To Greyhaven11 and Val B: First and foremost my sincere apologies for taking eons with this update. It was a weird one to write, and will probably be weird to read. Normally I try to write these chapters snapshot style but Kate seemed to have a lot to say this time around, lol. Anyways, hopefully the next one won't take so long. Thanks for sticking with me guys, I love you both.
To the many people who have added this story to their favorite/alert list and haven't left a one decent review: You guys are rude and I wish for you to turn around right now. Either start reviewing or stop reading. I'm serious, it's really disrespectful. You don't have to say something nice when you review, just tell me what you think, it's not that difficult.
Little Reminders
Stepping foot onto the Julliard campus wasn't something I particularly enjoyed. While Ryan felt 'like performing arts school was a puzzle he'd been waiting his whole life to fit into', it kind of had the adverse affect on me. Like a baseball player fitted up for hockey, I was very much out of my element there. People could see it too. Maybe it was the clothes I wore, or how I did my hair. Maybe it was the way I walked, with far less grace than anyone who had dedicated their life to performing arts. Maybe it was nothing but my own imagination. Either way, as I traversed the quiet campus, full of whatever small darkness night could bring to the heart of New York, it seemed every eye that saw me knew immediately how at odds with the universe my presence was.
Relief, as well as a familiar buzzing excitement, filled me up when his dorm house came within view. In spite of the doubt I'd felt at Andrea's party and the guilt that had gnawed at my brain since, I smiled softly as I came to the door. I would run into Ryan's arms, we'd talk about everything that had been going on, probably make love and everything would be set right again. I just had to get inside first. Buzzing the callbox to his room, I tapped my nails against the plastic while waiting for a response. Just as I was thinking about how good it would feel to hear his voice, a very different one hit my ears with a disappointing jolt.
"Who iiis iiit?" A female voice responded in a sing-song tune, laughing softly with someone in the background afterwards. Frowning, I pushed the talk button and responded as every warm, fuzzy vision I'd built up in my head hit a brick wall and disintegrated.
"Um. This is Ryan's girlfriend, Kate? Is he around?"
"Oh, hey Kate! It's Kelsi, I'll buzz you up!"
Blinking a few times from surprise, I forced myself to move when the door in front of me clicked, signaling that the lock had come undone. Shaking my head, I couldn't help grinding my teeth as I jogged up to the second floor and strut down the hallway. Although I had no right to talk after the thoughts that had filled my head at Andrea's house, I hated how much time Ryan's ex spent with him alone.
When I reached his room, my mind lashed with every desire to burst in and remind Kelsi that she wasn't his number one anymore. But the sound of their laughter through the thin, faux wood door stopped my body from even raising a hand to the knob. She may not have been his girlfriend any longer but she still understood him, complimented him perfectly. She may not have been the one he fell asleep next to most nights, but she could still knew how to make him smile.
All of a sudden, before I'd even realized what I was doing, I had walked in completely unannounced and without warning. The laughter died almost immediately as the pair of them took a moment to simply stare, both jumping slightly from the sudden intrusion. In front of me sat Kelsi, her eyes wide behind the trademark glasses forever perched on her pixie-esque face. She was sitting at Ryan's keyboard, which had been moved from the wall into the middle of the living room shared by everyone in the five-person apartment-style dorm. Of course, it seemed my boyfriend had been all alone with his ex before I'd arrived. Where were his other four roommates when I needed them?
"Hey baby." Ryan's surprise melted into a smile before coming over from his seat on the couch and wrapping his arms around me, pecking my mouth. "What are you doing here on a Sunday? Don't you have an 8 am class tomorrow?"
"Class was cancelled, so I thought I'd come see you. Is that okay?" I asked, not entirely comfortable with the look on his face. It was a look that didn't seem quite as happy as surprised.
"That's awesome." He reassured me, throwing an arm around my shoulder before turning back around to face his best friend. "I'm working on some music and now I've got my two favorite girls in the whole world with me. What more could I ask for?"
Faking a smile, I tried to find something else to focus on besides the temptation of dragging Kelsi to the door and pushing her out. Thankfully, Ryan pulled away from me to pick his music back up off of the keyboard and I had the distracting pleasure of ogling that day's outfit choice. Khaki slacks, flashy brown belt, crisp white oxford, candy apple red tie, all topped off by a black fedora. Nothing too exciting, though still very at odds with normal. But, just like any other day, he made it look good.
"Not much I guess." I played along, keeping up the smile charade. "So, what is it you guys are working on?"
"Oh, it's a project for one of my classes. See, we have to take a song from a musical and turn it into an acoustic contemporary piece." Kelsi answered the question I'd directed specifically at my boyfriend, giving me a friendly look with eyes that gently reminded me she wouldn't be pushed under the radar the way girls like me had probably done to her all throughout high school.
"Hmm," I mused, taking a seat in the arm chair closest to Ry's keyboard after hanging my coat up on the rack beside the door, "And here I am writing 25 page papers. So, is this like…a group project?" I asked, trying to sound casual about my confusion over what the fuck she was doing in my boyfriend's dorm room after nine pm if this was her homework. Homework that, from the sound of things, had nothing to do with Ryan. He was majoring in dance, not music or composition or piano or whatever the heck it was Kelsi specialized in. So what was she doing there?
"No, Ryan's just being sweet and helping me out." She gushed, looking up to where he stood beside her with a smile so mushy and gross I started mentally recalling the route to the nearest toilet bowl, just in case. "The song was written for a male voice, and well, I can't exactly sing that low."
"Neither can Ryan." I smirked, stealing the spotlight back as I leaned back in his armchair, legs crossed at the knees. At this point, with my snug red dress riding up slightly due my position, I was just being immature. But it's rather astounding the way jealousy can make one behave. Eyeing the bit of thigh I was allowing to show, Ryan just shook his head, a smirk decorating his mouth.
"You see what I have to put up with?" He asked Kelsi playfully, briefly letting his glance cut to the side at me.
"Prove me wrong." I challenged him, flicking a provocative eyebrow.
"Alright, alright. Prepare to be amazed." He warned me melodramatically. "Hit it Kels."
After exchanging smiles with him, her fingers began plucking at the keys beneath them forming an intro that sounded vaguely familiar. Before I could place the music however, Ryan's voice was softly filling up the whole room, swelling with a pure, strong tone that seemed effortless but was altogether breathtaking.
"I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face and a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be." I could immediately see the parallel between what he was singing and his own dreams. Although I now recognized the song as stolen from the Disney movie Hercules, the lyrics sounded so much like a kid who wanted to get up on stage and be a star. That was why he was able to make this song work so well, because he felt it.
"I'll be there someday, I can go the distance. I will find my way, if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong." As he rounded out the last stanza, Ryan's gaze turned to meet mine and he threw me a flirtatious yet loving smile that I couldn't help but return. The music sunk into my ears, my blood stream absorbing it like a drug and carrying the affects throughout my body. All the doubts that had made me chew on my lip for the past couple days, all the sadness and fear and guilt suddenly dissolved simply from the sound of his voice. Subconsciously, a smile spread across my face as I watched him. The kind of soft, adoring look that made it obvious you were in love glazed over my eyes.
"Down an unknown road to embrace my fate, though the road may wander, it will lead me to you. And a thousand years would be worth the wait, it may take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through." This time the look he gave me was steady through the stanza and full of affection as his voice rose in volume, seemingly filling the whole room all by itself. Those words seemed like a promise and vaguely I wondered if he meant it. Would he still want me after Broadway was within his grasp? After the marquis were burning with the letters of his name? After every girl, not just me and Kelsi Neilson, wanted a piece of him? Listening to the sound and power of his voice, letting it move through me, I sincerely hoped so.
"And I won't look back, I can go the distance. And I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat! It's an uphill slope but I won't lose hope, 'til I go the distance and my journey is complete. But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart."
As I watched him do what he did best, I was filled with so much pride and adoration that for a moment I forgot to be jealous of Kelsi. I forgot to care what my friends thought of Ryan or who society said I should be with. I forgot the rest of the world completely and started to realize: Maybe the things that made Ryan different from all the other guys weren't weird. Maybe they were special. Maybe I was the lucky one. My moment of crumbling security hadn't been stupid or uncalled for, because in all honesty we were oddly matched. Dating a theatre kid wasn't easy and even in the beautiful moments that glossed all the hardships over, I couldn't pretend it was. But my love for him was as real as the difficulties.
"Like a shooting star I can go the distance. I will search the world, I will face its harms, I don't care how far, I can go the distance! 'Til I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms!"
For a moment afterward there was nothing but the sound of Ryan trying to catch his breath as we stared at one another. Pride, surprise, love, adoration, happiness and even a little bit of lust crackled between us and in that handful of moments neither of us even knew Kelsi was alive, let alone in the same room as us.
"So! What'd you think?" Her perky voice shattered whatever moment we'd been sharing and reluctantly, I let my eyes slide away from my outstanding, ridiculously talented, no-wonder-you-got-a-scholarship boyfriend. But not for too long.
"I think I'm curious about why you picked that song." Though I was staring Kelsi down when I said it, my question had been directed at both of them. It was kind of a bitchy move, considering I had been looking for a specific answer. Some insightful little drabble about how much Ryan could relate to the song and how it made him think not only of how badly he wanted to make it in showbiz, but how he wanted me right there beside him as I did it. Something that would put Kelsi Neilson in her place because I, wearing the crown of popular cheerleader, was not going to be out-shined by a geeky theatre kid in front of my own boyfriend. Unfortunately, karma had other plans.
"Well, it's always kind of been our song, so we thought it would be fun to work on it together."
It took a second for Kelsi's words to sink in all the way but when they did, my face fell with abrupt disappointment.
"What?!" The word was bitten off in the kind of tone that only someone of very few manners would use. Normally that person wasn't me but I really hadn't been expecting to hear that Ryan and his ex-girlfriend still had a song, let alone one with romantic implications.
"Not like, 'our song'." My boyfriend jumped in quickly, realizing how bad Kelsi's explanation looked, "More like our mutually favorite Disney song, because we could both relate to the lyrics a lot. Plus Kelsi has it in her head that she's Meg, from Hercules." At the last bit, the aforementioned composer's face lit up with a playfully offended smile before she used the sheet music in front of her to smack his arm.
"Like you can talk, Simba."
"Hey, lion princes are way cooler than Greek skanks." He shot back, giving his best friend a teasing smirk before finding his own sheet music and handing it to her. "Look, Kels it's getting late. Maybe you should head back to your room?"
I was amazed when she actually seemed somewhat surprised by his suggestion. Taking a moment to blink at him once or twice, she forced out a nod and began to gather her things.
"Yah, that's fine." She was continuing to nod as she stood from the piano bench and made her way to his couch, grabbing her messenger bag and slinging it onto her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow though? I still have a few measures I need to hammer out, so."
Sparing a glance in my direction, Ryan hesitated for a moment.
"Um, just call me. We'll work something out." He promised, showing her to the door that was only ten feet in front of the piano she'd just been at for God knows how long. But I guess I couldn't hate him for being a good friend. Hanging out alone and flirting with Kelsi however…
"What was that?" I asked softly, my tone more hurt and confused than angry as he turned from the door and offered me an apologetic glance.
"I didn't know you were coming over." He tried to explain, making his way towards me. "If you'd called me, I would have asked her to leave a lot sooner."
Somehow, his words didn't come across as blame shifting at all, even though that was exactly what he was doing. To my ears, he was merely explaining that he understood having Kelsi and I over at the same time wasn't exactly the best idea. As his arms folded around me, I nodded against his shoulder.
"It's not that I hate her, you know."
"I know." He murmured.
"I just don't like the way she looks at you. Or how you don't even realize how much you flirt with her. And I really hate that she understands everything you say."
"What do you mean?" Pulling back, he looked down at me a little confused. "You told me you spoke English. Katherine Brunswick, are you a Russian spy?"
"No!" I laughed, shoving him away gently. A shrug fell from my shoulders when his eyes came back into focus and I was no longer able to resist flirting with him. "Well maybe."
"I knew it." He chuckled, producing perhaps the best Slavic accent I'd ever heard in my life out of nowhere. "Is okay. I work with KGB. Come, we must move quickly before zey discover us."
"Is that so?" I arched an eyebrow. Before I had much of a chance to tease him further however, the breath had been stolen from my lungs as Ryan's warm fingers were suddenly under my knees and he'd swept me up into his arms. Instinctually, I threw my own around his neck, laughing in spite of myself from surprise. "Oh my god! Put me down!"
"I cannot! We must make ze babies before ze Americans come for you!"
Laughing as he kicked his door shut, I shook my head in his arms. This boy was crazy and we had a lot to talk about, but I loved him and it could wait. Besides, time was of the essence. I was pretty sure the Russian mafia would understand.
There's a lot I tried to convey in this chapter. Sorry if it was confusing. I realize Kate was being a major bitch but I was trying to explore the not so good ramifications that come with being on top of every social scene from Kindergarten on. She's a jealous person anyway but to be threatened by someone like Kelsi isn't something she's every had to deal with and not being able to compete with her (on a musical level) drives Kate crazy. As you just saw lol. And then I also tried to convey how Kelsi would react after being outdone by girls just like Kate her whole life and thinking she'd found in Ryan someone who didn't want a 'Kate'. So anyways, I hope that hot mess made sense. If it didn't feel free to ask questions. A lot of it will be addressed in the next chapter, I PROMISE lol. Happy reading!
-Rachel