Disclaimer- Thank you J.K. Rowling for granting this indulgence.

Author's Note- long chapter, we are nearing the end.

Date Modified-February 4, 2010

Kindling

Hole In My Heart


~*~

A nervous nausea washed over Hermione as she padded through Godric's Hollow. The monument, the little church and its bone yard, none of it seemed quite real and somehow too real. Seeing Harry again here of all places; they nearly lost their lives that night. The fear churned in her guts, Nagini, Voldemort, the graves, Madam Bagshot's corpse. She didn't want to think about it, it was unavoidable really. Then, like now Ron had been heavy on her mind. Then she was worrying whether he had gotten home safely, and worried about Harry and how he would cope. Harry.

Standing at the gate Hermione marshalled her reserves. "Harry Potter," she spoke to the gate.

"State your business, then be gone with you." The gate answered.

"Listen here Harry Bloody Potter you come talk to me or I'll blast this gate down and come after you." Hermione shouted at the unmoving gate.

"Try it," the gate baited.

"You've been warned Harry Potter." Aiming her wand at the gate, she blasted the thing off the hinges. Stepping inside the front garden, Hermione repaired the gate. Turning back to the path, Harry was at his anger apex. There were only a couple of metres from one another. Both had their wands at their sides, staring searchingly. Harry's hair and face was a scraggly mess, and his clothes unkempt. "I haven't forgotten how to be a Gryffindor, you know."

"Taking 'no' for an answer was never your strong suit." Hermione quirked a smile at that, Harry was more than right.

"Each of us has room for improvement, I suppose." Moving with purpose toward him, "For example, you need a shave, a trim, clean clothes and something other than house slippers on your feet." Showing off her Charms' skills, she easily amended each point.

Harry hadn't had time to raise his wand to prevent her, from improving upon his current state. "Who asked you anyway. Think you are just going to turn-up out of blue-blazes and..." waving his hand feebly trying to admonish and make his point to his old friend.

"I missed you Harry." She took his hand. "I want to talk to you, and I think you should listen."

"You do, do you?" Thin lips tightened, Harry turned and returned to the interior leaving Hermione to follow.

The shades were pulled down making it extremely dark on the inside, once Hermione opened them she was left in disbelief at the squalid condition Harry was living in. She couldn't begin to describe it. Merlin, this place isn't fit for man nor beast. Hermione knew that Harry could clean the house in a trice, so why was it so dirty, filthy actually?

The Saviour of the Wizarding World flopped down on what was probably a sofa given its size and shape. "Harry I'm back in the country permanently. Can I help you in some way?"

"I could have helped you Hermione, but you didn't come to me; why should I trust my vulnerable state to you?" Harry sneered to hide his hurt. The hurt had been his constant companion since that mid-spring day when she point-blank refused to talk to him, then her masterful evasion when he turned up in the dungeons. If she'd only have talked to him, Harry had beat that dead horse time and time again. It had not done him any good then, it seemed reasonable that it would not help him now. Hermione was on the verge of saying something but the churning emotion behind Harry's eyes broke loose. Harry stood, "I've got a news bulletin for you Hermione Granger. You were like a sister to me, one I failed," pointing a stiff finger into his chest. When you left, no goodbye, no see you later, have you any idea what that was like for me? It was worse than my parents dying; I never got to know them, I didn't struggle with them for life, knowing that I could count on them when all else failed. Despised all of my life, all of it Hermione; you and the Weasleys were the best and worse thing that ever happened to me. You all, filled a huge hole in my heart," Harry pounded his fist into his chest. "Then in one fell swoop had it all taken away from me. Gone, both of you... I could have helped Hermione. I regret that I didn't break into Snape's stores and steal some Veritaserum and make you tell me. I thought...you know what I thought." Harry wiped his running nose on the sleeve of his shirt.

Hermione was calm if tearful. "Have some perspective, I didn't know who did it. It could have been you, how was I to know?" Harry made a derisive noise and Hermione countered. "No Harry, think about it. I was raped by someone in Gryffindor Tower, I was knocked-out with no idea who did it. It could have been any of my male house-mates. What do you think I was going through, I couldn't be sure who it was, if there had been a chance of pregnancy or if anyone believed me? No one, not me or anyone else would want to believe that of a friend or house-mate."

"How come you didn't confide in Ginny?" Harry spat, "if you couldn't trust me."

"Do you think Ginny would have been receptive to the possibility that you, Ron or Neville could have done something like that? If you do, then I don't what makes you so sure. Her brother Harry...Okay, listen to me Harry; if I had targeted someone, used my status as Head Girl to extract sexual favours from say Neville, do you think you could have readily believed it of me. More to the point Harry would you have believed Neville, and stood by Neville if I had chosen to deny it? It had been a mercy that Ron confessed." Stepping closer to Harry to place a hand on his shoulder, "I didn't know it hadn't been you."

"That's ridiculous, I'd never..." Harry countered.

"Would you have thought Ron was capable of doing what he did? That wasn't a spur of the moment decision, that was planned Harry. And Harry do you know that Ron had never pressured me for sex?" Directing his face back toward her, "I'm sorry Harry, I'm sorry for everything. You were like a little brother to me."

Harry's face twitched, "little is it?" Standing a little straighter Harry was at least two decimetres taller than her.

"You know what I mean." They embraced, both shaking from emotion. The years apart melted away as they held each other. "Harry, I am so sorry."

"Me too." Harry cleared his throat. "Have you seen Ginny yet?"

"No, she's next on my list." Hermione admitted.

Letting go of Hermione he studied her features, "list?"

Harry was in for many surprises. "When I got back from the States, I went to drop my stuff off at Hogwarts."

Harry interrupted, "Hogwarts?"

"Make us some tea, hmm?" Hermione grinned at Harry remembering himself. She followed him into the kitchen and began her explanation. "I will be taking Flitwick's position as Charms teacher."

"Awfully big shoes to fill." They both laughed.

"Yes, the term hasn't even started and it is already apparent to me that I have a lot to learn." Laughing at her own high-strung approach.

"Back to the list." Harry poured the tea.

"I go to Hogwarts and drop my stuff off. I asked Severus to go with me to visit my parents. The whole time- "

Harry closed his eyes and turned his head, "wait." Hand at shoulder-level as though wanting to grip something that wasn't there. "Snape, what?"

"Before you get excited just listen, then I'll let you stomp and shout and ask all sorts of impertinent questions." Giving his arm a little shake, he looked at her biting on his lips to keep from saying anything. She explained about the letters and her fear that she was truly all alone in the world. Now that was settled she needed to see him. "You'll know that I need to see Ginny now that I have had a chance to talk to you." Eye-balling him cautiously as she preceded. "After I see Ginny, then my next stop is Ronald."

Harry looked hard at his tea cup then threw it- tea and all against the wall. He turned his back and left the kitchen.

"Listen to me Harry," Hermione followed him. "Harry, I need closure. I just need to say my peace, that's all. Harry, I want to be whole again." Laying a hand on his arm, "Harry, I need this."

Harry looked lost, "first Snape and now Ron. I don't know what to think."

"See here Harry James Potter, Severus has been my support system from day one." Holding a finger in illustration. Harry was about to protest. "Yes, I know Harry. I know you would have been there for me, and I know that now. I know you care about me and that means so much to me. Now if you'll let me continue, Severus and I quite close though...it felt right."

Pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting his eyes shut, "I'm sure I don't want to know but by close you mean..."

"Yes Harry, Severus and I are intimate. I'm not asking you to fall in love with the man." Hermione amused at her mental images.

"He was such an ass, unless he's changed a lot I can't imagine him making Witch Weekly's Top 1000 Eligible Wizards List." Harry found the situation incomprehensible.

"Harry," Hermione was trying not to grin. "No, Severus is as Severus always is; smug, extremely clever, quiet and intense." Harry groaned hearing that last bit.

"He's old enough to be your father Hermione, and that's no joke." Shaking his head in disbelief, he padded back to the kitchen to get another cup of tea and clean up the previous. "I don't get it." Putting that out of his mind for the moment he resumed sipping from his cup, "when you visit Ronald would you like me to go?"

"No, I think I need to be alone for that. If it would be all right with you, can I come see you when I'm through?" Chuckling sadly, "I'll probably be a mess."

"Of course. I don't expect you'll want to talk about it but if you do, I'll listen." Harry pulled her to him, "I went to see him too. You're lucky you left the country when you did, it was a mess here. Rita got in my face and I hexed her." Hermione made a noise of shock. "Oh yeah, it was quite satisfying. After all she put me through during the Tri-Wizard, it's the least she deserves." Her knit beret tickled his nose. "I know I didn't say anything before about it, but you look great. Quite an improvement over last time I saw you."

"That isn't a stretch. I expect everyone was a little surprised at my Head's speech. The entire student body and teachers probably thought I was piss drunk." Hermione shrugged modestly, "I'd do it all over again." Wiping her eyes, "Harry I need to go. I think I need a nap."

"You're going?" Harry did not look happy. "You just got here."

Looking at her watch, "I arrived in Godric's Hollow four hours ago. Harry, I will be back. Clean your house, it looks like it needs a good scrubbing." With a hug and a kiss Hermione was on her way.

~*~


Author's Note Thank you everyone for reading. Until next chapter. VS