Author's Note: HEre's Chapter 20 for your reading pleasure...hope you like it :D
Chapter 20: Don't Ever Forget
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Have you ever had a secret, a secret so big that you thought it would swallow you whole and yet you couldn't tell anyone? One you had to keep out of fear of being abandoned? I haven't left my house, dodging phone calls and messages from Mom, Brandon, and Kyle. Refusing to see them. I cant tell them, that for the second time in my twenty two years of life I am pregnant. And alone. I flip through the channels on my television, skipping quickly over everything and anything having to do with Him. I didn't want to see his smiling face, or the way that he holds her. A constant reminder that I meant so very little to him.
" Dani! Daniella Sophia James, open this door right now!" Brandon's voice calls through my heavy door and I honestly contemplate letting him pound away while I curl up and take a nap. Yet, the last thing I need is neighbors calling demanding to know why my brother is pounding on my door screaming my name at three o'clock in the morning. I groan as I walk to the door, pulling it open.
" What in the world do you want Brandon. Its three o clock in the morning, normal people should be asleep right now," I say my words biting at him.
" Yeah well normalcy doesn't run in our family, you going to let me in or am I going to have to freeze to death on your doorstep?" Brandon asks, rubbing his hands together his breath puffing in white smoke.
" Whatever," I say, stepping to the side, pulling my shirt over my stomach snuggly before closing the door.
" I came here for two reasons, one. Happy birthday little sister," he says, hugging me closely. What is he talking about, my birthday isn't until February 18th. I glance over his shoulder the calendar clearly reading that he was right. Is it possible that I have holed myself up in this house for almost three weeks?
" Thanks," I murmur, pulling away from him so that I can take up my spot on the couch. I pull my legs under me, staring at him. " Why else are you here?"
" I uhm, well I got a call from Max. They are going to be announcing on the news first thing in the morning that Michael's case is going to trial," he says, and my heart freezes in my chest.
" You talk to Max?" I ask, staring at him in disbelief.
" Dani, don't be mad. He has been calling me and Kyle since you left Tokyo, we ignored him for the longest time, but we couldn't ignore him when he showed up at our apartment," he says, and I sigh. I cant be mad at Brandon for talking to Max. it isn't his fault that they don't know how to leave us alone. " It's bad DanI. if they find him guilty he will be going away for at least twenty years. There's more though, Michael has become a huge fan of pharmaceutical help."
" What? No, one Michael would never become addicted to pain killers, and two they cant find him guilty. He didn't do it," I scream, tightening my hands on the blanket covering me.
" Well there is no proof that he didn't do it DanI," he says and I flash a look at him my eyes on fire when he throws his hands up, " I'm not saying he did it DanI, I'm just stating what I've heard. It would be totally different if there was proof of his innocence."
" I have the proof," I murmur, my heart aching at the thought of having to tell Brandon.
" What? What proof," he asks, his eyes widening at me.
" I'm pregnant," I whisper tears flowing down my cheeks.
" Your what?" he asks, his voice astonished.
" You heard me. I'm pregnant," I say, pulling open the drawer of the end table, pulling out the ultrasound, handing it to him. I watch as his eyes cloud over, tears forming quickly as he swallows harshly.
" About how far along are you?" he asks, his eyes never leaving the picture.
" Almost ten weeks," I say, unconsciously running a hand over my stomach.
" How long have you known?" he asks, finally looking up at me.
" About three and half weeks," I murmur, trying to look him in the eye.
" That's why you hid away. Why didn't you tell us DanI? We could have been helping you," he asks, coming to sit next to me when I start crying, his hand running over my head.
" Brandon, I'm terrified I have to do this all over again, alone. What will mom think? What will everyone think? Its not like I can march into Neverland and be like ' Hey Mike remember me? I know your married and all but surprise I'm having your baby.' Brandon I have to do this one on my own," I say, wiping tears defiantly from my face.
" Dani, you never have to do anything alone as long as me and Kyle are around. You have to tell Michael, this proves he is innocent," he says and I nod my head. I know what I have to do. Its just the doing it part that's hard to deal with.
" Dani, are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?" Brandon asks as I stare up at the legal offices of Michael's attorney, Johnny Cochran.
" I'm sure," I say, hugging him quickly before I lose my nerve and tell him to floor it. I push out of the car pulling the hat tightly over my head, keeping my head down as I walk into the office. I scan the board finding the office number that I need. I step into the elevator noticing the curious look that the man gives me. I step out of the elevator pausing while my hand rests on the door handle. I take a deep breath and push it open, walking to the desk, the clerk giving me a strange look.
" Can I help you?" she asks her voice annoyed.
" I need to speak with Mr. Cochran," I say, trying to sound braver than what I actually feel.
" I'm sorry, unless you have an appointment Mr. Cochran cant be bothered," she says, and I roll my eyes dramatically behind my sunglasses.
" To hell with this," I say, walking past the desk, slamming open the door to his office, all the while the receptionist yelling at me.
" Excuse me, may I help you?" Mr. Cochran asks, looking at me as if I were a parasite.
" No but I can help you," I say, shrugging off the hand on my shoulder.
" Do you want me to get security Mr. Cochran?" the woman asks and he shakes his head slowly. I listen for the click of the door shutting to tell me that we are alone.
" Okay, Miss," he says, trailing off because I never introduced myself. I pull off my sunglasses and hat, the weight of my hair falling down my back.
" James. Daniella James," I say, his eyes widening when he recognizes me.
" Please, take a seat. Max has told me all about you," he says, and I sit down, wondering why it is that Max would be talking about me, not Michael. " So how is it that you can help me."
" I have the proof that you need, that Mi, erm Mr. Jackson didn't do what he was accused of doing," I say, reaching into my purse pulling out a manila folder. I slide it across the desk, waiting for him to open it. I watch as he eyes it curiously, finally flipping it open, his eyes widening slowly.
" Your pregnant," he murmurs, and I nod my head. " And it's Michaels child?"
" Yes its his child," I say, looking at him feeling disgusted. What am I? A whore?
" Miss. James, you understand, you come forward your throwing yourself to the lions so to speak. Media will follow you around relentlessly, why are you doing this? What do you want from all of this? Money? Fame?" I laugh loudly and hollowly.
" All I want is to clear Michael's name. He would never hurt a child, ever. In the long run, the way I look at it, me getting hounded by the media is a small price to pay for Michael's freedom," I say, and he smiles at me, leaning across the desk.
" Then you will need to start from the very beginning," he says, and I sit back in my chair, letting out a breath before starting in on my side of the story. Two hours and a tear induced headache later I'm led to the door.
" I will be in touch with you very soon Daniella, thank you," Johnny says, walking me to the door of his office.
" Your welcome. One more thing, is there any way that you could keep this from Michael, until I have to testify?" I ask, my eyes pleading with his.
" Yes I can," he says, smiling as I nod my head.
" Good," I say, shaking his hand tightly in mine as I walk out of the office.
" Brandon, you don't have to do this you know," I say laying back against the examination table.
" I want to," Brandon says, holding my hand lightly in his. Today is the day. The day that I will hear my baby's heart beat for the first time. My mind wanders. Today has already been a whirl wind. Knowing that its only going to be a matter of time before I cant go anywhere without people pointing at me, saying there goes the girl who is having Michael Jackson's baby. I close my eyes for less than a minute before the doctor knocks and comes in.
" Hello Daniella, how are you feeling?" Dr. Graham asks, looking over my chart. I sit up slowly, sighing.
" Relatively well, the morning sickness is only bad every other hour," I say on a dry laugh.
" Ahh yeah I know it can be rough, but you know how to combat that. Eat small meals, nothing to heavy or greasy. Flat seven up or sprite and saltine crackers help a lot of women also," she says, and I nod my head, laying back lifting my shirt. I couldn't tell her that the morning sickness is caused more from the looming fact that the world is going to know who I am and what Michael was to me in a few short weeks, than the child growing inside of me.
" All right, are you ready to here the heart beat?" she asks, and I nod my head, taking Brandon's hand tightly in mine. The room is silent for less than a second before it is filled with the beautiful sound of my child's heart beating strongly. I blink quickly a few tears seeping out of the corner of my eyes.
" Your child has a strong heart beat Daniella," she says, and I smile as I the tears continue to flow.
'So does the father,' I think to myself my mind wandering inevitably to Michael.
" When are you going to tell Mom Dani?" Brandon asks, sitting across from me in my living room, holding a container of Chinese food in his hand stuffing his face.
" I don't know, it will have to be soon though. The last thing I want to do is have her see me on the news and give her a heart attack," I reply, setting my rice aside suddenly losing my appetite.
" I'm glad you said it's going to be soon, I invited her over for dessert," he says nonchalantly. I narrow my eyes at him, picking up the closest thing to me, a pair of chopsticks, and I throw them at him laughing wildly when they bounce off of his head.
" Why would you do that Brandon?" I ask, my voice stern as I try and think of just how I am going to tell my mom.
" Because I knew that you weren't going to be able to do it yourself, so I decided to give you the helping push you need," he says simply, and just as I'm about to open my mouth a flow of curses ready to be unleashed a knock on my door stops me.
" Just wait Brandon Caleb you will be getting an earful from me when this is over," I hiss at him, walking to the door. I pull it open slowly the smiling face of my mother holding a chocolate cake making me smile despite my frustration over being pushed into this. " Hi Momma."
" Hello sweet heart, so what's the big news, Brandon sounded like he was going to explode before I got here," Mom says, pulling off her jacket. I sigh taking it from her, hanging it carefully on the rail of stairs.
" Yeah Brandon, what's the news?" I ask, staring at him over my mother's shoulder.
" Not my news to tell, the floor is all yours Daniella," he says, and I roll my eyes sharply at him.
" Why don't you sit down Mom," I say, waiting for her to take her seat. I pace in front of her for a moment, wringing my hands nervously. " Mom, there is no easy way to tell you this, but I just want you to know that I love you."
" Dani, your scaring me. Of course I know that you love me," she says, and I take a deep breath.
" I didn't tell you everything that happened between Michael and me, before," I pause my chest tightening on me at the mention of his name. " We, we slept together, and I'm pregnant. I'm also going to be testifying on his behalf in a few weeks." Silence fills the house, and I wait for the explosion of anger. Instead she smoothes her jeans, and smiles at me.
" Okay. I'm glad you finally told me Dani, I knew you were hiding something I just couldn't put my finger on it," she says, getting up to hug me closely.
" Wh-what?" I sputter, pulling away from her. " No yelling or screaming, telling me I screwed up, nothing."
" Dani, you're a grown woman, and as much as you deny it, I know that you are still in love with him. And he loves you. I respect him, and I am so proud that even though you have a broken heart your willing to put it out there for the entire world to see to protect Michael from those disgusting rumors. I am going to love the child growing inside of you no matter what happens," she says, her hands running over my head. I smile, feeling like at least for now the weight of the world is somewhat lifted.
" Hey momma?" I ask, smiling up at her sweetly.
" Yes dear," she says, looking over at me.
" Is it time for cake yet?" I ask, giggling when she and Brandon begin to laugh hysterically.
Later when the house is silent I sit, alone. Brandon and my mothers voices echoing in the silence as I remember the excitement that they shared about the baby growing inside of me. I smile wistfully at the ultrasound picture running my fingers over it. Lifting my head at the soft knock on the door.
" What did you forget Brandon?" I ask, opening the door a smile on my face. " Oh I'm sorry, I thought that you were someone else." I stare curiously at the teenager standing on my doorstep.
" Sorry, I was asked to give this to you," he says, handing me a thick envelope. I take it in my hands turning it over ready to ask him who gave it to him when I notice that he's gone. I close the door flipping it over in my hands. There was nothing written on it. I sit down on the couch, opening it slowly, dumping the contents in front of me. I draw a sharp breath when I see picture upon picture of Michael and I. All taken from the time that we spent together. Michael jokingly dipping me during a rehearsal of The Way You Make Me Feel. Me on Michael's back laughing hysterically at something he said. Pictures of him with Carly-Ann. I wipe my hands over my face, not even realizing that I started crying. Underneath the pictures and memories is a small slip of paper. I pick it up, my eyes reading the words over and over until they echo in my head like a silent plea.
' So you'll never forget, what you mean to him and what he means to you. Don't forget, please don't ever forget.'