It's been awhile since I've written on here. o_o sorry. You may hurt me in anyway you feel necessary. *winces* I honestly was going to try to post on Tuesday, but the stupid Wi-fi wasn't working. Please forgive me… O:-) I have had a SUPER busy summer, but I should do better since school is starting and my life should fall into a more normal routine…hopefully. Well, this is already a really long author's note! Many thanks to Princess Wolf for reminding me to come back. *hugs* So here you go!! Please review!

Chapter Five

Christmas Day. Jason hardly knew it. He thought yesterday had been the worst day ever, but today wasn't looking very good. His parents were having as traditional a Christmas as possible for Frankie's sake, but Jason couldn't. He had left first thing this morning. Now he was back at the hospital. Maybe it was part habit, maybe he was subconsciously hoping that Belle would be waiting for him in Ruth's room, but it felt better being there than at home.

Jason climbed the stairs to Ruth's floor. He felt slightly guilty as he pushed open the door to Ruth's room for leaving his brothers at home. They were having just as hard time with this as he was. Jason flashed back to him kissing Belle in Ruth's room for that first time. Well, maybe it was a bit harder for himself.

Jason knocked on the door than opened it. Ruth was lying on the bed, asleep. He wondered how she was doing. He and... he had meant to come see her yesterday. He wondered if she had spoken yet. He sat beside her bed.

"Hey," he whispered. "I know we aren't friends or anything, but I still care about what happens to you. I guess it's kind of become a habit to come talk to you."

Jason looked up as a hand touched his and squeezed it. Ruth was awake and looking at him. Jason looked away and took a deep breath to gain more control on his emotions.

"How are you?" he asked, still whispering. Ruth swallowed.

"Good." She said in a raspy voice. Jason got shivers. She was talking after all this waiting and thinking she wouldn't make it.

"You are probably wondering who I am and what I am doing here." Jason said with a smile. Ruth smiled.

"No, you are Jason and didn't you come here to see me?" Ruth asked. Jason was surprised.

"Yes, but… how did you know?" He asked. She smiled.

"I heard things. Belle talks about you all the time." Ruth said. Jason's heart missed a beat. She talked about Belle in the present tense. Didn't she know? Maybe she had done it by habit.

"Where are Nate and Shane?" She asked. "…and Belle? I thought they would all be with you."

"It's Christmas Day." Jason said, She didn't know. Why had no one told her? "They are at home."

"You should be there too." Ruth said. Jason shook his head and rubbed his face. He didn't know what to say. She deserved to know the truth about Belle. She was going to figure it out soon anyway if no one told her. Jason suddenly wanted to get out. He was thinking about Belle too much, too soon.

"I'll be back." Jason said. He stood up and forced himself to walk out, not run. He went out to one of the courtyards and sat on the bench. He let the cold air calm him. Finally, he felt more in control, even if it was a weak control. He looked around the garden. Something on the tree next to him caught his eye. It was a piece of clothing. Jason slowly got up and picked it up. It was a red jacket.

"I finally figure out what to get you for Christmas!" Belle said as she stood up from the couch.

"What?" Jason asked, as he stood too. She grinned.

"Like I'm going to tell you." She said. She picked up her jacket and Jason helped her put it on. It was a red jacket.

She always was losing things. He wondered if it was her jacket. He reached into the pocket and his fingers grasped something cold. He pulled it out and stared at it. It was Belle's cell phone. At that moment he realized. Belle had died here at this hospital. He had walked her out to her car that night. After he and his brothers had already left, she must have realized that she had forgotten her cell phone and jacket.

Jason ran through the hospital and stopped when he got to the main entrance. This was it. These were the cement stairs. She must have slipped on the ice. He slipped her phone into his pocket and looked at the jacket in his hand. Could he have prevented her death? Jason threw the jacket down the stairs with a shout. She hadn't deserved to die.

An idea occurred to Jason at that moment. It allured him. He could escape all the pain at this moment and be with Belle. He didn't have to go through any more suffering, it seemed to promise him. All he had to do is end it right now. He had the power. Jason took a step towards the stairs.

But a firm grip on his arm stopped him in his tracks. Jason looked back and saw Shane with a firm look on his face. Nate was right next to him. They didn't look angry even though Jason knew they knew what he had just thought about doing.

"Jason, you know that's not the answer." Shane said. Jason looked at him for a moment. Shane had been through a similar torture with Ruth. Jason jerked away from Shane, but walked away from the edge.

"Ruth didn't die, Shane. Belle did." He said.

"And do you think she meant to? Do you think she would want you to join her by your own choice?" Shane asked. "She would tell you that that was selfish and that you needed to think about others. Think about Ruth, your fans,…how about your family?"

Jason knew Shane was right, but it didn't make him feel better. Nate stopped Shane.

"I think he gets it, Shane." Nate said.

"No, he needs to think about this so he won't think about doing that again." Shane said, sternly. "Did it even occur to you how mom and dad would feel? How I and Nate would feel? Or… Frankie? Or you fans? They would all be crushed. Frankie adores you. If his older brother, the person he looks up to follows, failed him, what would that do to him?"

"I get it, Shane." Jason said. He pushed his way back inside and up the stairs to Ruth's room. He couldn't believe he had even thought about doing that. It just that Belle is… gone… And never coming back.

Sorry, it has been so long! I promise, promise to TRY to update more regularly! 3 u all lots! XO 3