The Red Roof Inn

Billings, Wyoming

Sam Winchester rolled over in his bed with a groan as his cell phone buzzed on the nightstand. For the first time in two years, Sam had slept without a nightmare of the horrible acts he committed or the horrible death of the Harvelle's or a vision of Lucifer taunting him about Detroit. He actually slept peacefully. Perhaps, he thought, whoever dried him out from his demon blood addiction was giving him one last good night of sleep before he had to face their next big battle. Rubbing his eyes, Sam sat up as the phone finally clicked over to voice mail and looked over at Dean. Unlike Dean, Sam dared not to think that God had saved him. He had committed acts that no one, not even God, could forgive. Sam had always believed in angels and God, and at one point in his life, he prayed every day. Yet after Dean's death, Sam had lost faith in everything and stopped praying. Sam knew that his lost faith led Ruby to take over his life and ultimately led to Lucifer being freed. Since his and Dean's rescue from the church, Sam prayed every day that he would be given one more chance to redeem himself.

Realizing that there was no point in dwelling on the past, Sam punched in the security code and listened to his message. It was from his old classmate from Stanford, Lucy, and she was telling him that his old professor, Dr. Olsen, was missing and presumed dead. Sam immediately got out of bed and went to his laptop. He pulled up the local news station and opened a full video report on Dr. Olsen. The report said her house caught on fire and that she was seen fleeing the premises. She was last seen at Stanford by the building's custodian before leaving again; this time to parts unknown. While there was no evidence of arson in the house fire, the police still wanted to talk to Dr. Olsen.

Sam closed his laptop and looked thoughtful. Even though he was putting his friends' lives in danger, Sam couldn't quite break contact with them even when he was under the influence of Ruby. Sam only knew of Dr. Olsen by reputation, but he was scheduled that spring prior to graduation to take her course on ethics in psychology. Then Jessica died and Sam hit the road and never looked back. Now, Dr. Olsen needed his help. Life, thought Sam, was strange in that way.

Sam looked over at Dean again. His brother was still asleep. He contemplated waking Dean when his phone buzzed again. This time, it was Bobby.

"Sam," said Bobby, cutting right to the chase, "I need you and Dean to get to my place ASAP."

"What's wrong?" asked Sam.

"I need your help," said Bobby, "the widow of an old friend of mine is hiding out at my place and needs help."

"Who is it?" asked Sam.

"Dr. Alison Olsen," replied Bobby, "She teaches at Stanford; I thought you might know her."

"We'll be there in a couple of hours," said Sam, who hung up.

Sam walked over to Dean's bed and shook his brother awake. Dean woke up groggy and pissed.

"Dude," he snapped, "I was having the best sleep ever."

"We have to hit the road," Sam snapped back, "Bobby needs us."

Dean suddenly sat up. "Is he okay?"

"Yes," said Sam, grabbing his duffle bag and putting his laptop in it, "He needs our friend for an old friend, Dr. Alison Olsen."

"Oh yeah," said Dean, "the lady who writes about Lucifer." He looked over at Sam. "Didn't she teach at Stanford?"

Sam looked over at Dean with a grin; sometimes, his brother really surprised him. "You know her work."

Dean suddenly looked self-conscious. As much as Dean claimed to hate school, Sam knew for a fact that his brother was a voracious reader. He always wished that Dean had broken away from dad and had gone his own path. Yet, Sam thought, he had tried the same and had ended up back on the same path. He didn't know what hurt worse: having a different life and being forced back to hunting or living his life as a hunter and eschewing any other life. Either choice sucked.

"Yeah," said Dean, bringing Sam back to present, "I read her interpretation of Paradise Lost called Darkness Visible and her latest book." Dean paused and reached into his bag and threw a book to Sam. "The Lucifer Effect."

Sam caught the book and read the subtitle, "Why Good People Do Bad Things."

"Yeah," said Dean with a smirk, "You would know something about that."

"You haven't exactly been a saint either," said Sam with an arched eyebrow. "Who started the apocalypse?"

Dean held up his hands in a concession, and both continued packing. Sam asked, "What is the book about?"

"Her theory is that situations force good people into committing bad acts" said Dean, "Acts they would never commit under ordinary circumstances."

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment. "You mean like Abu Gharib."

"No," said Dean quietly, as he zipped his bag, "I mean like you."

Sam froze and stared at Dean. Dean sat on the bed and looked at Sam with concern. "It took me a while, Sammy, but I get why you did what you did."

"No," said Sam in almost a whisper, "you don't."

"Look," said Dean, "you thought you were doing the right thing." Dean stared down at the bed. "You were trying to stop what I started."

"Dean," said Sam as he zipped up his bag, "the reasons don't matter." "I will never be forgiven for the horrible things I did."

"Sam," began Dean.

"Dean," said Sam, "I helped Ruby torture and murder an innocent woman and drain her blood, so I could kill Lilith."

Dean stared at Sam as if he were unable to comprehend his little brother committing such an act. Sam was biting his lip and stared sadly at the floor. Dean could see the pain his brother was in. As hard as Dean had been on him, Sam was even harder on himself. Dean knew that Sam would never stop beating himself up for the things he did under Ruby's influence.

"Sam," said Dean, "we've all made horrible mistakes due to the circumstances we've been in." Dean pointed to himself. "Look at me, I tortured people in hell." "Even if I kill Lucifer, it will never erase what I have done."

Sam sighed and let out a small sigh. "I guess we're a mess aren't we."

"Yep," said Dean with a cocky grin, "and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Sam felt himself grinning and grabbed his duffle bag and followed Dean out the door. After packing the car and checking out of the motel, Sam and Dean hit the road. It was a couple of hours to Bobby's and the Winchesters knew that whatever awaited them was going to be the next battle against Lucifer.