.A/N: ONE-THOUSAND-FREAKING-AWESOME-REVIEWS!!!!! I'm going to go INSANE!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST READERS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!

Important Note for "Katya_Malia": Thank you so much first for your lovely review. I kinda gawked at the words when I read that you wanted to make me a trailer lol, It would be more than my pleasure, Thank you so much. You did not log in while writing the review so I could not PM you. So you PM me when you can if you want to know any details about the story that would help in your trailer. Thank you so much again, this offer touched me so much!!! :D

Recap:

I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to open up for the very first time and I was happy that it was Damien who I was opening up to. He showed me his now it was my turn to show him mine. "Her birthday was the day I died…"

Heaven must subsist (part 1)

How could the night love the sun…

Without being it's poison?

How could a devil love an angel…

Without putting it in danger?

How could I love you..

Without hurting you?

EPOV

"Edward… take deep breaths…" Damien whispered and took my shaking hand in his.

I was much too aware of the pressure around my throat, squeezing and making the air too thick to breathe. My heart squeezed with the memories that filled my head and my body wasn't strong enough to keep still. I swallowed loudly and tried to take my recommended deep breaths.

You can do it Edward. Show me that you're stronger. Prove to me that you're stronger.

I never said I was stronger! I panicked.

As my breathing hitched I felt Damien's hands on both my shoulders, holding me still. And it was so odd, it seemed like Damien's love and comfort transferred to me through that simple touch. We were so connected, not only by mind but by heart and feelings too. His calming emotions calmed mine. It was something entirely different from what Jasper does, this was stronger and deeper. Jasper's power feels like a surface that merely covers your real emotions, but what was between Damien and me was something else. His emotions mingled with mine, spreading through my body slowly, calmingly, touching my heart and wrapping it safely warm.

My shaking stopped and the air seemed to flow easier. My eyes met Damien's and I didn't have to ask, he understood my question.

"You could feel what I feel, right?" He asked staring knowingly into my eyes. "You felt it when I broke down, didn't you?"

I nodded.

"When you were trying to calm me, you did the same thing to me that I did to you right now. Unintentionally, I know, but I thought maybe it would work with you if I tried it." He shrugged, lifting his hands off my shoulders but taking my hand, keeping contact.

"So you can feel what I feel too?" I wondered.

"Yep." He smiled. "And let me tell you. You don't joke. When you panic, you panic!" He emphasized chuckling while shaking his head. I chuckled too.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"No, don't apologize. That's good, now I can help keep you somewhat collected so you can finish throwing everything out." He said quickly.

I smiled and nodded. I let my mind drift back to the misplaced dark days, and I say misplaced because nothing in my life should be dark after meeting Bella. Too many memories and so much pain.

"How about we start slow? I ask questions?" he asked softly.

I nodded and breathed in.

"All right." He whispered and settled more comfortably on the floor of his closet, crossing his legs and straightening his back. Running through his head was a variety of questions that I silently thanked him for choosing to leave for later.

Until he found one.

"How did you decide to leave?" he asked quietly.

"It wasn't easy," I whispered, "I tried to make her leave me. I ignored her for days. I did not show any interest in her or anything she did. I knew humans didn't have a lot of patience and I hoped that if I kept this up for a few days she would have enough and tell me to… go…" My voice shook and I closed my eyes to keep control, "She never did. Days passed and I knew that she wouldn't. So it was in my hands to make her safe…" My closed lids didn't help my control because they allowed memories to flow more easily. Especially the memory of the day I made up my mind…

***********

"Edward, please…" Bella mumbled painfully. I watched her twitch in her bed achingly, having a nightmare…about me. Why wouldn't she? I've been nothing but a nightmare lately.

I shouldn't have come here tonight. I told her I wouldn't. It was the second time I'd told her that. But I didn't want her to know that I loved her to the extent that I couldn't keep away. No, I didn't want her to know that. Not now. I was trying to make her irritated. I wanted her mad. I wanted her fury to rise enough to tell me that if that was the way I wanted it then she would leave. Because I was too weak to do so on my own.

"…I… love… you" She whispered and I gulped. It wasn't working. Now what? Take matters in my own hands? No! I can't! I won't!

My breathing was faster and when it was loud I ran out of the window, I kept running but my mind was else where.

Leave Bella? Could I?

No! I can't! Bella is the best thing that's ever happened to me, what are you thinking Edward Masen?

What if it was what was best for her?

No! She'll get hurt. She'll cry. She'll be in pain.

I tripped and fell on the ground without bothering to stop the fall. I pictured Bella's beautiful face with crystal tears falling from her eyes, her face twisted in pain…

"No!" I shouted in the silence. The echoes of my denial rang through the forest. It even filled my insides, slamming against my heart.

I couldn't bear the thought of her tears being shed, let alone her being in pain and because of me. No, it was too much! I couldn't. I wouldn't.

Think about it. She'll hurt for a little while then forget. My rational side thought painfully.

But she'll be in pain. No matter how long or short the duration would be, she will be in pain. I can't allow that.

I curled on the ground of the deserted forest. I hugged my knees and rocked myself back and forth in fear. In fear of the triumph of my rational side. I did not want it to win. I wanted to be selfish and careless like I had been ever since I met her. Why not now too? Why?

Because you love her. Do it for her.

I shook my head hard and I heard sobs start to rip from my chest, "No!" I shouted , "I can't hurt her." I can't make a fire that would burn us both, her more than myself. She trusted me with her everything, how could I so simply betray that trust that I fought so hard to gain??

You wouldn't be betraying her trust. She trusts with her life, you're saving it.

But she trusted me with her heart too. How could I break something so precious?

Humans forget.

Vampires don't! I can never forget her. How?? I love her too much. I could never leave. The pain of thinking of that was too much to bear.

You must. You're not right for her.

"I know that!" I screamed, my sobs cutting through the scream pitifully. How well I knew that I wasn't right for her. But I was fortunate enough to have her return my love. How can you turn your back on heaven when it's offered to you?

But what if heaven were to perish if you set foot in it?

My sobs were louder and my fingers dug in my hair. Who was I to let heaven perish? Heaven should exist to those who deserve it. Bella should exist to those who deserve her. I did not.

My eyes burned with tears that would never fall. Tears of a monster. My body shook with weakness that I'd never felt before. My body was refusing the next step. Making me feel weak as to not be able to stand and go do what I should. My body was refusing, my heart was refusing, even my voice was refusing.

Stand up Edward. Go do what's right for her.

I shakily pushed myself up onto my weak feet. I took a deep breath and willed myself to hush my sobs. I had to seem strong in front of my family. I had to be strong for her.

I ran to my house, house because it couldn't be called home anymore. Every step I took made fear build stronger in my chest. Every step I took was taking me closer to my decision. Every step I took, took me closer to the reality of what it would do to both of us. Every step I took, took me closer to my death…

"Family meeting, now!" I said as harshly as I could once I was through the door. Only Jasper would know how wrecked I truly felt.

Once I reached the dining room I found them all seated and awaiting; all except for Alice who was standing with her arms crossed and her eyes glaring.

You wouldn't… Alice mentally whispered in anger. I flinched.

"What's the matter Edward?" Carlisle aske,d concerned.

"Bella is in danger…"But they did not let me continue.

"What is it? Another vampire?" Emmet asked quickly. Other's started throwing in suggestions but I decided to ignore them and continued quietly.

"…As long as we're here…"
Suddenly there was nothing but silence in the room. No one seemed to comprehend at first and when they did they did not dare to breathe.

"What are you suggesting?" Esme whispered in a thick voice. She knew very well what I meant but she did not want to believe.

Edward stop this madness now! Alice screeched in my head.

"Alice!" I shouted as I held my head.

"What? Don't like the ache of my voice in your head? Imagine the ache you'll feel when you le…"

"I did not ask your opinion!" I snapped quickly before she could continue.

"You don't need to because I'll say it loud and clear." In a second she was in front of me face inches away from mine, "Leaving will do nothing but kill both of you," she hissed.

"She's human, she'll learn to forget," I hissed back. It was easier to hide my pain with fury than with calmness.

"You're the only thing she can't forget. You'll hurt her forever!" she almost growled.

Her words sliced my heart open and made my knees weak, but I kept hold on my anger. "Forever does not apply on her. She has a life that we tend to ruin."

"You're the one who's going to ruin it." She pushed my shoulder.

I caught her wrist and was about to respond but…

"Enough," Carlisle's whisper was clear and it made us both quiet. When I looked at him I saw how painful this was for him, his eyes were full of his own pain. Esme had her back to me, probably trying to hide her face but I could hear her sobbing in her thoughts. Jasper was as guilty as ever, he had even departed without me noticing. Emmet had his face in his hands and Rosalie was… neutral.

"If that is what Edward desires, then it's only fair to consent to his wishes, after all he'd traveled with us for too long without complaints." His voice was quiet. Controlled. His thoughts were…not.

Please? was his and Esme's only thought to me. I closed my eyes and willed myself to shake my head.

Too much. Too much. Too much. I felt myself breaking, falling as my decision was finally made. I was to leave Bella alone. I was falling apart, my chest was burning, my breath had stopped, my mind was incoherent with pain…Nothing made sense.

I heard a distant, "Edward." And I knew it was from Jasper. He was the only one who could feel what was going inside me.

I was falling…breaking…dying…

Their thoughts of Bella and how much they would miss her burned in my head. And I knew I wouldn't be able to live with them again. There was one when Bella first came here, Emmet remembered when they had come in on us with her wrapped in my arms and on my lap. He remembered how very in love we were.

And that was it for my control. "I have to go," I strangled out and I knew that they all recognized that there was something very wrong with me but I did not stop to be questions, I ran outside the house, I ran away from their thoughts, their memories, their witness of our love…

I was sobbing again but this time it wasn't in conflict. I was afraid to live without her. I was crying for what was to come. I would leave, I would hurt her and I would die. I did not see where my life would go when she was not in it.

I hadn't realized that I had stopped running, but I did and I was hunched with my hands bracing my knees. I was panting as if I'd spent years without air. I was shaking as if I'd spent days without food. And I was sobbing as if I was being tortured. And truly, I was.

"Bella," I sobbed as I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to keep the pain away, "Bella. I need you. I love you too much to leave you."

I love you

Her voice whispered in my head. Even though she wasn't here, I felt the warmth of the words as if she were next to me.

I know you love me. That's why I must hurt you.

I cried and cried that night. I had fallen and the side of my face had hit the ground but it never made me stop. I was crying out the weakness in me, to be strong for her. To leave her. To hurt her. To die.

**********

A/N: Await part 2! So what do you think? I thought it would be better to have a glimpse on Edward's state when he made the decision than have him say it. If you don't like it I could always change it. Please tell me, I'm so nervous!

Terry: You are amazing! Nothing else I can think of. Thank you for being amazing! :D

Mish: :D Thank you so much!! Hope I don't disappoint in the end.

Harry Albus Potter Dumbledore: Glad you did. Thank you!

Bethnessxoxo: Ok, So I really dunno what to say. Your review made me smile, laugh and cry. All at once. I was really touched. More than Eclipse???? I would have never dreamed. I always dream being half of what Stephenie Meyer is, so imagine what your words did to me. Yes, the poems are all mine except for the ones from chapter one till eight, these are lyrics. But the prologue, the riddle and poems from 8 till now are all mine. :D Literary Genius?? Wow! Lol, I swear I'm crying and I dunno what to say. Thank you so much for this amazing, heartfelt review. I hope I never fall off your standards. I love Tears of an angel too :)

Janey: Is this fast enough? Lol. Thank you so much, I'm so glad that you loved it that much.

mEGANaLICE: Awh, so happy that I touched your heart. Thank you!

Katya_Malia: I wrote you a note over the recap if you haven't noticed. Thank you so much, and I would very much appreciate a new trailer. Thank you so much.

Thanks everyone!!!

Love

Mai xx