A/N: Here is the next chapter! I'm so excited how this is going and all the readers. I'm glad that people seem to enjoy it. That just makes me want to write more. As long as people are reading, I'll be writing. So enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to GG, other than the dvds that I watch all the time!

November 23, 1986

I almost can't believe that it is Thanksgiving today and that Christmas is in a month. I mean, this year really has flown by. So much has happened and yet, things haven't changed all that much. I'm still working at the Independence as a maid and frankly, I'm actually loving it. I'm still living in the old potting shed with my now two year old daughter and wishing I had a real house. I'm still not talking to my parents at all and it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it should.

Do I really have to continue? Please say no, I'm not sure I could.

Granted this is not the life I dreamed of when I was eight, running around the house in my dad's cap and gown waiving his Yale diploma around, but it's my life.

My very own life.

I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. I'm not some stupid, giddy, trophy wife that does nothing but plan parties and go to DAR meetings. Nope, I'm just me. Lorelai Victoria Gilmore.

And while I'm living my own life, I'm also sharing that life with Rory, who well is a part of me. Sometimes lately I've found myself regretting not giving Chris a larger chance. He is her father after all and she deserves to have her father around and in her life. He would be if we were married.

Married to Chris. I try to picture what that would have looked like sometimes late at night when I'm in bed and can't sleep. Sometimes I picture this great life in a small house in a town very similar to this, all smiles and laughter and love. There are siblings in that picture. A blonde haired boy running around with his father and maybe another little girl fills the scene. In my head that picture looks so good and I am tempted to call him.

Then the next picture pops into my head and I jerk my hand back from the phone in disgust. In option two we were married and forced to live with my parents like my father wanted from the beginning. Rory would have been left with a nanny while Chris and I finished school and then we would have moved to New Haven so that Chris could have attended college. When that was finished we would've moved back to Hartford and been thrust into the society we both loathed.

That picture keeps me from calling him.

I didn't lie when I told him I wasn't in love with him. I'm not. Now, I love him. I've known him forever and we have a daughter together. I'll always love him. Those feelings of love though are more platonic than anything else. Though, I have a feeling that if option one was a possibility, I probably wouldn't be a Gilmore right now.

I'm sure whether I should laugh or cry.

Is it really fair to Rory to have to grow up like this? She didn't do anything to deserve this. It isn't her fault that her mother is a screw up and got pregnant a few years to early. I don't regret having Rory or the decision to keep her. That has never been a regret about that, ever. I just wonder sometimes what would have happened if Chris and I would have stayed at the party instead of retreating to my room. Or if he would have had a condom that didn't break.

I would be a freshman at Yale right now getting ready to go home for holiday.

I can't wrap my mind around that.

Would I change that night if I could? If I could go back in time and warn the naïve fifteen year old that I was to just stay put or I'd be sorry, would I do it?

I don't have a flippin' clue.

I'm torn on that one. I am.

I mean, if I wouldn't have gotten pregnant at that particular time I wouldn't be here, in Stars Hollow living my own life. I'd be at Yale, which wouldn't be bad, but it would still be the high society life that I wanted to escape from. I'd get an education and do something great with my life.

Do I still have that chance? To do something great I mean.

A question for another time I think.

Now on the opposite side of that, if I didn't have sex with Chris on the balcony that night and I hadn't gotten pregnant with Rory, then I wouldn't have her. And she is the highlight of my life. If I waited I couldn't guarantee that she would be Chris' and then she wouldn't be this Rory.

I feel like I'm in a never-ending catch-22. I don't know why I'm feeling all jumbled about this.

Can you blame me though?

I blame this whole meltdown on my period. Yup, that is what I'll do. I'm all over emotional because it's 'that time of the month' for me. Okay, now that I've declared that I'll move on to subjects that won't make my brain hurt or make me depressed.

My dear and darling daughter! Rory amazes me everyday. I still can't believe some days that she is actually my daughter. I made her. We went with Mia last weekend to the annual town garage sale in Woodbury and she found this adorable rooster at this one house and she wouldn't leave the driveway without it.

Thankfully it was a garage sale and that stuffed rooster only cost me a dollar, but it was so cute. The whole rest of the day as I pushed her in her stroller she held on to that thing tightly and made rooster noises. It was just adorable.

God I love her so much.

I'm dreading starting her in kindergarten. Mia keeps telling me not to think about it since I still have three years or so before she'll go in. I know I shouldn't think about it, but sometimes as a mom I can't help it.

Like now, I'm watching her sleep and imagining our lives. I've started a savings for a house. It's going to take me a long time to get all the money for a down payment, I know that, but I'm going to start now and just save every cent I can until I have enough.

I have to. For Rory.

She's the only reason I do anything anymore.

Switching subjects again, but hey, it's my diary so there.

I think I may be going crazy.

Trust me, I'm being totally serious.

So you remember that guy I mentioned who helped me the night I ran away, (okay, ran away sounds so juvenile. Let me rephrase, the night I moved out of my parents' house. Yes, much better.) I talked to Mia about him. Tried my best to describe him and it didn't work. She has no idea who I'm talking about and I haven't seen him since.

Sometimes I think he might have been an angel.

Like that doesn't sound any less juvenile.

But seriously, nothing else makes sense. I wish I knew. I wish I would see him again and finally get to talk to him. I've gone through stacks and stacks of pictures that Mia has in the lobby of the Inn of various Stars Hollow's events with no luck either.

It sucks really.

Okay, so there went the 'lets not get Lorelai depressed tonight,' angle out the window.

Thanksgiving just isn't the same without family around.

Wow, never thought I would ever say that, that I actually want my family around. I think I'm more tired that I originally thought and this is where I turn in.

I need sleep to calm my brain down. Wish me luck.

A/N: So, here is the next update! Whoo-hoo for me! I haven't decided what I'm going to do about the whole keep with the storyline of the show or go off on my own. I've got ideas both ways. I'm going to write a bit more on the early years before I make my final decison. You'll known when I do. But for now, please review! I just love getting them!