A/N: Sorry so long, again. I am so self-critical, it takes me forever to get these out. Be patient, dear readers, the chapters WILL come. I am so jealous of those of you who can put out a chapter per day!
Thanks again to my reviewers. Honestly, without your feedback, I would struggle for motivation to keep writing!
And of course to the lovely and talented Tarante11a, my beta who has become a friend and confidante and isn't afraid to tell me when I've dialed up the cheesiness factor a bit too much :P Read her stuff, too...it's really good, especially if you're a Zevran fan!
Chapter 5: Moving
They traveled quickly for the rest of the day, slowing at regular intervals to rest the horses and allow Leo to regain some energy. Elle let Charisma set the pace, relying on Teagan to let her know when his horse was beginning to tire. She had decided to make for The Wandering Wastrel, a large inn situated where the well-worn track to Highever met the North Road, just east of West Hill. It was a popular resting place and watering hole for merchant caravans making their way between Denerim and the high passes through the Frostbacks, and Elle hoped they could arrive there in time to secure lodging for the night. She had wanted to ride through the night, but Teagan had calmly reminded her that the horses would never last without an extended break.
She was grateful their speed prevented much conversation. Still slightly reeling from the effects of her newfound understanding, she wasn't sure she could handle much more than idle small talk at the moment. Teagan's statement in the courtyard as they were leaving shed an entirely new light on their interactions the previous day. The idea that he had been flirting with her all along was one she found disturbing for its implications. She wasn't so much struggling with the fact of it – she had been flirted with before by many different men – it was her reactions to it which were causing Elle more than a little concern.
Since Elle had turned eighteen, it had been her mother's mission in life to find a suitable husband for her amongst the eligible sons of the nobility of Ferelden. Consequently, Elle's mission in life had been to avoid as many of these meetings as possible, and when she couldn't avoid them, to do her best to sabotage them. She had become an expert at recognizing and fending off unwanted advances, much to her mother's chagrin. Most of the choices had been political in nature, simpering sycophants who quite obviously only cared about marrying the daughter of the most powerful noble in the land. The rest had been too boring to interest her or too stupid to keep up with a basic conversation.
Elle had developed a reputation among the nobility of being an untouchable ice queen with a heart of stone, but she knew it wasn't true. Her romantic side was just tucked away, carefully hidden behind a sharp tongue and sharper blades. When she finally met someone who wasn't afraid of swords and could match her barbs with wit of his own, it didn't take very long for her to fall completely, crazily in love. Alistair was everything she'd wanted, plus many things she hadn't realized she needed. He'd let her lead the way in their relationship, and it gave her the strength she'd needed to lead Ferelden against the blight. When he died, all of her confidence and hope had died with him, and the few who had thought to travel to Highever recently to pay her court had been met with stony stares and closed doors.
All of her past experiences meant that Teagan's flirting shouldn't have affected her at all, and yet.... Somehow he was able to reduce her to a blushing, stuttering fool with a few polite words and some subtle innuendo. Unbidden, her thoughts flew back to the look in his eyes when he'd said good night the evening before, and Elle felt a stab of guilt and anger at the warmth induced by the recollection. She pushed the feeling down, irate at herself for betraying Alistair's memory in such a way. She couldn't help wondering what he would have thought of her then, or imagining the look of hurt and disappointment in his eyes had he known.
Teagan's shout brought her back to reality, and she pulled Charisma back to a trot when she saw his chestnut slowing. Elle knew the road well, and she calculated they were about halfway between Highever and the Wastrel. After a few minutes, Teagan had nearly caught up, so she slowed 'Ris to a walk.
"There is a stream that comes near the road right up here," she said over her shoulder to Teagan. "It's a good place to stop to rest and water the horses and Leo. We're making good time, and I expect we'll make the crossroads before nightfall. We should probably eat something, as well."
He gave Elle a wry smile as he pulled up beside her. "I confess, it will be a welcome break. You certainly weren't exaggerating about your intended pace."
"Fergus doesn't have time for us to go any slower."
"Indeed, you're right. Come then, where is this stream?"
The spot Elle remembered was obviously a popular one, as someone had made a makeshift hitching post out of some fallen saplings, and there were some large rocks and fallen logs that had been moved into a semi-circular formation around a well-used fire pit. After letting the horses drink, they tied them up and sat down. Elle rummaged through the pack of rations and pulled out a small loaf of bread and some dried meat, which she split into thirds, handing a portion to Teagan. She placed Leo's share on the ground near her feet and smiled as she watched him pounce on the food.
They ate in silence, relieved to be resting. After a few minutes, Teagan spoke. "So, how did your horse come to be called 'Charisma'? It is an interesting name."
Elle smiled at the memories his question invoked. She shrugged and answered the question simply. "Because she is."
When Teagan looked confused, she chuckled and went on. "She was a yearling when my father gave her to me for my eighteenth birthday, and she already had a reputation for being high-spirited and difficult. She gave the hands so much trouble when they were trying to break her in, and when she was stressed she became a holy terror. But afterward – when she was relaxed – she just had this way about her that made it impossible not to love her, and anyone who met her outside of the ring quickly fell prey to her charms.
"One time she was up to her tricks in the training ring and managed to land a kick square in the stomach of our old stable master, Bran. He was furious! I thought for a moment he was actually going to hurt her. That was when she walked over to him, stuck her head under his arm and nuzzled him like nothing had happened. After a moment he laughed and threw up his hands, saying, 'Damnable horse! If I could bottle her charisma and sell it in the market, I'd be a rich man!'" Elle smiled wistfully. "After that, I'm not sure I could have called her anything else. I thank the Maker every day she managed to survive everything that happened."
"How...apropos," Teagan said, almost too quietly for her to hear. He looked at her thoughtfully, then smiled and climbed to his feet. "She is a magnificent horse, Elle. Your father was a very wise man." Somewhere along the road they had decided by mutual agreement to drop the formality of titles, but Teagan's use of her name still unsettled her.
Elle blushed and was desperately trying to come up with an appropriate response when Teagan reached down to help her up. "We should be going, I think. You know this country better than I, but we still have quite a way to go, do we not?"
She nodded mutely as she grabbed her pack, then headed over to the horses with Leo padding softly behind. She decided to try to change the subject. "And what about your horse? I'm afraid I still don't know what he's called."
He grinned at her over the withers of his chestnut as he prepared to mount. "Unfortunately, it's rather mundane compared to yours, with no interesting story behind it. His name is Red."
Elle laughed as she climbed into her saddle, glad she was able to deflect the conversation onto a more comfortable track. "Red? Why, Teagan, your creativity knows no bounds!"
"Well, he is a chestnut," Teagan protested. "Besides, I can safely say that I had no influence over his name. You can blame Eamon's stable staff for that!"
She shook her head and led them out of the clearing. As she spurred Charisma to a rapid canter, her thoughts turned again to Fergus and fear clawed at her heart. She whispered a small prayer to the Maker as they rode, begging for her brother's life and asking for strength for the journey to the Circle and back. She wasn't particularly religious, but she figured a little divine guidance couldn't be a bad thing.
They rode the rest of the afternoon and arrived at the Wastrel just past nightfall. Elle was grateful to find they had two rooms available, and that the busy innkeeper didn't seem to recognize her. As the maid led them through the commons toward the lodging area, Elle noticed the stares from the merchants and other travelers. She supposed it wasn't every day a fully-armored woman walked into the inn, and for once she wished she'd worn something a bit less noticeable.
When the maid stopped at a door and indicated it was Elle's room, she thanked the girl and nodded to Teagan before slipping inside, Leo at her heels. The room was clean and well-kept, and there was a basin of fresh water on the vanity. She hastily removed her armor and donned the simple brown dress she had packed, which was much more appropriate for sitting in the common room of an inn. As she was washing her face, her stomach growled loud enough to cause Leo to chuff quietly.
"Oh, hush, you." Elle made a face at the dog and grabbed a towel. "I know you're hungry too, you've been running all day. Don't try to deny it! Don't worry, we'll go downstairs soon enough."
Leo wagged his tail and barked happily at the prospect of food. Elle had no qualms about taking him into the commons with her. Fereldans were accustomed to seeing travelers, mercenaries, soldiers and guards with mabari companions, and most establishments welcomed the dogs, knowing their owners would purchase an extra meal for them.
After a few more minutes of trying and failing to tame her hair, Elle's hunger finally overtook her desire to look presentable. She threw her hands in the air and looked at Leo, who was pacing by the door. "Oh fine! You win, let's go." Leo barked and bounded out the door in front of her, and she rushed to keep up, laughing at his exuberance.
They picked their way through the crowded commons as Elle scanned around for a free table. Leo's presence discouraged many of the drunken patrons from paying too much attention to her, and before they got too far into the room, Elle spotted Teagan sitting at a booth on the far wall. He had changed into a loose-fitting linen shirt, and was staring into a mug of ale with a pensive look on his face. Elle slowed, taking a moment to study him. She couldn't deny he was handsome, and even simply dressed he had an air of nobility that was impossible to hide. Nevertheless, it took more than a pretty face and charming words to throw her off guard, and she was still having trouble pinpointing why this man was worming his way into her consciousness. She certainly hadn't encouraged it, nor did she even want him there. She didn't think she was ready for anything that could pass as a normal relationship.
As if he could feel her eyes on him, Teagan chose that moment to raise his head and meet her gaze, causing Elle to flush in embarrassment. She looked down and pretended to search for Leo as she continued toward the table, making a show of calling for the mabari. By the time she took a seat across from Teagan, she'd composed herself enough to motion to the passing barmaid. She ordered an ale and four of whatever they were serving that night for dinner. Leo barked happily at the surprised maid, and she scurried off to fill the order.
When Elle finally looked at Teagan, she saw he was watching her with one eyebrow cocked and a questioning grin. "Four dinners? I see two people and one mabari. Dare I ask who the fourth serving is for?"
Elle blushed and smiled at him sheepishly. "I suppose you would have no way of knowing this, but one of the side effects of joining the Grey Wardens is...well...a slight increase in appetite. And we haven't eaten a real meal all day!" As if on cue, her stomach rumbled loudly enough for anyone within ten meters to hear, causing Teagan to laugh heartily.
Elle's look of consternation sobered him. "I'm sorry, Elle, I suppose I shouldn't laugh. I didn't realize the Joining was an actual physical thing."
She nodded as the same boy who stabled their horses set a mug of ale down on the table in front of her. "Yes. It's...painful. Many don't survive it. And it does change you physically. The increase in appetite is only one effect. I cannot say why, but suffice it to say it is secret for a good reason." She took a swig of ale, savoring the warmth of the drink as it spread through her. Teagan's comment brought back memories of her own Joining, and of Daveth and Jory. She never thought of them now, but back then, she was still so innocent. She hadn't yet become numb to the constant death that would surround her for the next year.
Elle smiled brightly at Teagan. She could tell he wanted to ask more, and was grateful when he decided to change the subject, though the new line of conversation was no less troublesome than the last. "I am also not very knowledgeable, I admit, when it comes to the Circle of Magi. Do you...do you think they will let me – " he shook his head slightly and corrected himself. "Us...do you think they will let us see Connor?"
Elle's head jerked up at the question, her eyes widening in surprise. "Well, they will if I have anything to say about it!" Her tone was forceful. She hadn't considered that Connor might be another reason for Teagan's insistence on joining her for this journey, and she felt stupid and ashamed for not thinking of it sooner. She sighed.
"I'm afraid I owe you another apology, Teagan. The thought of Connor at the Tower hadn't even crossed my mind this morning when I so rudely refused your company." Elle gripped her mug and stared at the table as she said the words.
She started when Teagan lightly touched her hand, but relaxed when she saw the kindness in his eyes. "Please stop doing that. You had more pressing matters on your mind and it was a perfectly natural reaction."
"Stop doing what?"
Teagan was about to answer when the barmaid arrived at the table with their food. Elle paid, then removed the bread from one of the plates and replaced it with extra meat from the fourth serving, leaning over to place the meal on the floor for Leo. When she sat up, he continued.
"Apologizing. You do it too often, and there is no need. Not once have I been offended by any of your words or actions." Elle stared at him in astonishment. "What kind of man would I be if I held your past and current circumstances against you? After the hell you've been through, and for everything you've done for me, a little understanding on my part is the very least I could offer."
Elle felt a wave emotions swelling inside of her, threatening to break down the defenses she'd so carefully constructed. Wonder and fear, hope and guilt, strength and humility, all of them warred within, laying siege to those walls she'd taken two years to build. She clenched her hands around her mug, her knuckles white as she fought for the control she so desperately needed.
She looked at Teagan again, humbled, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm.... Thank you." She didn't trust herself to say anything more, nor did she think anything more needed to be said. She turned her attention to her food, hoping the distraction would help to ease her mind.
The meal was passable, though nothing particularly outstanding. After a few moments of silence, Teagan smiled at her and spoke. "I have been curious for some time about your chosen style of fighting. It is uncommon to see a warrior wielding two full-size weapons. How did you learn it?"
Elle welcomed the change of subject, and began explaining how a second weapon in place of a shield took better advantage of her natural dexterity, and how the physical differences between women and men lent themselves to the style. The discussion flowed naturally to her training at Highever when she was younger, and for the first time in two years, she was able to speak of her past without the tinge of grief that usually marred her memories.
As if some barrier between them had broken, Elle and Teagan fell into easy conversation about a myriad of topics, talking for hours. During a brief lull, Elle looked around and was surprised to see that the taproom had cleared of most of the patrons, leaving only a handful of drunks singing in the corner while the barmaid and the stable boy cleared the rest of the empty tables. Leo was dozing at her feet, and the ale had given her a slightly lightheaded but not unpleasant feeling. She realized with a guilty start that she hadn't thought about Fergus all evening, and she turned again to Teagan.
"I didn't realize it was so late." Elle gave a self-conscious smile. "We should probably retire. I'd like to get an early start tomorrow. With luck and good weather we should make it a good portion of the way to the Tower."
His eyes turned somber and he moved to rise, causing Leo to jump to attention. "I wholeheartedly agree."
Teagan offered Elle his arm, and much to her surprise, she took it, allowing him to lead her out of the commons and up to her room. It struck her how incredibly normal the entire evening had been, despite the threat of Fergus's condition looming over her head. She was glad she hadn't transformed into a babbling wreck around Teagan, as well. She pushed open the door to her room, then turned back to find him watching her with a soft light in his eyes.
"Thank you again, Teagan. I...well...thank you," she finished, rather lamely, she thought.
He smiled warmly and gave a slight bow. "You are most welcome. Sleep well, my lady." With that, he turned and walked down the hall, leaving Elle to wonder at his ability to lace ordinary words with so many hidden meanings.