Chapter 7: Reconciliation

They walked to Bernard's house. She was always surprised that he lived here; you would think he'd just live in the workshop to make it easier, but he didn't. He would if he could but no one would let him. He took her coat and hung it up for her.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"To talk."

"We couldn't have talked there?"

"Not without interruptions."

She tried not to think about the memories, it was painful, but she was sure it was painful for him too.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"You know the answer to that."

She didn't say anything.

"Ella, you've been here for a month and I still don't think you believe me."

"Bernard please, can we talk about anything else?"

"No, you came here."

"Not for this. I just came here to give you the necklace back…again."

"Then why are you still here?"

"You didn't take it back."

"Is that all you're waiting for, for me to take it back? And then you'll leave like Noah wants?"

She just crossed her arms.

"Ella, tell me the truth, why won't you leave like he wants? What's keeping you here?"

"You have to ask?" she mumbled.

"Why?"

"Because, I don't want to make the same mistake twice."

"What do you mean?"

She looked at him like are you kidding me. "Bernard, I love you, and I'm not leaving until I get and explanation."

"Explanation for what?"

"Why you made me leave."

He sighed and he sat down in a recliner.

"Well?"

"I told you I was just trying to do the right thing."

"You realize what that felt like? I thought you wanted me to leave because you didn't care."

"You did?" he asked like it hurt.

"Yes. Why do you think Noah hates you so much, because I was heartbroken." She said now standing in front of him as she sat in the chair with her arms crossed.

"Ella, I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted you to have a chance at a normal life." He said scooting forward in the chair with his elbows on his knees and he looked down at the ground ashamed.

"Normal?" she asked and squatted down to look him in the face. "I can't do normal. I was born in the North Pole, my father was Santa Clause and to top it off I fell in love with an elf."

"I really am sorry." He said and placed a hand on her cheek. She leaned into it and a tear fell as she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Did you want me to leave?"

"No."

"Then why didn't you say so?"

"I wanted to ask you to stay and I knew if I asked you to you would for me, but I had to put your family first. So I pretended like it didn't bother me so that you would go. I thought I could live with you hating me and being happy with your family and some human rather than you here with me trying to have something that we can't have."

"I was married." She said leaning back to sit down on the floor.

"You were?"

"Yeah. His name was Jack, my brother and sister kind of made me marry him. I mean he was a good man and everything and I guess I did love him but he wasn't what I wanted. That's why even though I settled down I didn't age like Noelle did once she got married and had a family."

"What happened?"

"He was a cowboy, and it got him killed. The day before, when he left to go to the rodeo, we got in a fight and I was so mad that I told him I didn't even care if he never came back." (Yes I got that from a Garth Brooks Song, Beaches of Cheyenne.)

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'm not as upset about it as I used to be. I do miss him a little, and so do the kids."

"Kids?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and curled her lips in knowing she said something she shouldn't have. "Uh…I have two kids."

He nodded once with his mouth wide open surprised.

"Ben and Belle."

"You have a daughter too?"

"Mhm."

"Oh."

"Sorry, I didn't want to bring them up."

"No, it's ok."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I mean that's why I let you leave so you could live a normal life, I knew you would get married and have a family, that's what people do."

"But, you hoped I wouldn't."

"It didn't matter what I wanted."

"Yes it did, because it's what I wanted. It's what I still want." She said loudly.

"Ella – "

"Do you love me?"

He just looked at her begging her not to do this to them.

"Please, tell me the truth."

He hated it when she did this, when she begged, because he couldn't say no. "Yes." He whispered.

"Then what's wrong?"

"There are rules."

"For once in your life can't you just say screw the rules? Who made that rule anyway?"

"Ella we can't."

"Bernard, I love you, and I lost you once, please don't ask me to go through that again, I won't survive it this time." She said sitting on her knees close to him putting her hands on his cheeks.

"Don't say that." he said closing his eyes.

"It's the truth, it nearly killed me last time, and it's why I lost my faith in Christmas. If you do this to me again I will die." She put her forehead to his.

"Stop, I can't bear the thought of you dying, why do you think I left to make sure it didn't happen?" he removed her hands from his face keeping his eyes closed so he didn't have to see her face.

"Then don't push me away again." She said lifting his face again. He finally opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes were watering, she wanted to cry, so did he and she noticed. "Please." She begged almost breaking. "Tell me what you want."

"I do want you Ella, I have for a long time but – "

She stood up frustrated and stood in the middle of the room. "But what?! Why can't you be selfish for once in your life?! That rule is nonsense and you know it! No one cares!" She yelled with her arms out. She finally broke and he got up and pulled her to him hugging her.

"I love you." He whispered to her running his fingers through her hair, his other arm was around her waist holding her tight and he didn't want to let her go again. She rested her head against his chest just under his neck; her arms were pressed in between them against her chest. He felt tears falling down his cheeks too. After a couple minutes she looked up at him.

"Kiss me." she whispered.

After a pause he did, he leaned his head down closing the distance between their lips and pressed his to hers squeezing his eyes shut feeling his heart pounding, he knew it would break again if he let her go, so he finally decided he wasn't going to. His hand came down from her hair to her cheek caressing it as he kissed her. Her hands made their way up from between them and snaked around his neck, one went to the back of his neck caressing it and pushing him closer. The kisses didn't last very long but it felt like it because it'd been so long since their last kiss, which was that last Christmas Eve night after her father left. That night they had done a lot more than kiss, they had made love for the first time and then she went to sleep and he went back to the workshop to wait for Santa to come back but he never did.

"Ella." He whispered once their lips were free again.

"Hm?" she asked still recovering from the intensity.

He decided to wait and kissed her again. She moaned surprised. She wondered what he was going to say but knew he'd tell her later once they could pull themselves apart again, but they didn't want to, not yet. All he could think about was losing her again which drove him forward. She knew where this was headed, and she didn't care, she wanted it to happen, he was all she wanted, no one else. It made her think of Ben though, considering this is how he came to be, which reminded her she needed to tell Bernard the truth, that Ben wasn't Jack's son, he was his. She'd tell him in the morning.