Mission: pimp My Hikari
Part 5 – The Protest
"Yami, I don't want to do this anymore." Ryou whined. The instant he saw the shirt of Link with brown hair he wanted out. By any means. That is a travesty to Legend of Zelda and he'd be damned if he let them make him wear it.
"Oh relax hikari. At least I'm not making you wear that shit that Marik is picking out!" Bakura replied.
"Well excuuuuse me, princess." Marik frowned, whacking Bakura in the head with a hanger.
"Honestly, I don't think Link looks so bad with brown hair." Yami commented idly. Some where between the arguing and talk of retro gaming, Yugi and his over achieving yami wound up tagging along.
"This is madness!" Bakura gasped.
"No…this is Sparta!" Marik replied with a stupid grin.
Bakura turned to Marik and punched him twice in the head. One time for each eye. "You're retarded and I'm banning you from the movie theater!"
"Says the guy who builds Gundam models and has a Hello Kitty key ring." The pharaoh quipped.
"Shut your face, damn you! I built one Gundam model and you know what? It was pimp! And Ryou gave me the key ring…so I had to keep it." He nodded, like it made perfect sense to him.
"How sweet, yami…you kept that." Ryou said. It almost sounded heart felt, but Ryou was more or less aggravated and could not be bothered with actual emotions of joy, happiness and surprise at the moment.
"How about this one Ryou? It's classic! I mean you don't get much simpler than a 1up mushroom. And it's green. It'll look good on you."
"Isn't shroom, the slang word for mushrooms? Aren't 'shrooms' the street word for a drug? Why would I want to actually wear a stoner looking t-shirt if I'm not even holding?"
"…Hikari! Where did you learn that?!" Bakura gasped.
"You."
"…Oh…right."
"Well…damn it, you're making this difficult, Ryou!" Marik pouted.
"I don't want to do this!"
"You don't the luxury of choice, hikari." Bakura said with a smile and nod, as if Ryou's chances of talking them out of it were zero. And it was.
"You know, I think you should start with pants." Yami suggested, "I mean…t-shirts take time. At least with retro clothing you can pick like ten random pairs of jeans and it would be acceptable."
"Well if we were just going for acceptable, we'd mug a hobo and consider it street smart." Bakura rolled his eyes.
"Now that's just mean, Bakura." Malik said with a sad face, but there wasn't really much concern behind those devious violet eyes. He was just as bad as his yami was.
"Why don't' we just buy everything, charge it to Kaiba's account and sort it out later?" Yami tried another suggestion.
"Because, that kills the experience of it," reasoned the thief.
"But it puts a small, but sure dent in Kaiba's fortune."
"So would buying a Yacht."
"…Say…when we're done here…you want to…"
"What size Yacht should we get?"
"Oh, stop that you two." Malik sighed. "Kaiba wouldn't feel it if you bought a Yacht, but neither of you can swim so you'd be screwed if you fell overboard..
"I don't know about the thief here but I can swim!" The pharaoh replied indignantly.
"You cannot, Yami." Yugi shook his head and Ryou joined him for lack of better things to do.
"Traitor."
"Hey, hey, hey! Who said we had to have a Yacht that went in water?!" Bakura crossed his arms as if to say he really thought he was making sense.
"I don't even want to know." Ryou rolled his eye.
"No, I do. Bakura," Malik started, "Explain this one to me, I'm dying to hear how this one works."
"What? A land Yacht? Silly Ishtar. It's a Yacht that goes on land! Instead of a rounded bottom it's flat and it has wheels. What's so crazy about that?! I think a land Yacht it the best idea ever. Like a home on the go." He nodded proudly.
"Hmm…you mean like a Motor Home? Or a Travel Couch…oh! Maybe even a Bus!"
"…You…you…squasher of dreams." Bakura sniffled.
"Oh cry me a river." Malik rolled his eyes.
"Build a bridge." Marik continued.
"And get over it!" Bakura cackled, finishing the lame little saying with a high five to Marik.
"There is no brain activity in this general location is there?" Ryou asked and sighed when Yugi shook his head in a negative fashion. "Why does some god hate me so much? I never did anything wrong."
"Except dress like you do." Marik nodded.
"And act like a pansy." Bakura continued.
"I'm not in on this…but you do kinda let people walk all over you." Yami finished.
"What the hell is wrong with you people!" Ryou whined loudly, ignoring the surprised look from Yugi and Malik at his language. It wasn't nearly as bad as the yamis' languages, but from Ryou it was alarming.
"Just about everything, if you think about it, hikari." Bakura tapped his chin in thought.
"That's the understatement of the year." Marik shrugged.
"Why do we keep you around?" Malik looked at the two with narrowed eyes and slight disbelieve clear in his voice.
"That's the question of the year," Yami snorted.
"Hey! Hello! Pay attention to me!" Ryou finally snapped and waved his arms around, trying to get the attention of the group of attention deficit mental patient runaways. "You have an hour before I up and walk away to go watch mindless TV and turn into a vegetable on my couch!"
"Touchy, touchy, hikari." Bakura shook his head.
"That's it! I'm leaving!" Ryou turned to storm off dramatically but Bakura caught his arm.
"If you cherish your brand new curtains, then don't move, hikari. Of course, if you cooperate then I promise we'll be done soon! I'm doing it for you, Ryou! I don't want you to get hurt because you look like a massive chicken shit."
"Oh, I feel the love, yami."
"I knew you would, hikari!"
To be continued…
Leo: I am shocked at the response for the crazy story. But at least someone's getting some amusement out of this. I aim to please! This isn't going to be a long story, only a few more chapters. IT was originally supposed to be a long one shot, but Leo is lazy. So sue her.