RelationShipwreck

Chapter 7: Trying Hard Not To Admit

Zoro had just walked into the galley, so everyone knew the sun must have set: the man didn't stop working out until dusk was over. The tables were empty except for one, where the four boys were enjoying a game of cards, with Paul helping to hold his brother's deck. Sanji was fixing up a snack, his mind busy planning out the morrow's menu.

"Aw!" Royal exclaimed as he tossed his cards down. "No fair, you have help!" Paul smirked as he ruffled Frey's hair. "Nonsense, I'm just a glorified card-holder. He's doing all the thinking." The one-armed boy grinned even as he tried to smooth his hair back down.

"And yet suddenly he's always winning," the long-haired boy pouted. Joss gathered all the cards up, trying to keep the peace. "Why don't we play something else, then? Zoro's here, maybe he and Sanji will join us!" They all looked up hopefully.

"Sure, I'm game," the green-haired man said, taking a seat. Sanji looked up briefly before shaking his head. "After I'm done here, maybe."

"What should we play?" Joss enquired. Paul whispered something into Frey's ear, which made the freckle-faced kid blush before throwing in a suggestion.

"H-how about Pick Your Poison?"

Royal clapped his hands and laughed. "Oh, that's perfect!" Moose gave a shrug and nodded his consent, and Joss looked doubtful but agreed.

"What is this, a slumber party for 12-year-olds? You can count me out," the cook snorted. Zoro and Paul exchanged glances. "Can you at least get us a bottle?"

"Fine," he huffed, retrieving one of the empty cola bottles from dinner and chucking it at Zoro's head. It was caught with ease and laid flat on the table.

"So, who goes first?"

"Why don't you start?"

"All right." Zoro gave the bottle a twirl and all eyes watched it come to a stop aimed at Moose. "It's been forever since I played this, lets see… pick your poison; tell us what your dream is, vs.… do a flip off the table."

"Wow, way to set the bar low, marimo," Sanji said with a roll of his eyes, which the green-haired man ignored.

The targeted boy scratched his head sheepishly. "I'd probably land on my head, so… my dream is to be Royal's first mate when he gets his own ship and explore the world." Royal grinned at him and playfully nudged him with his elbow. "That's my dream, not yours. You have to tell the whole truth in this game!"

"Fine, fine," he said softly, turning a little pink. "After we're done exploring, my dream is for us to marry two girls who are also best friends, and we'll all live together and have kids at the same time."

Joss snickered. "You're such a family man, Moose."

"What? I like big families. Now it's my turn." He grabbed the bottle and gave it a little spin, letting it identify the next target. "Joss, pick your poison. What kind of family do you want? Versus pretend to be a monkey for the next 3 turns."

"Tch, easy. I want to marry a girl who's not going to run off with some other guy and leave her kid with the neighbor," he said with a tone of bitterness. "She doesn't have to be the prettiest, as long as she's a girl. I mean, a nice girl." For a second his eyes darted to Frey, who completely missed it. "Anyway, gimme the bottle."

Sanji rounded the counter with a tray of drinks, shaking his head "Geez, do you kids even know how to play this game?"

"What do you mean?" Joss enquired, hands poised to give the dark glass a twist.

"You're supposed to stack the questions so you get what you want, not play 'getting to know you.'"

"Why don't you show us how it's done?" Zoro asked slyly, to which Sanji snorted in disbelief. "Nice try," he retorted before setting down the last drink and returning to the kitchen.

Joss looked thoughtful as he spun the pointer. When it came to rest indicating Zoro, he grew a wicked grin. "Alright, pick your poison. What's your weakness vs. let me use one of your swords!"

Zoro laid a hand protectively over the blades at his side. "Haven't I already told you 'no?'"

"Fine. Then what's your weakness?"

He growled a bit as he looked to the side, a sulky expression on his face. "I have a poor sense of direction."

From the kitchen, Sanji suddenly burst out laughing. "Don't you mean no sense of direction?"

"Hey, no comments from people too chicken to play!"

"I believe you mean "too smart to play."

"Buck buck buck b—"

"No snacks for you."

"Ass."

"Got any more animals you want to accuse me of being, or did you still want breakfast?"

Zoro grumbled something under his breath before snatching the bottle again. It spun about until it singled out Frey, who looked up at him with nervous expectation. "Pick your poison, tell us what it was like going overboard or—"

Frey's eyes widened and his face turned pale, making Zoro realize it was too soon and he was being insensitive. "Um…versus…let me sign your cast," he finished lamely. The boy immediately went from white to pink. Paul smiled as he got up to allow Zoro to trade spots with him, and Frey turned even redder as the swordsman sat down beside him.

"Hey ero-cook, toss me a pen!"

"What am I, your gofer?" Sanji grumbled even as he chucked the writing utensil at him, again aiming for his head. Zoro snatched it deftly and popped off the cap, gingerly taking Frey's arm and scrawling his signature across the wrappings. Almost unwilling to tear his eyes away from his new autograph, Frey took the bottle with his other hand and gave it a whorl, trembling head to toe with happiness. It came to rest on Royal.

"Um, p-pick your poison… do you ever miss your home? Versus…" he paused, then squeaked in a voice that seemed surprised at his own daring, "g-give Moose a kiss."

There was an exasperated sigh from the kitchen, as if Sanji had suspected all along that the game would eventually degrade into those sort of juvenile dares. Royal just laughed, though. "Oh, Frey, that's too easy!" To prove his claim, he stood halfway so he could reach Moose's much taller form and, without shame or even the slightest hint of a blush, gave his friend a peck on the cheek. Moose accepted it with the well-worn patience of a man who is used to crazy antics.

"Ha!" the long-haired boy cut in before Frey could object, sticking out his tongue. "You didn't say it had to be on the lips." Meanwhile, both Zoro and Sanji were staring with amazement bordering on embarrassment. How could those boys be so carefree about the subject of kissing, when it had caused them such strife?

* * *

"Yay, that makes it my turn!" Royal said with glee. Frey rolled the bottle over for him to spin. From the kitchen, Sanji was putting the final touches on his platter of snacks. He stood back and gave the tray a final inspection before nodding in satisfaction.

It was loaded with tasty little croissant sandwiches stuffed with meat and cheese, petite apple tarts, and delicate lemon madeleines. Much too good for a crowd of ungrateful men, but Sanji didn't want to get rusty and was itching to make something nice.

"Oho, Zoro again!"

"What?"

"Tough luck. It would've been Paul if you hadn't traded places. Oh, what to make you do, what to make you do…"

Sanji hoisted the giant tray on one hand and looked up as he walked around the counter, an ominous feeling in his gut as he noticed the glint in Royal's eyes. See, Zoro, this is why you shouldn't play games like this; it's a one-way ticket to embarrassment!

"Pick your poison! Let Joss use one of your swords…"

Zoro narrowed his eyes.

"Versus… kiss—"

If my name comes up next, someone else isn't getting any snacks either!

"—Frey. On the lips."

That's bet—wait, what?

Sanji paused mid-step, watching Zoro's reaction. The man was still guarding his swords protectively and looking back and forth between Joss's eager expression and Frey's beat-red, hopeful face. It almost looked like he was actually considering the second option. In fact it almost looked like he was clearing his throat nervously and shifting closer to the boy whose eyes were growing wider and was nervously licking his lips.

That…bastard…marimo! Doesn't he know better then to mess with the feelings of an innocent little boy? You're going to be leaving eventually and it'll break his heart! He stalked closer with the platter of snacks unnoticed; all eyes were on the scene unfolding before them as Zoro lifted a hand to take Frey's chin.

You're seriously going to do this? Don't you know that kid's crushing on you? Don't you understand the repercussions of your own actions? DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT AVAILABLE?

A tray of snacks slammed down on the table in front of Zoro and Frey, which meant Sanji's arms had conveniently come between the two. Everyone looked surprised, including Sanji himself.

Wait. That didn't come out right.

Aware of the crowd of eyes staring at him, the chef hastily adopted a cool look and pinned it on Royal. "That's two dares, instead of a dare and a question. You forfeit your turn."

The dark-haired boy smacked himself on the head. "Aw, man, I got ahead of myself!" He sighed in disappointment, letting Moose pat him sympathetically on the back. "That means you get my turn."

Sanji gaped like a fish. "Huh?"

"If you catch someone breaking the rules, you get to steal their turn."

"Ah, no, I'm not playing."

"Better take it, aho-cook," Zoro said smugly. "Otherwise we'll get you for interrupting a dare, in which case Royal gets to ask you questions instead."

Sanji fumed, little cracking noises emitting from his mouth as he ground his teeth. On the one hand, he really, really didn't want to play. On the other hand…even if he convinced everyone to forget him and just let Royal change one of his questions, what would that kid pick? Probably something damning, like "who was the last person you kissed?"

"Fine," he hissed, taking a seat on the other side of Zoro and giving him a dark look. "Are you a virgin? Verses let the kid play with your damn sword already!"

The green-haired man glared back before sulkily getting up and unfastening Wadō Ichimonji from his haramaki. With obvious reluctance he placed it in Joss's eager hands and proceeded to watch him like a hawk.

"Wow… you let me hold the white one, even?" the blond remarked with reverence.

"She's the one least likely to bite."

"She's not as heavy as I thought she would be." Standing up, he pulled it out of the sheath awkwardly, making Zoro twitch, before gripping the handle tightly between both hands. Pointing it away from the table, he admired the way the light gleamed across the polished surface. "She's so pretty! Someday I want to learn how to use a sword and own an awesome one like this." He gave a few vertical swings with the sword, making Sanji snicker at her owner's obvious unease.

"Okay, that's enough," Zoro said, taking the handle out from under Joss's hands and returning the blade to its scabbard. "Tell you what, you find something we can use as practice swords and I'll give you some basic lessons until I move on, how's that?"

"That would be amazing!" Joss was practically jumping for joy, enthusiasm written all over his face. Paul grinned as they returned to their seats, Zoro sighing and giving Sanji a victimized look.

"See what you've got me in to?"

"I didn't force you to make any commitments, you did that on your own."

"Yeah, yeah." He grabbed the bottle and gave it a half-hearted spin. As if noticing the food for the first time, everyone began helping themselves to Sanji's tempting snack tray as the bottle selected the next target.

"Pick your poison, Paul. Just how many people do you play mother hen for? Versus, I don't know, gargle a dirty limerick or something."

Sanji laughed incredulously. "That's the third time you've given your victims a pathetically easy option. I never took you for a softie!"

"You're the one who didn't want to play, yet keeps trying to goad everyone into being as vicious as possible!"

"That's the way the game is supposed to be—"

They paused, turning to stare at Paul who had just took a swig of his mug and was currently performing a warbling rendition of 'The Man From Nantuckit.' His brood was hooting and cheering him on merrily, giving him a round of applause when he finished and gulped down his drink. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he flashed a grin at the two who were still frozen in mid-argument. "I believe it is my turn, now."

Lamplight glittered off the smooth glass curves as the bottle spun round and round, coming to rest, once more, upon Zoro. For a moment, Paul looked annoyed at the result.

"Me again?"

"That's what you get for not playing to win."

"That makes absolutely no sense."

"Gentlemen," Paul interrupted with a raised eyebrow. The two nakama turned back to the business at hand, letting the slightly older man get his first turn. "Zoro, pick your poison. Give my brother that kiss…"

Menacing waves seemed to radiate from the blond chef.

"…Or tell us what your most recent date was like."

Menacing waves continued to radiate from the blond chef. The others around the table, however, perked up with interest, even Frey, though that answer would mean losing out on his kiss.

"Well…" Zoro began carefully, after shooting a betrayed look at Paul, "I met an attractive worker at an inn, and we spent the day together. We went shopping, enjoyed a picnic, walked along the beach, and went drinking. At the end of the night I was too forward, though, and got dumped."

Everyone offered him their condolences, after first laughing their asses off. Zoro turned a bid red, but Sanji finally relaxed.

"Poor Zoro-san," Frey said with real sympathy. "You weren't too broken up about it, were you?"

"What? No, I'm fine; it was just a whim. Romance really isn't that important to me."

Not important? Sanji stared at the green-haired swordsman, eyes growing wider and wider in realization. Not important!? Is that why he suddenly went back to normal? Because he figured out his heart and decided to ignore it out of some macho, self-sacrificing, 'I don't need feelings' bullcrap?!

"Not important?" Sanji suddenly blurted out, staring at Zoro as if he were some kind of alien life form. "Romance is everything!"

"Maybe in your opinion, ero-cook. You try to romance every female you come across! It's pathetic."

"I am merely giving women the attention they deserve!" he exclaimed as he leaped to his feet, offended.

"What about the ones that try to kill you?" Zoro returned, standing as well to keep them equal. "Do they deserve to walk all over you while you snivel at their feet like an idiot?"

"It doesn't matter what they do, I'll never strike a woman! I had a very strict upbringing!"

"That doesn't explain why you chase every single one like a starving wolf! Of course they don't take you seriously, they know you'd never be loyal!"

"I would too be loyal if I found the love of my life!"

"You'll never find love with your attitude!"

"WELL AT LEAST I TRY!" Sanji shouted with a manic gleam in his eye. They both fell silent, breathing heavily with anger as they attempted to out-glare each other from mere inches apart.

"Wow. That was…entertaining." Paul deadpanned.

The two recoiled in surprise, having obviously forgotten their surroundings in the heat of the argument. The boys were all staring at them with looks ranging from nervousness to discomfort to fascination. Mildly sheepish, the two sat back down, eyes still shooting daggers at each other as Zoro took the bottle and resumed the game. It whirled and twirled until it came to a stop on…

Sanji.

"Well, well, well, Mr. 'You're-not-playing-mean-enough,' Zoro began with a smirk. "Looks like it's your turn to pick your poison." The cook narrowed his eyes as the swordsman gloated.

He'd better not even dare to bring up—

"Tell everyone what you were doing at Kamabakka! Versus…have you really ever made it with a woman?"

"Ha!" Sanji barked with a sneer, stealing the air from Zoro's sails. "I'll have you know that back on the Baratie I was quite popul—"

"Forfeit," Paul interrupted calmly.

"What?" they asked simultaneously.

"That was two questions, no dares. Zoro forfeits his turn to me."

Realization dawned across both their faces, followed by an irritation-tinged relief on Zoro's and an unhappy reluctance on Sanji's.

He looks way too confident. I have a bad feeling about this.

Paul leaned forward, steepling his fingers and peering over them with the barest hint of triumph on his face. "Sanji," he drawled, "pick your poison. Did you crossdress while you were in Kamabakka Kingdom?"

Yeah, good luck on getting that one out of me.

"Or…" he gestured to the platter of snacks that the chef had prepared with pride, which was still half full. "Throw that food on the floor and stomp on it 'til it's nothing but paste."

For a moment, Sanji just stared blankly at him as his brain temporarily shut down.

Then, his head turned in slow motion to pin Zoro with the most venomous glare he could muster.

"So that's what you two were chatting about all afternoon," he growled in a register usually reserved for giant aquatic mammals. The swordsman looked innocently away, as if trying to deny his involvement in the whole ordeal. The four boys all held their breath, not entirely sure what was wrong but sensing the crackle of danger in the air and wisely trying not to attract attention.

"Fine," Sanji hissed. "I'll show you, you conspiring, backstabbing traitor." Zoro flinched, a wounded look pulling his brows together. "Think you're so smart." The cook stood, picked up the tray and suspended it over the floor, ready to tilt it and let the sandwiches, tarts, and cookies tumble gracelessly into a messy, broken heap on the floor.

Any second now.

His knuckles turned white where they gripped the tray.

Just a little tilt would do it.

The tarts stared innocently up at him.

I…can…do…this…

The madeleines were radiating trust, naively unaware that they weren't going to make anyone full and happy.

There's plenty more where these…came…from…

'We're so grateful you appreciate us,' the sandwiches seemed to say. 'You know we're worth more than all the gold in the world to a person who's dying a slow, agonizing death of starvation; wasting away bit by bit and dreaming longingly of how much they'd like one final, tasty little croissant sandwich stuffed with meat and cheese…'

I did not just whimper. That was a manly note of distress, damn it.

The snacks were trembling in fear on the platter now. Or perhaps that was just his hands shaking.

Just give it a quick twist! It'll be over in a second! DO IT ALREADY!

With a sudden gasp of air that made him realize he'd forgotten to breathe, Sanji forced his arms to give the tray a hard spin, snapping it round and slamming it forcefully… back on the table. Completely intact.

Sitting down, he crossed his arms, hunched his shoulders, and went into full sulk mode.

"Yes," he muttered.

More then one person has mentioned that they thought Zoro was powering the propeller by himself, which made me realize I wrote that part badly. I have now made a small addition to the last section of chapter 5 in hopes of correcting that impression.

A letter to "Hi!"
You need to get an account so I can reply to your reviews! :P No need to apologize for the rant; I love your comments; you're often an uncanny guesser. Would it make you feel better if I told you that in my story-universe, crossdressing isn't really frowned upon, just considered odd? Sanji's hatred of it stems from his own opinion. Don't worry, everything will work itself out in the end. :)

Well. This chapter ended slightly more sourly then it was supposed to, but hopefully was still funny. The next and final chapter...isn't done yet. But it will probably be very long, I can tell you that right now. Good news for those of you who like long chapters! Anyone like or hate anything about this one enough to tell me about it?