This chapter is dedicated to all of you, for being so patient. I'm sorry for the long wait! My muses didn't want me to write this one.

I was awoken sometime by Jasper. Judging by the shade of gray it was outside, it was just past noon. The steady rain beating against the windows had a rather relaxing effect on me. I had grown used to the rain over my time in Forks, and rather than loathe it I now relied on its consistency to keep me sane.

Sometimes a person just needed some consistency in a life that was so unpredictable.

"Bella, you have to eat something." Jasper reminded me as soon as I was fully awake, his voice so gentle compared to last time I heard him that it startled me.

"What are you feeding me?" I asked, trying to match the level of caution I know he was using. Before I fell asleep, whenever that was, I had indeed come to accept that there were problems between us.

If we didn't use at least some caution right now, we would fall right off of the little ledge we were balancing on.

"Edward and Alice are fighting about it downstairs." He reported, his eyes twinkling playfully.

I smiled a little bit before realizing that there was a painful ache in my back. Lying down for so long was probably cramping the muscles something terrible. I asked Jasper, "Will you help me sit up."

"Of course." He answered instantly, carefully propping me upright as I struggled to find a position that was comfortable.

"I don't really hurt a lot today." I noted in shock. Last time I was conscious, I tried to sit up and made it three inches before my entire body started to throb. "How long has it been?"

"Oh, just eight or nine hours since you last fell asleep." He answered casually. "We called Carlisle, and he insisted on some real pain medication. Charlie got some morphine from Dr. Snow and dropped it off here."

"Where is Silas?" I asked hopefully. How long had it been since we had seen one another? For me it seemed like a day, but it was actually four if I remember the conversation I had early this morning correctly.

"Charlie offered to take him, but I didn't want to risk it. Alice is taking care of him." Jasper reported.

"Risk what?" I asked curiously. Charlie could cook well enough to keep Silas alive for a few days. Besides, the station wouldn't mind if he needed to take a week off for personal business.

Jasper's eyes flashed dangerously, and I frowned. He answered, "Risk him letting one of them watch Silas while he was at work."

Oh. Right. My only approved babysitter was a wolf.

Wolf. Jacob. Imprint.

"Jasper," I asked carefully, not wanting to give him the wrong message. "Has Jake come to visit?"

It was slightly difficult to keep him away from me when I was happy and healthy. Now that I was weak and hurt, it was just very difficult for me to imagine he'd be keeping his distance- vampires or not. I wouldn't mind seeing him, but at this moment in life, I'd be okay with him staying home.

I felt the urge to flinch away when Jasper's eyes met mine. The well-fed butterscotch I had just been looking into was suddenly ferociously black. I sat firm, though.

Jasper was very obviously struggling with his sudden rage. His arms flexed as his fists clenched. He tightened his shoulders and had to exhale slowly before he; apparently, decided he was calm enough to talk.

"Bella," he started, his tone firm and final, "You will not be seeing any of your pack friends again. They are just too dangerous." His entire face contorted with pain, and I could swear he got paler.

I asked, "Should I call him and tell him to stay away?"

Against my own will, my heart started to throb. I didn't want to do that to him. Even if it was best we break away from one another, the thought of having to tell him that made me want to cry.

"You don't need to." Jasper declined. "I took care of it."

Eyeing him suspiciously I asked, "How?"

Jasper's eyes and voice were as cold as ice when he answered me. "Did you know it takes exactly three bites to kill a werewolf? No less, very rarely more."

Fear began to paralyze me. I sat silently and waited to hear the worst. Jasper looked like an entirely different person. His eyes were vengeful, and his face was emotionless. He was, at the moment, not my Jasper anymore. This was a glimpse of Maria's Jasper. I didn't like him like this, but I was too afraid to interrupt his thoughts.

He growled quietly, his hands clenching. "The little gray one. His name?"

Little gray… "That's Paul." I chocked out. Had he killed Paul like he killed Jared? This time, it would have been out of revenge rather than instinct. Would Jasper really let himself become that sort of monster again, after he fought so hard to escape that life?

Jasper picked up on my emotional climate, horror clouded by fear and shock. His face became a little less fierce, and he sighed. "I didn't do it. Don't worry so much."

I relaxed, breathing a sigh of relief. Jasper looked disgusted with himself, and he harshly filled me in. "I was going to, Bella. I am tired of hurting people, but this was so different. I wanted so badly to make him suffer for hurting you. I was going to."

I comfortingly rubbed his knee. "Why didn't you?"

He sighed deeply, looking conflicted. "Like I said, I took care of this problem. Laurent and Irina made sure Jacob couldn't get to me. I was holding onto the boy. My venom had already rendered him immobile. It works fast, but you know that."

I laughed once, which surprised us both. I agreed simply, "I know that. Go on."

Clearing his throat a little he finished the story. "I made Jacob an offer. He could continue meddling with the coven at the price of his brother. Or, I would spare Paul as long as he promised, on the lives of all his pack mates, to never bother anyone in the Cullen clan again."

"I'm part of the Cullen clan?" I asked. I was surprised to hear it said that way.

Jasper smiled. "You were part of the family the day I met you. Jacob just didn't realize that until you picked your side in front of him."

We were silent for a few seconds before Jasper promised, sounding sincere and a little sad, "I am sorry. I know that they are your friends, but I can't lose you, Bella. I wouldn't survive it if you died."

By no conscious choice of my own, I bitterly whispered, "I've been dead before, Jasper."

I felt tears start to pool in my eyes, and slide down my cheeks before I could stop them. The day he came back was the day he felt the pain he inflicted me with.

Yes, he knew the pain, but how could I make him understand the emptiness? How was it possible for him to realize that I had just been nothing without him? A hollow shell, unable to feel at first because the man that had become my heart tore away from me and left.

It's hard for the heart to hurt when the heart is not there.

That was why I was so ready to let Jacob in. I needed to be able to feel again. I wanted to be able to laugh, and to love, and even to cry. I just wanted to feel like I was something. Feeling like nothing was terrifying. Being nothing was terrifying.

Jasper's hand gently clasped mine and he muttered, "I know that now, Bella."

I blinked away the blurry wall of tears and asked, desperately hoping that he wasn't just trying to make me feel better, "Do you, Jasper? I can't do this anymore. I can't just pretend that everything is okay."

He lifted his head to look at me, looking agonized. I put on a brave face. It was best to just tell him what I had to tell him. He would never be able to be happy with me if I lied to him, or kept secrets.

"I know that you hurt, too, when you left us." I whispered sadly. I had seen it in his eyes. I heard it in his voice. Saying goodbye had ripped him apart. "I understand that you suffered, too."

Jasper scooted closer to me, crossing his legs and leaning closer. He whispered intensely, "I don't want you to think about me, sugar bear. I'm not the important one. I've had two centuries to get used to suffering. I need you to let me know how I can help you."

I leaned against his shoulder, closing my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me as tightly as he dared with my body being so fragile right now. I felt his chest and shoulders shaking as he started to sob tearlessly. His voice was broken when he begged, "Just talk to me, Bella! That's all I want you to do. Please, just tell me what you need me to hear."

I buried my face into his shirt, clinging onto his cold body. I'd been too hot for too long. I missed the cold.

My mind started to retreat from this topic. My heart was ripped completely in two. Half one wanted him to know because I wanted Jasper to know everything about my life. Half two warned me to keep it all to myself and protect him from any more pain. His life has had enough of that.

Jasper was not going to let me hide from the truth anymore. He gently pushed me away from him, looking deep into my eyes. I felt like I would drown in his gaze.

He quietly informed me, "I do know that leaving you had killed you. Maybe you still had blood in your veins and air in your lungs, but Silas showed me things yesterday, Bella. He said he wanted me to know what I had done to his mama."

The heartbreak in Jasper's eyes scared me. I asked breathlessly, "What did you see?"

Jasper frowned. "I saw you sitting in the forest with him the day I left, too confused to actually talk to your mutt. I saw you start to cry when he showed you a picture of us. I saw you lying on your bed like a vegetable, on the one-year anniversary of you moving here. I saw the day you decided not to wear the ring I sent you."

He trailed off. He had seen four of my most painful memories involving him. Memories I didn't even like to think about. A secret part of me cheered. Now he really did understand.

I asked him hesitantly, "What else?"

Jasper grimaced, shaking his head a little bit. "I saw you so happy... with Jacob. You two were in the water, I assume after the jump Alice saw. Silas's view on it was a little foggy, but even he was able to tell that you were different. You practically radiated glee."

He saw the day that I realized I loved Jacob. He had seen examples of the very lowest points in my young life, caused by him; and one of the happiest ones, that did not involve him.

I squeezed his hand gently. "Why do you look so upset?"

"When I saw that you didn't have to hurt, and that you were able to smile and love with someone else's arms around you... I wondered if I made the right decision at all."

"Coming back?" I managed to ask through the fearful lump in my throat.

He shook his head, starting to look frustrated. "No. I would never think I was wrong for not staying away from you. I meant leaving in the first place."

"You did promise me that I had your faith." I pointed out. "You never even gave me the chance to let me help you. You just assumed you knew the best for me without asking what I thought."

A half of a second passed, and then a light of understanding seemed to click on in between us. That was the root of this. Of my unwillingness to accept him back into my heart. His trouble reconnecting with me. It all stemmed way back to that day in his bedroom, after he tried to bite me the first time.

He had promised me that he would trust me with helping him. When he didn't even ask for my help, it sent off signals that he didn't trust me at all. He didn't want me to be the one to help him because he had not thought I could.

I had trusted him with my life every second I spent with him. Of course I would have wanted him to do the same.

"Can we start over?" He asked hopefully. "Can we just wipe the slate clean and do it all again? I'll do anything I have to if it will make you love me again. I just need the chance."

Just hearing him ask that was enough for me. For now. I brushed my lips against his, and he willingly accepted the kiss. A few moments later I snuggled closer and hugged him.

He set his hand on my heart, looking down at me as he patiently awaited some sort of response.

"I never stopped loving you, Jasper." I promised him. "I'll prove it, too, if you go home and get that ring for me."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling when his face lip up. "You want to wear it? You don't have to."

Jasper was my first love, and my only love. He was the keeper and string-puller of my heart. He was every part of me, the good and the bad. He was my everything.

I told him that one day it would happen. One day he would be my husband. I wanted that day to be some day soon.

I did want to wear his ring. I wanted it so badly it hurt.

Jasper grinned at me. "Yeah, Bella. Me too."

I refer you all to my new story The Project because it is my baby. I have put more thought and effort into it then I will choosing my husband. xD