Mission: Pimp My Hikari
Part 6 – The Disruption
"Some how I'm getting the idea that you're getting annoyed, hikari?"
"The bleeding from my ears didn't tell you that?" Said hikari growled.
Bakura frowned a little, "but we're doing it for you!"
"For me? What have we actually done here?!"
"Actually, we bought shampoo." Bakura replied with a grin, as if he really thought that meant they accomplished something.
"And shit-on-the-go pants!" Marik chirped.
Bakura turned to look at Marik. He blinked slowly and looked down at the hair-crazed psycho, adorned in endless zippers and pockets. "Marik…I have the checkbook…when the hell did you actually 'purchase' those? And why the hell are you wearing them!?"
"I didn't buy them…I changed pants behind one of the clothing racks…"
"Then where are your pants?"
"…Shit…I left them behind…"
"What were you thinking?"
"He wasn't." Everyone else managed a simultaneous response for the white haired thief.
Bakura promptly turned to Ryou, "Now hikari. Why are you being so difficult? Since when have I ever steered you wrong?"
"When I was six you told me it was okay to drink drain cleaner."
"Yes, and I was wrong. But how was I supposed to know you're not supposed to drink certain liquids in this time? Besides, it's not like you did it!"
"Because my dad came in shrieking like a banshee! He still worries about the psychological damage that may have entailed."
"Yeah…but… hey wait a minute…you didn't have the ring when you were six!" Bakura blanched.
"Yes, and this proves how gullible you really are."
"You're mean hikari."
"Guys, are we going to get moving or what?" Malik whined, tugging on Bakura's sleeve. "We've got much to do and you're wasting daylight hours."
"Yeah, and we've got large amounts of cash to spend." Yami added with a nod.
Bakura looked over at the crazy haired pharaoh wearily. Suddenly a thought hit him. "Hey! I just realized! My checks are better than your debit card! If I bounced a check by some crazy chance it would go straight back to Kaiba, not me, but if you don't have sufficient funds, your card can be denied!" Bakura proclaimed gleefully, singing the last word.
"Damn it." Yami snapped his fingers feeling foiled by Bakura's sudden spark of intelligence.
Ryou sighed. He wished something would fall on him and kill him. If not, he would like to at least die on the inside enough to dull the pain of stupidity. Then again, stupidity with these people was strong enough to cut through six foot steel walls. At that moment he felt like his life was spiraling into a miserable pool of irritation and absolute self-hatred brought on by the fact that whatever god existed, hated him with absolution. He looked up at nothing in particular and cursed the supposed invisible being. 'You make me blaspheme against you, god.' He thought.
He looked to Malik, who remained one of the few normal ones. To a certain degree, in any case, "So what are we accomplishing next?"
"Actually, I figured we'd get shoes and get some real pants." Malik rolled his eyes in Marik's direction. He was trying to ignore how often Marik kept sliding the endless amounts of zippers on the pants back and forth.
"Can't we just grab things and go? I mean seriously. I have some serious TV time to get to. I'm already behind, like three hours," the white haired hikari snorted sarcastically.
"Holy hell! Check this shit out!" A loud screeching declaration of adoration resounded through the department. It was Marik. Not one bothered to pay any attention. "No! I'm serious this is freaking sweet!"
Bakura, naturally, was the only one to approach the wild beast. And he did it was caution, so as not to startle it. He knew, deep down inside, that the animal could possibly be territorial. Everyone was aware that creatures without the ability reason tend to charge at those who came close. So the thief stayed alert and watched for signs of irritation.
Actually, in all truth; Bakura walked up to Marik and jacked him with a broom pole.
"Marik, what is so damn amusing that you must shriek across the store?"
"Dude, it's an intercom!"
"So? What's the significance of that?"
"Come on man, get with it!" Marik raised a hand to silence any more questions. He proceeded to press the button mounted on the phone base, attached to the wall. "Hello all store personnel. It is I, God." He stifled a cackle as his voice echoed across the store.
"He's going to get us kicked out." Yami added with what appeared to be nonchalance, as if to say he expected it. Which, in reality, he did…so it really was in nonchalance.
"The sooner the better." Ryou groaned.
"God? Is that really you?" A loud man's voice shouted from a distance in the impending silence.
Marik pressed the button again. "Yes, it is I."
"God, what are you doing in a department store?!"
"Window shopping."
"Window shopping? That's all you could come up with?" Bakura whispered, "What kind of god window shops?!"
"Shut up, man." Marik flicked Bakura in the head.
"God…why didn't you listen to my prayers?"
"I'm afraid I don't remember what they are. There are so many people to listen to every moment. Please do refresh me." The crazed blonde held his nose to keep from snorting into the intercom in amusement.
"I wanted a vagina!"
Marik's eyes widened and he pressed the button one last time. "Uh…I gotta go." He released the button and backed away. "You know…that's not fun anymore."
Bakura smacked his hand against his head and grabbed Marik by the arm. "Lets go to shoes. I'm sure anything would be an improvement."
"Dude, I need to find a bathroom…" Marik complained.
"You've got shit on the go pants, Marik. You don't need a bathroom."
"No man, I think I'm going to blow chunks."
Bakura stepped away quickly. "That's your fault for not getting the shirt to go with the pants, damn it! What the hell has got you so sick?"
"It must be pretty bad to make Marik sick…I mean he's sickness in a physical form." Yami folded his arms and everyone nodded with him.
"That voice…"
"The one you were unkindly tricking over the intercom?" Ryou asked, not even vaguely sure of why he didn't take that as the opportunity to flee.
"Yes…I thought I recognized it. I finally placed it and…" He shivered.
"Well, who is it Marik?" Yugi blinked with his unnaturally large eyes.
"I think it was Jounouchi!"
Marik was not the only one left with a case of the shivers.
To be Continued….
Leo: To the person who suggested Jounouchi, your wish has some true XDDD Though I'm sure it wasn't in the way you expected!