Freddie huffed heavily as he carried Sam through the threshold of "The Cheesecake Warehouse." Freddie struggled to keep her secure in his arms, but she was not doing much to help. Sam was contentedly humming and kicking her feet, seemingly unaware of the suffering Freddie was currently going through. "Sam, we're in the restaurant," he sounded pained. "I think it's time for you to walk."

Sam sneered. "Fredwin, I can't walk, you see, my legs are disabled. They are paralyzed. And the doctor says that I won't be able to walk until…."she held her chest dramatically. "Never…" Freddie watched as she tried desperately to keep a straight face.

Freddie shook his head but gave her a tiny smile despite himself. "Sam, you were just kicking your feet a moment ago." Sam bit her bottom lip to deter laughter. "I'm going to let go now, alright?" Sam abruptly reached for his collar.

"Oh no, you're not!" Sam said, a smile sneaking up on her smug face. "If you do, I'll make a scene! I know how much you hate that, Fredwart." Her voice was taunting. "If you make me walk…I'll yell out to the whole restaurant that you're known for dropping pregnant women to the floor."

"B-B-But you're not pregnant."

"Really?"

"Y-yes, really…" He did not sound confident.

"Okay…"Sam proceeded to kick her feet and rub her abdomen. "Oh Freddie! Feel my tummy, little Hannah is starting to kick…" She then laughed. It was like an evil laugh that caused Freddie's stomach to turn violently. "She's a kicker…just like her mother..."

"Sam, shut up!" Freddie was frightened now. "You are not pregnant…"

"No," she snickered. 'I'm not…but the people in this lovely restaurant don't know that, so I suggest you keep carrying me."

Freddie struggled to keep up with Sam's weight but fortunately their table was only a few feet away. "AH! Finally," he dropped Sam, making sure she was on her feet. She just stood there, however, with a very determined look on her face. "Sam? Aren't you going to sit down?"

"Yes, as soon as you pull out my chair …" she tapped her foot impatiently on the floor.

"Of course," Freddie complied. "Here you go."

"Are you serious?" Sam asked incredulously. Freddie, however, examined the chair with a confused expression plopped on his face. "I can't sit on that chair…its brown."

"But…I thought brown was your favorite color."

"Yeah, it reminds me of meatballs."

"So what's the problem?"

"This chair is brown, Freddoof," She pointed at it. "It'll be like sitting on a brown, hot, delicious meatball." Sam looked sincere and for a moment Freddie was going to laugh. "We just have to sit somewhere else." She extended her arms out waiting for Freddie to presume carrying her.

"Sam, all of the chairs here are brown!" He tried to keep is voice steady. "You've been here a thousand times! And I've never seen you complain about brown chairs!"

She wasn't paying attention. "So are you going to carry me to another table or not?"

Freddie sighed and scrutinized the entire restaurant in hopes of a non-brown chair. "Hey! How 'bout that one?" He pointed and Sam followed his gaze. "That one over there….by the window."

Suddenly, Sam hit Freddie hard on his arm. "Are you blind?"

Freddie rubbed his aching arm bitterly. "What now?"

"That chair is white!"

"So?"

"So, Fredwood, I have my period," She said. "Do you want the whole world to know? Anything white is a big no-no during a girl's period."

"UGH! Well, then I guess we'll just have to go somewhere else."

"Wait!" she said abruptly. "I've noticed something about these chairs…"

"What?" Freddie said impatiently. "Is maple wood too good for you? Is it too light?"

"No, but good observation," Sam said thoughtfully. "These chairs aren't brown! They're caramel! This is a light brown but not so light that it could be mistaken for yellow or gold. I would say just between coffee and maple. Definitely not the color of meatballs!" She chuckled. "Silly me!"

Freddie glared at her, steam was virtually pouring out of his ears. "Okay," he said through gritted teeth. "Let's sit down now, shall we?"

"Yes." Sam smiled brightly. "We shall!" As soon as Freddie pushed her chair in, she yelled. "WAITER!"

Within seconds the waiter stood tall beside their table. "And what may I get for the lovely lady and her boyfriend?"

Freddie was extremely quick to correct the waiter. "It…I-I mean she is not my girlfriend. We're just friends, sorta." The waiter looked back and forth from Freddie to Sam and smiled. "Trust me, she doesn't want me. Not that I care..." Freddie glanced at Sam who was attentively examining her fingernails. "You know she sent my phone to Cambodia?"

"Yes, well, unfortunately I am a waiter…not a shrink." The waiter said curtly. "Now, what do you want?"

"I'll just have the Cesar salad and for the desert…um….I'll take a strawberry cheesecake and a diet Pepi Cola."

"And you, beautiful?"

"I'll have----"

"She'll have…a large chocolate cheesecake, a large Cesar Salad and a can of Mountain Fizz." Freddie cut in. Sam was furious. She specially made a whole list of the things she was going to order. The waiter proceeded to scribble the orders on his notepad.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She glared at Freddie. "Do I look like a five year old girl?"

"You sure act like one," Freddie muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Sam demanded. Freddie shook his head fervently. "Why did you order for me? Huh? I could talk, you know." Sam stubbornly crossed her arms over chest. 'Now, I demand you to….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Her sudden scream made both Freddie and the waiter and almost the entire restaurant jump. "Ahh! It hurts so badly!"

Freddie hastily went over to Sam. "Sam? What's wrong?"

"C-Cramps….ahhhhh!" Sam sounded pained. "I get them ten times worse then the average girl! PAIN!" Sam grabbed Freddie's hair. "UGH! Fredwusss, listen to me! Run down to the store and get me some painkillers and pads, okay?"

Freddie pinched himself, this was obviously a nightmare. "Pads?"

"And painkillers," She grabbed his hair tighter. "Okay? Get me….AHHHH," She clutched her stomach with her left arm. "Get me, "Invisible Flaw," pads, okay? The green ones…with the wings!"

"But, Sam!" Freddie feebly protested. "There are people in the corner store." Sam stared at him, his hair blowing at her heavy breaths. "They'll see me buying pads!" The waiter snickered and surreptitiously left the pair alone. "I-I'm afraid."

"AHHHH!" She clutched her stomach tighter. "Fredwad, these effing cramps are killing me!" She pulled his hair. "And my flow just keeps going, like your mother's damn mouth." Freddie was too much in pain to be insulted. "Now, get me my pads and PAINKILLERS!"

"Fine!"

******
Freddie paced back in forth in the Toiletry isle at WALK ON BUY. It smelled strongly of plastic and perfume. He wiped off the excess sweat on his red forehead. He was surrounded by pads, tampons, and pantiliners. It was the most excruciating thing he had endured in his life.

Just as he spotted the green pad that Sam had demanded, a group of girls turned towards the isle. Freddie grew exceedingly nervous. The clan of girl's eyes fell on Freddie as soon as they spotted him. They began to giggle and Freddie turned a pale shade of scarlet.

"It's not for me!" He yelled defiantly. "It's for my best friend!"

They laughed harder; one of them even approached him. "Do you need any help? My first time buying pads was really confusing too." They laughed even harder. "No seriously, do you? I could spot anything."

"Well…."

"Come on, Amber!" A blonde yelled from the clan. "Leave this poor boy alone and let's, like, leave already. I totally want to go and buy new shoes."

"Hold on, Missy!" Amber snapped back. "What is your friend looking for?" she asked Freddie

'I think I already found it…"Freddie pointed at the green pad on the shelf.

"Okay, you…I mean she prefers wingless pads?"

"Oh no, she wants it with wings…"

"AMBER," Missy yelled. "C'mon! We gotta go! Now! "

"Just a minute…"Amber remained calm. "If she doesn't want wingless then I suggest you forget about those and get those…"She pointed at an array of green and pink, "Invisible Flaw," pads. The majority of them had wings. "There you go…you can get the scented ones if you want…but their quite irritating."

"They're not for me…they're for my best friend."

"You must really like her," She smiled. "No boy I know would risk the embarrassment and social suicide and buy their best friends pads."

Freddie knew he currrently had three options His first option was to jump off a bridge. His second option was to start crying uncontrollably and this third option was to thank Amber, get Sam's painkillers and run out of that hell hole.

"Um, Thank you so much Amber," he hastily grabbed the pack of pads. "Now, I gotta get going." Without giving her a chance to utter her goodbyes, Freddie went to the counter and asked politely for some painkillers.

The cashier's eyes averted towards the pack of pads in Freddie's hands. He eyed Freddie suspiciously but grabbed a bottle of painkillers altogether. "Do you want paper or plastic?"

Freddie, who was growing exceedingly impatient, snapped. "What the hell is the difference? Just give me anything!"

'Hey look, mister," He pointed an accusing finger at Freddie. "Just because it's your time of month doesn't mean you could take it on me."

"Ugh!! Screw you!" And with that Freddie stormed out of the store.

*****

Freddie walked back into the restaurant to find Sam and table full of empty plates and crumbs. "Here," he practically threw them at her. "Here are your stupid pads and stupid painkillers!"

Sam smiled, chocolate covering every fraction of her mouth. "Good news, Fredqueer, my flow is getting lighter and my cramps stopped." She then had the audacity to laugh. "There was really no need for you to get me those things…"

Freddie could feel his blood boiling. "You ate all of my food?" Sam nodded. "And yours?" She nodded again. "But I was only gone for like, 15 minutes!" Sam nodded. "How much is the bill?"

"Um…I think it's about 5 or 6 or 70 dollars…"

"What?" Freddie stammered and subsequently took a seat before his legs gave out. "But it's never that much." Sam hummed and wiped her mouth with her hand. "What else did you order?"

"Uh…nothing," Sam insisted. But Freddie kept his stance fierce. "Okay, So I ordered another Pepi cola… or five, but is that really bad?"

Freddie stood up abruptly. He reached inside his pockets and angrily pulled out a 100 dollar bill and slammed it on the table. "Here! I can't take anymore of you for the day. You girls with your freakin' periods!" He angrily walked out leaving at a confused Sam gazing at his retreating form. "And I want my change back!"

But he knew he wasn't going to get his change back. He knew that this week was not over and he had six more days of Sam's period. His least favorite time of the month.

*****

I guess us girls can relate, huh? And I feel sorry for those poor helpless guys who have to deal with us. Oh well….

TBC