Author's Note: Thank you all for the AHHMAZING reviews, seriously you guys make me so happy :) Onto Chapter Nineteen, please enjoy :)
Chapter 19: A Brand New Life
" Same old story everyone knows: One heart holding on…the other letting go."-Unknown.
Six Weeks, Four Days, and 6 Hours Later
It was strange, how easily I transitioned back into life without him. Without his laughter, his smile, his voice. I groan as I roll over in my bed, staring at the alarm clock, its light illuminating the darkness of the room. I close my eyes, remembering the look on Mom's face when I showed up on her doorstep, disheveled from the fourteen hour plane ride, eyes swollen nearly shut from the endless hours of tears. Six weeks, four days, and six hours ago, a relatively short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, an eternity when my whole being aches for him. I slide out of bed, bracing my hands against the wall when my head spins furiously. I stumble into the bathroom, snapping on the shower. Not even seven in the morning and I'm awake, school starts today. I groan at the thought. Yet I figured if I could survive the obliteration of my heart by the loss of my daughter and losing the love of my life, being a nurse couldn't be much harder than that. ' You don't have to do this Dani, you don't have anything to prove,' mom's voice rings through my head. I thought she would have been delighted when she found out that I was going back to school, nursing school at that, instead she looked at me with speculative eyes, as if she was searching for the reasoning behind it all. She was wrong though. I had so much to prove, to her, to myself, to him. I had to prove that I could pick myself back up, that I could move on, that I could be free of whatever heartbreak I had gone through in the last three months of my life. I snap off the water, stepping out of the shower with a new resolve. After this moment, I wont think about him. I will let it go, and move on. I have too.
An hour later I stop into my favorite coffee and tea shop, smiling at the familiar face of the owner, her old eyes smiling at me as she prepares my usual order for me without having to say anything. Mrs. Schneider used to babysit me when I was little, I always looked at her as a surrogate grandmother.
" Good morning Dani, are you excited?" Mrs. Schneider asks, carefully handing me my to go cup of Earl Gray. I fake a smile, as I hand her the money owed.
" You bet, have a good day Mrs. S," I say, turning to walk out of the small building, when the sudden news bulletin that comes on the small television catches my attention.
" We here at FOX news have just learned that Michael Jackson has in fact married long time friend, and daughter of the late "King of Rock and Roll" Lisa Marie Presley. It is said that Michael and Lisa Marie were married over the weekend in the Dominican Public. Already the speculation has begun. Is this the real deal, or is it simply a publicity stunt stemmed from the allegations and still occurring investigations into claims made by the parents of a sick thirteen year old boy, claiming that while visiting with Jackson in Tokyo, Japan, Jackson sexually molested their child. I guess only time will tell…" the news anchor states, and I stare unable to move, my hand releasing my cup, spilling tea to the floor. My head swims as flashes of pictures from their wedding flashes across the screen.
" Dani, Dani," Mrs. Schneider's voice calls to me but I can barely make out what she is saying, her voice so mumbled it sounds like she is trying to talk to me through water.
" I, I'm sorry Mrs. S, I didn't mean to make such a mess," I say automatically kneeling down to clean up the mess I made. She kneels down next to me, catching my hand in her own weathered one.
" Dani, its okay sweet heart. I know it hurts," she says, her wise eyes staring into me as I fall back, pulling my knees to my chest weeping.
I walk dry eyed into the classroom, sinking into a seat at the back. I shouldn't even be here, I should be at home, curled up on my bed, alone. Instead I will go through the motions, pretend like there isn't a thing wrong in my life, its not like anyone is going to know that I am or was connected to Michael in any way. ' I wasn't going to think about you Michael, and you had to go and get married. What, couldn't find a better way to get my attention?' I think to myself, as the room slowly begins to fill up. I tune everything out, not paying any attention when the professor walks into the classroom, or what she said before she started the video. I stare with unblinking eyes at the television, the sight of blood should be turning my stomach, but it isn't the sight of trauma patients bedding profusely that has my stomach flipping and rolling sourly. I grip the edge of my desk, trying to swallow but I cant. ' You just weren't enough for him Dani, not good enough. He never loved you.' The voice in my head mocks me, and thoughts of Michael telling Lisa-Marie he loved her, him making love to her, him being with her flashing through my head. I stand to my feet my breath hitching as the bile builds in my stomach.
" Miss. James are you all right?" the professor asks her eyes searching my face.
" I, I, I'm going to be sick," I say, clapping my hand over my mouth scrambling for the door. I run as far as I can, bracing my hands on my knees as I lose it, vomiting brutally. I slide down against the wall, taking note of the group of girls staring at me. I get to my feet slowly, passing them, when something one of them says brings a terrifying thought to my mind.
" I haven't seen anyone hurl like that since my sister was pregnant," one of the girls says, blood rushing to my head. I break out into a run, getting to my car as soon as possible, racing home praying that it's nothing. Please be nothing.
I slam into the house, taking the steps two at a time, the breath tearing out of my lungs as I search the disarray of my desk. My fingers fumble over papers as I shove them off of the desk.
" Damn it, where is it?" I scream, panting furiously. I finally find my organizer. I flip through the pages my eyes searching over every page for the little red circle. December eighth. I sit on my bed heavily. Thirteen days late. How is it possible that I am thirteen days late and just now realizing it? I pick up the phone, dialing a familiar number.
" Hi this is Daniella James, I need to make an appointment with Dr. Graham. No, no, it has to be today. I, I think I'm pregnant," I say, listening numbly as they ask questions, my mind wandering freely. We used protection, didn't we? No, we didn't, God how could I have been so stupid. I should have known, I should have taken responsibility.
" Miss. James Dr. Graham can take you at four," the receptionists says and I answer with a murmur before hanging up the phone. I stare at myself in the mirror wishing for once I didn't see myself staring back at me.
I stare at the paper before me. Words blending together. Name? Date of Birth? Previous pregnancies? Date of last menstruation. My hand shakes as I fill in the blanks, my eyes darting to the door. How easy it would be to just ran away, far, far away. I walk with heavy legs to the receptionist desk, handing over the paper, her eyes smiling at me as she tells me it will only be a few minutes before the doctor can see me. I sit down, laying my head back thinking. 'It's probably nothing, just stress. Everything that's been happening lately can surely be the reason that my monthly visitor has decided not to show up. I mean, come on, the universe couldn't be so cruel as to have a girl deal with heart break and cramps right?' I think to myself smiling half-heartedly at my pitiful attempt at reassurance.
" Daniella James," the sound of my name being called causes me to jump as I fumble around my feet for my purse. I can barely make eye contact with the nurse as she leads me through the door. " Well lets just get you weighed here." I watch numbly as she works the dials on the scale, feeling slightly self-conscious. " One hundred and twenty six pounds." I step off the scale, following her through the corridors finally stepping into the examination room. " So what brings you here today Daniella?" I stare at the nurse, her young face smiling at me. Funny that I should consider her young, she cant be any older than me. I tug at the hair band around my wrist, kicking my feet rapidly, the soft banging noise of my shoes hitting the metal table keeping rhythm with my heart.
" I, uhm, there's a possibility that I'm pregnant," I murmur, saying it out loud makes it so much scarier.
" Oh well, I wont say congratulations yet, don't want to jinx it for you. I will just need you to take this cup, and you will have to," she trails off when I take the cup from her hand jumping lightly off of the examination table.
" I know what to do, I've done it before," I say, smiling sadly at the thought of being in this same situation again. Scared, shaking, and alone.
I stare at the wall of the room, the colorful posters almost blinding as I wait for an answer, any answer. What if I am pregnant? Then what will I do? My heart aches, part of me would be overjoyed, another part of me heartbroken by the constant reminder of him. I close my watering eyes when a soft knock on the door has my heart leaping into my throat.
" Hi Dr. Graham, so what's the news? Am I pregnant? I'm not right? I mean its been a stressful last month and a half, what with everything's that's happened, that's why I'm late right?" I ask, looking into her face expectedly.
" Well yes stress can be the reason behind any woman skipping a period, but so can pregnancy. In your case it's the latter," Dr. Graham says, her eyes smiling at me. " Congratulations." I stare at her, my heart plummeting to my stomach. Pregnant? As much as I tried convincing myself that it wasn't possible, it's there clear as day. I'm pregnant.
" How, how far along?" I ask, my voice sounding alien to me, distant.
" Well lets see, your last period was December eighth, so I would say your about six and a half weeks along, which makes your due date September fourteenth," she says, and I shake my head trying to concentrate. I mumble answers to the questions, make the appointment for my first thorough check up and walk from the doctors office, knowing who I have to go see.
I gather my jacket around myself, walking slowly through the cemetery, my heart heavy as I pass headstone after headstone. Sad isn't it, that at the end of our lives all that we are remembered with is a marker in the ground? Save for those lucky few, whose identity and life would go on, remembered for as long as the world spins. I stop at the familiar grave, smiling softly as I lay down the flowers before sitting down, crossing my legs, pulling my jacket tighter around myself.
" Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Carly-Ann, happy birthday to you," I sing sadly, tears falling softly from my eyes. " So I have some news for you baby girl, Momma's pregnant. Your going to be a big sister, to a little brother, or sister, I don't know yet. Michael's the father, and I just want you to know, that even though he wont be in the Childs life I will protect him or her, and I swear I will do a better job at it then I did with you, I promise. I miss you sweet heart," I murmur, laying across the grass, one hand on Carly-Ann's headstone, the other over my stomach. I close my eyes as a soft breeze flows over me, peace settling in and for a minute I think everything is going to be okay, or as close to okay as it can get.
Michael's POV
I stare as the light bounces off of the ring on my left hand, wondering how in the hell I let myself be talked into marrying anyone who isn't DanI. I rub at my heart, the thought of her blazing through me like a wildfire, and I groan turning around to walk around my room. Don't get me wrong, Lisa-Marie is a beautiful woman, and I may have fancied myself attracted to her when first we met, but soon whatever menial feelings I had towards her in that sense disappeared as a brotherly love set in.
' Michael we have to do this. If we get married they wont speculate so much, about your sexuality. Just until this whole mess blows over,' Lisa-Marie's voice flows through my head. Like I gave a damn about what people thought, however with a little help of my old friend Demerol I found that marriage to Lisa-Marie wasn't so bad. Even the pain killer couldn't take away the memories of DanI's laugh, her smile. The way her eyes died when I pushed her out of my life.
" Michael," a deep voice calls to me and I look up, Max's eyes searching my face. " Mr. Cochran is here to see you." I nod, following behind him. We walk through the house, our footsteps echoing off of the walls.
" How is she?" I ask before we walk into the office.
" I don't know, she changed her number. Brandon and Kyle wont talk to me, and to be honest the thought of talking to her mother scares the ever living bajesus out of me. I'm sorry Mike," Max says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I shake my head. Of course she would change her number, I couldn't blame her, if I could, I would run away from me too.
" Michael, as your legal counsel, I strongly suggest just ending this. They are willing to settle," Johnny says, his eyes staring into mine.
" How much?" Lisa-Marie asks, and my eyes flash to hers.
" Twenty million," Johnny says, tapping his pen against his notepad.
" Absolutely not. I will not settle for a dollar, for a billion dollars. I did not hurt that child, I would never hurt any child, and giving in, giving them money will just make people think that I am trying to cover something up," I say, pacing the room furiously.
" Mike, I love you, you're my best friend. But you aren't strong enough to handle a trial," Lisa says touching a soft hand to my shoulder. I shake it off, turning on her quickly.
" I am strong enough, and I hired him to defend me, so that is what he is going to do. The fact that you would even consider asking me to settle this tells me that you believe, even just a little bit that I could do something so sick," I yell, Lisa shrinking back.
" Michael, I could never," she starts saying but I just hold up a hand silencing the room.
" If this goes to trial, then it goes to trial. I hired you to be my attorney so do your job, if you cant, then I will find someone who can," I say, walking out of the room. If this is hell I have to wonder what I did to deserve having to go through all of this. Alone.