

How would she feel about me hurting Edward like that?

She's hurting me so much but she doesn't seem to realise. She sees me as her brother? How's that supposed to make me feel?

And that ass, Jacob, calling me a creep! I could kill him... if I could catch him; fucking cheetah!

And that's the other thing. She said I didn't swear out of respect for mum, when in actually fact, I don't swear out of respect for her. Bella. My Bella...

How the hell can such beautiful eyes be so blind? She has the most amazing eyes. Dickhead Jacob got that much right; she is beautiful. I would just never degrade her like he does. I mean, come on! "Hair like woven silk!" who says that? Besides, there's nothing silky about her hair! It's fiery and fierce, it's always a mess, always doing something strange but at the same time, it's doing what it naturally does. It's untameable. It's like her.

"Emerald that sparkles like a thousand nights?" that's just disgusting; and he calls me the creep? He's the one who can't seem to get the right shade of her eyes. They're not "pale green" or "emerald!" They're deep and soulful, a muddy green that is fresh and revitalising. Our parents always said we have the same eyes.

Jacob doesn't know anything about her! Not every aspect of her is beautiful. It's the most ugly thing in the world to see her cry because it doesn't just scrunch up her eyes, it makes her face red and blotchy and it's such a painful thing to witness. I haven't seen her cry since I refused to accept Alice and Emmet as my brother and sister (for very good reason!) but I still remember it well. It may have been five years ago but I can still remember the sound of it. Definitely not beautiful.

And her temper is ferocious! She doesn't "make the cutest expression", she pulls evil masks that would make a beefy bouncer wet himself.

At least someone in that notebook got something right. I do know everything about her; she doesn't need to hide anything from me. The difference is, I pretend around her constantly: I have to let go of her even when I want to hold on forever; I knock her to the ground to prevent me sweeping her off her feet; I smile at her when I want to cry because someone else gets to call them theirs; I don't want to lick her hand, I want to taste her lips, her perfect lips that have unnatural powers over me, one smile alone sends me reeling.

That's the biggest difference between me and Jacob: he puts her on a pedestal because she's a stranger to him, he puts her way up high so he can avoid admitting he doesn't really know her and so she doesn't get close enough to see the bastard he is.

Whereas, I keep her close enough because she completes me: not in the cheesy way Jacob might say it, but because I have patience- would I have waited for her this long if I didn't?- where she has none; I have focus while she is easily distracted, though she is more determined than me and gives me the power to strive onwards; I have humility- I only feign dented pride so she doesn't see how much I truly love making her laugh, even if it is at my expense- she is quite lacking in humility, probably because of how Jacob treats her.

I know her so well. She doesn't know me though. Not the side of me that I'd want her to see.

I love her too much to make her choose.

I don't hate myself enough to watch her choose wrong; choose Jocob.

ooh, getting interesting now. enjoy people. review my lovelies