Hello again.

We're nearly finished! Sad days!!

Hope you've been enjoying this, let me know how you think. Depending on how much feedback i get depends on whether or not i'll write an alternate ending.

Destiny

Chapter 21

Hardest thing I've ever had to do, hands down. Harder than the maths exam, harder than accepting death, harder than breaking up with Jacob.

I was barely aware of my surroundings. One minute I was in school and within a blink I was in my room. I slumped onto my bed, barely aware of taking my bag off, barely aware of the time.

Blink.

It was evening now.

I could hear mum and dad moving around beneath me, and the twins fighting over something. I really didn't want them to see me. I know that I must look bedraggled, unkempt, upset, hollow. I think back to what I did.

I lost Tanya to jealousy and rage.

I lost Jacob to lies and deceit.

I lost Edward to-

Why did I lose Edward? What had he done to deserve my treatment of him? He saved my life...

What have I done? I've lost everyone! Tanya, fair enough. Jacob, fair enough. But Edward? Why did I lose him?

I said it was because he'd changed but maybe he never did. Maybe I was just so wrapped with Jacob that I forgot about what Edward was like. I didn't notice what jealousy and bitterness would drive him to.

I hated what I saw in him earlier. He had looked like a feral beast. But that was because of me...

I did that to him. And I could change him back...

Could I?

The room was getting stuffier and my thoughts blended with the haze. It was as if they were pouring out of me in a fog, too dense to be contained in my head. The sun was just setting. Perfect to go out for a run. Get some fresh air. Clear my head.

I got changed and was putting distance between myself and my house in no time. It felt so good to feel the rhythm of my feet pounding on the pavement; to feel the cool evening breeze waft through my hair and caress my face; to be in control of my breathing. To be in control of something.

As I ran without direction I passed a man. He was big and butch with a tattoo on his bald head and his muscles straining against the restrictions of the tight grey shirt he wore. He looked like the kind of man people are warned about. He could be a mugger, a murderer, a rapist. He could pose a threat to everyone, he could kidnap children, he could beat up his girlfriend or wife: he could shatter lives.

As I passed him I held my breath and felt my stomach tighten into an involuntary knot. The truth is he could just be a banker, a shop assistant, a doctor, even a volunteer in a charity shop or old folks home for all I know.

We travel down the street passing potential threats everyday. The only reason we continue down the street is because of trust. We trust the people we pass not to hurt us, not to threaten our safety, unthinkingly. We trust them to pass by without doing anything more than smile, maybe even say a quiet "hello."

Our whole world is dependent on trusting that the sun will rise and set from one day to the next; that the newspaper will be delivered every Sunday; that the bins will be collected weekly and that our routines will not be jeopardised.

But things change. People change. Things happen that we don't expect. People change in ways we're not prepared for.

The man I ran past could murder or save someone.

People we think we know can change.

Friends can become bitter and relentless rivals.

Boyfriends can become liars.

Best friends can turn to lovers.

Things changed that I didn't expect to change. I learnt things about myself I didn't know. It took coming to the brink of life before I realised what I would have to leave behind.

My last moments- or what I had thought were my last moments at the time- had been spent thinking of him. I had refused to acknowledge it before but now I had to admit it to myself. I somehow knew he would take pleasure from knowing he would have been the last thing I thought about. And that had made me happy. That had made me rest in peace till I woke up and he was there. I had just refused to admit it to myself for fear it would complicate things. Things couldn't get any more complicated.

I stopped running and found myself in front of Edward's house.

I hadn't set out to arrive here and yet here I was. A part of me had known this was where I'd end up, regardless of previous intentions.

That part of me dragged me up the driveway and lifted my hand to press the bell. I heard the familiar ring buzz around the house and shuffling coming from within.

I held my breath and waited.

She looked like a mess. Her hair was frizzier than normal, her face was dirty and glazed in sweat but her expression confused me. She looked quite happy, but also nervous.

I didn't care what she looked like, though. She was here.

"I knew you'd come." I said quietly. And it was totally true.

"How?"

"You forget I know you inside out. You said it yourself."

She smiled slightly. There was an awkward pause. Usually she'd have already barged past me and taken up my seat or something but she hovered on the doorstep, still looking nervous.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked, holding the door open a bit wider.

She shook her head, "Actually... I was wondering if you wanted to come out for a walk?"

I was aware of the huge grin on my face as I stepped outside and shut the door behind me. She started walking down the driveway and I had to jog a little to keep up. That used to annoy me but I'd follow her anywhere.

"Where are we going?" I asked, "Anywhere in particular?"

She gave me a coy smile that made my heart pump faster. I didn't realise I had it back till that moment. "You'll see." She said, smiling to herself.

We walked in silence along the road and I was glad to find it wasn't an awkward silence now. We were able to slot back into our old selves who were close enough to not have to fill every silence with pointless conversation.

That would be enough for me for the moment. I had found hope again.

Woo, nearly done. mixed emotions here. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and subscribed. really appreciate you guys :)

Till the next chapter x

Ruth out x