.A/N: OME! I CAN'T FREAKING BELIEVE IT! FOUR HUNDRED REVIEWS??!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER EVEN DREAMT ABOUT THAT NUMBER! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH LOL! I will think of sth to make for all you amazing readers for making me THIS….well happy doesn't cover it but let's just say happy but know that I'm so much more than happy!

Recap:

"And I was wondering…… if you'd like to…"

Oh no! He isn't going to…

"…come with me"

Denial

No, this couldn't be

What have I done to thee?

I love you and I promise

From my faulty,

to let you flee

EPOV

As I traced the shape of her frail fingers, I noticed her heart beat hoist. The fear that was filling me started to stir, but I tried to ignore it by reminding myself how her heart used to do the same thing when I had asked her out before. I felt the temperature of her hand drop a few degrees and this scared me, so I forced myself to meet her eyes.

I froze. She was staring at the window with so much pain in her eyes that I flinched. She had both her lips between her teeth and tears threatened to fall from her face.

"Bella" I whispered shocked from her expression. She neither answered nor met my concerned gaze. I lifted my hand and pushed her hair away from her cheek softly. She exhaled and closed her eyes.

"I wish I could" She whispered, and then pain was dripping from her voice like the rain in winter.

I winced and took my hand back, "Then what prevents you?" I mumbled pathetically, "Do you…do you not want to?"

Please say do, please say you do, please. I wished internally. And waiting for her to answer that question was unbearable. Whatever was left of my heart counted on the answer to that question. If she said that she didn't want to go with me then I'd get the message. She didn't want to be with me. Could I stand hearing her say that? Could I be able to pretend like I accept her rejection and walk away? Could I live with the memory of Bella telling me that she didn't want me? Or didn't love me?

I doubted that I could. I didn't notice that I had held my breath till I felt the absence of her scent.

"No, Believe me. I want to…more than anything" And I exhaled the amount of oxygen I had locked within me. Her voice broke when she spoke and a tear slid slowly down her cheek. She lifted her hand and rubbed her tears away from her wet eyes and sniffed.

"Then please come with me" I pleaded.

"I c…can't" She whispered unsteadily.

"Why so?" She wanted to come. She said that. Then why can't she?

She finally turned her face to meet my gaze, "I …j..just can't, okay?" She almost shouted. I could see panic and pain in her eyes. I could see self-pity and anger. I could see weakness and plead. I could also see hidden secrets. Secrets that would always stay hidden from me.

I didn't know why wasn't her mind giving me any hints now.

"Please, Bella? I'm not saying that by this we'll be …Together again" I couldn't help the wince. It was just painful to admit out loud that me and Bella weren't one. Like we used to be. "Just …give me a chance to make you happy"

She stared at me for what felt like years. Just staring into my eyes with her wet ones. "Edward, I can't" She said each word separately and firmly. I could see how the words cut her as much as they cut me.

"Could…you g…go get me um…uh…" She quickly started and I knew once she started that it was an excuse. I dropped my head and stood up.

"I'll leave" I whispered and tried to keep my pain from creeping in my voice.

I saw from my peripheral vision that her hand reached to comfort me, but then she pulled it back and closed her eyes. It stung me but I didn't let her see that. I ran away before my pain could betray me and show on my face.

"I love you" I heard her whisper when I was out pf her room.

"I love you more than ever" I whispered back but I knew this could never reach her ears. I kept running and I don't know exactly where I was going. I was just running.

I stopped somewhere and I didn't care. Why? Why does it have to be this way? Why do I insist on inflicting more pain on both her and myself? I shouldn't have said anything from the beginning.

I remember being so afraid and nervous. I had spent most of the time conflicting with myself. Ask her to come, or just stay silent. I wasn't going to ask but I knew it would drive me insane. I wouldn't be able to do anything but wonder if she would have agreed or not. So that's why I decided to ask.

Now, I was regretting me ever deciding that. Didn't I have enough? Couldn't I control my desires a little more? Or do I have to ruin everything? Everything will be awkward again. She would be more guarded around me, afraid that I might ask her again.

Are you satisfied now? A voice shouted in my head.

I buried my face in my hands and sat down on wherever ground beneath me.

"I miss you Bella." I found myself whispering to her absence. I knew it made no sense. But her scent still surrounded me, it felt like she was here. I couldn't help the temptation of telling her everything without her actually hearing it.

"I want us to be like before again…even more" My voice broke. I inhaled more of her scent, it clung to my shirt so strongly.

"What's wrong with you?" And that was the question that had been twirling in my mind ever since I found out that she was ill with…something. It was driving me out of my head. What could she possibly have that she needs to keep a secret from me…….

I gasped. That was it! It had something to do with her illness. She said she couldn't not that she didn't want to. The only thing that could stop her was something physical. Her illness and her need to keep it a secret from me prevented her.

"Could that be?" I mouthed in shock. Could she be that ill? I shook my head, trying to push away the thoughts that threatened to kill me.

But…why wouldn't she tell me if she was ill? Why wouldn't confide in me in something like this? Maybe…Maybe Carlisle knows…but no, no of course he doesn't. I would have caught it in his thoughts. But then again, Carlisle can hide some things from me, just as well as Alice and Jasper could. So does that mean that Carlisle knows? Would she trust me father and not me?

Carlisle never gave her a reason to not trust him, me on the other hand……I winced. I wouldn't blame her. How could I? I knew she was right. She shouldn't trust me. Not after what I did. But…Why was I so hurt that she didn't when I knew that was the right thing? Why did I wish that I was brave enough to face her and demand to know what was going on? Why?

I couldn't face her, but I could face Carlisle……

Once that thought came to my mind I was running. Maybe Carlisle knew, and if he did, he would tell me, wouldn't he?

I shook the doubt from my head and focused on the run.

"Your knowledge of this wasn't her desire"

I stopped as I remembered Damien's words. She didn't want this. Would I do it behind her back? When she had little trust in me that I wanted to increase?

I sighed as I knew I wouldn't. Now what? I shouted in my head.

But then I started to hear a far away voice. I was so far from the hospital but my vampire senses allowed me to barely hear the voices in Bella's room.

"You need to come with me now Bella. Please, let me try to do what I can" That was Carlisle's voice, it sounded like he had been asking her something for more than once.

"Don't worry Bella. After what had happened, I doubt he'll come anytime close" That was Jasper. They were talking about me, I took a few steps closer so my mind reading could work.

And I saw her through Jasper's eyes. Her eyes still filled with tears and she had her bottom lip between her teeth. Looking scared and anxious.

What was going on?

"Are you sure?" She whispered as she held her blanket tighter.

"Yes I'm sure" Jasper assured her.

She fidgeted for a few seconds then nodded slowly. "Could you help me up Carlisle?" She mumbled.

"Of course" He said quickly. He pushed away her blanket and …carried her? Why did he carry her? What was wrong?

And then, I saw it, and even though I saw it through Jasper's eyes, I couldn't believe it. Jasper pushed a …wheel chair to them as Carlisle gently sat her on it.

No, no, no, no, This could NOT be happening. I ran as fast as I could to her room. Somehow I didn't believe what I saw when I saw it through Jasper's eyes. I was hoping that it was all an illusion, that it was just Jasper imagining this.

"Carlisle" Jasper hissed in alarm. And I heard Carlisle gasp.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Edward's here" and just as the words out of Jasper's mouth, I was in the room.

Bella gasped. She was sitting on a wheel chair.

"Edward" she said but I couldn't comprehend. I couldn't comprehend anything at that moment.

"No" I mumbled as I staggered back, my head shaking with denial.

"Edward, calm down" Carlisle said slowly but I kept shaking my head.

My vision blurred with the tears that would never fall. And you know why? Because I was a monster!

"No" I repeated and I hit the window.

What have I done?! WHAT HAVE I DONE? I DID NOT DESERVE TO LIVE! What did I put her through?

"Please Edward" She croaked.

"Edward" Jasper warned.

"NO!" I shouted and jumped out of the window. I did not deserve to live after what I had done. I would take her revenge from myself. I would end forever the source of her suffering. Me. I was going to commit suicide.

A/N: GASP! Edward found out! And he's going to end his existence! DUN DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Lol! I know I told you he won't find out in this chappy but I wanted to surprise you. See ya next chappy! And you don't need to tell me, I can feel your love already before I even post this lol.

Nikkiscraps: OME! Thank you for all of your reviews on all the stories you've read! Thank you!! I'm so thrilled that you like all of them. Hope you don't hate me too much after all this.

Abby: Tada! Surprise surprise. Was that what you expected? Thank you

Giggler: Yay!!! Thank you!! And here's your update.

LOuise: eeeekk! Thank you so much! For all your reviews :D Hope this one was a surprise for you.

Love

Mai