By Monday afternoon, Kagome felt like she was going to suffocate.

Because she had arrived home so late on Sunday night, her mother had not stopped talking about it since. She wanted to know where Kagome had been all those hours, what she had been doing, and with who. It took everything Kagome had to sit there and endure her mother's lectures. Even more so when her mother went snooping and found the train tickets stuffed in the pockets of her parka; in the small jewelry box upon her dresser.

"Why have you been doing this, Kagome? Where are you going?" she asked. Kagome felt badly to see the tears in her mother's eyes. "You're not going to run away, are you?"

"No, Mom," Kagome replied, shaking her head.

"Then what are you doing? Tell me, Kagome. I want to help you, but I can't if you keep shutting me out," she said, pleading in her tone as she kneeled before Kagome and held her hands. "Please. Tell me."

"I…" Kagome began, looking into her brown eyes. She wanted to tell her mother, but Kagome knew she would sound crazy. There was no doubt in her mind that she would be considered unstable if she said Mom, I think InuYasha came back to me. "It helps."

"What helps?" she asked.

"Riding the trains," Kagome answered more specifically.

"I don't understand," her mother said. Her brow was furrowed in confusion.

"The trains…it…it gives me time to deal with…everything," Kagome replied, trying to put the feeling into words. In a sense, it was her escapism; her means of coping. It was also her means of getting to know the man with those eyes she couldn't help but unconditionally love so much.

"But, honey. It's dangerous," said her mother, patting the backs of her hands. "It's very dangerous to go out by yourself like this, and so late at night…"

"Mom," Kagome said seriously, holding her mother's gaze. "I fought demons in the past. I destroyed some of the darkest evil in that era. I helped save the world so that we could live like this today. I think I can handle myself."

"But, Kagome," her mother replied gently, squeezing your hands. "You were never alone when you did all of those things." Kagome swallowed, but kept her eyes locked with her mother's. Ms. Higurashi looked apologetic, but continued on in the softest voice: "InuYasha and the others were always there to protect you. I worried so much back then, even knowing you were in good hands. Now…now I'm just afraid all the time…"

"Because…I'm alone?" Kagome asked, her voice sounding hollow, even to her own ears.

"Kagome…I'm sorry," her mother said, touching her cheek tenderly. "I'm sorry that they're gone, baby, I really am."

"They're not gone, Mom," Kagome replied, her eyes feeling hot and heavy with that familiar, stinging pain. With trembling hands, Kagome pressed her palms to her own chest, directly above her heart. "Didn't you know? They're here and they always will be."

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When Tuesday came around, Kagome felt slightly better. Her mother had eased off her for the time being, asking fewer questions about Kagome's attitude. The dark-haired girl was grateful and spent more time with her family than with her books after that. Souta wanted to get a tree for Christmas, so he and Kagome went out shopping that afternoon to buy one.

"I need to get Mom a present," Souta explained, once they were outside the house, walking down the steps from the shrine in the cold, December air. "I was thinking maybe a new rice-cooker, since ours is broken."

"It's broken?" Kagome asked.

"Yeah, sis, didn't you know?" Souta inquired. She shook her head, but her brother didn't press the subject any farther. If anything, Souta was the most understanding in the entire household. He had been close to InuYasha, after all, and missed his presence in the house. Kagome had the sneaking suspicion that even Buyo, their fat calico, missed the half-dog demon as well.

"So what color do you think we should get?" Souta asked, when they entered the shopping plaza nearest their home.

"What about red?" Kagome suggested. It was plain that she was thinking of the color InuYasha had worn habitually, because Souta's expression turned a little sad. Kagome recalled one evening during the new moon when she found Souta secretly trying on InuYasha's haori. Her little brother had looked up to InuYasha so much and now…

"Red's nice," Souta agreed with a nod of his head. "I think she'll like red." Kagome smiled sadly, ruffling his hair in the fondest of motions.

"I think so, too."

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Eri was damn persistent.

Soon, the texts turned into calls, which Kagome avoided rather well. At least until Wednesday night, when Eri dialed the house phone and Kagome was forced to finally talk to her.

"You're coming tomorrow, aren't you?" she asked.

"I don't know…Christmas is Friday. I should probably stay home with my family…" Kagome lied.

"That's bull, Kagome!" Eri said. "I talked to your mom and she thinks it's a good idea! It's time for you to get back out there, you know? Don't let this guy ruin your life!" Kagome paused for a few beats, gripping the phone cord with her fingers.

"Y-Yeah, I know," Kagome managed to force out. "I'm just…not feeling ready yet."

"But Kagome! This is the perfect time to get out!" Eri argued. "You'll be with us and a bunch of people you know. We'll all hang out, do some karaoke, eat and have a good time. You've gotta come!"

"I just don't know…" Kagome said.

"C'mon! Hojo will be there and everything! You should hook up with him. He's a really nice guy and he likes you a lot, Kagome!" Eri said, sounding a bit like a certain lecturing mother.

"I'm…I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that," Kagome said—finally said—aloud.

"What do you mean?" Eri paused. "Don't you like Hojo?"

"Well, he's a great guy, but…" Kagome said, allowing herself to trail off. Maybe Eri would listen to her, get the hint that perhaps this wasn't the match made in heaven like she thought it was.

"You're just not over your ex, that's all," Eri said, bursting Kagome's hopeful bubble. "So you need to come to the Mandrake at five tomorrow night!"

"I…"

"Kagome."

"But…"

"No buts."

"I really don't—"

"You're coming and that's final."

"Eri…"

"Oh, and by the way: Ayumi, Yuka, and I are all coming over at about four so we can get dressed. See you then!" Before Kagome could get in another word edgewise, Eri hung up, leaving her standing there speechless. The dial tone buzzed loudly in her ear, her finger curled around the cord so tight that it had turned purple. With effort, Kagome was able to put the phone down and walk up the stairs to her room.

Tomorrow was going to be Hell.

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At 3:45p.m., three smiling faces appeared on the doorstep.

Kagome showed them in with her usual display of hospitality, accepting their hugs and small gifts for Christmas. When they'd had some tea and cookies and Kagome had provided them with equally small gifts of friendship for the season, they made their way upstairs.

"I think we should flat-iron Ayumi's hair," Yuka was saying, twirling her finger around one of Ayumi's wavy locks. "She'll look like Ayumi Hamasaki if we do that! Imagine how long and gorgeous it'll be…" Ayumi smiled, a bit nervously in the mirror as Yuka began to set up her straightener and other things upon Kagome's dresser.

"You're lucky I brought clothes with me," Eri said, drawing Kagome's attention to her third friend. She was standing in front of Kagome's closet, making faces at her wardrobe. "Seriously, Kagome. Where did you get all this black? You normally have such cheerful colors!" In the end, Ayumi had straight hair, Yuka curled her own, and Eri put Kagome's up in a sort of bun with several extensions of wild colors. Then, Kagome was forced into a dress of Eri's—a short, indigo number with a low top—given a purse and shoes, and afterwards suffered fifteen minutes of make-up with Ayumi. Her mother was all praise when they came from the upstairs landing, hugging each of the girls in turn. She even got out the camera, while complimenting Ayumi and Yuka on their hair and Eri on her red dress.

"Now my mom has evidence," Kagome said, as they pulled on their coats before heading out into the cold evening.

"Aw, you look good!" Yuka replied cheerfully.

"We all look good!" Eri put in.

"I look like Ayumi Hamasaki," said Ayumi, laughing when Eri made a face at her and Yuka tugged on her hair.

"You just think you look like Ayumi Hamasaki," Eri said.

"Oh, but I do!" Ayumi countered. Kagome found herself smiling with them as they took the stairs from the shrine. It was playful, funny banter. Everything almost felt normal. But as a light snow fell and they walked through lit-up streets of Christmas lights and color, Kagome knew it was just a charade. Like the make-up and the dress, everything was make-believe. InuYasha was not about to burst through the well, pulling her away by the arm Kagome, while you're out doing this, Naraku is getting stronger! We need to go find more jewel shards!

It wasn't that life she had become so accustomed to; the life she missed so much.

"…really nice. The Mandrake is the best place for this bonenkai. I'm really glad I got a reservation!" Eri was saying, looping her arm through Kagome's as they walked. It was enough to get her attention for the rest of the way, her unease only doubling as they found the establishment and entered.

"Merry Christmas!" said the waiter to them in English. His accent was cute and he had dimples that Ayumi gushed over quietly as they were led to their private room. It was decorated in the holiday style and could seat about twenty people if they crammed inside. Already, there were a few girls that Kagome did not know, and some boys that she vaguely recognized from 2-D. They all sat down and said their hellos, passing their year-end gifts of chocolate around the table to one another. About ten minutes later, the room was bursting with people, all cheerfully talking back and forth with one another over clothes, hairstyles, and what food they were going to order or what songs they were going to sing later that evening. Kagome felt dizzy with all the noise.

"Hey, Kagome," Hojo said, switching seats with Ayumi so that he could sit next to her.

"Hey, Hojo," Kagome replied, forcing herself to politely smile and say: "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he answered back, smiling widely. Kagome had to force herself to take deep breaths, trying to do it when no one would notice. She was thankful when other people engaged Hojo in conversation and even more grateful when their food and drinks arrived. Then, it became quiet as they went around the table and said what they were thankful for at the end of this year. When it came to Kagome and all eyes were focused on her, her hand trembled on her drink slightly, throat dry with nervousness.

"I'm thankful for…my second chance," she said, thinking and hoping about the Inuyasha she had met on the train. Hojo was smiling at her from the corner of her eye, maybe even more so than Eri, who sat a few seats down. Once everyone went around, thankful for good grades or something as equally trivial, they put their drinks together and shouted kampai! Then, they followed through with eating and singing karaoke for the rest of the night.

"You know," Hojo said to her, when Yuka and Eri were singing a terrible English song together, earning many laughs from the people in the room. "I've liked you for a long time, Kagome." Her heart sped up to mach speed as he said this, Kagome doing her best to focus on her friends singing loudly to the Ting-Tings: That's not my name! That's not my name! That's not my NAME! It reminded her somehow of her first meeting with InuYasha, when he insisted on calling her Kikyou. She recalled how angry she was, standing right in front of his face to shout: My name is Kagome! Ka-go-me! Was it at that moment, when their eyes met, that there had been the first kindling of something?

"…and I would really like to be your boyfriend," Hojo finished, reaching into his pocket for a small, well-wrapped package. It was a gift that Kagome could not accept. And she didn't take it, looking right into his eyes. Kagome had to say it; she just had to tell him that she didn't feel that way. She had to tell him that her heart belonged to someone else.

"Hojo, I…" she began, but could say no more. Hojo's lips pressed against hers. It wasn't rough or violent, but Kagome did not like it. She could only compare it to InuYasha's kiss; how different his had been. The first was unsure, the second more passionate, and finally, the third: the one that had left her breathless, weak, craving more. She wanted InuYasha and no one else. Even if he was no longer in this world, even if her companion aboard the train was not him, Kagome knew that no one would ever be able to kiss her like InuYasha had. With all her strength, she pushed Hojo gently away. Somewhere within her, something burned, giving her the courage to find the correct words: "Hojo, I can't."

"But…Kagome…" Hojo said, making her shake her head. It was now or never.

"I can't string you along, Hojo," Kagome told him, gaze never wavering from his face. "I'm in love with someone else." His expression was hurt and he backed away with a wounded look in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, Kagome," he said, pocketing the present quickly. "I didn't know."

"No, Hojo. It's not your fault. I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Kagome replied. Her friends had passed the microphone to a boy who was now in the process of singing an American power ballad: Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend…

"He's lucky," said Hojo, looking at her with the same amount of adoration as before. "Whoever he is, he's very lucky." Kagome looked down at her hands guiltily. There's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find…They were the hands that had held him in health, in death. We could have been so good together… They were the hands that had buried him on that cold morning. But now who's gonna dance with me? They were the hands that so desperately wanted to hold his again. Please stay.

When Kagome was finally able to escape, she walked home alone. Her heels clicked against the snowy pavement in a familiar rhythm beneath the twinkling lights. She hummed a tune quietly in the dark night, her breath rising before her. Before what seemed like one-thousand steps, Kagome stopped and looked up at the sky. Snowflakes fell peacefully down to earth.

"InuYasha. Are you here?" she asked the silent evening, her words pleading for an answer. No trees rustled. There were no soft footsteps behind her. Her shoulders did not warm beneath the red jacket that smelled of the wind and the mountains. There was nothing, because InuYasha was not there anymore. She took to the steps alone, singing softly to herself as she thought of the hanyou who was no longer in this world:

I'm never going to dance again… the way I danced with you…

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Yes. Seether did a great cover of Wham!'s Careless Whisper and yes, I did use it in this fic. So sue me XD

Word Count: 2,643