I'm terribly sorry for the lack of updates. I've been going through a huge writer's block, as well as studying for finals, moving to a new house, moving home from school, and trying to get ready to move to England in Jan. lol So, I apologize and hope that ya'll are still with me! lol

Previously

"He's going to be OK. I just know it," Jake said into her hair. Bella hoped that he was right. She may have gotten Jacob back in her life, but if that meant losing Edward for good, she wasn't ready for that.

……….

"Don't touch her," Bella heard from behind her. She whirled around to see Edward glaring at the pair of them, arms wrapped around each other. It had been two weeks since Edward's surgery and in that two weeks Jacob had been Bella's only strength. He assured her Edward would wake up, assured her everything would be OK. If it weren't for Jake, Bella didn't know if she would be there when Edward woke up. Seeing Edward lying there lifeless suffocated her. It took all her strength to keep breathing when the reason for the air she breathed was lying before her unmoving. Not knowing when and if she would ever see those gorgeous emerald eyes she fell in love with. But, she did. She saw anger and fear in his eyes.

"Edward," Bella gasped as she ran to his side taking his face in her hands as she covered it with kisses. Bella's heart was pounding in her chest as she felt his hands on top of hers. She missed his touch. Her body ached for it as Edward slid his right hand behind her neck pulling her lips to his. Her lips moved with his as her hands tangled in his hair. She loved the feeling of his lips against hers. The two of them were caught up in each other forgetting they had an audience until they heard him clear his throat. Bella pulled back placing her forehead against Edward's, her eyes still closed.

"I love you," Edward whispered. Bella shuttered feeling his warm breath on her face. She was hoping that this wasn't a dream. That her Edward was really awake and responsive. He leaned back placing a kiss on her forehead before looking up at the man standing behind Bella.

"Good to see you awake, Edward," Jacob said as he walked over to the other side of the bed.

"What is he doing here?" Edward growled paying no attention to Jacob.

"He saved your life, Edward," Bella said stroking his cheek, his face was red with anger.

"Edward, I'm sorry for everything. I was stupid and a coward and I know you probably won't be able to forgive me, but I just…I'm sorry about everything," Jacob said hoping Edward would forgive him for hurting him and Bella.

"Do you have any idea what you put her through?" Edward glared. Every time Bella felt pain, he felt it too. He didn't understand how Jacob could be so selfish.

"I do now. I've apologized to her over and over for the past two weeks gaining her forgiveness even though I don't deserve it. I just want you to know that I will never hurt either of you, ever again." Jacob said looking between the two of them.

"Please get out," Edward said dryly. He couldn't stand to look at him. Even if he did save his life. What he did to Bella didn't deserve forgiveness. Not by her, and certainly not by him. Jacob looked down at the floor before leaving the two alone.

"I didn't need his help. He should have just let me die," Edward said softly. Before Bella realized what she was doing she brought her hand up slapping Edward across the face.

"Don't. You. Dare." Bella warned. "Don't you dare say that to me! Do you have any idea what you put me through? Why do you say things like that? Do you really not what me anymore?" Bella was shaking as tears streamed down her face. Not ones of happiness that Edward was awake and alert, but ones of anger and terror that Edward would have rather died than to be saved by Jacob.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered as he lowered his head. It wasn't that he didn't want Bella anymore. She was the only one he wanted, but he felt that she deserved better. Someone who could make her happy. Someone who wouldn't keep disappointing her.

Someone who wouldn't make her cry.

"For the love of all that's holy, would you stop apologizing!" Bella yelled. She had heard him apologize for the past week and she was sick and tired of it. That's all he ever did anymore. Apologize for the things that he did. All she wanted him to do was stop being so stupid and be the man she fell in love with. She wanted her Edward back! "Where is the man I fell in love with? I know he's in there." Bella grabbed his face between her hands as she searched his eyes. There was no longer that sparkle that had been there before the wedding incident.

"I just…I don't know. I'm sorry," Edward said pulling his face away from Bella's grasp.

"You need to figure out what it is you want. I already know what I want, and he's lying right here. But, if I'm not what you want, then please tell me so I can move on with my life!" Bella demanded. She didn't want anyone else, but if she weren't what he wanted then she would respect his wishes. She just wanted him to be happy, and he wasn't happy.

Bella stood there for a few moments watching his expression turn from sadness to shame and guilt. A tear rolled down her cheek as she realized what she had to do. "Goodbye, Edward," Bella whispered as she turned to leave the room.

Bella felt her life slipping away again. The air being knocked out of her lungs. She was gasping for breath as she closed to door to his room, collapsing to the cold tile floor. She didn't want this. She wanted to be strong for him, she wanted to tell him that they would get through this together. But, she knew that he needed to do this alone. He needed to figure out who he was again and what he wanted. Being there with him would only complicate things entirely.

……….

"Alice, I need to do this. I have to move on, and you and I both know that staying here isn't going to help that process," Bella stated as she continued packing up her things. She had already said goodbye to Charlie, Jacob, and the rest of the Cullen's. Now, she just had to get through the goodbye's with Alice and Emmett.

"But Bella, you're just running away," Alice said sitting on Bella's bed. She refused to assist her best friend at her attempt at running away from her friends and family. Even if it was to get over a broken heart.

"Alice, I'm not running away! I'm moving forward. Being this close to him is not good for either of us." Bella was tired of explaining herself to everyone. She'd made up her mind and there was no turning back now. "And plus, it's not like I'm never coming back. I'll be back to visit, my family is here." The Cullen's have been and always will be Bella's family.

"You better! Or I'll drag you back here myself!" Alice demanded.

"You know I will. Don't forget that you're coming out there next week!" Bella stated. She was scared to death of living in a new city for the first time, but having Alice come help her get settled in would hopefully help calm her nerves.

"I know, and I'm definitely looking forward to it! New York City has fabulous shopping and shoes!! Oh the shoes!" Alice squealed. Bella rolled her eyes. "You know you should tell him, don't you?" Alice's expression turned serious.

"I know, please give this to him," Bella said as she reached in her purse and pulled out a white envelope. She spent all of the previous night trying to figure out how she was going to tell Edward she was leaving. It had been a month since he'd woken up from his accident and they hadn't spoken. There were numerous times that she wanted to call him, but knew that she needed to give him time. She hoped that he would eventually come around and contact her. She had gotten a job offer with Waller Co., a PR firm in New York City that worked with nonprofit medical organizations. She knew she couldn't continue working at the same hospital Edward worked at without losing her mind, so she decided to take the job, needed a new change of pace and a new start.

"Bella, don't you think telling him face to face is a better idea?" Alice asked.

"I can't. If I saw him I wouldn't be able to do this, Alice. Please, just make sure he gets it," Bella said as she taped up her last box. Alice nodded her head without another word.

"Is this the last of it?" Emmett asked as he carried the last few boxes to Bella's Chevy Tahoe. Bella nodded her head. Emmett placed the last box into the back of the Tahoe, slamming the tailgate shut. "I'm gonna miss you, Bells."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Em," Bella smiled as Emmett swept her up in his arms hugging her tightly. "Em…can't…breathe."

"Sorry," Emmett smiled loosening his grip and setting her down on the ground.

"Promise me you'll come visit," Bella said. Other than Alice, Bella would miss Emmett the most. He always knew how to make her laugh even if it caused her much embarrassment.

"Scouts honor," Emmett said straightening up holding his three middle fingers up to the side of his grinning face. Bella winked before she walked over to Alice.

"One week, Alice," Bella said softly as to two hugged.

"One week," Alice repeated. It took every ounce of strength to not shed a tear in front of her two best friends. But, Bella was stronger than she thought.

"Tell Jazz, I'm sorry I didn't get to see him before I left. And that I'll miss him terribly," Bella said. She was disappointed that Jasper had to work the day she was leaving.

"I will," Alice smiled. Bella took one last look at the brother and sister that she was leaving behind. She climbed into her car, buckled herself in, and pulled out of the drive. She took one last glance in her rearview mirror at the two standing there waving. A tear rolled down her cheek as she drove toward her new life. A new beginning.

……….

"Alice," Edward said as he opened the door to find his sister standing there, eyes red and puffy. Alice didn't say a word. She held out the envelope that Bella had given her. Edward took it, as Alice turned around to walk away. "Alice?" Alice continued walking. She hadn't spoken a word to her brother since the accident. She knew that if she started, should wouldn't be able to stop the anger and frustration that she had for him.

Edward looked down at the envelope in his hands and saw his name printed on the front in 'her' script. He had wanted to call her countless times in the last month, but didn't think she would give him the time of day. She had been so upset with him the last time they saw each other and she had every right to be. He was messed up. He no longer knew who he was. He kept letting the woman he loved down and every time he saw the hurt and frustration in her eyes a little bit of him would die. He hated hurting her, making her cry. But, it seemed that that was all he had been doing lately, and he hated himself for it. He wanted to be the man she fell in love with. He wanted to make her happy, make her smile but realizing that he wasn't happy just made it that much more difficult. It wasn't that she was the cause of his unhappiness, because she wasn't. He was unhappy because he had fucked things up with her. It was his fault, no one else's.

Edward walked into his study and sat down at his desk. He opened the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper and began reading.

Edward,

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to explain all the erratic thoughts invading my mind. Should I call you? Should I stop by to see you? What are you thinking about? Am I doing the right thing? Why aren't you happy? How can I make you happy? These are just a small portion of them. Leaving you at the hospital a month ago was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Seeing you laying there like that, knowing you weren't happy. Knowing that you weren't happy because you thought I wasn't happy. I felt like I was walking away without offering you my support or assistance with the issues you were having. But, I know now that it was the best thing for me to do. I will love you with all of my heart for as long as I live, I hope you know that.

When I walked away from you, my confidant, my best friend, my lover, I left my heart. You will always have it and I want you to know that I'm not upset. I do not regret any of the decisions that I've made the past five years with you in my life. You helped me become the determined and confident woman I am today, and I will forever be in your debt.

Edward, you will do great things. You may not believe me now, but I know that you will. You're such an amazing person with a huge heart. Just remember, don't give up, don't ever give up!

I've been offered a job in New York City working for a PR firm and have decided to take it. NYC! Can you believe it? It's a total dream come true and as much as I wish you were going with me, I have the confidence knowing that because of you I can do anything. I can get through anything. Sure, it scares the shit out of me moving to a city by myself, leaving my friends and family here in Chicago. But, this is what I've been working toward my whole life. If I don't do it now, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

I hope that you find what you're looking for. I hope that you find the thing that makes you happy and puts that gorgeous smile on your face. All I want is for you to be happy. I thought that maybe we could get through this together, but this is bigger than you and me. I have to let you do this on your own. You know I'm right.

With all my heart,

Bella

P.S. Come visit me sometime.

A/N: I hope you all like the letter. For me it's always easier for me to express myself through writing instead of speaking. lol So, I thought it would be easier for Bella to tell Edward in a letter.

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