A/N: Don't hate me…please don't hate me! It really isn't on purpose that I haven't updated, I've just been hitting brick walls in this story and 'A Family's Beginnings' and I'm SO sorry! But, I'm here with another chapter. And I'm hoping to have the next chapter of 'A Family's Beginnings' done soon too. Just don't hate me, please!

Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is not my personal property. A sad day for me.

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April 29, 1990

The wind whipped around her hair and the coolness nipped at the end of her nose. It was cold and gray and the drizzling rain was enough to make her even more depressed than she was already. It was fitting though, the rain, she knew, to have it rain today. It was colder than normal, but she didn't care, she really couldn't feel it anymore anyways.

Her feet hurt, the black heels squeezing her toes together in the most uncomfortable way, but she didn't dare to open her mouth in complaint. It wasn't the place or the time for it. She couldn't help but want to kick them off and run barefoot though.

Her fingers were wrapped securely through those of her daughter's and she stared up at a sea of black. It was almost as if her mind was disconnected from what actually was going on around her. Her eyes looked up and fell on him standing across from her. His eyes were drawn to the wooden box that sat in front of them, and she could feel the tears in his eyes without seeing them.

She didn't want to be there.

Lorelai was caught off guard when the reverend said "Amen" and looked up to see the group of people slowly moving away. All except for him.

"Miss Patty?" Lorelai whispered to the older woman standing next to her, "can you take Rory?"

Miss Patty nodded, dabbing her make-up covered eyes with a lace kerchief. Lorelai handed Rory's hand to Patty's and kissed her forehead quickly. Lorelai stood in her spot, nodding sadly to the people who passed her by offering their condolences. She hated received the sympathetic glances and knew the whispers were floating into the air. It was nearly too much to take.

It wasn't until everyone had left them alone did she move closer to him. She didn't offer any words, knowing there weren't really any to offer, and just threaded her arm through his.

"What am I going to do?" his voice cracked when he spoke. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

Lorelai didn't say anything, because really, there wasn't anything for her to say anything. She just let him continue talking.

"I'm going to shut the store down for awhile," he offered, "maybe forever, I'm not sure. But…"

"It isn't your passion," she finished, "I get that."

"Am I disgracing him?" he asked, "shutting it down?"

"No Luke," she assured him with a quick squeeze on his arm, "you aren't disgracing him. He wouldn't want you to be stuck in something you didn't want to do."

"I guess," Luke shrugged, "maybe I'll do some traveling."

"Really?" Lorelai asked, unable to hide the disappointment that she felt. "Where would you go?"

"I don't know," Luke told her honestly, "but I think I just need to get out of here."

"Oh."

"I just don't know if I can stay here."

"I understand."

"I've got to go," Luke said suddenly separating himself from Lorelai's embrace, "I'll talk to you later."

"Are you going back to the Inn for the…"

"No," he declared, "I'm just going to go home. Don't tell anyone, okay? I couldn't deal with anymore sympathy today."

"Okay."

"Bye."

And with that he was gone. Lorelai walked quickly back into town and to the Inn. She didn't let herself think about what would happen if Luke actually left.

April 30, 1990

So, it's the day after the funeral and I'm still having a hard time really adjusting. It's only been a week since I got the call at work…

I still can't believe it. I mean, he was fine. Or at least that is what we all thought. He seemed to be getting better, but then he was gone. Suddenly.

It's hit Luke pretty hard, but I knew that was coming. I mean, he…he hasn't been the same since it happened, not that she thought he would. No one did. But I don't think that anyone expected for William to die. Or at least didn't want to believe it was possible. The town is mourning.

I'm afraid for Liz too. She seems to have…I don't know, loose it? Which I realize seems a little mean, but I'm only being honest. I worry about her and Jess…I can't help it. I'm a worrier.

And Rory…

I don't even know how I'm going to do this…

She seems to be doing okay…but…I don't know. And that scares me. I mean, she's my daughter, I should be able to tell what she is feeling, shouldn't I?

I think so. But I don't. And that is killing me. Killing me.

Because I feel as if I'm turning into my mother, which would be the worst thing ever to me. But my mother didn't understand me and never could and now our relationship is more strained than anything mother-daughter relationship I've never known.

I refuse to allow that to happen. But I feel as if Rory is slipping away, already and she isn't even in middle school yet.

I don't know what to do about it though.

She needs to open up to me some. I'm not sure why she is so closed mouthed all the sudden. For the most part she is a rather open and funny little girl. The last week has taken a toll on her.

Lorelai looked up from her diary for a moment to wipe the tear away from her cheek. It had been a long couple of days and she was feeling it in her entire body. Glancing at the clock she threw her head back against her pillow and groaned. It was going to be another night of little sleep as the clock glowed bright at two-thirty.

Setting the cherished book aside she slipped farther down into her comforter and flipped off the light. Grabbing the extra pillow that was on her bed and cradling it to her chest she closed her eyes tight to will herself into sleep.

--

Lorelai felt the bed sink down under the weight of someone else as she slept and it pulled her out of the restless sleep she was trying to get. Another head met hers on the pillow she was resting on and her eyes finally opened.

"Luke?" she questioned when she was met with his stunning eyes, "what are you…"

"I wanted to talk to you," he whispered and propped his head up with his arm, "I hope you don't mind that I used my key."

"No," she answered quickly and worked on pulling herself up. "What time is it?"

"About four," he told her in a very nonchalant type of way, something that wasn't usual for him, especially this week. "I know it's early, but I didn't want to wait."

"Are you okay Luke?"

"I'm not sure Lorelai," he said with a groan, "I want to be…but this hit me. I knew it was coming but I still feel as if I was run over by a truck and I hate it."

"Luke…"

"No," he stopped her shortly, "I really do need to get away from here, from the stares and sympathetic gestures."

"They just want you to know that they are there for you," Lorelai argued, "they love you."

"They are crazy."

"No they aren't."

"I can't stay Lorelai," Luke persisted, "not right now."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not totally sure yet."

"Luke…"

"I'll let you know though," he assured her, "as soon as I get wherever that is."

"You're leaving now, aren't you?" she asked, "that is why you came and woke me up."

"Yeah," he confirmed, "I wanted to get out of here with the smallest amount of questions and figured the middle of the night would be best."

"That makes sense."

"I'll be back Lorelai."

"You don't know that," she whispered as he went to stand up. "So don't promise that, okay?"

"But I do know that."

"How?"

"Because," he said with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders, "I couldn't leave you forever."

"Luke…"

"I mean that Lorelai," Luke insisted and leaned down close to her ear, "you've become a part of me."

"Luke…"

"I'll call you," he said, "I promise. Bye Lorelai."

"Bye Luke," Lorelai answered with a sadness she wasn't about to mask. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will," he agreed and then paused for just a second. Before she knew it his lips were pressed against hers in a short kiss. With another whispered, "Don't go anywhere," he was gone. Leaving Lorelai to stare after him in complete shock.

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A/N: Ya'll hate me, don't you. I knew it.