Welcome back! Now, First of all, I need to give major props to Bliltxgirl for cleaning up this chapter, and catching my laughable mistakes. Secondly, because I'm not sure that I made this clear yet... This fic is two things. First of all, it is a crackfic. It is meant to be fun/funny/laughed at/laughed with. I assure you, I laugh as I write. Its impossible not to. You'll see why in this chapter. Secondly, this fic isnon-cannon. In all pairings. So, there is no E/B, J/A, Em/R. Also... unfortunately, and yes, I myself cried when I realized this, there is no Edward in my story. Well, he'll have a cameo, but he won't really be a character. I'm sorry. Please don't throw rotten vegetables at your screen. Its not safe for the computer's health. That being said, S. Meyer owns twilight. blah blah blah. I own this crazy reality blah blah blah. Now the boring stuff is out of the way, enjoy!

(and i posted the wrong version of this the first time. shae=fail. i call do-over SORRY!)

Hayley POV

I leaned forward now, my elbows resting on the table, my head propped up by my hands. Mum had never told me this much about her past before. I was enjoying this, despite the fact that I think I was supposed to be in trouble. Who am I kidding, I'll take this over a grounding any day.

"So, Mum, did you call him? Did he call you? Was he cute ?" I asked. I wondered if Jasper was my father. That would be quite the fun story.

"Hayley, child, slow down. I called him when we landed, like I said I would. Lauren was in the bathroom - morning sickness, I think, is what she told me."

"What do you mean mum?"

"Listen to the story, hun, and watch out for girls like Lauren, she was sweet enough in high school. Rather promiscuous, now that I think about it, but that's beside the point."

Great, she's getting off track. "Mum," I said, "tell me more about Jasper, he sounds dreamy."

She laughed, and continued. "Jasper and I talked very briefly that afternoon, but the following week, we talked for a couple hours - and not about Lauren."

Bella POV

I was back in Forks, hanging out with Charlie and Jake for the weekend, while Lauren dealt with her parents and anyone else she needed to talk to.

Jake and I were playing "Hungry Hungry Hippo" while it rained outside. Charlie and Billy, Jake's father, had gone fishing early in the morning. Embry and Quil were off doing God only knows what. Those two were always getting into something, and supposedly left Jake behind because his ass wasn't out of bed early enough.

I was about to finally beat Jake at an eating competition, much to his chagrin, when my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID, and saw that it was Jasper calling.

"Hello?"

"Hey darlin'," his voice drawled.

"Hi," I said, with a smile on my face. Jake was giving me a funny look.

"Are you free to talk, or should I call back later?"

"No, no it's fine. I can talk. Just give me a moment," I replied. Covering the receiver with my hand, I turned back to Jake. "Jake, I need to take this call. Think you can hang on for a few? "

"Sure Bells, but if you walk away, I win."

"Seriously, Jake?"

"Seriously, Bells. Go talk to whoever is more important than me."

"Jake," I said. "What has gotten into you? It's just a friend. I doubt we'll be on the phone that long."

"Your smile says different Bells. You like him."

"Ugh, whatever Jake." With that I turned to walk upstairs to my bedroom.

When I was finally in the safety of my room, with the door closed, I returned to the phone. "Sorry about that Jasper. Jake was acting more childish than usual."

"I wasn't interrupting anything was I? I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

"Hah," I laughed, "Jake is far from my boyfriend. He's practically my little brother. And he's certainly acting like it today."

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, you're fine. I'm cool. What did you want to talk about?" Wow, word vomit much, Bella?

"Nothin' really. I just wanted to hear your voice. Is that crazy of me? I mean, hell, we just met a week ago, and not under the best of circumstances, but damn, I was attracted to you, and I am not behaving how my mamma raised me to. Tell me to shut up at anytime. It's just, Bella, I mean, you are just-"

I cut him off before he turned blue from not breathing. "Jasper. Shut up."

He stopped his rambling and I continued. "It's fine that you're calling me. I am flattered, and while we didn't meet under the best of circumstances, I don't see why that has to limit us."

He sighed. "Sugar, you don't know how happy that makes me. So, tell me about yourself."

We spent the next hour and a half talking about our lives, our pasts, and what we hoped for our futures. Somewhere along the line we started talking about getting together again at some future point. We knew it wasn't practical anytime soon, but that didn't mean that I couldn't flirt over the phone for a while.

"So Jasper, what would we do if I came to visit?"

"First of all, I'll take you dancing. Then, after a long night on our feet, we'll go back to my place, and--"

There was a loud knocking on the door.

"BELLS!" Jake shouted from the other side. "What are you doing in there?"

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I swear, that mutt is going to get it one day."

"BELLS!" He yelled again. "The guys are here! Get off the phone!"

"All right! I'm coming. Give me 2 seconds." Turning my attention back to the phone, I said to Jasper, "Sorry, I need to go. Jake will knock down the door."

He chuckled, and we said goodbye.

I opened the door to a very mad Jake. Quil and Embry were standing behind him looking rather amused.

"Bella! You cannot leave the house looking like that," said Embry.

"Oh really now? And what, pray tell, is wrong with my favorite jeans, band shirt, and worn-in boots?" I asked, daring him to answer. Unfortunately, these boys never seem to know when to shut up.

"Because… we're going clubbing! Duh! You gotta get all girly and shit."

"Seriously, Embry, did you just tell me to get all girly and shit? You've known me for how long, and you're telling me that? I can't believe you." I shook my head and slammed the door.

Hayley POV

"He told you to get all girly?" I practically snorted at that thought. Did he know mum? Seriously - she and girly are not synonymous.

"I know," she laughed. "I could hardly believe it. Crazy fool."

"Seriously Mum, you and girly," I was still laughing. "I just can't see those two going hand in hand, at all."

"Hey now, young lady, I can clean up right nice when I choose to do so."

"Sure, sure Mum, whatever you say. I'll believe it when I see the pictures."

"There might be some pictures from this night lying around somewhere." She shook her head. "Anyways, the guys were still in the hallway. They never did know when to leave well enough alone. Quil ventured to speak up next, talking through the safety of the door. 'So… You're changing, right? '"

Bella POV

"I'll be ready in fifteen minutes, and if any of you knock on my door, or hassle me before then, I will ruin your nights."

And with that, I got some peace and quiet to myself. It would only take me five minutes to change. I already knew what I was going to wear.

I always had one good outfit picked out. I preferred the jeans and t-shirt route, but I never knew when my presence would be requested. Tonight, it would be a long purple shirt, accented with silver and black, black leggings, and gray suede boots. I put on a quick application of mascara and eye liner, and a little lip gloss. Threw on the outfit and was ready with a minute to spare. I pulled my hair out of the bun it was in, and let the loose curls fall over my shoulders. Time to figure out what the herd was up to.

I felt like a runway model on display as I walked down the stairs. Something was up with these boys. All three were staring, but it was Embry who shocked the hell out of me. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, he offered me his hand. He didn't let go right away, and made no effort to hide the blatant way he checked out of my body.

"Very nice, Bella… very nice indeed," he said.

I rolled my eyes while Quil coughed loudly behind Embry, who finally let go of my hand. My purse and keys were on the table.

"Let's go boys," I called over my shoulder. "I'm driving, but I need to know where to…"

"We're going into Port Angeles for dinner and dancing," said Jake.

I waited until we were all in the car and driving before I started interrogating. We had been on the road for about fifteen minutes, long enough to lull them into a feeling of safety.

"So, guys, what's the plan for tonight?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," said Quil.

"No, I don't know, actually. What is the usual?" I asked. Not one of them answered. "What, Embry, surely you can tell me? What's the plan?"

"Just dinner and dancing. Like we said."

"Don't you think that sounds awful date-like? I mean, who's going to pair up with whom? Or are we meeting two more girls for dinner?"

No response, yet again.

"Boys, if two of you are gay, it's okay with me, I won't tell anyone. So who is it? Embry and Quil? Are you two lovers? Is that what this is all about?"

"What?!" They both shouted at the same time.

"No.. God no, nothing like that Bella," Embry said.

"Yea, I'm not gay, Bella. At all. I like women. I don't like men. That's just…no," said Quil.

"Bella, what has gotten into you tonight," asked Jake.

"Whatever do you mean Jake? I'm the one who was forced off the phone, into 'girly' attire, and off to Port Angeles for dinner and dancing, but not a date."

"We just wanted you to have some fun Bella. You've been having a rough break with Lauren and her baggage. Charlie has been fishing a lot. You needed you get out," Embry said.

I sighed, "Alright boys, I'll believe you for now… but any funny business and I'm leaving your sorry asses in Port Angeles. Deal?"

I was answered with a chorus of "Deal" from around the car. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.

Hayley POV

It was all I could do not to ask what the hell was going on. I could tell already that whatever night they had ahead was going to be one for the books. Then she paused her story and sighed.

"Hayley, I'm not sure I should be telling you this. It's a long story, and honestly, I'm not proud of all of it."

"Mum," I whined. "You can't stop now! That is not okay."

"Stop what? What are you ladies up to?" asked dad.

"Mum was telling me…" I began.

"Oh nothing dear," Mum said as she cut me off. "I was just telling her about how we met is all. She's having boy problems."

Dad just laughed and questioned, "Oh you have quite the story to share with her then, don't you?"

Mum threw a dish towel at him, saying "Go meet with your guys. We have girl things to discuss."

"Hmm, the guys can wait. I want to hear you re-tell your sordid past. "

"Sordid my ass. Not like you didn't contribute plenty."

"Touché," said Dad. "I'll catch you both later."

Turning back to me, mum said, "I suppose I have to continue now, don't I?"

"Oh yes, Mum. Oh yes."

Bella POV

Dancing, shockingly, hadn't turned into a cockfight. The boys were behaving, for the most part. Jake had found a girl to dance with, and seemed to be getting cozy with her. Quil was practicing his 'moves' but was looking more like a robot that had short circuited. Embry was apparently my self-appointed body guard for the night.

I both appreciated and was annoyed by this gesture. He was a good dancer, I'll give him that much, but there were plenty of guys here I wouldn't have minded dancing with. Too bad he stared each and every one of them down.

"Who's thirsty?" Embry asked. "I'm buying."

"Water is free in the clubs, bro," said Jake.

"Exactly why I'm buying," Embry retorted.

"I'll take some water," I said.

Quil offered to go with him, so they could carry enough waters for the four of us and the girl Jake was dancing with.

I was moving to the music by myself when I felt someone come up behind me.

I thought it was Embry, so I decided I would play with him a bit. I reached my hands above my head, and as I drew them back down, I let my right arm fall behind my head a bit.

The person ran his hand along my arm, sending a tingle through my body. His hands were more calloused than I remembered Embry's being.

I started to turn to face the person behind me, when I felt his hands trail down my sides and land on my hips. I decided to just go with it. After all, I had just been wishing Embry would leave long enough for me to dance with someone else.

I leaned back into the mysterious stranger and lost myself in the music. Before the song ended, Embry returned with the waters. Quil was right behind him.

Embry was looking murderous and that didn't escape the notice of the guy behind me.

He leaned his head down and whispered in my ear, "I wasn't aware you were here with anyone."

I turned to face him, succeeding this time. Before me was a tall, blonde, gorgeous man. His face had scruff that he probably hadn't shaved in a couple of days, his blonde hair was long and pulled back. His eyes were a piercing blue, and I could have stayed lost in them forever. He smiled a soft smile, and spoke once again, "I don't think your boyfriend is all that happy with us."

Snapping out of my daze, I shook my head. "Don't mind Embry, he's not my boyfriend - just a friend. Besides, he left me alone. It's his own fault someone came to fill the void," I finished with a smirk.

He smiled a little wider, "Glad to hear it…" he trailed off, and I realized he was waiting for my name.

"Bella. And you are?"

"James."

"Well, James, thank you for the -" I was stopped midsentence as someone forcefully spun me by the shoulder. "What the hell!" I shouted.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?" Embry was in my face.

"First of all, back up. Second of all, you left me alone, what was I supposed to do, stand and watch Jake make out with some girl?"

"Basically."

"Embry you have no say over what I do with my life. Where do you get off…"

I was cut off once again, but this time, it wasn't by a hand on my shoulder. This time, his lips were pressed against mine. I pulled back and just stared. My jaw was hanging open. Jake disentangled himself from the girl, and exclaimed, "That did NOT just happen. Someone, tell me that did not just happen."

"Oh, it just happened," Quil quipped.

"Bella, I thought you said he wasn't your boyfriend," James said from behind me.

"I… What… EMBRY! You did not just kiss me! "

"Actually, Bella, I did. I couldn't help myself. Damn, you're just so hot when you're all fired up."

"I can't argue with him there, you are pretty damn hot, woman," said James.

I can't believe this. Wait, James is still there. "So James," I said.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Why don't you and I find our own space on the dance floor and forget about the idiots who dragged me out tonight?"

"That sounds like a wonderful plan."

I sent Jake a text message as we walked away, letting him know I just needed to cool off and would still drive them home.

Once we were far enough away, James started dancing with me again, moving my hips with his in time with the music. This guy was good. After a couple of songs, we sat down at a table near the bar.

We chatted about life. I found out that his dream job was to run a nonprofit health education and resource center somewhere in South America, and that he had a horrid sense of direction.

I told him that I dreamed of being a writer, and just wanted to work with people in some way, I can't stand office jobs. We chatted for what felt like hours, but was only one. James' smile turned into a thin line suddenly, and I turned to see Jake standing behind me, not looking too happy any more.

"Jake, what's up?" I asked.

He sighed heavily and said, "Embry got a cab back. Quil went with him to make sure he didn't do anything too asinine."

"Sounds like your friend is quite a handful," said James.

"Not funny," said Jake.

"Guys, take a deep breath. James, it's been lovely, but I should go. Perhaps I'll see you around again at some point?"

"Sure thing beautiful, but it would be a lot easier if I had your number," his grin came back with that comment.

I laughed and said "Sure, hand me your phone."

Jake was huffing and puffing behind us. I handed James his phone back, and he pulled me into a hug. As he pulled back from the hug, he stared into my eyes, like he was searching for something. Then he leaned forward, and I thought he was going to kiss me.

His face leaned closer to mine, I could feel his breath on my face, and his lips pressed against my cheek. Wait. My cheek? My face must have shown my disappointment, because he then whispered, "I want more too, but your friend looks ready to kill me. I'll call you, Bella."

Hayley POV

"Oh. My. God. Mum!" I exclaimed. "You have got to be joking me? Two guys in one night?! And another on the phone earlier in the day? Dad wasn't kidding!"

"It seemed crazy to me even then," she said, shaking her head. "But oh what a night that was."

"Sounds like it. Did James call you? I bet he called you. He called you that night didn't he? Did he ever kiss you for real? What a letdown. I would have just kissed him. Wait. Did I just say that I would have kissed Dad, because that would just be weird. Mum, why are you laughing? This is a serious problem!"

"Hayley, calm down child." She said to be calm, but she was still laughing at me. Figures. "I'm not telling you if it was your father or not. That would ruin the fun of telling you all this."

"Mu-um," I whined. Though, on the plus side, she seems to have forgotten all about the fact that I've got detention…I'll take what I can get. "So, you never did tell me, what happened with James? And Embry? And Jake for crying out loud?! He seemed awfully irritated."

"Well… Jake was quiet as a mouse when it came to Embry. And don't think I didn't ask. All Jake would tell me is that Embry needed to man up and tell me himself."

"And James?"

"Oh, James. He definitely called me, though, it wasn't that night."

If I lost you along the way... review or pm me. I'll try and help you out. Any thoughts on who "Dad" is yet? Stay tuned for more on "How Bella Fell In Love".