This chapter is dedicated to shaelove. You know why.

I want to again that you all for reviewing. I just about died of happy when I realized I had 71 reviews for just the first chapter. I love you people. A lot. xD

Un-invited, little shreds of conversations I once had returned to me in a flood.

You dropped this.

Walk much?

The hurt never left me, like everything else had. But now that I was forced to look at him, forced to think about why I was hurting, everything my mind had carefully worked to hide was springing forward.

So you know that I am not like you. I'm not human.

You look so pretty when you're scared.

Bella, am I not affectionate enough to you?

I felt my chest flare with an angry fire and my throat tightened. I bit my bottom lip as my eyes began to water and tears slid down my cheeks.

Bella, I don't want you, I need you.

This barely counts as fun, sugar bear.

What's on your mind, hon'? You're practically leaking rainbows.

How about it, mama? You know I can't do this alone.

Silas's curious demeanor flickered to uncertainty the moment I started to cry. He frowned and quickly lowered the picture, connecting the fact that it was the cause for my sudden burst of unwanted emotion.

Then you could really join the family, and we could have forever together.

Bella, will you marry me?

Everything had gone so wrong so terribly fast. The happily ever after that I never once asked for was ripped away from me. The man that I loved, so desperately that he was able to break me with just a few words, was no longer a part of my life.

I can't make it go away, Bella, not this time.

Bella, we need to talk.

We need to talk... We need to talk... We need to talk...

I tried to ignore the flashes of things coming out of my Jasper Box. I had to remain strong. If I broke down, if I was pulled under this current, I was never going to resurface.

Silas whispered, "I'm sorry, mama, I was just asking."

A broken smile spread across my face and I laughed bitterly. "It's okay, Silas. Mama was just thinking, that's all."

He stuffed the picture in his pocket again and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around my neck and pressing his cheek onto my shoulder.

I pushed my nose into his hair and walked into the living room, sitting on the couch with him.

I decided I should answer his question, because it was an important one.

I gently patted his back and I promised, "I love you more than him too, baby. He isn't here anymore; it's just you and me now. Mama kind of likes it that way, don't you?"

He asked me, "Don't I need a daddy, though?"

I looked down into his bright eyes and told him, "I never really had one, you know. I didn't live with grandpa Charlie for a long, long time. When I was little like you, it was just me and my mom. We did just fine."

Silas grinned, "I'll take care of you, mama!"

I was surprised to realize how much things had changed. I was always the caretaker, since the day I turned seven. I was the mature one and the strong one.

Now I needed to be taken care of.

I was just an empty shell, a broken specimen of what I used to be. I needed my almost-kindergarten age son to look after me.

I asked, "Silas, why don't you go get Morris? I bet Jacob would love to meet him."

I wrote dad a note telling him we were already in La Push, and soon pulled into the Black's driveway.

I carried the turtle's little glass tank while Silas ran ahead and knocked on the door.

It opened, and Jacob found himself staring at us.

He grinned, "Hey guys! You're both early."

Silas reported, "Mama said Billy would tell me some stories!"

Jacob laughed, "He's in the kitchen, why don't you go and ask him?"

I handed him the tank and warned, "Don't run." He nodded and shuffled across the living room, entering the kitchen. I sat down on the couch with Jacob.

He asked me, "How have you been?" I could see the worry in his eyes, and hear the tension in his voice. He was afraid of my answer, because the last nine times he's asked, it wasn't a positive one.

Mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. That sounds about right. I sighed and admitted, "Tired. Very tired."

He looked sympathetic, but he didn't offer any words of condolence. I wouldn't have wanted any, so I didn't complain.

He shifted closer to me and wrapped his arm around me. I looked up at him, and it was then that I noticed.

I commented, "You've gotten taller."

He nodded, "Three inches since October! Working on the Rabbit is building my muscles too, with all those heavy pieces."

I asked, "What's the Rabbit?"

He sprang to his feet, pulling me up with him. "I'll show you! C'mon out to the garage."

We flounced into the garage and he gestured towards the car sitting on the right half of it. "That's the Rabbit. It's going to be a great car, once I find all the parts and fix it up so it runs."

I asked him something about it, and ended up watching while he added something else. Wrapping my arms around myself, I settled onto the floor and leaned back against the wall.

My mind unfocused on him after a while and I stared off into space. All it took was one little picture, one innocent question, to force waves of anguish upon me. I could see his face, hear his voice, and feel him against me even though he wasn't here.

Do you know what I would give for that little bit of special morphine right now? Just to take the edge off…

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob plopped beside me, his eyes dark and anxious.

Was I that obvious?

I feigned confidence, "Nothing's wrong, Jacob, why?"

He narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing me. After a few long seconds he accused, "You're lying to me."

He knew me better than I guess I ever noticed. I didn't have enough fight in me to keep up the act.

I sighed, just giving in without an argument. "Since Jasper left, I haven't really been able to think about him, did you know that? The harder I tried the less I could remember."

Jacob nodded, silently willing me to continue.

I confessed, "I thought I had wanted to remember. That I needed to remember. Today, all of a sudden, it's all back. Every moment we spent together. It's all so sharp and real."

I had to bite back tears when I whispered, "And it hurts. So bad that I wish I could forget again."

I didn't ever want to forget, but I had to choose the lesser of two evils. I was already broken, and if I never stop reflecting on why, I would never be fixed.

Jacob took my hand in his, giving it a supportive little squeeze. He gently pointed out, "The longer you run away from it the longer it's going to haunt you. When mom died the same thing kind of happened to me. I tried to erase her from my memory, because I thought it would help."

I asked hopefully, "Did it?"

He laughed a little, a sad laugh. "Not at all. I just found a way to keep the most I could out of the memories. Learned to live happily and accept that the times we had together were all we'd ever get, so I shouldn't try to fight them away."

Hearing him tell me that made me feel a little better. I suppose I could try to make the most of it.

I had some great, wonderful, times with Jasper Whitlock, and even though I wish I had more, I couldn't.

That's what he was telling me, and it made sense.

I smiled at Jacob, who smiled back.

I couldn't have any morphine for the pain, but maybe, just maybe, a band-aid would be able to do the trick.

The first story I will recommend is Midnight Margaritas written by Writerwithabite. It's a Jasper/Bella full of funny and sweet moments you are sure to love.