Author's Note: Chapter 8.....yeah....enjoy :)
Chapter 8: Rainy, Rainy Day
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Life has a funny way of turning out sometimes. A few months ago I would have never believed that I would be sitting on a train, going through Europe, accompanied by Michael Jackson. I sigh, turning to look at Michael's sleeping form, smiling at the peaceful look on his face. It's been a day since I told Michael one of my darkest and ugliest secrets, and I cannot express the relief I feel. I stretch slowly, creeping through the compartment, finding the door in the dark. I look back afraid Carly-Ann will stir when I pull open the door, but her little form never moves. I sigh, wishing that I too could find an escape in sleep. I shiver slightly against the air lightly blowing through the train, pulling my long sweater tightly around myself. I begin walking the corridors, noting that every compartment I pass, the curtains are drawn, evident that everyone is fast asleep. As I walk I contemplate, wondering what I'm going to do. Being in love with the King of Pop is something new to me. Sure, I was a fan of his before I got this job, maybe not as fanatical as most, but a fan nonetheless. So though the voice of my heart tells me to risk it all and tell him that I love him, my voice of reason begs to differ, telling me that 'I love you' is something Michael hears on a daily basis, by swarms of crazed fans. That aside, we've known each other all of what, a month? You don't just fall in love with someone, really fall in love, in such a short amount of time, believe me I should know.
" Dani?" a questioning voice comes from behind me, and I turn around, Siedah standing just outside of her compartment, her eyes smiling. " Girl, it's two in the morning what are you doing up?"
" Couldn't sleep. What about you?" I ask, leaning against one of the compartments.
" Oh I couldn't sleep either, thinking about my family," she says, motioning for me to join her in her compartment. I walk in, smiling at the pictures she has taped to any available space. I sit down, curling up in the seat, taking a bottle of water she hands to me. " Your in love with him aren't you?" Her sudden question has my eyes popping open.
" Wh, what?" I stammer, blush creeping up my face as I shake my head.
" Your in love with Michael. Honey it's as clear as the nose on your face. What are you going to do about it?" she asks, her face lit with humor.
" Siedah, I think you must have hit your head or something. I care for Michael yes, but to say I'm 'in love' with him is a little much," I say, fiddling with the bottle in my hands.
" Oh puh-lease Dani, I know it, you know it, the question is how long are you going to make Mike wait before you let him know it?" she says, and I grow nervous. Was I really that obvious?
" You need to know someone longer than a month to fall in love Siedah. You need to know the little things about them. Take Michael for example. He pinches the bridge of his nose when he is annoyed. Or when he is feeling especially playful he will purposely speed up the tempo at rehearsals just to trip up the back up singers and dancers. He will do anything to get people to laugh. He likes to watch movies to wind down after a performance, and you know it was an exceptionally good one when he eats two bags of popcorn," I trail off, clapping a hand over my mouth. Well, no use trying to deny it now, the cat's out of the bag.
" That's what I thought. So, how are you going to tell him?" she prods me, her eyes boring into mine.
" I'm not," I say simply, ducking away from the bottle top she throws at me.
" Why the hell aren't you?" she screeches, her melodic voice echoing in my head.
" Well, its complicated. No actually it isn't. Siedah, I am his assistant. This is and always will be a business arrangement, nothing more, nothing less. He could never feel the same way about me," I say, shrugging my shoulders as if it doesn't really matter to me, but the truth is, my heart is aching so much I wish someone would just tear it from my chest. What could someone as huge, as simply amazing as Michael Jackson see in a small town personal assistant? I don't have such low self-esteem to say I'm not pretty enough, but Michael deserves someone who is more than just pretty. Besides, I'm a single mother, to say I come with baggage is the hugest understatement of the century.
" Are you serious? For such a smart girl, you sure can be dumb," she says, and I laugh quickly, caught off guard by her blunt response.
" What are you talking about?" I ask, curious about what she meant.
" Honey take it from someone who has been around for a while. I have seen many women walk in and out of Mike's life, and he has never once looked at any of them the way he looks at you," she says, her tone serious. I sit back, letting her words sink in. sure a part of me feels relieved that I didn't somehow imagine the chemistry I had felt with Michael, yet a whole new worry sets in. What if love isn't enough? What if we are just two totally different people. What if when the first leg of this tour is over and we're thrust back into the wide open world Michael realizes that loving an employee isn't worth the inevitable scandal that will arise from it.
" What am I going to do?" I ask, looking at Siedah as if she holds all of the answers.
" I don't know hun, at the end of it all that's up to you and Michael. You don't have to rush things, I just wanted you to know what I see," she says, hugging me gently.
" Thanks Siedah, for everything. Your honestly one of the first girls that I have been able to get close too in a long time, but I think I'm going to try and get some sleep. I have a lot to think about," I say, walking through the door of the compartment. I stop outside of the compartment I'm sharing with my daughter and Michael, resting my head against the door. Things just got a whole lot more complicated.
" Hey," Michael whispers to me as I slip the curtain closed quietly.
" Did I wake you?" I ask, my voice in a hushed whisper.
" No. I woke up when you went left," he says, propping himself up on one elbow, looking at me through the dim light of the room.
" Oh, sorry," I say, looking towards Carly-Ann, for such a small child she knows how to take up a bed with no problem. " Would you look at her?" Michael laughs as I try to maneuver around her, but I give up quickly. I had to weigh the options move her and wake her up, or let her sleep and try to get some for myself while being curled up on the floor. I slide down against the door of the compartment yawning softly.
" What in the world are you doing?" Michael asks, and I smile up at him, trying to stifle the sudden onset of giggles.
" Going to sleep. One thing about my little girl, you wake her up when she is still tired and you wont hear the end of it," I say, yawning again.
" For heavens sakes Dani, you cant sleep on the floor. Get up here," he says, patting the free space next to him. I falter for a moment, trying to decide what to do.
" Michael, what if someone comes in and see's us, people will think," I say, but he interrupts me before I can finish.
" What's this, little miss 'I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks-about-me,' is worried? Live dangerously Dani," he says, his voice mocking me. I roll my eyes at him, as I get to my feet.
" Fine. But if we're going to share a bed, then I want the spot closest to the wall," I say, trying to climb over him. Instead he rolls in my way, so I try moving to the other side, but he rolls that way too.
" Michael, come on," I whine, finally out maneuvering him landing with a soft thud in the spot that I wanted. I stare at the ceiling, listening to the hum of the moving train, silence falling steadily. I close my eyes trying to force sleep to come, but it evades me.
" Psst, Dani, you asleep?" Michael asks, and I grin from ear to ear giggling.
" No," I say, turning onto my side at the same time that he turns to look at me.
" Can I ask you a question," he asks suddenly, as I look up at him from under my eye lashes.
" Of course you can," I say, playing with the collar of my shirt.
" Do your regret taking this job?" he asks, running his fingers along my arm slowly. I shudder lightly, feeling my heart melt inside my chest.
" I didn't take the job Michael, the job took me," I reply, smiling into his eyes, " And I don't regret it for a second."
" Good, that's good," he says, suddenly pulling my hand to his chest placing it over his heart, wrapping his hand around mine. I smile, closing my eyes slowly. Something about the way he holds me, his hand stroking my hair slowly, comforts me. The sleep I had been so desperately seeking comes with ease. I start drifting away, my eyes fluttering shut as I subconsciously snuggle closer to him, my head resting just under his chin.
" Dani?" his soft voice calls to me, trying to coax me from my dreams, but the exhaustion is to great.
" Hmm," I murmur, sliding deeper into my dreamless sleep, and I hear nothing else.
Michael's POV
Her soft answering 'hmm' is barely audible over the humming of the train.
" I love you," I say, waiting for something, anything. I was half expecting her to jerk up, and stutter in that adorable way she does when she is caught off guard by something. Yet there is nothing. No answer, no response. " Dani?" I pull away a little bit, looking down at her, and instead of a look of horror on her face, I see that she is sound asleep. 'Great timing Mike, real smooth,' I think to myself, propping myself up on my elbow, staring down at her. I softly brush a lock of her blonde hair from her forehead, my fingers itching to touch more. So you know the saying, when you have an itch, scratch it. So I do, so to speak. I run my fingers down her cheek, tracing a line over her jaw, down her neck. I rub my thumb over her collar bone, pulling my hand away quickly when Dani moans in her sleep, turning so that her back is to me, just when I'm about to roll the other way and try to fight my way to sleep Dani grabs my hand, her body curling into mine. A perfect fit. I lace my finger with her, and just as I'm laying my head onto my pillow a soft voice pierces through the quiet.
" I love you too Michael," Dani's soft and sleep slurred voice say, and my heart races quickly against my ribs. I cant stop my heart from soaring, but I stop myself from hoping that she loves me the way I love her. But she will, one day, some way, Daniella James will love me the way that I love her.
Dani's POV
Ahh Austria, beautiful, wonderful, Austria. Okay, so I may be being sarcastic, but you cant hold it against me. I'm not used to a lot of rain, and that's what its doing. Raining harder than I had ever seen it rain before in my life.
" Okay, so here's the deal people. There are reports that a huge crowd has formed, somehow it was leaked that we would be coming in today. So, the security team and I have set up so that Michael and all of you can get from the train station to the hotel in one piece," Max says, his voice raised so that he could be heard over the soft buzz of voices. " Michael will be the first one off of the train."
" Wait, what about Carly-Ann, she should be going with Michael too," Siedah says, and I am touched and moved beyond words when everyone agrees around me.
" Well, honestly that's up to Dani," Max says, looking at me.
" I, I would honestly feel most comfortable if Carly-Ann was with Michael. I know that with all of the bodyguards around him she will be safest with him, and the security team," I say, my heart aching at the idea. I wished that I could be the one who could protect her, but the truth is I barely protected her the other night before Max interjected whisking Carly-Ann to safety.
" Okay, so Michael, Carly-Ann and some of the bodyguards will be off first. Then it will be the back up dancers and singers. There will be awaiting cars, so please people, make it to the cars as quickly and safely as you can," he says, and I kneel down as people disperse to get their things. I stare into Carly-Ann's wide eyes and smile.
" Mama, I'm scared," Carly-Ann says, throwing her arms around me tightly.
" Oh baby," I say, hugging her tightly to me. " Listen to me. You don't have anything to be afraid of. Your going to be with Mike, and Max, and they are going to keep you good and safe. You just let them take care of you okay. And before you know it, I will see you at the hotel, and we can color and maybe even watch a movie before we go to rehearsal okay?"
" Okay Mama. I love you," she says, hugging me one more time right before turning to Max who picks her up.
" Don't worry Dani, you know that I will take good care of her," he says, and I nod my head, smiling softly as she leans down to kiss me before Max turns walking from the train. I stare from the window of the train, holding my breath as I watch Max, Michael, Carly-Ann, and the security team making their way to the car. I sigh with relief when I see that they get into the cars without a problem.
" Hey girl, ready?" Siedah asks, and I nod, picking up my bag. I take a deep breath walking into the crowd of screaming people. I keep my head down, and make it to the car.
" Oh damn," I groan, Siedah looking at me in confusion.
" What?" she asks, and I look at her with embarrassment.
" I forgot Carly-Ann's stuffed hippo, I have to go get it," I say, putting my bag onto the seat.
" No Dani, one of the crew will pick it up, just get into the car," she argues, and she has a valid point. Yet somehow I doubt that the crew is going to notice a small stuffed hippo when they have so much stage equipment to move.
" No, no I'll get it. I'll be right back," I say, running back through the crowd. I shiver as I get back on the train, stopping just long enough to shake the rain from my hair. I rush to the compartment that had been our home for two days, cursing when I cant find the stuffed toy. I get down on my hands and knees, finally finding it under the farthest seat.
" Ah ha, got ya," I say, laughing at the fact that I am talking to a stuffed animal. I hold the pink hippo close to my chest as I make my way to the front of the train. I step into the rain looking up just in time to see the cars pulling away.
" Wait, no, wait," I scream, trying to push through the crowd. My voice is easily drowned out by the screams of fans, and I groan trying to scream louder than the rest. Its no use. I was left behind, and I had no idea what to do. I rush to the first crew member I see, grabbing his arm.
" Hey, I'm Dani, Michael's assistant, I got back on the train to get my daughters stuffed hippo and the car," I'm cut off by his incredulous look.
" Sure you are honey, and I'm the King of Pop himself. Nice try, why don't you and the rest of the fans come up with a better idea of finding a way to Michael," the crew member says, passing by me roughly.
" But I'm not, I am," my voice trails off, and I sigh heavily, pushing my soaked hair out of my face. The once monstrous crowd dispersed quickly. " Okay Dani, think long and hard. What was the name of the hotel, Hotel something, come on." I groan harshly, pacing furiously. well, when worst comes to worst, start walking. I walk in the direction that I saw the cars going, hoping by some miracle that either the rain will stop or someone will realize I was left behind.
Three and a half hours later, neither of my wishes have come true. Quiet the contrary, the rain is falling harder, and did I mention that I haven't seen so much as a car pass me by during my pitiful attempt to find my way to where I should be. Finally I drop onto the ground, pulling my knees up to my chest. Why didn't I wear a jacket? Oh that's right because its august, it shouldn't be raining in august. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, its freezing, its wet, I want to be with my daughter in dry clothes. I look towards the sky, praying loudly that by some miracle I find where I'm supposed to be going. I make my way back to my feet, my teeth chattering, as I wrap my arms around myself. Suddenly flashing lights splash over the wet road and I look up at a familiar black van. I smile when Max rolls down his window, a lopsided grin on his face.
" What in the world am I going to do with you Daniella James?" Max yells over the pounding rain as I race around the front of the van pulling open the passenger door. I climb in thankful that the heater was running.
" Your going to get me to the hotel so I can see Carly-Ann and give her this stupid, sopping wet hippo," I say, plopping the stuffed toy onto the dashboard. Max rumbles with laughter for a few minutes before clearing his throat and becoming somber.
" Mike's scared to death you know?" he says, and I look over at him.
" Well, I'm fine, how far is this hotel anyways, I felt like I was walking for forever," I say, and then as if we were in some sort of movie we pass over a hill and there laying before us is a bustling town.
" Oh sure, you rescue me when I'm five minutes away," I grumble, rubbing my freezing hands in front of the blast of hot air.
" Better late then never sugar," he says, pulling around to the side of the hotel. Max helps me out of the van, my body stiff and aching.
" Yeah, yeah, yeah," I say, following behind him as he leads me through the back entrance of the hotel. Several minutes later I walk into my hotel room, smiling when Carly-Ann turns her head, her eyes widening with surprise.
" Mama," Carly-Ann screams, running towards me. I catch her easily, whirling her around before crushing her to my chest.
" Hey baby. You forgot your friend back on the train, but don't worry I got her, she will just need a quick trip in a dryer," I say, showing her, her favorite little friend.
" Mama, your all wet," she points out, and I laugh freely.
" I know baby. I need a shower, can you sit and watch a movie while I do that?" I ask, and she nods her head happily.
" Dan?" Michael's voice comes from behind me, and I turn smiling slowly. Before I can reply or apologize for making him worry he pulls me into a bone crushing hug. " I was so scared. Are you all right?" He runs his hands over my face and arms.
" I'm fine Michael, wet and cold but fine. What are you doing here? shouldn't you be at rehearsal?" I ask, steeping away from his probing hands.
" I postponed it, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate until I knew you were okay," he says, and I grin laughing.
" I am more than okay. Just let me take a shower and I will meet you at the stadium okay?" I say, giving him the best smile of reassurance that I can summon up.
" Yeah all right. Hey sweet pea, wanna come?" he calls to Carly-Ann, and without a seconds worth of hesitation she is up and running, taking his hand pulling him out into the hall. When the door shuts behind them I collapse to the couch, my aching body melting into the fabric. I laugh hysterically, Lord knows this could only happen to me.