This chapter is dedicated to Will work for TATERTOTS 8 because you made me happy. I'd sign your copy of my book if I ever met you. lol

The first thing I noticed when I regained consciousness was the pain. Oh, such pain it was. It felt like I had been run over by a car, but rather then just breaking the ribs that I knew were cracked- the hot rubber had remained attached to my skin and was burning slowly through the flesh.

The second thing I noticed was the other sort of fire that was scorching my lungs and throat. It was the too-weak and too-dry sort. I realized, as I opened my hazy eyes and my mind slowly crawled into the world of the alert, that it was a struggle for me to breathe.

That led me to the third and least significant thing. My mouth tasted like blood.

What had happened to me? Why did I hurt so much? My head was spinning, and there was a vaguely familiar ache on my shoulder that I only noticed because I had tried to move it. Was I at a hospital? It was so very dark. Did they turn lights off at hospitals?

Somewhere in the room, an irritated snarl bounced off the glass windows and echoed dramatically in my hyper-alert ears. It was the sound that triggered the memories.

I saw the sunlight glittering off of Paul's teeth as his jaw snapped my fragile human body like a twig under his massive paw. I felt the flesh tear. I heard the bones crunch. I heard Silas's scream, and all those terrible snarls.

I hadn't realized I had cried out and begun to flail until a pair- two actually- of cold hands restrained me. The smaller set forced my legs still, and the larger ones pressed my arms over my chest in an X shape to pin me to the bed.

"Bella! Bella, calm down, you're safe!" A soothing male voice rang into my ears.

I gasped and tried to struggle away from the restraining hands. It hurt my throat terribly to do so, but I rasped in panic, "Edward! W-where's Edward?"

The male voice gently assured me, "Bella, I'm right here. I've got you, honey, just relax."

I fell totally still, mentally scrambling. I was so disoriented I couldn't tell if it really was Edward or not. It could have been Rosalie, for all I knew. My heart thundered painfully in my chest and I gasped for air.

"Alice, turn the lights on and get her some water." Supposed-Edward ordered quickly. A half of a second later the lights flicked on. I had been willing to calm down, but not anymore.

I saw everything get lighter, but it was still dark to me. Faceless shadows moving around in a blur. Was I going blind? Oh, God!

I started crying and clutched Edward's hands. "I c-can't s-see!"

"It's okay, just relax and let it come back." Alice's soft, reassuring voice promised me. "You hit your head really hard when you were thrown to the ground. It's because the lights came on too fast, it's called flash blindness."

I took a few deep breaths, trying to make myself trust their knowledge. After twenty or so seconds, the shadows began to retreat and I could see the blurry, colorful smudges of my brother and sister.

"Would you like some water?" Edward asked me as soon as I had fallen limp. I nodded miserably. That would alleviate one of the three sorts of fire. My little fit had flared my lungs and throat at me angrily. I wish I hadn't done it.

Alice helped support me as Edward brought the cup to my lips. As I sipped it, I regained my full strength of vision again. Damn, if I ever became blind, I was going to die of an anxiety attack.

I was lay back on the bed by Alice, who smiled at me. I frowned and asked, "Where are we?"

"Our house." Edward answered. "We told Charlie that you were hurt by a bear in the forest out back. He's come to see you, but you've been unconscious for two days."

Two days?

"Silas?" I asked with a slightly paranoid edge to my words.

They shared a concerned look. I tried to struggle into the sitting position. Doing so rocketed such a horrible spark of anguish through my abdomen. I grimaced and instantly fell back into the laying position.

Alice answered me, "Silas is in my room. I think he's asleep right now, it's almost four in the morning."

"What happened to me?" I asked through a fresh wave of tears. I was in a lot of pain. A broken leg had nothing on this. Hell, even Jasper's venom had nothing on this! Okay, that was a lie, but it only hurt a little less then the venom.

"Don't you know?" Alice asked carefully. She was testing my memory.

"Paul." I whimpered. "I g-got in the way of his attack."

Edward's eyes were reproachful as he glared sternly at me, but his voice was very soft when he spoke. "You shouldn't have ever done that, Bella. I would have been fine."

I promised, "I couldn't help it. I wasn't thinking, it just happened."

We were all silent for a while. I eventually got the courage to ask, "So what's the damage total?"

Edward reported instantly. "You have three broken ribs; and two lacerations. Fourteen and eight inches stretching from your left side to just below your chest."

"Why does my shoulder hurt?" I asked in confusion. I was sure it really hurt. It hurt like a bitch.

Alice glared aggressively at Edward and informed me, "He bit you."

Edward hung his head, looking thoroughly ashamed of himself. "Alice couldn't get me to let go. She had to attack me. Then she got all territorial over you."

Alice explained. "I knew it would keep him away. Basic vampire instinct, avoid a more dominate vampire when they're protecting prey."

Her unhappy eyes glared at her mate again, and her voice was scathing. "He was lucky that I was so close behind him. You had already lost so much blood, if his venom started to spread for even a few more seconds it would have been too late for you."

I smiled and set a hand on Edward's knee. "Don't be so hard on him, Alice. I'd be dead if it wasn't for Edward. He did his best."

Edward beamed like a small child who had been praised. He eyed Alice with mock-defiance. "I told you she wouldn't be mad at me."

I may be hurting, but I was alive. Silas was sleeping across the hall. Edward wasn't dead, and Alice wasn't heart broken. Jasper was…

"What happened to Jasper? Wasn't he with you, Alice?" I asked in another, stronger panic. My heart skipped a beat when I realized he had not been mentioned once. If Alice had come to save Silas, then that means Jasper would have come to fight. Had he not been able to hold of Quil and Paul?

"I'm fine." My favorite, buttery voice answered from the doorway. I smiled brightly, as did he, when I turned my head to look at Jasper. Edward and Alice instantly backed away as he stalked across the room and sat on the bed with me. I heard the door close as we were left alone.

He laughed once when he saw me, a bitter and harsh laugh. "What is it with you and getting hurt?"

I shrugged sadly. Like I chose to end up injured all the time? It sort of just happened.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me tensely, though I knew he could feel what I was feeling. That was suspicious.

I frowned, guessing that he was stalling. I was afraid to, but I requested, "Just say what's on your mind."

I shrank away from the fury in his eyes when he snarled quietly, "Didn't I tell you this was going to happen, Bella? Didn't I warn you not to trust those beasts?" The hate and scorn in his voice was startling to me.

He took no notice to my shock. He just continued to lecture me, sounding very accusing. "You told me you could trust them, Bella. You were so damn sure that you'd be safe- and now look at you! You could have died, damn it, why didn't you listen to me!"

The deepest parts of my heart knew that he was right to be angry with me. If I had been in his shoes, I would have been furious with myself for not heeding the advice of an older and more experienced being. For risking not just my, but Silas's life as well.

But then other parts of me were trying to be in denial. They were making excuses like, 'I had only promised Jacob wouldn't hurt me' and 'It was technically Edward who was attacked'.

Those may both be true, but when it comes right down to the simple facts, I should have listened to Jasper. I didn't, and the thing he had worried about most did happen, and now he was furious with me.

To both his and my shock, I began to cry. Hard, heavy tears that shook my entire body.

A second later Jasper's cold arms were around me, his cheek on my non-wounded shoulder. He whispered softly, "Come on, darlin', stop it now. You don't have to be upset. I'm sorry I lost my temper."

I didn't even try to stop myself. Him slapping the truth right in my face wasn't what had set me off; it was what had finally set me off. It was the blow to my mental barrier that shattered the carefully built box in my head. The one where I stuffed everything bad away to try and avoid it. I couldn't avoid it, though. Not forever. Eventually everyone must come to terms with everything.

Jasper had hurt me, and I wasn't okay with that.

I allowed myself to use Jacob for my own selfish pain, and now I had left him as heartbroken as I once was.

I was a bad mother who endangered my loving, fragile young son- and exposed him to horrible and dangerous things.

I didn't trust myself enough to trust my very own soul mate, and it had caused us both unnecessary pain.

I was an idiot.

I was useless.

I was a waste of time.

I didn't deserve love.

Quite suddenly I understood everything about myself. It just struck me as fast as I had been injured two days ago. I realized and admitted to myself that I was just- plain and simple- a horrible person.

Jasper noticed my sudden feelings of self-loathing and scorn. He kissed my cheek, and I felt all of my nerves began to go numb. It did block out the pain from my wound, but it wasn't strong enough to stop me from hating myself.

I soon fell asleep glaring up at the twinkling indigo sky.

If anyone wants to know the significance of the fics title, now that you've read this chapter, just ask me!

This week has been a rather bad one for me. I have done no reading. How about you all suggest a fic to me today. XD