A/N: Wow, another update in just two days. Are you completely shocked? I'm not. This is what being sick will do to a girl. I'm cooped up at home and not at work, so I've been writing. That would be the reason that all of my stories have been updated in the last few days and more updates are to come. You should be proud Copop! Hopefully now I can keep up the rhythm. I've already got another chapter almost done for another story. So, so far, I'm on a roll! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and keep enjoying this story!

Disclaimer: I don't own. Probably never will.

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June 23, 1986

I swear I have a genius baby. Well, okay, so she's not so much a baby anymore as she is a toddler, but still, she's so smart. While most kids Rory's age are barely learning to talk in broken sentences she's speaking wonderfully. She's amazingly talented and is just blowing me away. I can't believe she's almost two.

Okay, so I've still got four months before she actually turns two, but it'll be here before I know it. I'm having such a hard time accepting it. Just the other day Mia surprised her with a set of crayons and a coloring book to play with while she sits with her in her office and she colored me the most fantastic picture.

It was a dragonfly sitting on this lily pad and it took my breath away. Probably because my daughter took the time to make it for me, but still, it's now hanging above our bed and it brings a smile to my face each time I look at it. And not because it's colored perfectly, because of course it's not, but because Rory did it.

Every time I look at her I see so much…life. She's my everything, always will be. I'd sacrifice everything for her in a blink of an eye.

Just the other day we were walking in town on the way to Doose's market and Miss Patty and Babette bombarded us with questions and things and Rory was just as sweet as can be for them. Those two are odd, and I'm learning that with each passing day.

This whole town is strange, but I love it.

Wait just a second, Rory is calling. I'll be right back.

Thirty Minutes Later

I don't know what I'm going to do. Rory keeps waking up with these nightmares. At least three times a week she'll wake up screaming and crying and begging for me to hold her with no explanation other than she's scared. I wish I knew what she was dreaming about.

I wish I knew a way to stop it.

I feel like I'm a horrible mother because I can't keep her safe in her dreams. Little girls aren't supposed to be having nightmares. Their dreamlands are supposed to be filled with princesses and fairies not monsters and dragons (not that that's what she is dreaming about, but it has to be something horrible right?)

I don't know what to do.

Okay, let's think this through. Maybe I can figure out what is causing this and put a stop to it. The nightmares started about three weeks ago, the first one was on a Wednesday night and they have been happening ever since.

She wakes up at all random times so that doesn't tell me anything. It can happen at any point during the night, but mostly it happens within an hour or two of her first going to bed. I want to be able to figure it out, to shield her from it, but I can't. I don't know how.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm just going to have to keep racking my brain to figure it out. I will eventually, I have to. Maybe I'll ask Mia's opinion tomorrow when she gets in. She'll know what to do; she always knows what to do.

That's the plan. I'll talk to Mia tomorrow and go from there. That is the only thing I can do at this point.

God, I almost forgot. The whole reason I picked up my diary tonight to write in the first place. I saw him again. The guy that helped me at the bus station last May when I was coming into town, yeah him, I saw him again today.

He was walking in town and I couldn't get to him before I lost sight of him again. I have to remember to ask Mia about him. I'm so curious to find out if he lives around here or what. I haven't seen him very often. Only a handful of times in the year we've been here and never at any town functions.

At least, not that I can remember.

I wonder if I have. I mean, there are lots of people I don't know. Lots of people I haven't met yet. Every time I go out it seems I see someone else I've never seen before. I want to know everyone, but I'm still…scared, nervous, anxious, all of the above. I'm eighteen with an almost two year old. People will talk. People will judge. I don't want Rory to have to grow up under the spotlight. I want her to have a normal childhood.

Man. I would love to know who he was though. I would love to say thank you. His help that night made me realize that I could actually do this. Leave my parents' house, leave Hartford, and survive on my own. His simple and kind gesture meant everything to me.

I'll ask about him tomorrow and get the scoop from Mia. She'll be able to tell me.

I should also remember that this isn't Hartford and these people aren't rich society people. Maybe they wouldn't judge me. Miss Patty and Babette seem to run this town and they don't have a problem with it. They love Rory.

Taylor Doose also seems to adore Rory, even through his prickly exterior. I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

I just want to be a good mom. Can I do that? I want to say yes…I'm just scared.

God, I'm so scared.

I'm all over the board tonight, but I've got another little tidbit to share. So, I'm back on the outs with my father. I know. I feel horrible, I do, really. But I just can't do what he wants. Around Easter he wanted me to come home for Easter dinner. I refused. Then, on my birthday he wanted me to come home for a birthday dinner. I refused. He told me that night that until I came home for a visit he wouldn't talk to me. He doesn't think it's fair to my mom that she still has no idea where I am or anything about her granddaughter.

And maybe he is right.

I just can't face her. I can't face the judgment I know will be there. I can't face her disappointment again. I dealt with that for seventeen years, I can't do it anymore. She wouldn't be happy knowing I live in a potting shed with her granddaughter, or that I'm working as a maid, or that I've turned down Christopher again.

She wouldn't be happy with any of it.

And I don't want to face that.

I've never purposely wanted to defy or disappoint her. I'm just so different from her. I'm more of a free spirit and I can't stand the pompous rich lifestyle my parent's were bred in. That life isn't for me. It's never been for me.

If I could have gotten away with it I would have run away at age eight. Fluffy dress, cotillions, coming out balls, and all of that has never been important to me. I would have rather been climbing a tree, reading a book, or just simply being a kid than have attended any of that as a kid.

I have vowed to never make Rory do something that she doesn't want to do in that aspect. Now, I know I still have to be the mother and do what is best for her. But…but I can't force her into a lifestyle she doesn't want. I'm going to be her friend first. I want to make sure she knows she can come to me with anything. That she doesn't have to be afraid of me or what I think.

I want to be able to joke around and just be there.

I don't want the relationship with her that my mother and I had. Strained and difficult. I know I eventually have to talk to my mom again. I want Rory to know her grandparents. I do really. I'm just so nervous about their response that I don't want to go back.

Okay, I'm going to put this down on paper now so I can't go back on it. By Rory's fifth birthday I'll make contact with my parents.

That seems reasonable doesn't it?

I think so.

So that is it. I have until Rory's fifth birthday. That is awhile. I want to be in a house by then. I'm working and saving every penny to get there. I know it might take me awhile. But…but I want to do this on my own with no help from my parents.

I can.

I just have to keep telling myself that.

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A/N: Now, I've been thinking and I'm torn, so I'm going to the readers for help. When I started this I originally was going to keep the basic timeframe and outline of the show and go that way. Now, I'm not so sure I want to. So, since I'm torn, I'm going to ask that you let me know what you want. I want to know if you prefer I keep the outline of the show or do my own thing.

Your answers will help me decide. Thanks in advance for the help! I can't wait to hear what you think.