AN: Didn't update this week, I suck. I adapted a quote, if you can tell me what movie it's from, I'll do something cool. Something that we'll work out amongst ourselves. I dunno. Here's the quote: "Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Twihard when Robert Pattinson is on the line!"
Playlist: Ever Fallen In Love- The Stiff Dylans (the car ride song).
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom & Suicide Is Press Coverage- Panic! At The Disco.
Into The Ocean- Blue October (Eddie's song).
Mid-January 2010:
I woke up with the Joker's face awfully close to my own. Honestly, I jumped as much as a person can when a crazy person is leaning over you and you're trying to keep the girl you're spooning asleep.
"What the fuck, Emmett?" He laughed maniacally and ruffled my hair before he jumped on my bed. I reached over and smacked his dumb-ass head.
"She's sleeping you know."
"Eddie, why so serious?", he said while holding up a switchblade. I rolled my eyes. Somedays Emmett got way too into The Dark Knight. "So, what did you do last night?"
I inspected my fingernails instead of looking at Emmett, I really did not feel like letting myself open up to a whole barrage of "Eddie and Bellie" jokes today.
"Uh nothing much, just played some Rock Band and we talked." Emmett raised his monstrous green eyebrows at me.
"Really? Just talked? In that case, Eddie, I have to admit that Bella's got the second most amazing knockers on the planet. Your kid is never gonna go hungry on those beasts!" I gave him my best "what the fuck" look and then slowly looked back at Bella.
She was curled up in the sheets and my side but completely uncovered and totally excited were her breasts. I turned back to Emmett.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you Em!" He leaped off my bed and started walking backwards very quickly to the door.
"Why would you wanna do that Ed?" I tore off running after him as Bella stirred behind us. I dashed up and down the flights of stairs in our house. See the funny thing about chasing Emmett was that he forgot that I'm the sprinter on our track team and I'm on the cusp of breaking the mile record for our state. I just had to beat that Moskowitz kid at 4:11:75. (By the way, that little fact is true. I've got a kid at my school that is getting close to breaking our school record for the mile at 4:09. )
Emmett burst out of the front door and I picked up my pace, barreling after him. I was so close to him that I could practically smell my victory from here. We rounded the corner by the glass kitchen and I gained even more ground on him. I leaped out and tackled him to the ground. Of course, I ran outside in my blue boxers so I was freezing.
I rubbed Emmett's face into the snow, leaving behind a red and green smear from Emmett's stupid makeup. Seriously since when was he obsessed with The Joker? Emmett managed to pry one of his meaty paws from underneath me and he fumbled around on my back.
"What the hell are you trying to do Emmett?" His wandering hand found the elastic waistband of my boxers and pulled them all the way down. Bella, Rose, and my parents were eating at the nook opposite the glass wall of the kitchen until Emmett pulled down my boxers. My horror at Bella seeing my bony, white ass in the snow momentarily distracted me enough for Emmett to wiggle out from under me and dash into the house.
Oh did I mention that Emmett took my boxers with him and then locked all the doors? I ran around, forgetting to cover up my junk, trying to get inside. I ran back to the kitchen window and started beating on it.
"Mom, mom, you're not gonna let him do this. Mom, please." She only laughed at me. I turned next to Dad.
"C'mon Dad, I'm freezing my nuts off out here!" Carlisle, that bitch that he is, laughed and said, "Sure looks it son. Cover that up, we've got ladies present."
The next person in line was Rosalie and I knew she wasn't going to help me so I skipped right over her. I set my puppy dog look next on Bella.
"Bella baby, please. You love me don't you? You don't want Captain Solo to freeze out here do you?" She cracked up laughing and walked slowly to the door. I ran over to the front door and waited for her to open it. I stood there staring at the door for about three minutes when the door started swinging open. I threw myself into the house, not caring who else saw my lightsaber. Bella, with a huge smile on her face, handed me a pair of white boxers with elements from the periodic table all over it.
"I wish you could have seen your face, Edward. Classic. Epic win for Emmett." I scowled at her.
"But you got to admit I held my own", I said with a pout. She leaned up on her tippy toes and gave me a short kiss on my lips. Even though my back was to the kitchen, I could feel a disturbance in the force, like my entire family was watching our little exchange from the comfort of the plush seats of the nook.
I kissed my way down Bella's neck as she arched herself into me. I hadn't embarrassed myself yet which was pretty good and I didn't plan on embarrassing myself anyway since I was doing this all as a show for my family. Oh yeah, I was showing them that I was top dog.
I nibbled lightly on her ear. "Are they watching us?"
"Yes", she breathed back. I laughed against the heated flesh of her skin. I moved my lips up back to hers and kissed her while grabbing her hand.
"C'mon Leia, let's go eat and then go see our baby." My mother was grinning at us as we sauntered into the kitchen hand in hand. From the very beginning, she was the only one who approved me letting my pregnant girlfriend come live with us. Though admittedly, I knew my mother's approval had less to do with Bella being all sorts of nice and fuckhot and more with me finally being "social" and the fact that she was going to be a grandmother. Which, unfortunately, had always been a morbid dream of hers ever since Emmett graduated pre-school.
I sat Bella down on my lap and put some fruit and bagels on a plate for us. She leaned into my ear to whisper, "Edward are you sure this is a good idea?" I decided to play it coy with her.
"What about it isn't a good idea? I'm taking care of my beautiful girlfriend who just so happens to be carrying my baby for me all day." I trailed my hand from her back to the belly where said baby was right now. I knew we only had to wait a couple weeks for it to kick but I couldn't wait. I was truly excited about being a father.
"First off, this can't be comfortable for you. I'm a fat whale. Secondly, is this appropriate in front of your family?", she whispered as I stuck a piece of melon in between her lips. She chewed thoughtfully as I whispered my answer right back into her ear.
"First, you weigh barely anything. Seriously you've gained maybe five pounds since you got pregnant and most of that has been in the most…uh delicious places. And secondly, have you ever seen Emmett and Rosalie when they're down here on the weekends? They practically have sex in front of everyone. Let somebody else do that for a change." I kissed the nape of her neck and turned my head to my family, a dopey smile no doubt in place on my face.
Carlisle cleared his throat before he took a sip of his coffee. "Edward could you please refrain from doing that at the kitchen table? Some people are trying to eat, be courteous." Emmett grinned his stupid shit-eating grin and while my parents were looking away, I hit my fist into my palm and then cracked my knuckles.
Emmett then put his pointer finger through a hole he had made with his thumb and pointer finger. He put his hands into fists and then started air humping the table and then he made a peace sign and held it up to his mouth, sticking his tongue out while he was at it.
I shook my head at him. Emmett then held a fist up to his cheek and made it look like a blow job. Unfortunately for him, my mother caught him doing that.
"Emmett James Cullen! If you do again in my kitchen I swear I won't make Emmiecakes for a whole year!"
His face fell with Rosalie pathetically patting his arm. Emmiecakes were pancakes that my mother made just for Emmett ever since he was a baby. I never knew what was in there to make them taste so good but all I knew was that they were Emmett's favorites.
"Mom, I was just trying to ask Eddie about what happened last night between him and Bellie here in a polite way." My dad frowned from over his newspaper.
"Edward, I don't think sex is a great idea for you right now. You're supposed to be learning responsibility, not finding more ways to be irresponsible." I audibly huffed. Sometimes my father just was a dick for no reason. It wasn't my fault that I was a nerdy kid who didn't think of protection when it came to actually getting laid. Emmett had done so many more irresponsible things than me in his life and he was almost never scolded. At least I was taking care of Bella instead of making her take care of it.
Old Edward would have never stood up to his dad, Old Edward would have just let Carlisle rail into him about how stupid he was being and how he'd never make it to John Hopkins with that attitude. But, I wasn't Old Edward anymore. I was New Edward and New Edward spoke his mind and made out with hot cheerleader types in his dorktastic boudoir.
"Dad, I don't understand why you're patronizing me. I had sex OK? I got Bella pregnant and we're taking care of this pregnancy ourselves. So what I didn't make her get an abortion like you did with Jane? Do you remember Jane dad?"The entire table shut up and all eyes were on me. My father's were filled with rage at the mentioning of the woman he cheated on Mom with, my mother's relived the hurt she felt in those days so shortly after I was born, Emmett's were a mixture of pride at my bravery and shame in his father for cheating on his mother in the first place. Bella and Rosalie both wore the same expression: confusion. I guess I'd have to explain that to her today.
"You know what, if you don't approve of our relationship Dad, I'll just move out and we'll find our own place. You know I could go live in the guest house of the Cullen Manor because I haven't done anything major to piss off my grandparents unlike you." I nudged Bella so she would get off my lap and we both went upstairs quietly to pack our things.
"You'll explain this all to me, right Edward?", she said with a sad little expression on her face. I cupped her face with my hands.
"Bella, unlike my dad, I'll never hide things from you. You deserve the entire truth and don't worry about us and the baby, we'll be fine. My grandparents will actually be ecstatic." I finished packing the essentials quickly and stormed downstairs with Bella in hand where my mother waited for me, tearfully in the foyer.
"Edward, I'm so sorry it had to come to this. I wish there was more I could do for you two. I feel like I've failed you as a mother."
I swept my mother up into my arms. "Mom, it's never been your fault. You did the best you could raising me, we both know that I never was Dad's favorite kid. I left the Les Paul upstairs in my old bedroom. I know he only gave it to me out of pity and I don't want it anymore. I'll call you when we're settled after the doctor's appointment." I kissed her cheek and left Bella to say her goodbyes.
I packed our bags into my car and sped off to my grandparents' house down the road. "There's No 'I' In Team" by Taking Back Sunday was playing on my radio as I explained the story to Bella.
"My parents were married and had Emmett straight out of college, they were so happy back then. My dad's best friend, Alec, married this girl named Jane. Even at their wedding when Emmett was two, my dad had feelings for her. He started cheating on Mom with Jane about a year after she got married and my mother never suspected a thing. This went on for a whole year before my mom drove to the hospital to talk to my dad and she saw him on top of her." I looked out of my window for a second before continuing.
"She was going to tell him she was pregnant with me that night." Bella clasped my hand.
"I'm so sorry Edward." I shrugged my shoulders.
"He went off and cavorted with Jane while her husband was in Africa, working for Doctors Without Borders while my mother took care of herself while she was pregnant plus take care of Emmett. I still don't understand how she did it, practically unsupported for nine months. Bella, I told you that my dad played the Les Paul for me when I was born but that was a lie. That was how I dreamt it went for so many years because even when I was a kid, he gave me these disappointed looks. I knew why too of course, if it hadn't been for me existing, Mom would have never found out about Jane and he would have been able to stay with her. I ruined his happiness.
Dad didn't even see me until he snuck into the house, thinking Mom was out, to get clothes but instead found her in the living room nursing me. A month after I was born, Bella. Even after he met his youngest child, he stayed with Jane for a whole year until she got pregnant. Since her husband had been gone for so long, she couldn't keep the baby because then Alec would find out about her affair with my dad so he pressured her into having an abortion.
Even after that, he stayed away from our family for the longest time until Alec left Africa. I don't have any memories of him until I was nine years old at my birthday party. The man had only seen me once in my entire life but he had the balls to come to my grandparents' house with Jane and wish me happy birthday. I remember my grandma yelling at him and slapping him and me crying, asking my mom who was he.
After that, Mom took him back and we lived in that house all together but we were never really happy. Emmett was always the favorite because he came from a happy time in their marriage and he had always been really attached to Dad but me, I was like the cancer in the family, the unspeakable thing that tore us all apart. I grew up knowing that I was never really accepted by my family and any time I tried to do anything with them, I remember Dad saying things like, "Es why didn't you abort this kid?", "There's no way he's mine, he's so clumsy", and my favorite, "Edward, I wish you were never born".
I got so shy and tired of him putting me down that I just stayed in my room, developing my little nerdy ways far from my happy family."
I had tears in my eyes by the time I finished my story. She swiped them away from me and gave me her brightest smile and placed my hand on her belly. I grinned, she always knew how to make me feel better. I pulled into my grandparents' driveway as she spoke to me.
"Edward, I'm sorry that your father isn't smart enough to see how wonderful you really are and I know that you're going to be a much better father to our baby than he is. You already are." I kissed her briefly and then got us out of the car to knock on the door.
"Hello? Oh Edward baby, I haven't seen you in forever!" My grandma gave me a huge hug before turning to my girlfriend. "Oh and who is this beautiful girl?" Bella smiled shyly at my Grandma Maggie.
"Grandma Maggie, this is Bella, my pregnant girlfriend. Bella, this is Grandma Maggie, my dad's mom who just so happens to hate him."
My grandma gave Bella a warm, welcoming hug too and then put her hand on my Bella's stomach. "How far along are you, precious?"
"Um eleven weeks. We actually have a doctor's appointment today at one." Maggie clapped her hands excitedly and then let us in to sit on the plush green velvet couch in the living room.
"So what brings you two kids here today? Don't tell it has something to do with Carlisle."
I laughed awkwardly. "Actually, I kinda kicked myself out today after he told me that I should be more responsible. He always hinted at getting Bella to give the baby up and we don't want to give up our child like he did with his."
Maggie grabbed my hand and Bella's. "I understand completely kids. I could partially understand why he didn't want that whore's baby, but I never understood why he would abandon such a pretty baby as you. You two and your little one are more than welcome to stay out in the guest house if you want."
"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen, it means so much to the both of us", Bella interjected.
Maggie flipped her hand casually. "Think nothing of it. I love Edward as if he were my own son, so much less disappointing than my own. And call me Maggie please dear." With that, I left Bella in the house with my grandma and I went to the car to grab our bags and bring them into the guest house. I unpacked all of my bags and hesitated to unpack Bella's.
What if she didn't want me going through her things? Well, she is living with me and hopefully going to have sex with me still so I mean it's a nice gesture. I began unpacking her two bags and found one filled with clothes like jeans and sweatpants and shirts and the other with lady products. At the very bottom of this one was Bella Swan's entire bra and panty collection. I prayed I would not get caught popping a boner over lacy panties.
I heard Bella pad her way into the bedroom and she leaned her head on my shoulder as I lay on our new mattress after I unpacked our things.
Bella had had a stressful day and it was only ten in the morning. I let her nap on me as I read one of her pregnancy books. I was shocked to learn that later on in her pregnancy she would most likely develop hemorrhoids and have extremely bad flatulence. In spite of all these nasty things that would happen to her body, when I looked at her form, slightly bulging with the first signs of our small little baby, I only felt love.
I wished that my dad had felt this way about me and my mom so that I might actually be with my family now. But I had started a new family, one with Bella and I was the happiest now, practically homeless, than I had ever been in the security of my father's house.
Bella slept until noon and I got us lunch as we drove hand in hand to her first ultrasound. We both were a sort of nervous-happy over the picture we would see of our baby soon. We only waited in the waiting room for a couple minutes after we just made Bella's appointment time before the nurse called Bella into a room. The nurse asked her the sorts of questions I had been asking her about the pregnancy and the nurse was happy to say it sounded like our child was doing well and Bella was very healthy. We also found out that my weight guess was dead on as Bella had only gained five pounds since carrying my baby.
She left the room to let Bella strip from her waist down and pull her shirt up. I noticed that Bella looked slightly uncomfortable on the table and I recalled that she had not been allowed to pee before sitting through the ultrasound. The doctor came in and talked to us for a little bit, explaining the ultrasound. She put a warm transducer gel all over Bella's blossoming belly. (Three cheers for alliteration.) The doctor then moved the wand around until the rapid thumping of my baby's heart. Bella squeezed my hand as tears fell out of her eyes.
I understood her emotions completely. I was overwhelmed by all the love in my heart at this very moment in time. The doctor's face crumpled up in concentration and I started to worry a little. The heartbeat did sound a little too fast for even a fetal heartbeat. Finally the image came into focus and I, though I was not yet trained in reading ultrasounds, could tell that there were two babies in there.
"Two?" I blurted out to the doctor, Bella's face registered with shock.
The doctor laughed at my bluntness and Bella's surprise. "Yes, two. You have two healthy twins. Even though I can't tell their sexes yet, they're going to be identical because they share the same placenta. She clicked a couple buttons and handed us the black and white pictures of our twins. Bella stared at them dumbfounded as I wiped the gel off her belly. I gently kissed her nose and helped her get dressed and out into the car, where she still didn't talk.
I grabbed her hand as I drove. "Bella, are you OK?" She beamed brightly at me.
"Ecstatic. How do you feel about the babies?"
"I'm happy too. It'll be more difficult sure, but we can do it."
She leaned over and lightly pecked my lips. Yeah, I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been.