a/n: I just want to apologize for the delay with this chapter. Apparently, it is very difficult to write while driving. I found myself on a solo road trip wishing for a voice recorder! Next time I'll know better.
Muchas Gracias to my fabulously, brilliantly wonderful beta Viola Cornuta. Thanks for saying - WTF? I need more lemony stuff. (Not a direct quote; she's much more eloquent!)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not one bit. Well, I guess I can claim the dirtier bits . . .
BPOV
Euphoria; that was it.
I was completely giddy as I waltzed around the neighborhood with Jake on Friday. The weather was wonderful, and I was euphoric.
Having had the guts to talk to HotElevatorGuy on Wednesday, I had spent the following two days blissful. I wasn't exactly shy in every situation, but I had never had the confidence to start a conversation with someone who made me feel the way he did. No one had ever actually made me feel the way he did. I thought attractive guys had made me nervous before him.
My obsessive desire to hear his voice gave me just enough of a shove to talk to him, well, that and the brilliant smile on his face as he stood in front of me in the park. HotElevatorGuy was playful in our conversation, and I was still surprised I didn't find his questions uncomfortable to answer. It was disappointing to have to run off so abruptly with Jake to the groomers. At least, I didn't have the opportunity to embarrass myself.
He was very vocal in my dreams on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Ugh, those dreams. If I hadn't felt more alive than I ever had in my life the mornings after, I would've been sure they'd given me a heart attack. Strangely, my music was still there, but I tried to overlook the oddity. I assumed my subconscious was dragging my music into the mix because it made me feel so wonderful.
Even Alice's raised eyebrows, snickers and completely inappropriate questions didn't bother me anymore. I still hadn't told her anything about my dreams, the hallway concerts or the delicious man in the elevator, but my silence didn't stop her from prying.
This morning, when HotElevatorGuy stepped into the elevator, I was more nervous than I expected to be, and I was caught off guard. I'd planned to start up a lively conversation if I happened to see him today; to build on what I'd been brave enough to start on Wednesday. As soon as I saw his face, I felt like I'd gone without water for two days, and I was almost speechless.
Disappointed my shyness seemed to be dominant, I forced myself to speak to him. I only managed a couple of sentences, but I was really proud of myself for winking at him as I left the elevator. The look of surprise on his face rendered me a bit slaphappy, and I had nearly skipped through my whole walk with Jake.
So, euphoric on a lovely Friday before noon, I found myself happily slipping the silly horse-dog's leash onto the hook outside the coffee shop near the apartments. This neighborhood was very dog friendly, and most of the small businesses and cafés had some sort of hitching post for dogs outside.
Inhaling deeply as I stepped through the doorway, I noticed the smell was extra appealing today. I stepped up to the counter and looked over the menu boards.
"Hiya Bella," Seth greeted me exuberantly from behind the counter, "Jake outside?" Seth loved the giant dog and took every opportunity to play with him.
"Yep, he's anchored to the wall. Hopefully, he won't pull the hook off again," I chuckled as Seth smiled at the memory.
"Did you want the usual?" He asked me after a moment.
"Actually, I think I want coffee. It smells super good in here today for some reason," I smiled at him, and he waited patiently while I thought about what I wanted to order.
"I guess I'll just have a regular latte," I finally decided. I always thought I'd be adventurous and try something different, but I just ended up ordering the plain stuff I knew I liked. "Oh, and I'll take a shortbread cookie, please," I added with a conspiratorial grin.
"No problem; coming right up," Seth said as he glanced behind me at another customer and nodded with a smirk. I stepped to the side of the counter closest to the window, so I could keep an eye on Jake. He really could pull the hook off of the wall easily if he was tempted.
"Bella, your latte is ready," Seth pulled my attention away from the window and placed my cup and cookie on the counter near the register. I walked over to pay, so I could get back out to Jake. I hated leaving him outside for too long once the weather started to warm up. I picked up my cup and inhaled. It smelled really good, but just like a regular latte. It didn't offer the enticing element I continued to notice in the shop. Oh well, I couldn't exactly huff the whole store in an olfactory scavenger hunt.
"How much do I owe you, Seth?" I asked while I began digging in my bag for cash. Unfortunately, paper money never made it into my wallet, instead it simply floated around the innards of whatever sack I had slung over my shoulder. On a positive note, I always had some cash on me, but, on a negative note, I never knew how much cash I actually carried.
"Nothing," he said with a funny little smile as he reached across the counter past my shoulder. His hand pulled back with the addition of money in it, and my breath froze in my lungs at what I heard next.
"Just keep it all Seth. I owe you for mine, too," Seemingly normal words. It wasn't every day someone bought me coffee; that was nice. Who was I kidding? I knew that voice.
He bought me coffee. He was standing right behind me. He smelled too delicious for words! All of the sudden I felt like I was sipping hot peppermint cocoa with marshmallows, eating vanilla cupcakes, catching fresh snowflakes on my tongue, all wrapped up in a fucking Christmas bow. Or, maybe, just like he was licking s'mores and cinnamon whipped cream off my naked body.
I vaguely registered Seth's response.
"Gee, thanks Eddie! You shouldn't have," Seth was teasing him; I was almost sure but couldn't be bothered to really think about it. My feet were still planted on the ground, and my eyes were staring a hole straight through Seth to nothing.
"Seth, one of these days I won't be in such a good mood," his tone was so ominous, I spun around without thinking. "You're just lucky today cause you brought me the magazine stash, but don't say I didn't warn you," his demeanor was almost frightening, but now that I could see his face, I wasn't worried. He was teasing Seth back. I didn't pay enough attention to what they had said to each other to pick up any humor. Still stunned, remember?
His eyes left Seth's face and settled on mine. His face colored with the slightest tinge of a flush, and his mouth curved into the hint of a smile.
"Hi," he breathed. I could hear him, barely, but I read it on his lips anyway. They were luscious, and I found it hard to look away. After a long moment of inappropriate staring, I looked up into his brilliant eyes and stammered.
"Hi, uh . . . um, you really didn't . . . I mean, let me pay you back for this . . . please?" Wow, was that even an actual question? Way to go, Bella, dazzle him with your wits! He chuckled at me openly, before he spoke.
"You're welcome," he said it with a smile which lit up his whole face.
"Sorry, thank you," I said embarrassed. "I really do want to pay you back, though; I can't even stay and talk cause Jake is tied up outside and I have cash in my bag and . . ." I trailed off. His eyebrows lifted slightly in amusement, and my face turned white-girl-after-a-week-in-Cancun red. I had just implied he asked me to sit and talk to him; he had done no such thing. He was obviously vacating his table and saying goodbye to Seth. Seth who had just witnessed my stellar ability to embarrass myself using my mouth alone.
I had no idea what I could say without causing myself further humiliation, so I settled for staring at the counter and shifting uncomfortably.
"I saw Jake outside, so I figured you were walking back," he shrugged. "No, you may not pay me back," he smiled. His eyes shifted down and his fingers toyed with the edge of his coffee cup, "I thought maybe I could walk back with you," he finished quietly.
I had to press my feet into the ground to avoid spontaneous shimmies of joy. He wanted to keep me company, and he bought me coffee and a cookie.
"Oh, sure, I'd like that," I said as I smiled back at him.
At almost exactly the same moment both of our eyes darted to Seth in a silent warning. No mocking or teasing. Seth gave us a wide-eyed innocent look and took a couple of steps back from the counter.
"Okay, well . . ." my body was moving towards the door and my voice trailed off before I could finish what I was saying. I wasn't saying anything; I was nervous talking.
He followed me quietly outside and stopped beside me as I reached to untie Jake's leash. Jake delivered a slobbery grin up to HotElevatorGuy as I glanced at him a few times furtively waiting, no, hoping for him to speak.
"It's pretty out today," I finally offered. The weather, really? Ugh. What was wrong with me? As I waited for him to respond, I used the opportunity to stare at him.
His skin was so smooth and lucent, I found myself wondering if he moisturized. Everything about his face seemed too perfect to be natural but didn't have the obvious overly groomed quality of a metrosexual. His lashes seemed too dark for his hair color, and I was wildly curious what colors I could expect the rest of his hair to be. And where it would be. Oh God.
"Yes, it is. Are you planning on spending the day outside?" He looked at me curiously, my face mid-scrutiny.
"No, actually, I have to work at the restaurant tonight," I admitted dejectedly. I found myself wanting a clear schedule in case he might ask me out, or just want to walk around the block continuously.
"Restaurant?" His eyes reflected genuine interest. I told him all about the place and my sister, Emmett and their two year old Charlie. He seemed to enjoy hearing about the menu, and I enjoyed talking about it. Their menu was a huge labor of love on my part. Many of the dishes were suggested or created by me.
"My roommate Alice works there a few times a week, too," I added after answering his questions about the location and atmosphere. Jake impatiently hauled me forward, and I giggled effervescently.
"Do you get annoyed working with her and living with her?" He seemed to jump from one question to the next. I didn't mind answering him, quite the contrary, I found it strangely enjoyable, but I wondered when I would get to ask the questions.
"Nope. She's my best friend too, and a lot of our shifts end up opposite of each other anyway," I shrugged. He asked me if I had any other jobs, and I told him about tutoring and watching my nephew. He looked at me thoughtfully as if he were trying to dissect my words to find some deeper meaning.
For a second, I saw his face fall into a mask of distress, and then he stepped around Jake to my side so he could open the lobby door. As we walked through the doorway, he followed closely behind me.
"You seem like a profoundly and innately good person," he whispered into my hair, and I could feel his breath warming my neck. A shiver went through my body.
My eyes widened in surprise, and I turned to search his face for some understanding. I couldn't marry the sad expression and dejected tone with the surprisingly kind words. He almost seemed disappointed at the discovery.
"Thank you," I whispered back solemnly. I didn't know how else to respond to his observation. His eyes shifted away from mine as he studied the door to the stairwell at the end of the room.
"Hey Bella!" Mike was practically bouncing in his seat. He was normally a friendly guy, but it was excessive, even for him.
"I need to tell you, um, something about new building procedures," Mike said suspiciously in a business-like tone. I glared at him and raised my eyebrows insistently, willing him to interpret my glare. I could only hope Mike heard me saying "Shut the fuck up; not a good time!" with my eyes.
When I looked back apologetically, HotElevatorGuy was a few paces ahead of Jake and me. He turned towards me with an uncomfortable look and forced a smile onto his face.
"I'd better go. I've wasted enough of your time," he was walking backwards and his face softened into a warmer expression, "I really enjoyed our conversation, thanks." He turned and hurried toward the stairwell before I could rebuke his negative assumptions. The giant dog at my side pulled forward and whined longingly after him. I knew exactly how Jake felt. I had no idea what was wrong with the man, but I knew he was completely earnest when he said he enjoyed talking to me. I wasn't sure how I knew, I just did.
With a disconcerted sigh, I turned back to Mike leveling a demanding look. What the hell was so important?
"So . . ." Mike had his eyebrows raised expectantly and his lips were clamped together by his teeth inside his mouth as he tried not to smile.
"So what?!" I snapped. Jake looked up and whined querulously.
"I thought you said you weren't gonna track him down," he laughed.
"What?" I had never considered Mike enigmatic before, but you could call me fucking puzzled.
"You promised me you wouldn't track him down and get us in trouble!" The words should have sounded angry, but I could tell Mike was teasing me. I still had no clue what the joke was, though. I stared at him, my brows furrowed and mouth slackened.
"You said you wouldn't harass Cullen; you just wanted his name," Mike tried to help me along as he realized I was still wholly confused. Cullen? Why was he talking about Edward Cullen?
"Mike, I haven't even seen the man. What are you talking about? Did someone complain?" Had I gotten Mike in trouble? Had someone seen me sitting in the hallway? I had no clue where he was taking this conversation. Was this some strangely elaborate joke?
"Well, you seemed pretty comfy chatting away with him outside the building; I guess I just thought you had tracked him down," he shrugged. He was obviously crestfallen because of my lack of ability to keep up with his teasing.
"I was talking to . . ." HotElevatorGuy. What was his name? I didn't know his name; he never told me. Wait, Seth called him something . . .
"Mike, I was talking to . . ." Holy shit. Eddie.
Seth called him Eddie.
Short for Edward.
"Edward Cullen. You were talking to Edward Cullen. Hold up, you didn't know that was him? You're, like, the worst stalker in the world!" He was gleeful, "For real, Bella, how many times have you talked to him? Was that the first time?"
The hot pink shade of my entire fucking face informed Mike, without my permission, that I had, in fact, spoken to Edward Cullen on more than one occasion. Mike was doubled over and shaking with gales of laughter.
I was completely frozen.
I was completely shocked.
The elevator. The park. The dreams . . .
Holy fucking fuck.
The music. His music. My music.
I was yanked out of my trance by an impatient 200-pound dog which had given up waiting for me. Mike now looked concerned; I must have been immobile for too long.
Without uttering a word I allowed Jake to drag me to the elevator, and I pushed the button. My mind was whirring so dizzily, I couldn't register any somatic shifts or pretensions. The doors opened, and in I stepped. I pushed the correct button, and my eyes slipped out of focus again.
Once we were inside the apartment, I lowered myself deliberately onto the couch. I stared at the opposite wall until Jake came up and nudged first my knee, then my arm and finally my ribs with his nose. I yelped loudly and laughed as he tickled my ribs. The laugh continued long after his nudge, and it was joyous and relieved and celebratory.
The stupor cleared, and I felt even more buoyant than I had earlier. Euphoric.
I wasn't crazy for dreaming about him and my music. My subconscious knew him before I did. I had to think it was a sign. Everything seemed to be laid out simply before me, and all I had to do was follow the signs. Giant neon flashing signs. The kind you could follow on crutches with only one good eye after drinking a bottle of cheap whiskey, like the signs in Vegas.
I rushed through the end of my routine with Jake and made my way quickly out of the building.
I was too overwhelmed to go sit calmly in his hallway, knowing he was just on the other side of a two-inch thick slab of wood. My thoughts were completely erratic, and I wasn't sure if I could stop myself from knocking on his door. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop myself, but I was entirely too dumbfounded to decide.
I rushed back to my apartment to change for my shift at the restaurant and prayed Alice wasn't home. She would know immediately something was up; on a good day, I could barely conceal a complete train of thought. Right now, she'd be able to see the home movie of my future happy life with Edward currently playing on a loop in my head as if it were projected on a fifty-foot screen.
Knowing how determined she could be when she wanted information, Alice would keep me in the apartment until I explained. She would use force if necessary. Looking at us, most people would instantly assume I could take Alice, but she was freakishly strong for her size; probably because of all the yoga and tai chi classes. Besides, I secretly found her frightening when she wore her no nonsense face. I'm a pacifist. I'd never been in a physical altercation in my life.
My key slid into the lock silently, and I turned it at half speed, attempting stealth. I crept into the hall and through the living room listening for signs of life. Realizing not even Alice could be this quiet, I let out a deep sigh.
My cheeks were starting to ache because of the smile stretched across my face with no threat of falling. Everywhere I looked in my room became a new stage for the scenes in my head; Edward was everywhere. He was carefree and smiling and happy to see me.
I changed quickly, washed my face and brushed my hair. Hoping to fill my head with something else, I decided to go into work early. Rose would gripe about me completely disregarding the schedule she so painstakingly toiled over, but Emmett would be happy to have the extra hands.
I made it to The Garlic Clove quickly, and hurried towards the back after walking inside.
"Seriously Bella, how hard is it to just come in when I write it on the schedule?" Rose looked at me with exasperation. We had this conversation too many times.
"Do I have to answer, or is the question rhetorical at this point?" I smiled at her because a smile is all my face would produce anyway.
She sucked her teeth and huffed in semi-mock outrage.
"Bella, I don't care if you come and go as you please if you work when I need you," totally not true. She's a control freak. She cared."You're just giving the other employees the impression that my schedule is flexible." Possibly true, however, they all knew I was her sister and had a heavy hand in helping them organize the restaurant.
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry and all that. I just had a weird day and wanted to get out of the apartment," I tried to appease her.
"Well, since you're here..." Now that she had scolded me, she was gonna give me a laundry list of things to do with my extra hour. Typical. I shifted my smile into a smirk and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Okay, we were really busy today, and I'm glad you're here early. I need the help," She finally conceded.
"Well, since you asked nicely . . ." I grinned at her as she rolled her eyes at me and playfully smacked my shoulder.
Most of the things Rosalie needed me to do were straightforward. Restocking the bar from the walk in cooler and some kitchen prep work, which had fallen behind. I was free to let my mind wander, but all it did was grab a bucket of popcorn and watch Bella and Edward's imaginary life.
At some stage, in the middle of my chores, I started to really think about my last interaction with Edward. A mental Mack truck slammed into my happy little home video as I remembered the sadness in his expression. In my deranged urgency to accept Edward as my karmically befitting gift from the universe, I'd forgotten about one thing.
I'd forgotten about what Edward wanted.
I'd never felt as confused as I did when I realized he might not want me. Usually, while I was in the process of making a decision I never felt torn; I just looked at my options and chose. Once I made my choice or arrived at a conclusion, I was done, settled. I typically felt good about my conclusions and didn't second-guess myself.
My mind began rapidly vacillating between The Cullens' Home Movies from an alternate reality and Edward's visible disappointment. After a couple of hours of pure mental distraction, I understood why my mind didn't normally operate this way; it was for my own physical safety.
I had spent my shift either standing frozen, after stopping haphazardly mid-stride, or colliding with everything in the room. I wasn't exactly walking straight into things. It was more ricocheting, like a pinball, off everything I came close to.
Emmett was alternating between hysterical laughter and distressed glances at me. I wasn't sure if he was more worried about my wellbeing or what I might do to the patrons.
I was deep in thought in the middle of the restaurant, so I couldn't tell Rose wanted my attention until she was only a few inches from my face. She looked down at my mouth and, I could tell she was irritated.
"Bella! I thought I broke you of that habit when we were in High School," she pointed at my bottom lip, "Stop. I mean it. Stop gnawing on your lip. You've got to be close to drawing blood."
"Don't exaggerate, Rose. I haven't been doing it that much," my embarrassment at being scolded for my strange subconscious affectation flooded my face. She rolled her eyes at me while pursing her lips; clearly, she disagreed with me.
"What? Are you talking about how Bella's been trying to eat her own lip for a couple of hours now?" Emmett boomed as he moved behind us unexpectedly, chuckling. I was so embarrassed by his observation, my whole face heated up.
Rose studied my face and squinted at me perceptively. Her fingers wrapped tightly around my upper arm, and she barreled gracefully down the hallway towards the office. She didn't seem bothered as I barely stayed on my feet, stumbling behind her.
"Ow, Rose, what the fuck?" I hissed at her in a low volume customers wouldn't hear. Continuing towards the office, she didn't respond, but her fingers loosened minutely, relieving the pain in my arm. Once we were in the office, she released me and closed the door, securely locking it. She faced the door for another moment and took a deep breath. No doubt, mentally prepping herself for the conversation she was about to start.
Rosalie fluidly turned to face me and stopped sharply, her eyes already locked on mine.
She looked like she was having a hard time deciding what to ask me, and I almost laughed. Almost. Rose never looked undecided or confused. She didn't hedge her thoughts, and starting a conversation was never her problem. Subtlety and volume were usually the things she had trouble with, so I was slightly amused to see her unsure of what she wanted to say. Finally, she gave me a slight headshake and huffed.
"What . . . what the hell is wrong with you?" She finally got out.
"What do you mean?" I asked curiously. I wasn't completely sure what she meant, and I wasn't about to start rattling on about something if it wasn't even what she took issue with.
"Frankly, Bella, you're confusing the fuck out of me," She looked, well, completely flustered, and if I hadn't been slightly worried, I would've been extremely amused. Rose didn't do flustered.
"I'm . . . sorry?" I wasn't sure what to say to her, "I guess I'm having a clumsy day." I went for my most obvious symptom which was, coincidently, the least complicated to discuss. She gave me a suspecting smirk and arched her eyebrow.
"You bouncing around the room as if you were stumbling through an earthquake has absolutely nothing to do with this," She waved her hand frantically in front of me gesturing up and down my body, "I have never seen you fluctuate back and forth between utterly disgusting blissfulness and looking like your dog died. You are, and always have been, either happy or sad or whatever. Usually happy. You are very easy to read because your feelings are simple and whole when you have them. Right now, you're really freaking me the fuck out," She shuddered, and I realized how much more Rosalie saw than she let on.
She was completely accurate. I didn't struggle with opposing feelings, and I never wavered within a whirlwind of confusing emotions. I felt one thing and it consumed me until another emotion was triggered. I was happy most of the time. I took a moment to decide what I wanted to tell Rose and how I would do it.
"Stop biting your lip, Bella," she said with an agitated sigh.
"Rose, I . . ." I started and couldn't finish. I took a deep breath, "I really like this guy, and I'm not sure how he feels about me," The words tumbled out. I tried to be as vague as possible because I was not ready to explain how crazy I was to anyone. I watched her face shift as I waited for her response.
"Really, Bella? Really? How old are you, like twelve?" She laughed at me, "I'm glad you like a boy, but what do you mean you're not sure how he feels about you? How many times do I have to tell you you're an awesome person and totally fucking hot? Just own it, and tell him what he wants. I can't believe you had me this worried, so I'm going back to work," she looked totally relieved. She turned around and walked out the door.
This was typical Rose. Part of me was glad I didn't have to explain further, glad Rose didn't push for information. It was definitely the larger part, but I couldn't help the minor disappointment I felt too. A very small part of me desperately wanted to spill my guts about Edward, and I was sure I couldn't unless someone coerced it from me.
When I finally walked into my apartment later that night, Alice was sitting on the couch. As usual, she was watching TV while reading a magazine, using her laptop and eating something. She was the master multi-tasker, and her ability to process several things at once was astounding.
She looked up at me with a disinterested glance, the kind you offer to something expected, but as soon as her eyes had dropped back to the screen, they jumped back up to me with a knitted brow.
" Hey Bella, you okay?" She asked curiously. I could tell she was really concerned, and I was reminded why I loved Alice. She always thought of others as more important than herself.
"I'm fine, A. I'm just really tired," I was really tired, but that definitely wasn't my problem. I still didn't feel ready to explain the whole situation between me and Edward, and unlike Rose, Alice would not let it go if I gave too much away. Rose wanted answers because I made her uncomfortable; once she had a suitable explanation, she didn't care about the rest. Alice cared, maybe too much, and would drag it out of me if it meant we were up for the next three days fighting about it.
Alice was silent for a few moments while she studied my face. Finally, her face softened and she nodded her head slowly.
"Okay," She said resignedly and her eyes moved back to the TV. She was exceedingly gifted when determining whether I would cooperate with her inquiries, and I was grateful that she let the subject rest for the moment.
"How do you feel now that your thesis is done and turned in?" I asked her with genuine interest as I sat down on the other end of the couch; Her stress level had been at an all time high for two weeks.
"Great!" Her whole face lit up, and I could tell she was very relieved, "Once I turned it over the stress just left my body. I guess I was just worrying about things I could do to make it better, and when it was out of my hands, all of the anxiety disappeared. I actually feel really confident about how it turned out."
"I told you it was great. I mean, I don't know a lot about the technical aspects of developing an innovative therapy routine for troubled youth, beside what I learned from your paper, but I thought your ideas were brilliant," I hoped Alice truly believed me. I loved her for her intelligence and her benevolent nature before I read her thesis, but after reading it, I was in awe. Her brain worked differently from anyone else I knew, and the ideas she wanted to put into action would help a lot of people.
"Thanks, Bella," She smiled at me, glowing at the praise.
"I meant it," I said simply, "Well, I think I'm gonna head to bed."
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Her face was serious as she waited for me to respond. I ducked my head and looked at the floor. I normally told Alice everything, and some guilt was creeping into my already swirling vat of emotional disarray.
"I know. I promise I'm okay," I mumbled unconvincingly, "Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning."
"Night," she spoke with quiet disappointment.
I moved mechanically towards my bedroom, and closed the door behind me. Slumping onto my bed, I dropped my bag at my feet. I sat on the edge of my bed and considered my situation for a while. I still couldn't decide whether I was ecstatic or disappointed; not knowing what Edward wanted was really confusing me.
A loud gust of air whooshed out of my lungs as I flopped my back down to the comforter behind me. I tried to sort out my thoughts while I stared at my ceiling fan. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I needed to figure out what Edward wanted before I could resolve my predicament.
Not bothering to stand up, I undid the button and zipper of my jeans and slid them down to my knees. I kicked them the rest of the way off into a heap on the floor. I scrambled further up the bed and sat to slide under the covers. I pulled my shirt over my head and unhooked my bra to toss them onto the floor too. I reached over to turn off the lamp on my side table, and closed my eyes.
I couldn't keep the image of the beautiful man out of my head. It had been hard enough to banish his image while I was distracted and busy, but now I was in silent darkness, it was impossible. I didn't want him to disappear, and I found myself wishing for dreams of him.
I realized I still wasn't sure how Edward felt about me, but I was sure how I felt about Edward. I knew I wanted him, in my dreams, in my bed, in my life, in my future, in every way possible.
. . . I stood behind Edward watching him. He was seated at his piano wearing nothing but dark jeans. The muscles across his shoulders and down his arms tensed and pulsed as he played. I stepped closer to his back, and from over his shoulder, I watched his fingers coax the keys. A wanton hum escaped my throat unbidden, and the music stopped abruptly.
He pushed his torso back curiously, and his head came to rest against my chest. I draped my arms over his shoulders, palming the bare skin over his abs and pecs. I whimpered as he languidly rubbed his head from side to side, caressing my breasts with the sides of his face.
I felt forceful fingers wrap around my calves, using their leverage to pull me flush against his hard back. I tilted my head down to nuzzle his hair as my fingers found his nipples and pinched them playfully. The heady scent of Edward was overwhelming, and I purred as I dragged my fingernails down his chest and past his navel to toy with the material at the waist of his jeans.
A loud groan left his mouth as he turned quickly and pulled me over the bench. My feet touched the ground between Edward's legs, and he wasted no time pressing his face into my breasts. His fingers crawled under my shirt hem and up my sides taking the cloth with them. The tank top was tossed onto the floor as Edward's face lit up at the sight of my braless chest.
He sucked my nipple into his smiling mouth, eliciting a gasp from me. His firm hands kneaded the muscles of my back pressing me further into his mouth before sliding down to grip my ass. I whimpered my arousal as he pulled my body more tightly against his. My fingers twisted into his hair and tugged his head back. I smothered his mouth with my hungry lips, stealing his breath.
His moan sent vibrations into my lips and tongue causing me to frantically climb onto his lap. I straddled his legs, grinding into his rock hard erection restrained in his jeans; I gasped into him as he let out a quiet growl. We continued kissing, and our lips parted rhythmically around my panting. His growls grew louder, and I could feel his chest rumbling against my naked breasts. He used one hand against my ass to thrust his throbbing cock against my center while the other hand squeezed my breast, pinching my erect nipple.
I felt a warm flush spread across my skin, burning with pleasure under the surface. Edward's music, my music, flooded the space around me; I gasped again as the burning started to consume me . . .
The heat woke me up. Before I could open my eyes, I felt the dampness of perspiration all over my skin. I also noticed that my hands were located in interesting places on my body. My left hand was pressed between my legs over my panties, and I could feel warm moisture there. The fingers on my right hand were squeezing my taut nipple, and I felt the tightness of arousal in my abdomen.
I breathed a deep sigh and opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. My dreams were only becoming more vivid and realistic. Unfortunately, my need for physical satisfaction from Edward was increasing, and no amount of hallucinatory self-stimulation or dreamed orgasms was decreasing the desire for his body against mine.
I took a long, hot shower, secretly hoping Alice would've left for the day by the time I was done. I felt horrible for wanting to avoid her, but I just wasn't ready to tell her anything yet.
As I walked back through the apartment, I could tell she had left, and I was hugely relieved. I spent the rest of the morning staring at the TV and avoiding the beatific visions in the back of my mind.
After noon, I got my stuff together and locked the door before heading off to Rose and Emmett's house. I made a quick stop to get a sandwich for me and a cookie for Charlie. I was hoping watching him for the evening would put my brain back into perspective. As happy as I felt when I thought about Edward, I was starting to wonder if I was crazy for feeling so strongly about someone I'd had two conversations with.
I definitely wasn't a prude, and I'd felt quick connections with people I'd just met before. They were nothing compared to this though, and I was slightly apprehensive because of the intensity.
I let myself into their front door, and snuck down the hall. I could hear Emmett playing loudly with Charlie in his room, but I peaked into the bedroom first. I wanted to say hi to Rose, so she wouldn't think I was an intruder. I walked to the master bathroom and tapped lightly on the doorframe. Rose looked up at my face reflecting in the mirror.
"Hey, sis," I studied her admiringly through the glass. She was so stunning. She smiled at me, and went back to applying the lipstick she held in her hand.
"Hey hon, how are you?" She asked after her lips were tinted a warm pink.
"Good," I responded generically.
"Well, have you seen the baby yet? Oh, and I'm sure Charlie wants to see you too," I chuckled at the mention of Emmett being the true toddler in the house and shook my head 'no'. I pressed my finger to my lips, warning Rose not to give me away, and crept animatedly towards the hall.
I stopped just before the door to Charlie's room to listen in on their conversation. They were much quieter than when I entered the house and seemed to be concentrating on some sort of puzzle game. I poised myself for attack and sprang into the room with a loud yell.
"AAAAARRRGH!!" Emmett was scared half to death, screaming at the top of his lungs.
At the same time Emmett started screaming like a little girl, Charlie had looked up completely unruffled, recognized me and crowed "Bewuh" happily. He was halfway across the room, launching towards my legs, when he realized his father was slightly over reacting. He rolled onto the floor in a fit of giggles.
I hefted Charlie over my shoulder and carried him into the master bedroom. We sat on the bed and watched Rose dance around the room as she got ready. She stopped and looked at me with a pouty face.
"We're about to head out to the restaurant," she whispered with disappointment. She hated leaving Charlie behind.
"Okay, don't stress yourself out too much. We'll be fine here guarding the house," I looked at the little boy next to me seriously, "Are you up to the task, sir?"
He grinned at me hugely and violently shook his head 'yes', probably not even sure to what he agreed. He was only two and a half.
"Well, the brave men that guard the house tonight will be rewarded with chocolate chip cookies!" I boomed goofily.
"I'm staying home tonight, hon," we heard Emmett call from the other room, and I laughed at his silliness.
Charlie and I spent the rest of the afternoon watching his favorite Disney movies and drawing colorful pictures. He was extremely well behaved, but then, he usually was for me. Close to his bedtime, he fell asleep while we were watching one of the movies, and I carefully carried him into his room.
Having Charlie to play with had been a perfect distraction; a two year old demanded your full attention. Now he was sleeping, I was left with next to nothing to occupy my brain, and the first thing my mind jumped to was Edward.
His amazing face, soft lips and rich green eyes bored into my brain. I watched the end of Beauty and the Beast, and daydreamed of animated crockery helping me win Edward's heart. My life would be so much easier with talking housewares.
Sighing, I left the couch and headed to Charlie's room to check on him. A gentle smile lifted my cheeks as I watched his tiny chest inflate and collapse in a steady rhythm. His eyelashes were resting against his lower lids, and his dark little eyebrows were pulled together, tensed as he dreamed. The rosy color over the apples of his cheeks reminded me of myself.
Before I could help it, I was imagining what my own child would look like. Maybe he would have my dark hair and Edward's green eyes. Oh God. Edward's eyes. Our child.
I shook my head and walked to the kitchen. Rifling through the fridge, I hunted for something to snack on. Maybe I could eat myself into distraction. I settled on some finger food, so it would take me longer to eat.
I washed some red grapes, sliced some sharp white cheddar and apples and grabbed the box of Triscuits out of the cabinet. I poured myself a glass of the Sauvignon Blanc already open in the fridge and tucked the bottle under my arm to take it with me into the living room.
I spent two hours picking at my snacks and finishing the bottle of wine. Then, I lay down on the couch, pulling the blanket draped over the back onto my legs. The wine had slowed my thoughts down, so they were no longer racing. I still couldn't get his face out of my head, but it was easy for me to drift off to sleep.
Shaking. My consciousness returned with jostling. Shaking and jostling. I peeled my eyes open to figure out how I was possibly in the middle of an earthquake. As soon as my eyes focused, I realized I was almost nose-to-nose with my sister, and I instinctively flinched back into the couch.
"So, who's Edward?" Her eyebrows raised at me curiously. For one moment I was confused, and then clarity dawned on me. I felt heat flood my face and my hands flew up to cover my embarrassment. Strong soft hands wrapped around my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. Rose didn't release my arms as she leveled me with an expectant look.
"Oh God, what else did I . . .say?" I wasn't exactly worried about noises in the form of words, and Rose knew it.
"Don't worry. You didn't make any other sounds," she smirked back at me, "Edward?"
"He's the guy I mentioned yesterday," I stammered at her.
"You must be stupid over this guy. When we were younger you would chatter on and on in your sleep about anything and everything, but you never once mentioned a guy's name; not even the ones you dated."
I rolled my eyes at Rose, but I knew she was right. I was stupid over Edward. I couldn't even decide how to pursue him or if I should.
No, I was pretty solid on that point. I definitely should.
"What time is it?" I asked her after I noticed daylight peeking through the curtains.
"Around nine," she shrugged as she stood and walked out of the room.
Stretching, I sat up slowly. I tried to lick my lips, but my mouth was more desert-like than swamp-like. I shuffled into the kitchen and poured some cold water into a glass. After half the glass, I felt better, and I pinched a fresh croissant from the paper bag on the counter before heading back to the couch.
"You want some tea, baby girl?" Emmett peeked his head around the kitchen door.
"Sure, with milk please!" I smiled back.
After drinking my tea while swapping different sections of the paper with Em, I changed my clothes and headed to my apartment.
Alice was sitting on the couch when I swung the door open. I dropped my bags and ambled to the couch, plopping down next to her with a loud huff. I threw my arm over her shoulders and squeezed, letting my head fall to rest on hers.
My best friend turned her face towards me and pecked my cheek enthusiastically.
"Hey," she mumbled after tilting her head to stabilize mine. We both stared at the TV thoughtfully.
"Alice?" I whispered.
"Yeah?" There was hope in her voice.
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding talking to you," I apologized quietly.
I felt her little shoulders shrug under my arm, "I figured you'd talk to me when you were ready. I knew you weren't mad at me," she assured me.
I sat quietly for another moment.
"Bella, are you ever gonna tell me what's going on?" She wheedled, "I'm dying of curiosity!"
I laughed at her because I knew what kind of restraint it had taken for her to leave me be. Alice was nosy; she pried. I took a deep, noisy breath.
"Okay, there's this guy . . ." I started. I told Alice all about Edward, only leaving out my hallway concerts, and she listened carefully. I repeated the conversations we'd had to her verbatim. I described how amazingly beautiful he was. I finished with his seeming discomfort at the end of our last meeting.
"So, let me get this straight. Edward is not only familiar with your favorite band and knows their obscure songs," I opened my mouth to say something, but she silenced me with a pointer finger in front of my face, "He identified your favorite poem by title, he bought you coffee and a cookie, he asked to walk you back to the building, he said you were a good person, oh, and apparently he's dee-fucking-licious. So, what's with the confusion, kid? When are y'all getting married?"
I stared at her in disbelief. Had she heard anything I'd said?
"Alice, didn't you hear what I said about Friday afternoon?" I asked in a tiny voice.
"I don't think that matters. You like him, and apparently, he's just as strange as you are. I think you need to get over the nerves, and actually introduce yourself to him, properly," She looked at me reassuringly, "I think, if you give yourself the chance to get to know him better, your insecurity will dissolve. There is absolutely no way he isn't interested in you; you're, like, the most awesome person I know. Just know it. Be it," she finished with a smile and a shove to my shoulder.
"I didn't know I was the only person you knew," I teased with mock pity. She gave me a serious, no nonsense look, "Okay, okay, I know. Rose told me, basically, the same thing," I shrugged.
"What!?" My body instinctively jumped away from my explosive roommate, "You told Rosalie before you told me!?"
She looked livid. Livid and shocked and . . . hurt.
"Alice," I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Rose forced me into the back room because I was acting like a crazy person at the restaurant. All I told her was that I liked a guy; she didn't care about the rest," I assured her.
My manipulative best friend pouted silently. I went for the string she always responded to.
"I spend time with you because I want to. I have to spend time with Rose; we're related," I loved my sister, but this always made Alice feel better.
"Okay, but I get to plan the wedding, bitch," she conceded jokingly. At least, I hoped she was joking.
"Sure, Alice, whatever you want," as if I would ever get married.
"So, you're gonna talk to him?" She bounced happily on the couch.
"I guess I don't have a choice. I'm honestly not sure I could avoid him if I tried," I murmured, full of embarrassment.
She laughed at me heartily and pushed off the couch to get ready for her shift at the restaurant.
After Alice left, I scrubbed the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, mopped, vacuumed the whole apartment, dusted the shelves and reorganized my closet, anything to keep me focused on something other than Edward. When there was nothing left to clean, I changed clothes and left my apartment for a jog. I didn't normally exercise, aside from the occasional yoga class with Alice, but I'd heard it relaxed people.
My mind was still running a million miles a minute when I got back, but the ache in my muscles weighed my body down. I felt like I had lead on the end of each limb.
I went straight to the bathroom, peeling my sweaty clothes off and dropping them on the tile. I waited until the shower steamed before I stepped past the curtain. I sat in the tub, letting the hot water stream over my body. Before the water turned freezing, I quickly washed my hair, face and body.
I put on a comfy tank and some cotton shorts and flopped onto the couch. I flipped channels and watched junk TV as the sun set. Finally, I was struck by an epiphany. I wanted Edward no matter what. Obviously, he might not want me, but I would do my best to make myself available until I knew for sure. The sureness of my sudden conviction settled my nerves instantly. I felt completely calm because I was sure of my choices. I leaned back and watched the romantic comedy that was already on TV.
Alice walked in a half an hour later with a to go box of food. She plopped down next to me and was immediately engrossed in the movie. Absentmindedly, she thrust the box in front of me without looking.
"What is it?" I was too lazy to look first.
"Your usual, mashed sweet potatoes, baby greens salad with goat cheese and a piece of muscadine pie. Weirdo," she accused after listing the random assortment of items.
"Thanks!" I jumped up to grab a fork from the kitchen. I ate the food happily, and we watched the rest of the movie before saying goodnight to each other.
The sky outside my bedroom window was a rich bluish purple with feathery dark gray clouds. I settled into my bed and looked through the glass at the full moon. I hoped I would see Edward the next day; I was determined to officially introduce myself. I closed my eyes and saw him. He was so unbelievably pretty.
Edward's fingers brushed lightly up my cheeks and buried in the hair above my temples.
"Bella," he breathed against my mouth, "you're so beautiful."
I gasped lightly as his lips hovered close to mine. He pulled one hand through my hair to the back of my neck and pressed my head towards him. His hand slid slowly down my spine, and I felt his needy fingers push into my back. I reached up to hold his face with my hands, feeling his smooth, cool skin against mine.
He gripped my lower back and pulled my body flush against his. I pushed my lips closer to his delectable mouth, waiting for him to respond. He closed the distance between us hungrily, and a shock of electricity passed into my lips.
Our mouths moved together passionately as I felt his tongue brush tentatively against my lips. I opened to him with a sigh and felt his tongue pushing into my mouth passionately.
We continued to kiss, gasping for breath around each other's mouths. Edward's other fingers pulled from my hair, tickled over my cheek and dragged smoothly down my neck. He pushed his fingertips into the skin under my collarbone and rubbed circles down my chest. His hand ghosted over me before cupping my breast firmly.
I moaned quietly into his mouth as he squeezed my breast and pinched my nipple between his fingers. I felt a warm tension building in my abdomen and a subtle throb between my legs.
The obnoxious sound of my blaring alarm startled me awake. As was becoming usual, I was panting heavily. I couldn't believe it; I'd only dreamed about kissing him.
I washed my face and dressed quickly before grabbing an apple from my fridge and heading out the door. I stopped by my favorite bookstore on my way to Edward's building. I mean Jake's building.
The store smelled pleasantly of musty paper and ink, and I walked around fingering the worn cloth spines of colorful books. Excitement was building in my chest, and all sense of uncertainty washed away.
I couldn't wait to see him; I hoped he would be in the elevator or the lobby. I wanted to seize what little time I might have and introduce myself. I would make sure he knew I wanted him, then he would have to make his feelings more clear.
Leaving the bookstore, I walked purposefully towards my date with a giant dog and an elevator and the literal man of my dreams. As I walked through the double glass doors into the lobby, I knew immediately he was not in the room. I threw one hand up in greeting towards Mike and continued to stride quickly towards the elevator.
I rode the elevator car up to the eighth floor alone in silence. I imagined seven million different possible conversations with Edward in this space, and then my imagination moved on to less vocal ways for us to communicate. My breath was heavy leaving my chest, and I was very thankful when the doors slid open with a chime. Being alone in the elevator was too tempting for my subconscious; I had begun to feel like I was in one of my dreams.
The key turned silently in the lock, and I walked into the apartment. Jake took a moment to wake up and realize someone was in the house. He recognized me immediately but barked anyway because he had been caught off guard. I shushed him sternly, and he perked up and trotted forward to assault me with a slobbery, wet tongue.
"Alright, alright. Back off," I shoved awkwardly at the monster dog who didn't budge an inch. I maneuvered my way, around him, towards the kitchen, and I grabbed a cold water from the fridge, slipping it into my bag. I bagged up a few of Jake's cookies and shoved them quickly in the bag too.
I nervously checked the time on the electronic display above the stove. I was anxious to see Edward, and all I wanted to do was rush to the elevator. Knowing that our meetings were all in the timing, I restrained the urge. I needed to time this as closely to my normal routine as possible.
After Jake and I played a bit and he was leashed and ready to go, we walked out into the hall. I locked the door and moved down the hall towards the elevator doors. Taking a deep breath, I let my fingers reach out and depress the button.
When the doors slid open, I stepped into the small, warm compartment. I hesitated over the buttons before pushing the 'L'. I wanted desperately to select '7', but if he wasn't waiting for the elevator already, there was no point to stopping on his floor.
I watched the heavy, metal doors slide closed automatically, and I crossed my fingers. Yes, actually, like a ten year old. Jake curled up close to the wall and began attentively snuffling at the carpet.
"Please let it stop. Please let it stop. Please let it stop . . ." I chanted repeatedly under my breath. When the lift slowed almost as soon as it had started, I almost jumped up and down. Okay, I did hop a little. The giant dog spared me a confused glance, and then returned to the apparently interesting carpet.
For the part of a moment in between the arrest of movement and the doors sliding open, I held my breath. Please be him, please be him, please be him my brain begged silently. The doors started to open, and they were too fucking slow! I'd never noticed how decrepit they were; I'd have to tell Mike they needed to be checked.
The held air softly released from my lungs as his face appeared between the parted doors. His beautiful face. Alice's word choice had been perfect; he was dee-fucking-licious.
He stared at my face for a few moments, and then, he looked away and stepped into the box. Hell no. No looking away.
"Good morning!" I looked at him openly and closed some distance between us, releasing Jake's leash. He looked slightly surprised but recovered quickly.
"Hi, how are you today?" His eyes were full of warmth as he smiled lightly at me.
"Good." I was gonna just jump right in, "You know, I noticed that we haven't even properly introduced ourselves. I'm Bella Swan," I held my hand out to him hoping to all that is holy I would get to touch him. He looked down at my hand and slowly took it with his.
"Nice to meet you Bella. My name is Edward Cullen," I felt my hand move imperceptibly, and we stood, joined, for longer than normal. I felt more like we were holding hands, but in a handshake formation. His fingers wrapped around most of my hand; his skin felt warm and seemed to vibrate with electrical energy.
"I'm very happy to meet you, Edward," I almost purred at him. Where the hell did that come from? His slight smile grew larger. Oh, so you like the purring?
"Edward, I'm glad we met; I really like you," I tried to keep it light and friendly, but I meant so much more.
"I like you too, Bella," he said it with a huge grin, but it felt friendly. I couldn't tell if he meant he wanted to talk to me or ravish me. This was no good.
Pushing myself closer to him and holding his hand hostage, I looked sincerely up into his eyes.
"No, Edward, I really like you," I definitely purred, and what the hell happened to light and friendly?
His smile dropped as his mouth fell open, and I felt his warm breath against my skin in faster pants. I studied the depths of his beautiful eyes, his pupils dilating as I watched. My attention was quickly drawn to the source of the balmy breath against my face. His mouth. His parted lips. Why had I allowed myself to daydream so much? I was completely fucked.
Before he could even respond, I had closed the six-inch gap left between our faces. I pressed my slightly open mouth barely to his, and he moaned very faintly. I tentatively pushed my tongue out to touch his lip. I didn't force it into his mouth; I just wanted to taste him. He tasted fresh and minty and warm and delectable.
As soon as my tongue made contact with his lip, I felt a whirl of movement. Strong, warm hands gripped my upper arms tightly, and I was lifted and spun into the wall next to me. I heard an unsure rumble coming from Jake, and I hoped he would return focus to the carpet. Edward didn't break the connection of our mouths, and when my back hit the wall, he deepened the kiss ravenously. I moaned loudly into him as his tongue searched my willing mouth.
He kissed me completely stupid, and the sounds he let loose around me were ferocious and animalistic and made me so fucking wet. Even though he still had my arms pinned against the wall, I could bend my elbows and reach his sides. I began dragging my fingers roughly over his ribs, up until I couldn't stretch any further, and down, passing them over his belt to grip his hips before I continued back up. He growled into my mouth, he fucking growled, and pressed his body against mine. I vaguely heard a soft woof in response to the growling, and the corners of my mouth lifted.
I whimpered as I felt his stiff erection press against my lower abdomen. I pushed my body into him, hoping he would enjoy the feeling of our bodies pressed together as much as I did. He bucked forcefully against me in response. So, he definitely liked it. I thrust my face towards his, assaulting his mouth, as I gripped the sides of his shirt.
I was about to wrap my legs around his waist when the elevator chimed, indicating the doors had opened. Within a fraction of a second, he was on the other side of the elevator, stooping unnecessarily to grab Jake's leash; the dog was still lounging on the floor. He held the door open with his hand as we both stood motionless. The abrupt disconnect from the sexiest thing I had ever experienced had me shocked. I waited for him to smile at me or ask if he could walk with me or if I wanted coffee.
None of it happened. He looked up at me with obvious shame, his face a tortured mask of pain. I half stepped towards him extending my hand as he flinched away from me. He fucking flinched away from me.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have done that; it was horribly inappropriate. I can't believe I took advantage of you like that . . . I'm sorry," he implored throwing the leash towards me and bolted from the elevator. I watched him dart behind the door to the stairwell and out of sight. Thankfully, I'd caught the leash because, in a second, Jake was off the ground and yanking me after Edward.
What the hell just happened? Took advantage? Did he not notice me kissing him first? Well, it seemed as if he felt the same way I did, in the beginning. That was the singularly best sexual event that had ever taken place in my life. Better than all of the sex; better than all of my dreams. Then, he just panicked and ran off. That was the strangest reaction a man had ever had to me. Especially after a please-fuck-me-hard-against-the-wall kiss.
I stood lost in thought holding the elevator door open until Jake finally dragged me out of the little steel box.
Now I wanted Edward more than I could've imagined, but I was further from understanding whether he wanted me than I was this morning. I needed to sort this shit out quickly; confusion didn't suit me.
a/n: push the button right down there, and tell me what you think. I want your yays, nays and mehs. I'm nosy; I want 'em all.