Author's Note: Well here is Chapter 25, but before we move onto the Michael goodness, I have to say a huge thank you to IvyRaven03...not just for always having encouraging words to offer me, but for her awesome shout out's and using one of characters in one of her chapters, that was AHH-MAZING! You are so great girl, dont ever forget it :) Okay on to Chapter Twenty-Five as always read/enjoy/review thanks :)
Chapter 25: Self Doubt
" Through self-doubt, we lose our sense of self-worth."-Unknown
I rummage through the refrigerator, in search of something, anything that would satisfy my cravings.
" What'cha looking for Dani?" someone's voice asks from behind me, and I whirl around pressing my hands to my heart.
" Jesus Janet, you scared me half to death," I proclaim, walking to a bar stool to sit down. My seventh month of pregnancy hit full force. Cravings, swollen ankles, achy back and all.
" Sorry," Janet says, sitting down next to me. " It's barely six in the morning, and I was curious about who was rummaging around in the kitchen."
" Yeah well I was in search of something to eat. I don't know why, but I am just so hungry all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love your brother to death, but if he tries to shove another carrot stick in my hand as the 'healthy choice' I'm going to scream," I say struggling to lift my feet and prop them on another bar stool.
" He means well," she soothes, her hands expertly rubbing the back of my neck. I sigh, leaning forward so that my long hair curtains my face.
" I know he does, but is it really so bad for a girl to eat a slice of pizza here and there?" I ask, my mouth watering at just the thought of food.
" Mmm, pizza does sound good. Where is my brother anyway? Asleep?" she asks, her hands continually working at the aches in my back.
" No, he woke up around one all excited because he got inspiration for a song, been at the studio since," I murmur, sighing as the baby moves restlessly under my hands.
" Hmm, well he will probably be there a good part of the day, tell you what, go get dressed we'll go out for breakfast, maybe do some shopping make a day of it," she says and as much fun as that sounds I groan at the thought of walking around.
" Janet, I don't know, its so hot," I whine, turning to look at her.
" I'll buy you some pizza," she says, a smile on her lips.
" Ooo, your good," I say, sliding off of the chair to make my way to the stairs, the thought of shopping looking better and better, especially when pizza's involved.
I walk around the stores, trying to ignore the stares and whispers from the people who pass by me and Janet, growing increasingly uncomfortable.
" Is it always going to be this way?" I murmur to Janet, running my fingers down a beautiful layette.
" Face it honey, your part of the Jackson's now," Janet says and I smile.
" Yeah I guess," I murmur turning to walk away but she grabs me before I can.
" Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, her eyes, so much like her brothers, stare into me.
" I don't know, I just, I guess I thought that by now, he would have asked me to marry him you know?" I ask, shrugging my shoulders lightly. " I just, I feel like everyone just looks at me as the girl Michael knocked up."
" Honey, none of us look at you that way, we know how crazy Michael is about you," she says rubbing her hand up and down my arm.
" I know that you guys do, its all of them that I worry about," I say, my eyes wondering to the crowd gathering outside of the small baby shop we're in.
" Since when did you care about what they say?" she asks, her eyes confused as she looks at me. I reach into my purse, pulling out a magazine that I have had for over a week, the source of all of my doubt and worries. I hand it to her, waiting for her to react.
" The Truth Behind The King Of Pop's Refusal To Marry Pregnant Mistress," she murmurs, rolling her eyes while she balls up the magazine. " Dani, you should know by now you cant pay any attention to what these tabloids say."
" I know that logically, but at the same time I cant help but wonder, you know he hasn't even brought it up once?" I ask, shaking my head sadly.
" Dani, I assure you, you have nothing to worry about okay," she says her eyes telling me to just trust her. I nod slowly, trying to clear my mind. It doesn't matter what she says or the way she tries to console me it doesn't change the way I feel. " Now lets go get you that pizza I promised you." I follow behind her, at least for a moment forgetting how I feel, the thought of food taking over.
I sit in the car my hands laying over my stomach, content and full.
" How are you going to sneak in that pizza?" Janet asks laughing when she looks over at me. I open my eyes slowly smiling broadly.
" I will find a way," I murmur yawning slightly.
" Oh damn," she suddenly says, and I open my eyes to look at her. Her eyes narrowing in front of her.
" What?" I ask following her gaze. I don't recognize the black Bentley in the drive way of Neverland.
" Whose car is that?" I ask, confused over Janet's sudden cold demeanor.
" Our father's" she says, and I groan. I didn't spend a lot of time around Joseph Jackson when I was here before, but I heard the stories. From Janet, all of Michael's brothers, and Michael himself. To say that Joseph Jackson was a tyrant would be an understatement. I remember the feel of my blood boiling when Michael confessed to me the years of verbal and physical abuse that he had endured at the hands of his father. I couldn't wrap my head around a father hurting their child so much, and for no reason. I wept for Michael, all this time thinking Michael was the lucky one, after all his father was still alive. When in fact it was me who was the lucky one. In the short fourteen years that I had my father, he never once raised a hand to me, never let me down, never called me names. I press my fingers to my eyes, taking a deep breath.
" You don't have to go in there Dani, just take the back way," Janet urges as we climb out of the car.
" No. Michael's going to need me," I say, straightening my shoulders and wrapping my heart in steel. The only way to protect myself from the monster known as Joseph Jackson.
I open the front door, raised voices echoing off of the walls. I walk in the direction of the commotion, my heart aching.
" You will not disrespect me boy," Joseph's low growl sends a chill down my spine. " I made you."
" Yes Joseph, you did. That isn't the point. You are not going to come into my home, and speak so deplorably of the relationship that I have with Dani," Michael's voice rings out, calm, even polite.
" She's no good for you boy. If you had enough sense in that big head of yours you would realize that. You should have stayed married to Lisa-Marie, she could have done so much for your reputation," Joseph spits, and I take a sharp intake of breath. My eyes watering, but I swallow them. This isn't about me, this is about Michael.
" Joseph, stop it," Janet says, pushing past her spot behind me into the office where Michael and Joseph stand looking at each other. " Are you really so hell bent on making sure that your children wont be happy?"
" This doesn't concern you," he says, his eyes burning into Janet.
" He's right Janet, but seeing as how my name was mixed in all of this, it does concern me," I say, walking into the room, everyone turning to look at me. I walk to Michael's side, taking his hand in firmly in mine, showing him I'm here for him. " I find it disgusting that you treat Michael, and the rest of your family this way."
" No one cares about your opinion girl. Your nothing to Michael, you mark my words. The minute you have his bastard, he'll move on to the next little nobody," he says, his words rolling off of me.
" Your so wrong Joseph, pathetically so. If you could just push aside your pride and that monstrous ego you have, you'd see what a beautiful heart and soul that Michael has, that all of your children have. You would be so much happier, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't walk around like you have a stick shoved up your ass," I reply, everyone looking at me in shock. No one spoke to Joseph that way, only Katherine, and even then its hardly ever.
" Your so sure that he loves you girl? Ask yourself one question then, why isn't his ring on your finger yet?" he asks, and I know by the satisfied look on his face that he got the reaction from me that he was seeking to get. My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach and the room sways before me as headlines and Joseph's words echo in my head. I turn quickly refusing to let this man see me cry walking calmly from the room, seeking any refuge I can find.
Michael's POV
It was a truly great day, and though I'm running off of less than three hours sleep, I have never felt so rejuvenated in my life. I run down the steps of the recording studio, humming as I go. I push open the doors of the kitchen, surprised that I don't find DanI rummaging through the refrigerator in search of something to eat.
" Carla, have you seen Dani?" I ask the maid, smiling at her.
" Ahh she and Janet went out, shopping they said," Carla answers, something in her eyes telling me she isn't telling me everything.
" Let me guess, Janet promised her pizza," I say, laughing slightly. I know Dani, how she isn't the biggest fan of shopping especially now that she has reached her seventh month of pregnancy.
" Maybe," she replies and I smile shaking my head as I grab a bottle of mineral water. So maybe I was being a little over protective, I just want to make sure that her and my child are one hundred percent healthy. I'll have to make it up to her. I walk into my office, freezing half way into the room when I see Joseph standing by the window.
" Joseph," I say, perplexed as to why he is here. Unannounced. He turns slowly towards me, his eyes narrowed in anger.
" Michael. Michael. Michael. What were you thinking? Dissolving the marriage to Lisa-Marie?" Joseph asks, his voice deep with anger.
" Not that it's any of your business Joseph, but we didn't love each other. I don't know why I let you talk me into it in the first place. I love Daniella," I answer, setting the bottle of water on an end table, a headache brewing behind my eyes.
" Love? What does love have to do with it? Lisa-Marie is perfect for you. Next thing your going to tell me is that you plan on marrying the girl," he says rolling his in disgust.
" I have every intention of marrying Dani," I reply, having to still the instinctive urge to flinch when he throws a glass across the room sending shards of glass flying everywhere.
" I want you to leave Joseph. This is my home and I will not have you throwing things around like a two year old having a temper tantrum when they don't get their way," I reply, smiling with some sense of satisfaction when his face shows his apparent shock.
" You will not disrespect me boy," Joseph's low growl echoes through the room " I made you."
" Yes Joseph, you did. That isn't the point. You are not going to come into my home, and speak so deplorably of the relationship that I have with Dani," I say throwing my hands up in frustration.
" She's no good for you boy. If you had enough sense in that big head of yours you would realize that. You should have stayed married to Lisa-Marie, she could have done so much for your reputation," he says, and I can feel my blood running cold under my skin. Who cares about my reputation? I'm The King Of Pop, I think I'm doing well for myself, I don't need anyone's help.
" Joseph, stop it," Janet says, coming from the hallway to stand next to me " Are you really so hell bent on making sure that your children wont be happy?"
" This doesn't concern you," he says, his eyes burning into Janet.
" He's right Janet, but seeing as how my name has been mentioned it seems to concern me," Dani's voice fills the room as she walks in. I smile softly when I look over my shoulder at her, her eyes serious when she comes to stand next to me, her warm hand finding mine. " I find it disgusting that you treat Michael, and the rest of your family this way."
" No one cares about your opinion girl. Your nothing to Michael, you mark my words. The minute you have his bastard, he'll move on to the next little nobody," Joseph says, and I snap my head up in disbelief. Did he really just call his unborn grandchild a bastard? I shake my head about to open my mouth to tell him to go to hell but I stop when DanI doesn't back down.
" Your so wrong Joseph, pathetically so. If you could just push aside your pride and that monstrous ego you have, you'd see what a beautiful heart and soul that Michael has, that all of your children have. You would be so much happier, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't walk around like you have a stick shoved up your ass," DanI says, her eyes burning fiercely with a fire I have never seen before. I stare at her in shock, no one, except for Mother, has ever spoken to Joseph that way.
" Your so sure that he loves you girl? Ask yourself one question then, why isn't his ring on your finger yet?" Joseph spits back, and I feel DanI's hand fall weightlessly from mine. I look at Joseph, anger building up inside of me so quickly I feel like my body might ignite from it.
" How could you say that to her. You know I have every intention of marrying her. I want you gone Joseph, now. I don't want to ever see your face here again, and I swear if you've made her cry I will rip you apart, I swear it," I growl, squeezing my hands tightly fighting the urge to cross the room and punch him in his mouth.
" You can't kick me out boy, I made you," Joseph yells at me, when I turn to leave.
" I try to forget. By the time I get back with her you had better be gone, or I will have you forcefully and humiliatingly removed from my property," I say, walking away from the steady and loud stream of curses coming from the office.
Dani's POV
I sit in the shade of Michael's Giving Tree, my legs bathed in the hot sunlight, tears sliding down my face. I swore I would always be there for Michael, against whatever monstrous force would try to harm him. Yet here I sit, crying because Joseph knew my weakness, and used it expertly against me. I shift slightly, resting my head against the tree, closing my eyes on a shaky breath. Maybe Joseph was right. Perhaps in the long run Lisa-Marie had more to offer Michael. Aside from her beauty her name alone could bring flocks of Elvis fans to Michael, out of just sheer curiosity. What did I offer him? Nothing, absolutely nothing but my heart. I was a nobody. A twenty-three year old hometown girl from Nowhere, California. I had no legacy tied to my name. I open my eyes slowly at the sound of slow footsteps coming my way. I look up and see Michael worry turning to relief on his face when he runs towards me. I stay silent, not saying a word when he slides down next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, pillowing me against his body.
" I'm sorry about what Joseph said to you," Michael murmurs, pressing his lips to my hair. I shake my head, fresh tears falling down my face wetting my lips.
" You don't have to apologize Michael. Maybe he's right," I murmur, sniffling lightly.
" He isn't right at all," he says, his voice icy, " Why do you doubt yourself so much?"
" It's kind of hard not to doubt myself Michael," I say, pushing up the tree to get to my feet. " I mean after all, Lisa-Marie has so much more than I do to offer you. She's beautiful, rich, skinny. All of that aside she's Elvis Presley's daughter for God's sake. Who am I Michael? Daniella James, before you, I was nobody, after you I will go back to being nobody." Michael gets to his feet taking my arms in his hands, bending slightly to look at me.
" Shut up," he says, and I open my mouth to say something but the look in his face tells me that I'm better off keeping my mouth shut. " I don't know what you've been reading, or what twisted train of though you jumped on but you need to just stop. I don't need someone in my life to raise my 'status.' I think I have done a pretty good job of that on my own after all of these years. I want someone who is going to stammer like crazy when she gets nervous, who cries over commercials, sneaks out of the house to get pizza when the man who loves her forces health food on her, and stands up to his father like no else would think too." I search his eyes knowing that his eyes would hold all the answers that I need. I smile slowly, letting him hug me.
" I'm sorry, I know I promised not to go psycho pregnant woman again, but he just got under my skin," I murmur the sun warming my back as I murmur against his chest.
" It's okay. You have nothing to worry about, Joseph wont be coming around here anymore, at least not until he learns some proper manners. I was thinking, why don't you and I go do something special tonight, just the two of us," he says, wrapping his arms around me as we make our way back to the house.
" Mmm, what do you have in mind?" I ask, delighting in the idea of having a moment alone with him.
" My little secret. Be ready at seven," he says, passing me off into the arms of Janet and Rebbie. I smile over my shoulder at him as he blows a kiss at me, blushing wildly when Janet and Rebbie let out simultaneous 'aww's'