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Chapter 23: Use of Words

Norm wondered if Fairy Court could try his masters for anything.

He knew international law probably didn't apply at all. Constitutional law, and administrative sounded equally useless. Contract law definitely wouldn't work, since he hadn't signed any contract to do this, and his masters didn't sign one to get them. They just rubbed his lamp. That was like a binding contract, but Norm didn't find it to be similar enough to work. He could use property law to say that the humans owned neither him nor his lamp, but his connection to his lamp was not legal – or at the least, he didn't believe it to be.

Labor law could work, since his masters weren't good bosses, and he needed a higher minimum wage. He needed a minimum wage, period. However, it occurred to him that such laws might not cover his unique situation.

False imprisonment sounded like it could fit. His entrapment wasn't justified, was it? He knew that he hadn't consented to it either.

However, he remembered what the other genie had told him. Humanity didn't destroy Genie World; humanity didn't entrap him in his lamp. The Darkness did. He didn't know what the Darkness was, but he was half-sure that it wasn't human. Therefore, the false imprisonment law would be useless.

Criminal law was useless too. His masters were horrible, but they didn't seem to have disobeyed Fairy World's criminal laws.

He occasionally saw mentions of a book known as Da Rules. It seemed to be where all the laws were officially contained, and he wondered if it would help him escape his lamp. However, according to the Legal Loophole book, if one weren't a fairy, Da Rules would be difficult to obtain. Not too difficult, but one couldn't just randomly steal a copy, like he did with the Legal Loophole book.

Norm wondered why he was thinking about how the laws actually worked. If he wanted to, he could make his masters believe that the laws of Fairy World worked any way that he wished them to. Why?

His masters were naïve about anything beyond where they lived. Their magic was make-believe, and ignored the magic that did exist. They mistook innocent babies for evil demons.

When he attempted to correct their errors, they refused to believe him. For them, believing something seemed to mean not modifying their views ever, even if they were blatantly incorrect.

And when they believed him, they used their new knowledge to exploit him.

Either way he'd lose, but which way did he want to play?

Just as he asked himself that, he funneled out of his lamp. Norm groaned, since funneling out of his lamp always meant that he had a new master. Well, he wasn't prepared for another master. He hadn't decided how he'd trick them, and didn't feel like spending any more time granting wishes, or trapped in his lamp.

It occurred to him that it was possible to make a plan on the fly, even if his improvised plans were failures, so were his well-researched, planned for years ones.

He looked around. His master was an adult male, like usual. He seemed to be just finished hunting, judging from the fact that he was carrying a dead animal. His master was moderately afraid, and Norm wondered whether he believed that he was an ordinary spirit, or "Norm the Malevolent Lawsuit Genie."

Yes, according to the humans, he was the genie of vindictive court cases. Completely outrageous, but when one doesn't know the meaning of the words, how can anyone make anything coherent out of them? Exactly.

Judging from humanity's usual behavior, Norm knew that if they did call him something coherent, it would be either completely accidental, or the result of lots of hitting them on the head with what he wanted them to call him.

He wished that he were the genie of vindictive court cases though. If he was, he could launch one against the humans, and gain his freedom.

However, genies weren't gods, and didn't control specific elements of world to the extreme. Instead, they granted humanity's wishes, no matter what they wanted, or why they wanted it.

"I'm Norm the Genie!" he shouted majestically, GONGing up the words in the air. Not that anyone else could read them, but hey, he could. "I have to grant your wishes. That's all I do – grant your wishes. Get it?"

His master seemed intimidated by the genie's words. Norm smiled. He knew what "words" were, and the humans didn't. He figured that could be an advantage.

"The weird symbols that you see before you: they symbolize the extent of my power," said Norm majestically.

The human gasped fearfully, and Norm smiled. His master had got it backwards. Perfect.

"I want you to wish me free," continued Norm, maintaining the haughty tone. He wanted his master to think that he, Norm the Genie, was the one in control.

"Why?" inquired the human. "Wouldn't wishes be useful to me, and my tribe?"

"Uh… yes," replied Norm, figuring that saying that wishes were useless would be one of the most blatant lies in the history of blatant lies.

"How many do I get?"

"Three," replied Norm, doubting that lying about it would be any help now. "So, what'll your first wish be?"

"I wish I knew what the weird symbols mean."

GONG!

"The extent of your power?" questioned his master smugly. "You have to grant my wishes. The symbols say so."

"Alright then," groaned Norm, knowing that he'd lost. "What's your second wish?"

"I wish I was back home," replied his master.

Norm wondered why his master couldn't walk home, and use his wishes on something more useful, but he supposed that since it was a wish, he'd have to grant it.

GONG!

They appeared beside a skin tent, and Norm groaned. Humans obviously had no interest in advanced architecture.

"What'll your third wish be?"

"I wish that my tribe was blessed."

GONG!

The air shimmered, and Norm funneled back into his lamp.

Using his legal knowledge to trick his masters would be a lot better than floundering around without a plan, Norm decided. If it failed, he could just try to learn about something else, right?