Mission: Pimp My Hikari

Part 2 – The Hair

"Okay Ryou, because emo-ism is on the rise, we thought we'd take you in an opposite direction." Bakura stated as they walked into a standard store that bore no name of immediate recognition. "I don't want you to look like you cut yourself or anything, but it would be cool if you looked less wimpy. I don't want to have to resist this urge to beat you up anymore."

"Yami, the only threatening thing you've ever done to me is shred my curtains and gnaw on furniture, which is so not frightening." The silver haired hikari folded his arms and looked around with disinterest. He knew it was pointless to look or say anything. If he liked something Bakura was sure to tell him it looked like his usual attire: ugly.

So he wasn't the best in fashion. He blamed it on the simple fact that he had no one to help educate him. Losing his sister and his mother, then moving school, and finally having his dad leave for Egypt left him with no family to fall back on. It was hard to make friends with people when he'd first moved to domino, because Bakura made damn sure that Ryou's new 'friends' didn't linger longer than their welcome. Though sometimes the hikari didn't mind the idea that his cruelest bullies were now little wooden figures accompanying his Monster World game, all thanks to his psychopath of a darker half. Bakura was like a cancer tumor. A recurring one too, since the pharaoh's attempt at shadow realm chemotherapy failed every time. But after all that time, Ryou had actually gotten use to the crazy other half that was now separated from him thanks to the crazy magic of the millennium items.

He could gladly blame Yugi for that. Apparently the goal had been to send the spirits back to their own time and memories, but a misfortunate screw up landed them in resurrected bodies and slightly more sound minds. Well, as sound a mind as Bakura could ever show. There's no fixing a crazy of that magnitude. Of course he was rather lucky, considering Malik wound up with his darker half separated. Marik wasn't even a spirit, just Malik's crazy split personality. Or course, Ryou always considered the idea that it was the Millennium Rod that brought that about anyway. So maybe he was a separate person from Malik. No one really knew.

"Ryou! Earth to Ryou!" Bakura's voice snapped Ryou out of his daze and he shook his head.

"Hmm? I wasn't paying attention."

"I noticed. Well, we're picking out hair products now, pay attention!"

"Don't whine yami, it's unfitting."

"I'm not whining!" Bakura whined, just to be spiteful.

"Ooh, hey Bakura! How about this one! It says it'll restore damage and make hair shiny and softer." Malik waved a bottle of some sort of shampoo in front of the two.

"I've tried that stuff. I ended up with Marik hair. If I weren't mortal I'd have killed myself the moment I saw my hair. Instead I think I just fainted…" Bakura commented, while patting Marik on the arm in sympathy. He wasn't going to risk patting Marik on the head. He didn't want his arm to get bitten or something.

"Oh shut up Bakura, at least I don't look like I have bats nesting in my hair!"

"They're albino bats! And I think yours is worse! I'll take my bats to your satanic spawns of hell any day!"

"Hey you two, stop it!" Malik growled in a territorial way. They all knew Malik was in charge as far as shopping of any kind had gone. "This one sounds promising!" He held out the bottle to Bakura, who pulled Ryou closer to get in on the 'action'.

"'Mango Flurry Flush?' Is this for real?"

"It's that or Triple Berry Smoothie."

"Can't we get some of that Herbal Essence stuff?" Marik leaned against a display with his arms folded. His attention was divided between shampoos and the large cage of bouncy balls in the store across the way.

"You just want to hear Ryou in the shower going: 'OOOhhh yes, yesss YESSS!'" Bakura mimicked the commercial in a very loud and heavy voice, making certain to run his hands through his hair like a person who was seriously getting off on his or her shampoo.

"Bakura!" Ryou shrieked and Malik giggled. The immaturity of teenagers, especially these teenagers, made Ryou wish he could curl up into a ball and lock himself in a box.

"What? Oh come on hikari, like anyone would think I were over here getting frisky with myself…Of course, it's not absolutely unheard of for me."

"Ahem." Marik coughed and discreetly pointed to a guy in a wheel chair veering over a small display of socks. The man's glasses were close to his face and an eyebrow was raised.

"Oh…eh. Anyway," Bakura coughed, feigning embarrassment.

Ryou rolled his eyes and stepped closer to Malik. If Malik was the brains of the 'operation', then he needed to be closer to him, other wise the stupidity of the other two would smother him and effectively lower his own brain cell count. "So what do you suggest, Malik?"

"I'd go with a hydrating formula, like Nexxus. As far as any conditioner—if you think you need it—then you should try Infusium23. It'll do wonders for you."

Bakura rolled his eyes to Marik, "Girls I tell you."

"Hey hikari," Marik smirked and pulled on the slightly more normal teens pants. "These are pants. They go on men. Act like one?"

"Oh blow me, Marik. You guys wanted to pimp Ryou!"

"But not at the sake of losing one hikari in exchange for another!" Marik pouted.

"Hey I had Ryou before you had Malik, so it's only fair that Ryou gets some pimp time."

"Pimp time?" Ryou coughed and blinked at Malik who only shrugged a response. Neither of them even wanted to dare try and understand what was going on in the minds of both yamis. After all, it's hard to understand perpetual blankness in thinking form. It would be like trying to understand annoying in Anzu form. You know it's there…and you know it's bad, but you just can't quite comprehend such a dense quantity. It's mentally painful and just a waste of time as far as Ryou was concerned.

"Maybe we should dye your hair." Bakura said suddenly, and he pawed Ryou's softer locks. "If it were black you'd look like you had razor blades taped to your wrists for when no one's looking, but if it were blonde you'd look even more hittable. Maybe brown?" He pondered and looked over at Marik for some sort of approval, as if Ryou had no choice in any of it. Which, really, he didn't.

"Hmm…then he'd look like some kid in a band." A long pause. "I like it!"

"Wait, by some kid in a band, you mean like 80's Rock band? Or like Pansy Good Charlotte kinda band?"

"80's Rock, and man you need to watch how loud you scrutinize music bands."

"That's music?!" Bakura wowed at the though and Marik only put his head in his hand. If there were any death Bakura was going to come by, it would be death by obsessive music band fan. For even he knew there was no force greater than a hyperactive preteen band stalker. Except maybe a bad poetry writer, but Marik didn't even want to think about how hysterical that one person had gotten when Bakura told them that 'shit had higher ranking in the writing department'. Bakura loved myspace for reasons like that.

"You're not dying my hair!"

"How about highlights?"

"…Bakura….I have white hair. White. When you've discovered a 'highlight' for white I want to be the first person you tell so I can smack you as hard as I know how."

Bakura stepped back for a second, "Ooh getting saucy Ryou! But you know, even if you smacked me as hard as you knew how, I don't think I would be much threatened by it."

"I can't be much scarier than you think Bakura."

"Oh please, you're like a cotton ball. Soft, fluffy and great for Christmas projects!"

"…What?"

"Say it with me guys!" Bakura said in a singsong voice as he grabbed Malik and Marik on each side of him and together they all join in a singular caroling of: "Cotton ball!"

"I hate all three of you." Ryou folded his arms with a 'humph'.

To be continued…