Thank you to everyone who's taken the time out of their lives to read my story. And thank you for all the reviews i've gotten so far, i really appreciate them and read them all happily :)

disclaimer: i don't own twilight but if i did i would demand better movies be made of such master pieces. her's hoping New Moon will be better than Twilight was.Destiny

Chapter 19

I had heard people say we should live life with no regrets. I had wanted to live a life like that but that became impossible. The regrets were piling up now: I had fallen in love with a boy who would never look at me twice; I said no to that boy when he asked me out just because he would use me to make the love of his life jealous; I then helped save the girls life even though I knew he would definitely turn to me for comfort if she had died which is a bonus; then I pulled her ex-boyfriend to get back at both of them and I just added a new one to the heap.

I saw Bella approaching our confrontation and on a compulsory spur of the moment type thing kissed Edward to make things worse for him. I am a terrible awful person but I barely feel like it anymore. I am numb and hollow because my heart was carved out the moment I saw the expression on Edwards face when he saw Bella dying. He must of thought my fear of blood was what stopped me helping out quicker (thought that was a tiny part of it) but no, it was the realisation that I had still been clinging to a fragment of hope that he could love me too, to find him smashing it to smithereens with one tender look at her.

I cried out everything on the playground floor and waited for numbness to intervene and circulate back into my system. The pain was too much and I knew that Edwards rejection had painted my face red.

I summoned the strength to stand up and faced Edward and Bella and Jacob who were busy arguing. They paused to stare at me: the one who messed everything up and still had the gall to look them in the eyes. "All's fair in love and war." I declared as strongly as I could before turning and walking away.

"All's fair in love and war." I muttered to myself as I put enough distance between them and myself to block out what they were saying. I didn't want to hear any of it.

"Edward? What's going on?" My voice didn't sound right as it escaped through my lips.

I could see his body tense as he heard me. I could hear Tanya's sobs bounce off the floor where she lay crying. I could feel my heart pounding loud and fast in my chest, a slight throbbing in my arm as blood coursed past the scar to my clenched fists.

Edward turned to face me, his expression a mixture of anger and shock and even a hint of love I realised had always been there: I'd just never looked close enough to see it before. "It's not how it looks." He blurted.

I wanted to laugh at how unsuitable a line that was. It's a line used in every single T.V show and movie since misunderstandings began and I really didn't feel inclined to listen to him drop it into this situation.

"Well, Edward," I said, chuckling humourlessly, "What should it look like?"

Edward was about to speak when Jacob appeared from behind him and said "Edward was kissing Ashley." Edward looked suddenly murderous and I couldn't speak for genuine fear. I had barely ever seen Edward angry. He was usually so good at keeping himself under control but he was standing in front of me looking so hostile that I felt like I should protect the person such a glare was aimed at... but that was Jacob so I felt really torn.

I was torn between protecting the ex-boyfriend who had lied to me and the best friend who had turned into some kind of... beast?

My eyes flickered between the two, wanting to be with both for different reasons that would never make me totally happy. Edward was my best friend but he had to go and complicate it! Jacob was an amazing boyfriend but he had to ruin it! I just wanted to rewind things a week to when things were beautiful and simple and I didn't have to choose the two most important people in my life. I wish I had died. It would have saved me from this pain.

My thoughts, which were wandering into the bliss of death were sharply returned to the present by the shouting pair. Their words meshed together as the volume rose and I could swear they had stopped forming words altogether ad were just screaming blood-curdling battle cries into each other's face which were now just inches apart, each etched with a similar mask of fury.

"STOP!" I yelled, striving to push my voice above theirs. They both turned to look at me, their expression softening in a way that made me want to hold both. "Just stop!" I exclaimed.

"You lied to me." I accused Jacob, "I already told you I couldn't forgive or forget that." Jacob looked crushed and I tried to stop my heart from tearing too much at the sight of his dejected face. Edward wore a look of triumph and my earlier question came back to haunt me. By breaking up with Jacob, did that mean I was choosing Edward?

"I'm sorry Jacob." I muttered, "But I know myself enough to know I couldn't go back to how things were. I just couldn't..." My voice trailed off as I stopped myself from saying But I wish I could. The two boys made simultaneous steps towards me, arms outstretched to comfort.

I took a step back, "Don't come near me!" I yelled, "Don't touch me! Either of you!" I didn't want their comfort, it only highlighted me weakness. It only made this harder.

They started arguing again and I was about to intervene when Tanya picked herself off the ground. Her face was red, wet and caked with grit. She jutted her chin up defiantly and after receiving the boys silent and hostile attention declared "All's fair in love and war." Before spinning quickly and stalking off.

The boys wore equal disgusted looks before continuing their pointless argument. Their fight with each other made no difference to any of my decisions. It actually lowered my opinions of them. It made me want to bash their heads together and silence their futile battle.

"Shut up!" I screeched. They continued arguing, oblivious to me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and looking around I saw an empty blurry playground. The bell must have gone ages ago but no one had noticed our conflict. We were in a shaded part of the playground and I recognised it as where Jacob had stood in my dream.

I wanted to leave immediately. It was too much for me. I felt like I was drowning again.

But I couldn't leave the screaming pair. I didn't want to think of how far they would go to win me. It sickened me to know they thought the victor would win me as if I had no choice.

Did I?

I silenced the thoughts in my head that asked too many questions and rushed forward to barge between the boys. Placing my hands on their chests I pushed them apart. I must have pushed pretty hard, wither that or they both got a fright, because they split apart and landed hard on the ground.

"I said stop!" I yelled.

They both gave me icy glares but something about my stance kept them on the floor.

"Jacob" I said softly, "Could you please go away."

"But-" He started. I put my hand up and shook my head. "Please go, the bell rand ages ago and I need to speak with Edward."

He shot to his feet and stormed away. I sighed as I watched him go, more away of the tears on my face than ever. As he disappeared from view I felt a piece of my heart tear off. It was the bit I'd given him that he'd clung onto when I wanted it back.

I turned to Edward who had remained on the ground, his gleeful expression poorly concealed though I could see there was an inner battle going on to reign in his expression. He looked so happy that it tugged at my aching heart. I could see him now, really see how he felt for once instead of trying to gauge the reaction of the controlled person he'd been before all of this mess. He was beautiful but he'd changed and it scared me. My heart beat faster.

Where to start?

Ok, i've done my bit and now it's your turn. Reveiw people, as if your life depended on it!

Lovers y'all

Ruth out x