A/N: Finally chapter 2! Sorry this took so long, I've been without access to my internet, cell phone or any sort of civilization for a week. Happy Holidays all, I hope you like rollercoasters ;)
Big huge thank you to Tarante11a for seeing things that I never would and not being afraid to tell me!
Also big thanks to my reviewers....keep them coming!
Chapter 2: Sparring
A look of surprise and concern flashed across Elle's features. Surely the presence of both Guerrin brothers meant their visit was more than just a cursory one, and she silently cursed Fergus for not being present. She hoped Horace had taken her suggestion and a servant was on the way to a second guest room to prepare it for a noble resident. For the first time since she had returned from the Anderfels, Elle felt a twinge of annoyance that she hadn't paid more attention to the current political situation in Ferelden. Seeing two of Highever's most influential vassals standing before her in the great hall, she prayed that she could get through this without looking like a fool.
"Greetings, gentlemen. Welcome to Highever. I hope your journey here was uneventful." Elle decided that her best course of action was formality. "I must admit, we are at a disadvantage, as your messenger was delayed and we received the news of your arrival only this morning. Teyrn Cousland wishes to convey his apologies that he was unable to be here to greet you, but he had an unbreakable engagement with the masons' guild to inspect the outer walls today. However, he will return this afternoon, and any business you have with him can be conducted tonight at dinner."
As she spoke, Eamon's expression had gone from jovial to surprised, and now he was looking at her as if she had just escaped from a Chantry ward for mental patients. Teagan, to her dismay, was looking at the floor, quite obviously trying to stifle outright laughter. At that moment, Elle felt a frisson of longing for Alistair. Had he been there, he would have deflected the awkwardness with wit and self-deprecation, but she possessed no such weapons. She sighed with embarrassment and frustration – so much for not looking foolish.
"I – I'm sorry, my lords," she stammered. "It is good to see you again, and I do hope the past year has been kind to you both. I confess I am not very -"
Eamon lifted his hand to cut her off, and smiled at her warmly. "My friend, there is no need to stand on ceremony with us, I assure you. After all, you saved my village, my family, and my life, not to mention Ferelden. It is a debt I will not soon forget."
"Nor I, my lady." Teagan had composed himself and was watching her intently, and she could see the gratitude written on his face. It was almost more than she could bear. Looking at these men, she couldn't help but see Alistair behind their eyes, and it took every ounce of strength she possessed to keep from turning on her heel and running from the room. Her tone became brusque and her welcoming smile died.
"Thank you, but I feel your accolades are undeserved. I didn't kill the archdemon, after all." Perhaps her response was rude, but she knew she needed to nip this line of conversation in the bud if she didn't want to become a weeping mess in front of Eamon and Teagan. All she wanted now was to detach herself from this whole situation. "As it is, I'm sure you're both weary from your travels and wish at the very least to be dry. We have rooms prepared for you, and the servants will draw hot baths should you desire it. I'm sorry to cut this short, but I am due to meet six new guard recruits in the courtyard for some testing and I wouldn't want to keep them waiting in the rain."
Elle made a small gesture, and one of the guards appeared at her elbow, waiting for instruction. "Please show Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan to their rooms. Consider them part of this household, and if I hear of them wanting for anything, tell Horace I will personally skin him alive. I will be in the courtyard if anyone needs me."
"Yes, my lady," the guard answered, then turned to Arl Eamon. "My lords, if you would please follow me."
As Elle moved to leave, she caught Eamon's look of shock and the hint of bemusement in Teagan's eyes. She realized that she had been inconceivably rude in her abrupt dismissal. She frowned, angry at herself for being so horribly inept at social graces. These were old friends, and she had tossed them out like yesterday's dirty linens. Her mother would have been mortified and her father...well, he would have confined her to her room for a week. She didn't know how to convey to the Guerrins that she was completely unable to live up to their expectations of her. She knew they'd arrived expecting to find the naïve but hopeful woman who had appeared on the steps of the Redcliffe chantry, offering to save the village in return for help against Loghain and the blight. She was a different person now. How was she to express her hurt and grief to these men, who not only looked to her as a hero, but probably never understood the love and joy she and Alistair had shared? There was simply no way they could know the severity of her loss.
As she reached the side door of the hall, she stopped with her hand on the wooden frame and looked back at the two brothers as they followed the guard out of the main entrance. They were deep in conversation, and the apology she had considered died on her lips. Better to just leave it alone and let Fergus make amends this evening than risk embarrassing herself further now. Opening the door, she turned left, intending to stop by the armory to retrieve her weapons before making her way to the courtyard. She hung her head, thinking of ways to avoid the banquet later, when she heard rapid footsteps approaching from behind.
"My lady," Bann Teagan said as he fell into step beside her.
Elle's heart sank. She wasn't sure she could deal with this now, and was about to say so when she raised her head and looked at him. The hard light she saw in his eyes stung her, and she quickly focused on her boots once more. "Please, Bann Teagan, call me Elle. As evidenced by the despicable way I handled your arrival, I definitely do not deserve the title of 'lady'. My mother is rolling in her grave right now, I'm sure." Maker's breath! What was wrong with her? How many more ridiculous things could she say in one day? She kept her eyes on the floor, anything to avoid looking at the Bann, as they continued toward the armory.
Finally he spoke. "Pardon my boldness, but was that meant to be an apology, my lady?" His insistence on using the title irritated her. "Because if it was, I think it needs work."
Her head shot up and she looked at him then, anger flashing across her face. His mouth was set in a hard line, but there was also a hint of amusement in his blue eyes. "Pardon me, my lord, but is there a reason you're following me, other than to drive home the fact that I am a miserable failure as a teyrna and hostess?" They had reached the armory, and she shoved the door open and stepped inside, reaching for Starfang and Veshialle, the sword and axe that seemed made to fit her hands. "Because believe me, I already know, and I really don't need your help to feel more inadequate."
Teagan leaned against the door frame. "I would never presume to judge you, my lady. Though I will confess, Eamon was rather surprised at your 'greeting.'" Elle heard the hint of sarcasm in his voice, and looked at him sharply as she strapped the axe on her back. "I was following you simply to ask if I might observe your training session this afternoon. I have only ever seen you fight hordes of undead and darkspawn, and I'm eager to see your skill in single combat."
She reddened and hastily pulled Starfang halfway out of its scabbard, intently studying the blade and hoping Teagan didn't notice her discomfort. She knew she was acting like a petulant child, but he was baiting her and she found she couldn't stop herself. "If that's the only reason, then I'm a hurlock. But I have no control over your actions, Bann Teagan, you may go where you please. I only ask that you don't interrupt or distract me while I'm sparring with the recruits." She practically spat out the words, praying that her vitriol would make him leave her alone.
She glanced at him from under her eyelashes, to gauge his reaction. "Of course not, my lady. It would be a shame if one of those untrained boys actually managed to find a way through your defenses." He was actually grinning, and had one eyebrow cocked as he watched her inspect her sword.
She slammed Starfang back in the scabbard, bristling at Teagan's obvious reference to her emotional state, and pushed past him into the hall. She purposefully lengthened her strides, forcing him to nearly jog in order to keep up with her. She opened her mouth intent on a retort, when he spoke again, his tone all politeness.
"Actually, my lady, if I may make an observation?"
Elle snorted. "I knew it. Somehow, Bann Teagan, I doubt I could stop you. Please, observe what you will."
"You seem much changed since I saw you last. Did the defeat of the blight affect you so much?"
"Ha!" Elle barked a laugh with no hint of mirth. "My lord, that was a question, not an observation, and I have no idea how to respond other than to ask you to remember the date, and to say we have arrived." With that, she pushed open the door to the courtyard and stepped out into the rain to greet the recruits.
Elle strode toward the six men, who were huddled under an overhang on the opposite side of the yard. Teagan, she noticed, leaned against the wall near the door and crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face. She shook her head and turned her attention to the recruits.
"Good afternoon, gentlemen! I am Elle Cousland, Commander of the forces of Highever. Undoubtedly you have met Ser Geoffrey, who is your immediate superior in the house guard. I trust you understand that his word is law. I am HIS superior. This means I am stationed somewhere just below the Maker and his blessed Andraste in your personal hierarchy of people you might want to pay attention to when they are speaking!" One of the recruits who had been busily picking his fingernails jumped slightly at this, and dropped his arms to his sides.
"Now, I'm sure you are all standing there thinking how nice it would be to be inside, out of the rain. Well, welcome to Highever in wintertime. It rains. And if you can't fight in the rain, you are no good to the Couslands or the city. If you have no desire to fight in the rain, feel free to leave now." Unsurprisingly, none of the six men took her up on that offer. "If you think you will never need to fight as a member of the castle guard, let me remind you of the events that occurred two years ago."
Sufficiently cowed, the men looked at her with a mixture of fear and awe. This was the one time she didn't mind her status as a hero. If it caused the recruits to pay attention to training, then she would use it without hesitation. "Now, who would like to go first?"
The men exchanged nervous glances, obviously hesitant to volunteer for anything she might have in mind. "Come now! No one? I promise you, I will come to no harm, if that is your concern."
From the wall behind her, Bann Teagan made a strangled sound that indicated stifled laughter, and Elle whirled to face him. "Ah, how could I forget to introduce our guest? May I present Bann Teagan of Rainesfere, who seems most eager to take up my challenge." She grinned when he blanched at the predatory light in her eyes, and she resisted the urge to make him pay physically for interrupting. "Alas, it would hardly be a fair fight, even if he was armed."
To her shock, Teagan recovered and smiled broadly, giving a florid bow. "Ah, my lady, I carry no weapons because you have completely disarmed me."
Elle felt an uncontrollable blush creep up her face, and cursed her fair features for their inability to hide any emotion. Maker's arse, why was he even here? She prayed for an errant lightning bolt to strike him down on the spot. When the Maker showed no signs of sharing her wrath, sheturned and stalked to the recruit at the end of the line. "You! What is your name?"
"J-Jarvis, my lady," he stammered.
"Well, Jarvis, you're first. Out into the center of the yard, please." She pushed Teagan out of her mind and raised her voice again so all of the recruits could hear as she moved out into the yard with Jarvis. "Yes, it is muddy and your footing will be less sure. You must take that into account with every move you make. Your hand may slip on the pommel of your sword. Water may drip into your eyes. You have to put aside these distractions and be as prepared to fight as you would be in perfect weather. Alright Jarvis, ready yourself. I don't expect brilliance, I am only here to see how you handle a friendly spar with an opponent in the rain. That being said, I do not want you to hold back." Elle drew Starfang, deciding to hold off on her second weapon until she knew the recruits' abilities better.
Without warning she attacked, determined to keep the shield-bearing Jarvis on the defensive. With her left hand unarmed, she adopted a fencer's stance, keeping her body turned away from the recruit's parries and blocks. Elle knew she had the advantage with her greater dexterity and lack of an unwieldy shield, and she was easily able to dodge Jarvis's half-hearted lunges. After several minutes, she could tell he was tiring, and she neatly parried his next thrust, disarming him with a twist of her blade. He was crestfallen, and gave her an embarrassed look.
Elle chuckled as she retrieved his blade and handed it to him. "Jarvis, you look like a drowned rat. Go stand under the eave, and don't worry so much. You did fine. I do hope the rest of you are watching and learning. Who's next?"
The recruits were obviously trained in the use of sword and shield, but they were far from proficient. As she fought each in turn, Elle was able to relax and consider the events of the day. The physical exertion served as an outlet for her sadness and the anger and frustration it had caused in her dealings with Eamon and Teagan. Of course, Teagan hadn't helped matters by pressing the issue. She was unaccustomed to anything other than careful deference to her feelings by Fergus and the household staff. Somewhat ashamed, she was forced to admit that her grief had caused Castle Cousland's residents to operate as if on pins and needles wherever she was concerned. This still didn't excuse her poor treatment of Eamon and Teagan, and she knew a true apology would be in order later at dinner.
She gave a resigned sigh and turned her attention to her current opponent, the last of the six recruits. She advanced, and nearly overbalanced when he lost his footing in the mud and fell down backwards. "That's alright, Anders, I think we were about done, anyway." She reached down and grabbed his wrist, helping him to his feet. She motioned him over to stand with the others and turned to address them.
"Excellent, gentlemen. While you are obviously unpracticed, especially in the rain, it is nothing a few months training with Ser Geoffrey can't remedy. I see potential in all of you, have no fear. I hope you learned more today than just your personal limitations when fighting in less than ideal conditions. I certainly hope you noticed that a dexterous opponent can be a deadly one, despite appearances. They can possess nearly unlimited endurance, and will outlast you unless you are prepared with different tactics to defeat them. Do not worry, these will be subjects that you will have plenty of practice with in the coming months. Allow me to officially welcome you to the castle guard." Elle smiled as they visibly relaxed. "Now, you're dismissed, but do take care to clean and dry your armor and weapons properly. The Cousland house guard is not known for their rusty apparel."
The recruits chuckled at this as they filed out of the courtyard toward the barracks. Elle sheathed Starfang and walked toward the opposite door, wiping water out of her eyes and pushing her wet hair off her face. She had nearly forgotten about her observer until Teagan hurried past to open the door for her.
"After you, my lady," he said with a tiny bow. "That was a most impressive display of martial leadership and prowess with a blade, I must admit."
Elle felt herself bristling again, and wondered at this man's ability to get under her skin. She supposed it was partially a result of her inability to determine if Teagan was poking fun at her or if he was earnest in his praise. She bit back a sharp retort, deciding to take the more polite course of action. Maker knew she had done enough to upset him and his brother already that day. "Thank you, Bann Teagan."
They continued, unspeaking, to the armory, where she unstrapped her weapons and began to clean and dry the blades. She was mustering the courage to apologize for her previous behavior when Teagan broke the silence.
"My lady, I understand that today is the anniversary of Alistair's death, and I understand that you faced the horrors of the blight and countless battles against innumerable darkspawn. I also understand that horror and loss can dramatically affect and change a person. But if I may be so bold, I cannot understand how the vibrant young woman I knew could hide herself away behind this wall of despair and hostility. I am in no way dismissing your grief, but you were a fighter, Elle Cousland, and to see you give into this with no resistance saddens me more than you could know."
Elle battled to control herself. Teagan's words rang true, cutting her to the core. She looked at him with shining eyes as rage overtook grief, and she slammed her hands on the table, knocking Starfang and Veshialle to the ground. Teagan's eyes widened as she practically yelled at him. "What did you come here expecting to find, Bann Teagan? How could you possibly understand or know what I've lost in the past two years? You have your family, a home, freedom, and I presume some pretty Rainesfere lass waiting for you to return. What do I have? My family, my home, my freedom, my heart, all of it, gone! That woman you met in Redcliffe was me, but she is broken and I'm not sure there is any glue strong enough to put her back together. My life is loss!" Elle's voice dropped to nearly a whisper as she stalked out of the armory. "It seems I am able to give happiness to everyone else, and only take it away from myself."
Before Teagan could speak, she turned to look him in the eye and nearly snarled, "If you will excuse me, Ser, I have armor to clean, a bath to take, and a dress to don so I can be presentable for this evening. Don't worry, I promise to behave as a proper lady, perhaps more to your expectations, yes?"
She whirled away from the shock in Teagan's eyes and stalked toward her room, unable at last to hold back a stream of bitter tears.