So I'm almost completely caught up to all the chapters I have again. That means next week we're gonna have to go back to one a week unless I have a sudden burst of inspiration. Sorry gais. I suck. :(

So yeah, ok. Axel and church. I know, right? Man, I was RAISED Catholic and I didn't feel comfortable in a Catholic church so I can imagine how it must feel to people who weren't raised that way to just pop in to one and try to sit through. Nothing quite like disgruntled old people giving you dirty looks to make you feel totally welcome to the congressional family. *snort*

Don't worry. There won't be too many church going scenes. I'm not such a religious person anymore. Even writing about it makes me feel like I'm being thumped in the head with a bible.

Long chapter is long. But it spans over a WHOLE DAY which, if you've ever been to church with your family, I'm sure you know it is the longest day ever. Church, brunch afterward, and maybe some shopping or other miscellaneous bullshit you have to do as a group for some reason.

I wanna reply to some of the comments kinda quickly.

1) Ha ha, yes. I do love putting Xigbar in very odd roles. But its really not that odd and you'll see what I mean later.

2) Roxas is kinda being a douche bag. But he's seriously not feeling sorrow for Marluxia or Larxene right now. He's not exactly thinking that they got what they deserved but its something close to that. He isn't viewing them as people that he cared about. He's viewing them as sinners that died and nothing more. He knows he should be sad but he just isn't.

3) Axel giving up the things he loves? Only for the thing he loves most of all. Aww! Gay. I think that's all I gotta say about that.

Also, introduction of a new cast member! I killed off two, so I had to bring in at least one more besides Xigbar. It's a secret until you get there. I'm personally excited about it.

AND! About Luxord's actions in this chapter, don't be fooled! He's putting on an act. That's all I'll say.

Oh yeah, slight moment of smut. *grin* Ok, you called it. Roxas is too much of a horn dog to give it up himself. What a hypocrite! Stop at "Suck." and pick back up at "Where's the fun in that? Why not prolong it?"

Yeah, that's pretty much it. Yay?

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask if this was happening to anybody else when they submit their fics. Every time I upload a new chapter, some of the paragraphs get smooshed together. Happening to anybody else?

"Hurry up Axel!" Roxas said as he rushed up the stairs into the church. "We're late!"

"I'm sorry!" Axel hurried after Roxas and dashed into the church. He watched curiously as the boy dipped his fingertips in the holy water on the wall and made a sign of the cross. He took a deep breath and tried to follow suit. "Head, chest, left, right. Head, chest, left, right." He dipped his fingers in the water and touched them to his head, then chest, then to his left and right breast before scuffling after Roxas. He watched the boy kneel and repeat the gesture as he went to take a seat in the long bench like seat furthest back in the church. Axel knelt and resigned the cross before taking a seat beside Roxas. He leaned closer to the blond and whispered quietly. "Nobody is sitting back here."

"That's because all the good seats are taken!" Roxas glared at Axel and put a finger to his lips to signify silence. "Be quiet."

"Yeesh, alright." Axel grimaced and tried his best to follow what everyone around him did. His eyes darted ahead of him, to the priest who had spoke at Larxene's funeral and at the burial of the two teens. As the man spoke, Axel realized the language he was speaking was not English. "What language is that?"

"It's Latin." Naminé said softly with a light giggle as she took a seat next to the tall redheaded man. "My name is Naminé."Axel looked at the short blonde girl who sat down at his left. "Hi. My name is Axel. And this is…"

"Roxas." Naminé smiled cutely. "I was told to expect him sitting back here. My uncle is the priest, and he said he wanted me to meet with Roxas. He didn't say anything about you though."

"Oh, ha ha. I kinda just tagged along. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not Catholic." He grinned sheepishly. "Well, not yet anyway. But I'm trying to be."

Naminé laughed lightly and nodded. "That's all that matters."

Axel shrugged and then looked to Naminé curiously. "So, how did you know Roxas would be sitting back here?"

Naminé glanced from Roxas who was deep in prayer to Axel and giggled. "Its basic human nature. The first time in a new place you're bound to isolate yourself as much as you can until you're comfortable with your new surroundings."

"Ah, not this kid." Axel smiled and patted Roxas' shoulder. "He's always the type to dive head in. We're just sitting back here because I accidentally made us late by going down the wrong road."

Roxas grumbled at Axel and furrowed his brow. "Axel, be quiet!"

"But look!" Axel pointed to the blonde girl beside him. "She's the priest's niece and she's supposed to meet you!"

Roxas looked from Axel to the sweet looking blonde girl sitting beside him. "Oh. H-hi. I'm Roxas."

"I'm Naminé. I'm glad to meet you. My uncle told me about the loss of your friends. He thought it would be helpful if I were to be here for you to have someone to talk to. You know, someone your own age." Naminé smiled sadly at Roxas and Axel. "I know now isn't the time, and you probably don't really want to talk about it but I wanted you to know that I'm here if you need someone to talk to." She reached across Axel's lap and put her hand on Roxas' arm with a delicate smile. "As a friend."

Roxas smiled nervously and nodded. "A-alright."

Naminé bowed her head with a smile. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go back to my seat now."

"Nice meeting you." Axel waved to Naminé as she stood and walked away and once she was out of earshot he turned to Roxas quickly and smirked. "She was pretty cute, huh Rox?"

Roxas narrowed his gaze on Axel. "Yeah, and?"

Axel shook his head and chuckled. "Nothing, nothing. I came here to pray Roxas, not talk."

"Hardly." Roxas tugged at Axel's sleeve. "What were you getting at?"

"Nothing. It just seems funny. You come to church to talk to a priest, the priest tells you to come back, the priest's pretty little niece comes up to talk to you and you don't find anything out of the ordinary?" Axel snickered. "Come on, he's trying to hook you up with his niece. And she was obviously flirting with you."

"Oh, I see." Roxas nodded slowly. "You're jealous."

"Jealous?" Axel rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Not in the least. I mean, come on. She's cute but she's not that cute."

"I dunno." Roxas put a hand to his chin to emphasize thought. "She was awfully cute."

"Screw you, I'm cute." Axel stuck out his tongue at the blond boy and smiled. "I thought we came here to pray, not talk about the priest's cute little niece."

"We did. And if you're going to pray you need to kneel down on that kneeler right there." Roxas said indicating the long padded board attached to the pew in front of them.

"Hey, Rox." Axel nudged the boy and smiled innocently when he received a scowl. "You wanna go to lunch after this?"

--

"So…" Roxas said as he stabbed a piece of chicken in his pasta with a fork and plopped it in his mouth. "How did you like your first mass?"

"It was interesting." Axel sipped his iced tea slowly. "I probably would have liked it better if I could understand what he was saying. Do all Catholic churches have mass in Latin?"

"No. Not all." Roxas shrugged. "I don't mind it though." He smiled lightly and poked a mushroom with his fork. "So, how was the Halloween show for the Misfits?"

"I didn't go." Axel looked down at his plate sadly. "It just wouldn't have been the same without you. Besides, I couldn't go. Not with Marluxia and Larxene having just died. Its only been a week. I'm still mourning them. I probably will forever."

Roxas looked at Axel curiously. "You know, I still can't feel about that. It makes me sick. I want to be sad! I want to cry! But I can't. I liked them a lot. They were good friends to me. And I had so many good laughs with them. But when it comes right down to it, it doesn't even feel like they're gone."

"Maybe that's why." Axel reached across the table and grabbed Roxas' hand. "Maybe it isn't that you've become too callous. Maybe its just that it hasn't officially sunk in yet."

Roxas cocked an eyebrow and looked at Axel curiously. "I sat there and watched Larxene burn to death. How is that not officially sunk in?"

Axel shook his head. "We all sat there and watched it Roxas. Some people just handle death differently than others. Dem's been held up in Marly's apartment all week. He doesn't answer the phone, but I know he's there. Lex is just as distraught only he is more willing to talk about it. And Zexion…" Axel sighed and swirled the straw in his tea around. "Zexion doesn't say anything at all. He pretends it doesn't bother him but I know its eating at him inside. Saïx didn't really get along with either of them, but even he is a little upset. We've all known them for so long that just imagining they're gone is hard."

"But I know they're gone and I still feel nothing." Roxas clenched his fists. "I don't get it."

"Its just because it hasn't touched you yet. But trust me, one day it will. It could be a year from now. It could be tomorrow! But something will happen that will trigger a memory, and it'll hit you, hard. And you'll cry, or maybe even laugh. You'll feel." Axel leaned forward and took a big gulp of his tea. "That's what you want, right? To feel again?"

"Yeah." Roxas nodded and sat his fork aside. "But don't hold your breath."

"You know what?" Axel smiled sadly and gripped the edges of the table. "Are you done eating?"

Roxas looked down at his plate of mostly eaten chicken fettuccine alfredo and shrugged. "I suppose. Why?"

"Waitress! Check please!" Axel waited for the perturbed looking elderly woman to come over with their bill. He pulled out a twenty and slapped it down on the table to cover the meal and a tip. He then grabbed Roxas by his arm and dragged him to the motorcycle.

Roxas climbed onto the back of the motorcycle and wrapped his arms around the older man's waist. He wanted to ask where they were going but he knew he would receive no answer. Instead he sat in silence as they rocketed down the road and made their way to the freeway. He pressed his face to Axel's back and closed his eyes deciding that wherever Axel was taking him, it should remain a surprise until they arrived. But as they drove he felt the familiar curves of the road. The twists and winds along the road were ones he'd felt enough times now to know just where Axel was taking him. And once they reached their destination he didn't need to open his eyes. He could practically see it already. "You brought me to Santa Monica?"

Axel turned off the engine and stepped off of his motorcycle. "Is that a problem?"

Roxas climbed off the bike and stood staring at the ocean before him, a cold breeze tousling his hair. "No, just wondering why."

"You want to feel again." Axel took a step toward the sand and smiled. "I will make you feel again. Come on." He motioned for the boy to follow and lead him to the normal spot that they always went to. "Sit down."

Roxas looked down at the sand hesitantly. "But, my church clothes…"

"Fuck your church clothes. Have a seat." Axel forced Roxas down and took a seat in front of him. "Lets talk."

"Talk?" Roxas looked to Axel in confusion. "We couldn't talk back at the apartment?"

"I want you to close your eyes. Dig your fingers in the sand. Listen to the waves and imagine its night time." Axel waited patiently for Roxas to do so and then continued. "Imagine Zexion, sitting on his towel and reading one of his books. He's quiet, like always. Lex is there too, just a few feet away. His normal spot. Working on one of those stupid brainteaser puzzles of his that nobody else can seem to fucking solve except him." He paused as he caught a slight smirk grace Roxas' lips. "Dem is sitting there next to you with a pin in his hand, writing his little lyrics for the band he hopes he can have one day, if he could ever find a drummer and a bassist and a guitarist." He shifted from where he sat to sit beside Roxas. "I'm here, next to you like always. Just sipping my beer and enjoying the company."

Roxas sat for a moment imagining all this. He could already see it without having to try to very hard. He was smiling but his smile fell as he noticed something. "Its quiet."

"Yeah, it is." Axel took a deep breath and looked down in the sand. "Marluxia was the first one who suggested coming here in the summer. After Demyx graduated Marly and Lex were worried they wouldn't be able to hang out with him anymore. Then Marly suggested this place during that summer as a hangout. Demyx asked Marly if he didn't mind if Dem brought friends, and that's when Zex and I met him and Lex. We all hit it off really well. And the next school year, Marly started dating Larxene and she started tagging along with us to concerts. And then the following summer it was all of us back here again. And we've been coming here pretty much every summer since I was twenty."

Roxas smiled sadly. "That's great."

"But you know what isn't great?" Axel turned his eyes from the sand to the sky as his tears started to swell up. "This last summer was the best, because you were here with us. It was like our group was full and complete. And now it isn't again. This last summer was the best summer of my life and next summer will always be the worst. I'll never be able to come back here and not expect to hear Marly's drunk ass going on about something that gets him fired up. I can never just sit here and laugh while Larxene and Zexion squabble back and forth, or listen to her bitch and moan and ridicule me for stupid shit. And I never thought I'd miss that but I do now and I always will." He let out a shuddering breath and gripped Roxas' hand. "Just knowing I'll never hear her call me a fag again, and never get to listen to Marly's lewd innuendos. I…"

"I'm not Christ Lad anymore." Roxas opened his eyes slowly and looked to Axel. "I'm not any of those stupid nicknames she used to call me."

Axel laughed lightly though there were tears now running down his face. "No more bugging us about which one of us was giving and which one was receiving when we were together."

Roxas gripped Axel's hand tightly and stared at him. "Axel, I…" He let out a hefty sigh and quickly turned his gaze to the sand. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Axel looked from the blond beside him to the ocean. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I just… I can't help but feel like this whole thing is my fault. If I had just been calm that day and heard you out then maybe we still would be together. Happy and carefree." Roxas picked up a handful of sand and let it trickle away in the wind. "Maybe Marluxia and Larxene wouldn't have died."

Axel furrowed his brow in confusion and shook his head. "Roxas, how do you figure that?"

"Think about it Axel. You and I would have rode to the party together on your motorcycle. We wouldn't have tried the MDMA because you would have had to drive so we wouldn't have been there long enough for Marly to get as drunk as he did. And if Saïx was sitting up front with Marly and Lar then there would have been no way he would let Marly drive that drunk anyhow." Roxas gasped loudly and looked to Axel with wide eyes. "Oh god. Oh god, it is all my fault!" The blond grasped his head in his hands as tear began rushing to his eyes. "If I had just stopped being selfish for just one fucking second…"

"No! Roxas, no." Axel pulled the boy into his arms and held him tightly. "Don't you dare start thinking like that! Marly had a history of drunk driving and was always getting pulled over for being reckless. He had a pattern of doing things like this and if the blame is going to fall on anyone it should fall on everybody for not standing up to him and taking away his car keys, not just you!"

"Don't try to play it off!" Roxas buried his face deeper into the redhead's chest and wrapped his arms around him. "My god damned temper is the cause of all this!"

"Hey now…" Axel pulled Roxas' face up to look at him. "If I hadn't screwed up the great thing you and I had then you wouldn't have lost your temper in the first place. So don't blame yourself. Blame me." Axel wiped away Roxas' tears with his thumbs and smiled softly. "You're crying. You're feeling. What are you feeling?"

"Angry and upset! I'm so mad at myself I could scream and I'm upset because I…" Roxas trailed off and quickly shook his head. "There are far too many reasons to be upset and too little time to name them all. Just take me home Axel. I want to be home."

"Alright." Axel stood and walked with Roxas to the motorcycle. Once they were mounted he turned on the engine and started off toward the apartment. By the time they got back, thanks to traffic, the sun was already setting. He turned off his motorcycle and climbed off to walk Roxas to the door. He noticed there was a note on the door from Saïx and looked at it closely. "Roxas, went to a show. Don't lock the door asshole." Axel snickered softly. "Does every note he leaves you tell you not to lock the door?"

"Yeah, because I always do. Its habit." Roxas shrugged and peeled the note off the door. "I really just need to make a spare key for him."

"Hey Roxas, look, about today at the beach…" Axel bit his lip and looked to Roxas sadly as the blond turned the doorknob. "When I said I'd make you feel again, I didn't mean make you feel guilty."

Roxas turned and looked at Axel sadly. "There's just a lot of things Ax. It wasn't you. I just realized that I've screwed up a lot and a lot of my choices could have prevented a lot of bad things from happening if only I'd made the right ones. I'd be so much happier if I'd never…"

Axel watched as the boy shook his head quickly and started into the apartment. "Never what?"

Roxas looked to Axel as he started to close the door. "Its not important. Thanks for lunch Axel. See you next Sunday."

Axel growled and put his foot in the door before Roxas could close it completely. "Never what, Rox?"

"Axel!" Roxas huffed and pushed harder on the door. "I-it doesn't matter! Just go!"

"No!" Axel pushed back on the door. "I wanna know! Damn it Rox, stop blocking me out! You'd be happier if you'd never what!?"

"Never walked out on you!" Roxas stared hard at Axel with tears burning in his eyes. "There, are you happy now!? I said it! Now leave!"

Axel stared at Roxas quietly for a moment before forcing his way into the apartment. He grabbed Roxas and pulled the boy against him. Without thinking, Axel pressed his mouth to the blond's and kissed him deeply. Roxas wasn't pushing him away. He kicked the front door closed and locked it quickly, pulling the boy with him to the couch. "I love you Roxas. I want us to be together. No drugs talking, no drunken ramblings. I want you and only you." He laid Roxas down and climbed on top of him, caressing his face gently. "I love you."

Roxas stared up at Axel as the redhead straddled him on the couch. Every instinct in him was conflicting with his brain which was telling him not to give in. This was the opposite of what he knew he should be doing to get his life back on track, and he knew he was setting himself up for potential heartache. Still, despite his determination to stay on the forward path he'd chosen, he found himself caving. His arms wrapped around Axel's neck and he pulled the older man into a hungry kiss. When their lips parted he let his hands slide down Axel's chest to the belt on his pants. "I love you too Axel. I want to take you. In our bed, right now."

"Alright." Axel began unbuttoning his shirt quickly but froze as Roxas grabbed his hand and held it in place.

"Don't." Roxas pulled Axel's hand away from the buttons and smirked. "You look so hot in that shirt and tie. I want you to leave it on."

"Yes sir." Axel grinned and pulled Roxas up slowly. But as he started toward the bedroom there was a loud knock on the front door. "Saïx?"

Roxas cocked an eyebrow and looked to the door. "Back from the show already? I don't think so." Roxas stepped toward the door and peered through the peephole. As soon as he saw who was on the other side of the door his face fell to a look of complete disgruntlement and he yanked the door open. "Luxord, impeccable timing you've got."

Luxord stood staring in at Roxas. "Where is he? And don't try telling me he isn't here because his bike is parked out front."

"You're right, he's here. But we're busy at the moment. Very busy." Roxas feigned a smile and started to close the door but Luxord pushed it back in on him and made his way in. "Hey! This is my apartment, get out!"

Luxord ignored Roxas and stood staring at Axel with his arms crossed. "Church, eh? You've been gone all bloody day and you expect me to believe you've been at church? Or did you just come over here to shag all day and all night?"

Axel sighed and averted his gaze from the two blonds before him. "Look, Luxord. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. You know that. And I told you that I realized just how much Roxas meant to me…"

"Yeah, and I told you to try and get him back! And you wanted to puss around and act unsure of yourself." Luxord looked from Axel to Roxas. "And then when he finally does get balls enough to tell you how he feels, you go all "holier than thou" on him and tell him if he wants to be part of your life again he has to give up his life of debauchery! And yet here you two are looking guiltier than two little boys with chocolate covered hands and a broken cookie jar between them! You lot are the most hypocritical, confusing bunch I've ever met!"

Axel wrung his hands together and dared a glance at the blond British man. "Are you mad?"

Luxord huffed and turned his gaze back to Axel. "A bloody telephone call would have sufficed, don't you think? Instead of letting a person worry about where you were. You could have just rung me and told me you were staying after church for the hot Catholic sex."

Axel grinned widely. "Thank you Lux."

"Don't thank me you bastard. I knew this was going to happen from the beginning." Luxord winked at Axel as he turned toward the door. "Guess I just wanted to relive the old days. But those days are dead and gone. You just don't have the passion with me anymore." He paused at the door and smirked at Roxas. "Sorry if I pissed you off, but I couldn't help myself. I care about that kid. But the longer he was away from you, the clearer it became to me that you were the one his heart really beat for. I'll stay out of your way from now on."

Roxas watched in awe as Luxord stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He turned his eyes to Axel and sighed. "Well, that was interesting."

Axel forced a smile and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Leave it to Luxord to ruin the mood."

Roxas grinned and turned the lock on the door. He advanced on Axel quickly and grabbed the redhead by his tie. "I don't know about all that. Just knowing that he's no longer an obstacle has got me pretty hot and bothered."

"Oh?" Axel raised an eyebrow as Roxas yanked him into the bedroom and threw him on the bed. "You sure you wanna do this? A few days ago you said…"

"Shut up Axel." Roxas tore Axel's belt open and yanked quickly at his pants. He forced the fabric off the man's legs, taking his shoes down to the ground as well. He slid his hand up the redhead's slender leg and grinned. "I could tease you, you know. Make it absolutely unbearable for you. Make you beg me for what you want most."

"Please don't." Axel reached out and yanked Roxas closer by the boy's own tie. "Teasing never got anybody anywhere."

"Says who?" Roxas smirked and pressed his index and middle finger to Axel's lips. "Suck."

Axel hesitantly opened his mouth and took the blond's fingers in with his tongue. He sucked lightly on the appendages, eyes never leaving Roxas'. But just as quickly as the boy demanded he lubricate the two digits, Roxas tore them out and smiled down at him wickedly. "You're not going to play nice, are you?"

"Oh, I'm going to be very nice. Just relax." Roxas took the two slick fingers and placed them just outside Axel's opening. He slid them in slowly and smiled at the gasp of pleasure the redhead let out. "See? That's being nice, isn't it?"

"I-if you can call it that." Axel groaned and rolled his hips against Roxas' two probing fingers. "But I get the feeling you're going to be getting a bit more devious."

Roxas made a tsk sound and grinned as he lowered his head to Axel's growing length. "Devious? Not me. I'm just sweet and innocent, remember?" He let his tongue slide out and tauntingly licked the tip of the now fully erect member. He watched and heard as a shiver struck through Axel and he couldn't stop from repeating his action in hopes of enticing another wonderful whimper. "Of course, if you'd rather I stop altogether, I can. I understand if you don't trust me…" Roxas smiled and pulled his fingers from their exploration of his lover.

"No!" Axel lurched forward and grabbed Roxas by the cuff of his sleeve. "I trust that you won't be too cruel. But why wait when you can take me now?"

"Where's the fun in that? Why not prolong it?" Roxas knelt above the older man and smiled down at him. "You've been away for so long, I want to have you as long as I can."

"Roxas, you have me for the rest of forever." Axel pressed his hand to the blond's face and looked up at him with sincerity in his eyes. He realized now that this was less about sex for Roxas and more about reclaiming what he didn't want to lose again. "All sexiness and foreplay aside, this is real. It won't be snatched away. We have the rest of our lives to be together so don't you worry about that anymore. We have the rest of our lives to have sex. But its been a long week. Right now, I kinda just want to hold you in my arms."

Roxas stared down at Axel in awe a moment before smiling and nodding slowly. "Alright."

Axel sighed happily and pulled Roxas to lay on the bed beside him. He wrapped his arms tightly around the blond and kissed his forehead gently. "I love you Roxas."

"I love you too." Roxas smiled and nuzzled his face into Axel's chest. Before long he was able to drift off to sleep.