Author's Note: This chapter is ridiculously long, to me. I apologize for that, as I try to keep the chapters a bit more manageable … anyway, to clarify: the italicized parts are meant to take place in the neighborhood of 20 to 30 years prior to Alice's arrival in Wonderland. Thanks so much for reading and enjoy!

5

The ruling passion, be it what it will, the ruling passion conquers reason still.

- Alexander Pope

I slipped between consciousness and unconsciousness. I did not know how much time passed. Occasionally, I heard voices, but I could hardly make sense of the words; it was as if the speakers were communicating in a foreign tongue. Despite my relative incoherence while I was, in fact, awake, I was still inexplicably aware of Devlyn's presence. Each time I opened my eyes, seeking some respite from the hell that had erupted within my mind and heart he was by my side, always. Though I did not understand him, he spoke to me, comforting me in this torture as best he could, and I briefly recall wondering why – why I meant anything to him at all.

When I finally woke for the first time feeling acutely aware of my surroundings – my mind, my heart, my senses – I silently observed the sterile white room and realized I was in a bed with my wrists and ankles bound. Panic gripped me with an intensity that I had never before known. I fought back the rising tide, biting my lip until it bled.

Devlyn was not here.

The door to my tiny, unadorned room opened then, and I heard his voice. Focusing on the sound, I willed away the rush of utter terror as best I could.

"You listen to me, Ballard," Devlyn hissed. "She stays here. Mark that in your damn file. No one touches her."

"You've had your chance, Hatta," the man called Ballard returned, and I did not recognize his voice. "The girl is clearly damaged, and you have wasted enough time. I've been fool enough to let you waste so much time. I am issuing the order that she be relocated to the Great Vault." Ballard paused. "And need I remind you that you have been commissioned to redesign the Great Vault? Because of your prolonged fancy for this insignificant girl, you have failed to produce results. I imagine you remember what failure means." The weight of Ballard's warning and threat was obvious even to me.

Regardless, Devlyn brushed it aside. "You touch her – you even think about moving her – and you will regret it."

Ballard snorted. "You are not suited to play the part of hero, Doctor. Nor are you suited for selflessness, especially when it is so clearly irrational," he added. "You value reason, but this is unreasonable. Now, I will grant you, the girl's desirable enough, but hardly worth such sacrifice. You know that as well as I do, yet you persist in this nonsense. If you were not so valuable, you would've been sent to the Queen's headsman already."

"I am valuable," Devlyn agreed, and he lacked any trace of modesty just as he had on the day I met him and he proclaimed himself a genius. "And I know more than you could ever hope to know," he added. "I believe you are facing pressure as well, Ballard – the pressure to produce tangible results that will satisfy the Queen. You are, after all, the one who answers to the Queen for us."

"What is your point, exactly?" Ballard bit out.

"I have shown you my preliminary plans for the Vault. Your brain might not be capable of comprehending it, but you are intelligent enough to understand its potential once it is completed. I could give you the darkest of all emotions, a powerful weapon I'm sure … a powerful weapon for a Queen who is slowly but inevitably losing ground. I can give you fear and sadness, or rage, if you'd like. Perhaps I can even create madness."

"We have yet to harvest such emotions," Ballard said. "We have not even succeeded with the few Oysters we collect here and there. And the Oysters emotions are, by far, stronger than ours. What makes you so certain that you can accomplish what so many others failed to achieve?"

"What makes you so certain that I can't?" Devlyn returned. "And, more to the point, is it a chance you're willing to take?" Silence stretched between the two men before Devlyn continued, "I can make this happen, and you, Ballard, can take the credit for all I care. Impress the Queen, but leave Red to me." He paused. "I need an assistant anyway."

"An assistant?" Ballard echoed incredulously. "Are you mad, Hatta?" he spat.

"Probably, I'm sure," Devlyn replied. "But you're a clever enough man, Ballard. I think you realize better than anyone what I am capable of creating. If you promise to leave Red with me, the Great Vault will produce the most horrific emotions, I promise you. You will, undoubtedly, be the Queen's favorite."

"I expect far more than the Vault in exchange for this idiocy. Have you anything else of interest to offer?"

"The Queen might be entertained by dreams." I noticed the irritation in Devlyn's voice at Ballard's insistence that he pay a higher price than just redesigning the Great Vault.

"Dreams," Ballard repeated as if the word were almost foreign.

"It has been an age since the mystics of Wonderland last dreamed," Devlyn replied. "Other people in Wonderland … well, simply put, we don't dream, not like Oysters. I've liquefied them – the dreams, that is. One drop for a dream – it's a cheap trick, really. But entertaining, nonetheless. Perhaps even beneficial. After all, the mystics were never wrong, so the books tell us."

"Bring me the dreams," Ballard finally replied. "I'll see it for myself. As for the girl … well, I will, of course, have to think on it."

"I expected as much," Devlyn responded dryly.

Neither man exchanged a farewell. The door simply closed, indicating Ballard's departure.

When Devlyn approached me, he said, "You're awake." He undid the cuffs at my ankles. As he moved to my wrists, his hands stilled, and he studied me, frowning. I did not understand what he saw. Perhaps he noticed fear or confusion, but whatever he witnessed, it surprised him. "Red," he stated. Shaking himself, he quickly undid the cuffs around my wrists, and I shot upright.

"Were you expecting someone else?" I asked as I was bewildered by the way he said my name. "How long have I been in this room?" I continued without giving him the chance to answer my first question. "What's happened to me? Why am I bound?"

"One question at a time, perhaps," Devlyn murmured, and I quieted, watching him expectantly. "You have been in this room nearly half a year and you are bound because it is protocol when I am not with you. You did accept that condition, by the way."

"What are you talking about? I have been unconscious."

"Well, you have been, that's true," Devlyn replied. "Scarlett (1), however, has not." When I opened my mouth, he raised a hand and quickly continued, "Near as I can tell, withdraw from the serum caused something of a break in your … person, so to speak. Scarlett emerged perhaps a month after you collapsed, and she has been more than coherent since. That is why Ballard thinks you are damaged – because you are not … well, you're not you." He paused. "Do you mean to tell me you don't remember any of it? I speculated that once you actually emerged that you and Scarlett would integrate and become whole again."

"But I remember coming in and out of consciousness," I said as I tried to make sense of all Devlyn was telling me.

"Scarlett – you – experienced severe headaches," Devlyn explained. "Maybe that was you trying to break the surface again, but you didn't manage until now." Devlyn watched me for a moment. "You honestly don't remember anything?"

I shook my head, but, even as I did, I closed my eyes. I recalled the strange conversations and my both curious and constant awareness of Devlyn. I saw flashes but nothing substantial except … "I see a chessboard." I wasn't even aware that I knew what chess was until that second.

"We've played the game often enough," Devlyn said. "You rather enjoyed it. You even suggested that I use a chessboard as my design for the Great Vault."

Alice and Hatter followed Lily through the city. The snow and ice aside, the city looked far different than Alice remembered – the buildings, the streets … and the bizarre fact that the only colors Alice noticed were black and white. Even Hatter seemed disoriented as they trailed Lily through unfamiliar streets.

"It's nothin' like we left it," Hatter observed aloud.

Alice wondered if it troubled Hatter that his home had changed so greatly in his absence. However, Lily quelled any thought of asking Hatter that very question when she stopped suddenly and turned around, pressing a finger to her lips. "Keep quiet," she hissed as she glared daggers at Hatter and looking at him as if he had committed a deadly sin. However, rather than explain her demand for silence, Lily continued forward.

Though Alice bristled at Lily's imperious tone, she reminded herself that Lily was, after all, only a child. That aside, Lily was also a princess, which probably meant she was accustomed to issuing orders without thought of reprimand for her haughty behavior.

In other words, Lily was, undoubtedly, little more than a child spoiled by her lofty position.

Regardless, Hatter didn't seem to possess any qualms about questioning her royal highness's decree of silence. "Any particular reason we've got to sneak around the city?" he asked. "Or do you just like tellin' people what to do?"

Again, Lily stopped, and her hand balled into fists, her agitation evident. She glanced over her shoulder. "There are people in the city," she whispered so softly that one might think she was imparting the most sensitive of secrets. "And you don't want those people to know that we're here. I haven't seen them, but I was warned about them."

"Who warned you?" Hatter questioned, though he kept his voice low now.

"There was a clothing shop," Lily replied. She was obviously growing exasperated with Hatter's insistence at continuing the conversation. "That's where I found coats for you. And a new one for myself," she added. "There was an old Oyster who ran the shop, and he told me about the bad people who own the city now. I don't know much else," Lily admitted. "But we need to go. Please. It's not safe outside, not in the city. We have to leave."

Lily's words and desperate plea chilled Alice, and she wondered to what "bad people" Lily referred. Any number of terrifying images darted through her mind as she was suddenly reminded of every last horror film she'd ever seen. The frozen, eerily quiet, and seemingly empty city served as the ideal backdrop for the darkest of visions concocted by fiction.

Both Alice and Hatter eyed their surroundings warily, alert as they obliged Lily, who led them through the labyrinth of streets and alleys. Even Hatter, Alice imagined, would have found it near impossible to navigate the city, courtesy of his lengthy absence and the infinite changes twelve years had brought upon Wonderland and the city that had once been home to his infamous tea shop.

When the trio at last passed the city limits without incident – for which Alice was exceedingly grateful – Alice gazed out across the vast meadows and the forests beyond. The land as far as she could see was blanketed in white, and the snow glistened in the light of the pale winter sun. The view should have been breathtaking, but the spectacular sight was unnatural, for Alice remembered Hatter telling her that, in Wonderland, snow only ever fell in the mountains.

Yet, despite the question over winter's curious lease, Alice found her attention drawn toward what looked, from their vantage point, to be random clusters of villages and farms. She'd traversed the forest of the Jabberwocky and stayed at the ruins where Charlie, the White Knight, lived, but Alice did not recall seeing anything quite so … rural. This was a part of Wonderland she'd not actually seen during her last visit.

"This used to be abandoned," Hatter said. "All of it. People didn't much care for a place where you couldn't buy tea, and you couldn't buy it here."

Lily nodded as she started descending the hillside in the direction of the closest village, leaving Alice and Hatter to follow. "My daddy told me about tea," she said. "He said everyone wanted more of it, and they abandoned their … how did he put it?" Lily paused, apparently thinking. "Honest work," she finally finished. "Now, they've gone back to it since the tea is gone."

"Sounds about right," Hatter murmured.

"My daddy told me about you too," Lily announced to Hatter as the trio reached the outskirts of the quaint little village that appeared as charming as one in a child's fairytale. "He said you sold tea."

"Your dad," Hatter began, "talks a bit too much, I think."

"I never said he didn't like you," Lily pointed out, seeming to interpret Hatter's tone. "He only said you sold tea. Oh! And, of course, he mentioned you helped Alice and then left with Alice … or after Alice, anyway. I'm not really sure which. But, he never said he didn't like you," Lily said, repeating the words with which she'd started.

"I can only guess what Jack Heart thinks of me," Hatter replied.

"I don't think he really thinks about you at all," Lily returned while Hatter shook his head. Alice assumed that Hatter, like she, realized that Lily failed to miss the implication intended by Hatter's statement. "I came through this village on the way to the city," Lily continued as she breezed over the conversation she'd just been having with Hatter, quickly moving to another topic. "I left my mare, Lorina, in the stables because I didn't want to take her into the city. There are other horses. After all, I wouldn't leave Lorina without friends." Lily paused, taking a second to actually draw a breath. "You two could borrow horses."

Borrow or steal, Alice wondered. However, based on the unnaturally quiet village, Alice doubted there was anyone even around from whom to steal. Perhaps until this cold spell, the village had thrived; Alice didn't obviously know. Yet now, despite its neat appearance, the village was clearly little more than a ghost town, vacant of any activity to indicate people did, in fact, live here.

She, Hatter, and Lily walked in silence then, making their way through the snow covered streets of well-kept houses and small shops until they came upon a gradually sloped path that led upward toward a house much larger than the rest that occupied far more land. Lily pointed out the stable to the right of the grand house. "I left Lorina there," she said.

Though Lily seemed innocently unconcerned, Alice and Hatter approached the building with far more caution while keeping alert for anything amiss … such as the mysterious "bad people" Lily told them about. When they finally rounded the corner of the stable, Alice stopped short when she saw a tall, broad-shouldered man tossing snow covered bales of hay into the stable. She glanced over at Hatter, who visibly tensed, bracing for a fight.

Perhaps having heard their approach, the man paused in his work and glanced in their direction. His eyes were black, which was a startling contrast to his pale skin and white hair. Before either Alice or Hatter could think to say a word, the man simply returned to his work, never acknowledging them.

"He's Sad," Lily explained. "You don't have to worry about the ones who are Sad. They either wander around or just do the little things that are routine for them. But mostly, they don't pay attention because they don't care. It's the other ones you have to worry about … well, some of the other ones, anyway. I don't think they're all bad. But they're the ones like Gryphon who are too dead inside to be Sad." Lily paused. "I don't know what that means – to be dead inside. But some of the dead ones are evil, and they're trying to rule Wonderland because no one else cares. Even Red doesn't really want to rule Wonderland, I don't think. She just wants people to be cold and sad, like her. But I don't feel sorry for her. She's still a terrible person to do this to everyone."

"But why do all of this if not for power?" Alice wondered aloud.

"Some people are just bloody daft," Hatter suggested. "There's no tellin' what they're about."

That, Alice figured, was an understatement.

Then, Lily rushed over to a rather small horse that was obviously Lorina. As she cooed at the horse and patted her head, Hatter turned his attention to the only other three horses, still in their respective stalls. One of the horses was decrepit and visibly incapable of carrying a rider upon its sagging back. As Alice followed Hatter, she felt a twinge of sympathy for the elderly horse that was apparently nearing the end of its days.

When she and Hatter reached the only other occupied stalls, Alice glanced between the remaining horses. One horse was pure white while the other was pure black – an appropriate color scheme which seemed to suit this new colorless version of Wonderland just fine.

"I'll take the white one," Alice announced. The black horse was a monster, and it had been far too long since she'd last sat astride a horse. Thus, Alice would much rather take her chances with the docile-looking one.

Hatter shot her a look that clearly called her a coward, and Alice suppressed the impish urge to stick her tongue out at him.

Lily was more than proficient at saddling her own horse, and she waited astride her pony-like mare with a look of impatience as Hatter helped Alice saddle her horse before he moved toward the black monster. With that process complete, Alice and Hatter mounted their respective horses, and Lily announced, "They should have names." She chewed her lip thoughtfully for a second. "She'll be Tertia," Lily said, referring to Alice's horse. "And yours," Lily began, looking at Hatter, "will be Pleasance." At that declaration, Alice bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing.

"Really," Hatter said dryly.

Lily nodded. "Yes, it's settled." She tugged on Lorina's reigns, turning her toward the stable's exit.

"Bloody brilliant," Hatter said as Lily departed the building. "My horse's name is Pleasance."

Alice snorted, unable to hold back her laughter. "The look you gave her was priceless."

"Well, I'm glad you're amused," Hatter returned. He tried to sound annoyed but failed. As he urged Pleasance – the black beast of a horse – forward, he glanced at Alice. "Did you ever mention you wanted children?"

"No," Alice replied with laughter still evident in her voice.

"Good."

When she and Hatter caught up with Lily, she said to Hatter, "Since you seem to know the way to Lutwidge, you can lead. But we should keep away from the main roads."

Alice noticed that Lily's mention of Lutwidge dampened Hatter's mood. "I still say it's a bad idea," he muttered before taking the lead and kicking Pleasance into a fierce gallop.

"Well," Lily sniffed. "At least he's moving faster now."

After a time, the trio slowed their furious pace, allowing the horses a break as they ambled slowly through the forest for a time. Hatter, however, did not join Alice and Lily but kept his distance at the head of the small party. Though Alice wanted desperately to talk to him, she doubted this was the time. Whatever memories he was dealing with, he didn't want Alice at the moment; that much was apparent. Perhaps it should have troubled her, but Alice was rational enough to realize everyone had secrets – everyone had a past that wasn't necessarily open for discussion. Some memories were simply too painful, even with time.

So, to take her mind off of Hatter, the thoughts that were likely bothering him as they neared Lutwidge, and his uncharacteristically brooding demeanor, Alice turned to Lily and attempted to start piecing together this bizarre puzzle laid out before her.

"Do you know anything else about the Sadness?" Alice asked.

"Well … not really," Lily admitted. "When I was at the palace, Gryphon told me that he was dead inside – that he'd seen too much. I guess that kept him from being infected by the Sadness. Then, Red said I was innocent, so I guess it can't infect me either." She hesitated. "It's the dead ones that scare me. Most of them are bad people. Some of them kill, and some of them hurt others just because they enjoy it. Those kinds of people can't feel sad."

"Because they don't feel remorse," Alice reasoned.

"I guess, for some of them," Lily replied. "But some just can't feel anymore because life's been mean to them, like Gryphon. They aren't bad people, not like the others. They're just … dead, like Gryphon."

Though Alice wanted to question Lily further about Gryphon, a thought suddenly struck her. "Do you think it might infect us – me and Hatter?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't think the Sadness will infect you because you're an Oyster. There are still lots of Oysters in our world. The Oyster at the clothing shop was very nice, and his eyes were brown. So, that means he wasn't infected, but he didn't seem dead either." Lily paused, apparently thinking. "Different things make us sick, you know. I remember hearing that when my mother was sick. We're mostly the same as Oysters, but there are differences." Lily nodded toward Hatter up ahead. "But it might hurt him eventually because he is from Wonderland. I don't know." She sighed. "That's why we can't waste time. Hatter's very important. My dreams told me that. Without him, we can't fix this."

"It's somethin' else, somethin' … well, I'd say it's like a map. At least, what I remember seems like a map."

Alice thought of Hatter's earlier words. Perhaps Hatter's bizarre visions were the key to solving this riddle.

She and Lily rode in silence then while Hatter also made no effort to start a conversation.

The trio arrived at their destination not long after nightfall, and Lutwidge was surprisingly not nearly as far from the city as Alice had imagined. After crossing the ramshackle bridge that Alice barely trusted, they ended on the opposite bank of a frozen river in the town of Lutwidge. Unlike the previous village where she and Hatter had "borrowed" their horses, Lutwidge appeared both ancient and neglected. But, similar to the other village, Alice did not notice a single person or any other indication that the town was inhabited.

Hatter navigated them through the narrow streets, finally stopping before a dilapidated cottage that appeared smaller than her and Hatter's apartment. Alice noticed a dim glow from behind the tiny, grimy windows – the first sign of life they'd yet encountered.

After dismounting, Hatter helped Lily down from Lorina before turning to Alice and aiding her descent as well. Her back ached from the long ride, and her legs felt stiff.

"You all right, Alice?" Hatter asked.

Noticing the strained look upon his face, Alice ignored his question and said, "We don't have to do this. You don't have to do this." Alice could not imagine what sort of relationship Hatter had with his mother to warrant such a pained look. Again, she wanted to ask what exactly had happened between him and his family, but she supposed she was near to discovering that answer. At this point, the only thing Alice knew for certain about Hatter's family was that he was an only child.

"Lily and I could talk to Gretna," Alice suggested.

"No," Lily said as she brushed past them. "He has to talk to her." Then, without waiting for them, Lily marched straight to the front door and raised the rusted knocker. She banged the knocker several times before she was satisfied.

At first, Alice wondered if anyone would even answer. For a long while, they stood outside, waiting. Then, just as Lily was about to reach for the knocker again, the door jerked open. An elderly woman stood in the doorway illuminated by the light in the foyer. She was tall and rigid, with her white hair scraped back into a knot at the nape of her neck. Small glasses perched on the end of her nose, and her face was lined with age. Regardless, she was still a striking woman.

"What do you want?" the older woman demanded.

Looking up at her, Lily pointed out, "You're eyes are green. You're not Sad." She paused before asking, "Are you Gretna?"

"Not that it should matter to you, but yes. Now go away, you filthy little beggar," Gretna snapped. But before she could close the door, Lily stuck out her foot, preventing Gretna's action.

Then, Lily assumed her imperious posture, raising her chin defiantly. "I am the Princess of Wonderland, Lily Heart, and I demand that you speak with us."

Gretna's eyes narrowed as she glared at Lily while she appeared to be debating Lily's claim. In the end, she must have decided it would not be worth it to take a chance offending the Princess, even if she didn't necessarily trust Lily.

She opened the door wide, stepping back as Lily walked inside, leaving Alice and Hatter still outside. "I'm not going to stand here forever," Gretna barked even as she squinted, staring at Hatter. She appeared to be searching her memory. Finally, she said, "So, you're not dead. I guess you were that vile man I heard about then – the one what ran the tea shop in the city."

"Nice to see you too, mum," Hatter returned, clearly having anticipated such a response from his mother.

Regardless of what Hatter may have been prepared for, Alice couldn't help looking between mother and son, shocked by this frigid reunion.

"So," Hatter began as he pressed his hand against Alice's back and guided her past Gretna and into the relative warmth of the house, "is that what you told people, then? You told them I was dead?"

"Yes, I told them you drowned in the river," Gretna returned matter-of-factly as she closed the door.

Author's Note:

(1) – Scarlett: This name serves no other purpose other than the fact that's it's another shade of red.

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