A/N: I am SO sorry! I had no intention of not updating this for so long…but stuff just happened and well, here we are. I am quite sorry and I hope this helps some. I really will try to get another chapter up with in the week…that is the plan. Though, I can't promise it, cause who knows. Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own.

A/N2: For those of you who are reading 'A Family's Beginnings' I'm here to apologize for the serious lack of updates. I'm just stuck. I know where I want the story to end up at…but I'm having a problem actually getting it there. I'm struggling big time. I will finish it though. That I can guarantee. Just have patience with me. Thanks. Also, if anyone out there is a One Tree Hill fan, I've added a couple stories that I've written for there to my profile here. Just to mix it up some. Enjoy your day!

--

January 22, 1990

Luke lay in his room at Rachel's house wide awake. It was nearing six am and he hadn't slept more than thirty minutes all night. Lorelai's words kept rolling around in his head. Over and over again until he couldn't take it anymore. He finally threw his legs over the side of the bed and rested his arms on his knees, head in his hands.

The conversation he had with her, the words that she had calmly but emotionally spoke wouldn't leave the forefront of his mind.

"You have to come home Luke," Lorelai continued a tear slipping from her eye. "Your dad is sick. And it's bad."

"What do you mean he's sick?" Luke asked, his voice shaking.

"I…" Lorelai paused and wiped away a tear from her cheek. "I wasn't supposed to find out. I was working in the store, just helping out, and the doctor's office to either confirm an appointment or call with some tests results, I'm not even sure now. I can't remember. But I cornered your dad about it. Made him tell me everything."

"And what did that everything include? Lorelai?"

Her eyes were focused on her lap, on her fingers that were clenched together in what Luke could only imagine as nervousness or distress.

He spoke again, quieter this time, "Lorelai? Please you have to tell me…"

"It's cancer."

Those two words stopped Luke in his tracks.

"What?"



"They found a tumor is his colon," Lorelai said quickly, "Apparently he's known about it for awhile and hasn't said anything. That is the reason he's been so tired and sluggish the last year or so. He's been on some experimental treatment."

"Experimental treatment?"

"Yeah," Lorelai nodded, her eyes still not meeting his. "The treatments have stopped working though and the cancer is spreading. They can't stop it."

"How long?"

The words surprised Lorelai and for the first time in nearly ten minutes she finally looked at Luke. He repeated the question.

"Lorelai, how long?"

"Luke…"

"Lorelai."

"Honestly," she said with a deep breath, "I don't know."

"You don't?"

"No, and that is the honest truth," she said with a reassuring squeeze of his hand. "Liz doesn't know."

"Wait, what?"

"He didn't want me to tell anyone," she answered honestly, "but I fought him and told him if I found you that I was going to tell you. That you deserved to know the truth."

"How?"

"How what?"

"How did you find me?"

"Well…"

"Let me guess," Luke said with a smirk, "Miss Patty and her ability to pick up phone lines."

"It was the only thing I could think of."

Luke paused for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. "Thank you."

"It was nothing…"

"No, it really was. I needed to know and you made sure that I did. That means a lot to me."

Lorelai could feel her cheeks burning and was glad that Luke wasn't looking at her. She just smiled, "Are you going to come back with me?"

Luke hesitated.



"Luke, you'll regret it if you don't."

"I know that," he answered a little more gruffly than he'd intended. "Sorry, I just don't know if I can yet. I mean…"

"I understand," Lorelai answered. "Think about it though, okay. My flight leaves at three tomorrow afternoon and I'd really like for you to be on it."

"I'll think about it."

"Okay," Lorelai said, "that is all I can ask for."

And now he knew that he had that decision to make. He could either man up and go home today with Lorelai, be there for his father and sister, and deal with everything or he could stay, wrapped up in the little world he'd created here. He knew what he should do.

But he couldn't say he was ready to do that.

Right now he couldn't say what he was going to do, or what he might be ready to deal with.

--

So I did it Maddie, I told him. About William. Not about anything else…or about…gah, how pathetic is this? I'm rambling to my diary, who, can't talk, so can't ramble back. I'm a nut case, I swear it. But anyways…he now knows about his dad.

It broke my heart telling him. I just wanted to take the pain away from him, but I was the one causing it. What a horrible feeling to have. I know he needed to know. I didn't have a choice. But it still hurt all the same. I hope he comes back with me today.

I just don't know if he will. Usually I can read him no problem. I can tell by the look in his eyes and the way his smirk raises to a side what is going on in that head of his. But not last night. And it was probably the night I would have wanted to have that intuition the most. But it wasn't there. He was so guarded, so…withdrawn.

I know he's got to have a ton of stuff running around in his head. I can't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling. I mean, I'm close to William; I love him like a father, but…

But he's not my father.

And I didn't lose my mother either.

Well, at least not in the way that Luke lost his. My heart breaks for him Maddie; it just keeps cracking and cracking. I don't know what to do to make it any better either. I'm not sure there really is anything I could do.

Being in love with him sure is hard. I just wish I could wrap my arms around him and take all his pain away. I'd much rather be hurting myself than to watch someone I care about so deeply hurt. I'd do the same for Rory, or Mia, or Liz, or even William. Especially William.

I wish I knew what to do.



Can't my fairy godmother just pop up from the floorboards and help me out here? That would surely make my life just a little bit better. But life isn't a fairy tale and we don't have fairy godmothers that are able to wave their magic wand and fix the problems of life.

Nope, we are instead left to deal with the problems and frustrations of life on our own. And that seems impossible most days.

I'm really hoping though that Luke can deal with this and come home with me. I need him there and so does William. And Liz too, even if she might not know it yet.

They need to be a family right now and not one that is spread across states.

I know he's hurting. I get that. But still…

Am I being heartless? I don't think I am, but it may come across that way if someone were to pick this up. He was stood up at the altar, his heart broken, and now I want him to come home and deal with his family. Is that too much to be asking? Is it?

I wish you could answer me Maddie. I'm sure you'd just be full of wisdom and maybe some answers and I wouldn't be sitting here, pondering, rather clueless on what to do.

I should probably go help Rachel with breakfast. Well, at least keep her company. I'm going to be sad that I'm leaving her; she's become a great friend over the last day or so. It is going to be hard without her around.

I guess we'll just have to keep in touch and maybe I can convince her to come back to Stars Hollow. I guess that is next on my to-do list.

--

"So," a very chipper Rachel greeted a groggy Luke, "how was your night?"

Luke grunted; his only response and Rachel glared at her warily.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Don't ask."

"Luke?"

"I had a rough night okay," he told her, "can we please drop it?"

"Eh, sure," she answered with a shrug. "Sorry…"

"It isn't your fault."

"Yes it is," she argued, "at least partially. I mean, I'm the one that basically forced you to go out with Lorelai last night. If it didn't go well…"

"My dad is dying."



The silence that filled the room was enough to make even the calmest person nervous as Rachel stopped breathing.

"What?"

"Lorelai came to get me to come home," Luke stated, "because dad is sick. He's dying."

"But…how, when?"

"I don't know. Lorelai doesn't know many details either. She found out by mistake and forced dad to fill her in and then told him he didn't have a choice and she was going to find me and tell me. He didn't want anyone to know. Liz doesn't know…"

"Oh Luke, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah."

"So you're going to go back with her right?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean by that? You have too."

"No I don't."

"Luke, he's your dad. You need to be there for him."

"I don't know if I can go back yet."

"Luke, you have too."

"I know I should…"

"Yeah, you really should."

"But…"

"I can't believe you Luke! I can't. Your dad needs you. Your sister and nephew need you. And as much as you might not want to admit it, you need them. Go home Luke. Spend time with your family while you still can."

"But Rachel…"

"Not buts. I'm not allowing you to stay in this house anymore after today if you decide to not fly back with Lorelai tonight. You wanna stay; you can find somewhere else to sleep."

Rachel slammed the door to the outside porch behind her as she left the room and Luke sank down into the stool as tears streamed down his face.

She was right and he knew it.

He needed to go home.



He just didn't know if he wanted to.

--

Part of me wants to kill him. I'm not going to lie about that. I can't believe it…he is so pig-headed and stubborn and…AH!

I'm thankful for Rachel. At least she tried. And kicked him out. That was funny.

But he's not coming back. At least not yet. I don't understand what his problem is. But it is off my conscience now. I can't let myself deal with his problems anymore. It's so draining. I have my own stuff I have to deal with and William is a part of that for me too.

William is his father. Hopefully that starts to mean something to him soon. But…if it doesn't, well, he'll be the one to have the regret buried deep inside of him for the rest of his life.

I'm not going to carry any of that guilt around. I did what I could. I tried. That is all I could do.

It is.

GAH! I'm so frustrated with him. And the harder I try not to think about it or dwell on it, the more his face pops into my head.

This is all probably because I care about him so much…that is the reason it is just killing me that he was so stupid. What an ass.

I have to believe though that he'll be here soon.

I'm praying I'm right. That is the only thing I can do right now. Pray and hope.

--

I know…I know…trust me…Luke is being a jerk and I realize it. It just sorta happened. Review and let me know what you think? Thanks!