I own nothing because I suck at life.

3

bpov

I'm still laying on my office floor crying my heart out. Edward. He's so fucking stubborn. He knows the truth. He fucking knows it. But here I am. Broken.

My door suddenly swings wide open and I look up to see Emmett.

Thank God.

He slams the door shut behind him and rushes over to me. He swoops down and picks me up, cradling me in his arms. He just sits there and rocks me back and forth.

And I let it out.

I scream, I cry, I beat his chest. I let it out. But Emmett keeps holding me, keeping silent.

My sobs start to die down, but the tears keep falling. Emmett stands up still cradling me, bends to grab my purse, then walks out of my office.

I should be so embarrassed being seen by my staff like this. I should be, but I could give a shit less. I bury my face in Emmett's chest while he carries me.

I hear the elevator door shut but I could still care less. Privacy means nothing right now. It doesn't matter; Edward does. My broken heart does. He walks us out of the elevator and through the parking garage. He opens the passenger door and puts me in the car, handing me my purse.

He gets into the driver side and drives me home. We keep silent the whole way; tears still streaming from my eyes. I'm not seeing anything. I'm not processing anything.

Edward.

I feel Emmett picking me up, but I'm not even processing it.

I hear him unlock my door, swing my door open, and shut it behind him. And still nothing.

I just blank out from reality.

Unseeing, unhearing. Just dazed.

When I come to, my eyes are shut but I can still feel tears falling from my eyes. I open my eyes and see that we're in my bedroom. Emmett is still holding me but has fallen asleep.

It's dark outside. I roll over and look at my alarm clock and see that it's 11:32 at night. Damn. As silently as possible I slip out of bed, trying to not disturb Emmett.

I walk into my bathroom and look in the mirror. My face is red and puffy. It's soaked from hours of tears. My coloring is extremely pale. I'm still in my work clothes, minus the suit jacket. My shirt is untucked in some places. My clothes are wrinkled. I look how I feel.

I splash my face with cool water and dry my face off. But it gets wet right away again. Tears are still falling. My brain must be determined to shed every single tear my body possesses. I silently creep into my living room and look around.

It's dark in here but I don't want light. Dark is fitting me perfectly right now.

Then someone knocks on my door. Must be Rosalie looking for Emmett. Where the hell is her key?

I open the door without looking to see who it is. And it sure as hell isn't Rosalie.

My breath hitches when I come face to face with Edward. He stumbles into my apartment without even a word. He's obviously drunk. He walks into my living room and looks around.

He walks up to my shelves and looks at all of my pictures. Times with Emmett and Rosalie. Times with Jasper. And times with Edward's sister, Alice. I don't see her often, she reminds me so much of Edward it hurts. But she's a great person and I couldn't bear cutting her out of my life.

I keep silent, waiting. I don't know what he wants. Then he speaks so quietly I can barely hear him.

"In a perfect world, these would all be pictures of us."

Tears start falling from my eyes faster. He's right. In a perfect world, that's how it would be.

He turns to face me and speaks a little higher.

"In a perfect world, we would be together. As we should be."

I just remain silent and shake my head. He must get off on torturing me. Wet dreams or something. Because that's what he's doing. He's torturing me.

"Bella, why? Why wasn't I enough for you? Why did you do that to me? Why?"

I slowly walk towards him keeping my voice quiet.

"I never did it. You were most definitely enough for me. You're what I needed, what I need. I don't know how to get you to believe me. If I could get you concrete proof, I would have done that years ago. Saved myself the heart ache."

I look down and shake my head.

"What are you doing here, Edward? What do you want from me?"

He shrugs.

"I don't know. I shouldn't be here. I'm married. To death do us part and all that bullshit."

He sounds so bitter when he repeats his vows.

"Edward, do you believe me?"

Like an idiot, I'm slightly hopeful. It would make sense. Why he's all bitter.

"I'm going to be honest my Bella. I really fucking want to. A part of me does, I think. Or I could be blinded by love. Who fucking knows. It's hard for me to imagine Tanya doing such a thing. I've known her my whole life. She's always been so elegant and respectful. But there's obviously another side to her.

At the bar it was obvious she was trying to get a rise out of you. Like a sick pleasure. That's not the Tanya I know. On the other hand, it's almost harder to imagine you doing such a thing. My selfless, beautiful Bella. My angel.

All of your points make sense, too. Like you said, you were about to be swimming in money. Drowning in it. Why would you sell that information to a tabloid? Why would you ruin our wedding day? And you're such a loving and selfless creature. I can't imagine you going out of your way to hurt anyone. Except Tanya.

But that's what gets me. When you're around Tanya, I see another side of you. A side I've never known. I've never known you to raise your hand to another person. The Bella I know is against violence."

I shake my head.

"If the situation were reversed you would do the same fucking thing. That woman stole all that mattered to me. She shattered me. Ruined your future, ruined mine. Her doing something so horrible not only to me, but to you as well. I would have done it even if you did believe me."

He sits down on my couch and puts his face in his hands. His shoulders start to shake. He's crying.

I remain planted in the middle of my living room. He starts to speak into his hands but I can hear him perfectly.

"I just don't know, Bella. I just.. I just want you. But I can't have you. I'm married. I'm fucking married. I should be with you. You said earlier that I have everything. I don't; I don't have you. I don't have the woman that's really in my heart. Dammit, I should be with you!"

I just stand there in shock. He's openly admitting he should be with me.

Then I hear a loud thump in my bedroom. Emmett must have fallen out of bed. Edward looks at me, his face has a mix of anger and sadness.

"Bella, do you have a man here?"

His voice falters.

"It's Emmett. He brought me home and stayed with me."

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. He flicks the light on and is instantly pissed when he sees Edward sitting on my couch.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Edward starts to speak but I interrupt.

"Emmett, we're talking. Can we be alone, please?"

He glares at me.

"Fuck no you can't be alone! I just scraped you off of your office floor. You were unresponsive to me for five fucking hours! I was worried I was going to have to take you to the hospital or some shit!"

I'm my brother's soft spot. There's no Emmett without Bella, and vice versa. And I could hear the pain in his voice. He was hurting right along with me. And I had scared him. He wants to be here to protect me.

"Emmett, please. I love you so much and I appreciate everything you did for me today. But Edward and I need to talk. I know you want to protect me. And I understand that after what you saw today, there isn't a chance in hell you're going to leave me alone with him. But I need this, Emmett."

He looks into my eyes and sees how much I need this. And he gets it. He can't deny me this. He nods then turns to Edward.

"I swear to Jesus, God, the virgin Mary, and whoever the hell else is up there that if I come back out here to find her catatonic again you're ass is mine, Cullen! The previous ass kickings will be nothing compared to this. And I'll enjoy every minute of my jail sentence for it. You got it?"

Edward knows he's serious. He looks Emmett dead in the eye.

"If I ever cause Bella to be in such a state ever again, I'll gladly welcome the blows. Welcome death honestly."

Emmett glares, and sends me a fleeting look while he turns around and heads back to my bedroom. He stomps his way to my bedroom then slams the door shut.

I look at Edward, and we just stare at each other.

"Bella.."

He shakes his head and looks down at his hands.

I need to say something but I don't know what so I just decide to keep quiet. Let him work out whatever it is he's working out in his head.

After about five minutes of silence he finally speaks in a whisper.

"I don't know, Bella. I don't fucking know. You told me last night that it should be considered a sin to love someone else while making those vows. That my marriage is a lie. That I'm living a lie. And you're right. Every fucking minute of my life is a lie. And you have no idea how hard it is.

And the wondering. The last two years every day I've been wondering. Did she really do this to me? Is she ok? Is she safe and warm? Is she with someone? I drive myself crazy with questions. It's torture, Bella. It's fucking torture.

But I can't just turn away. Turn my back on those vows. How can I face myself in the mirror and know that I made a solemn vow before God and just walked away from it?"

I take a deep, steadying breath before I speak in the same quiet tone he was speaking in.

"Those vows are a lie already. To love and to cherish? You don't love her and you don't cherish her. To honor and obey? She doesn't honor you. She ruined you. Your vows are phony, Edward.

You and I both know that if it were me that you made those vows to, you would never question them. You wouldn't be at another woman's house at midnight questioning them. You would be at home with me in your arms, complete. Happy. There isn't anywhere else in the world you would want to be.

With me in your arms, you're the man you want to be. Those vows that you cling to? They would be honest. You would be the honest man you were raised to be. You wouldn't front this false sense of happiness. You wouldn't have to."

He sighs and starts playing with his wedding ring.

"You got anything to drink?"

He's already drunk as it is. And I'm sure he won't be staying here tonight.

"Edward, I think you need to be cut off. I'm assuming you're driving home tonight. How about a cup of coffee?"

He looks at me and rolls his eyes.

"How is that fun?"

I giggle. For the first time in five years I actually giggle.

"It's not supposed to be. It's supposed to be safe. Last thing you need is to kill your volvo. I'm pretty sure you would be devestated."

He let out a deep, throaty chuckle. A sound that has haunted my dreams, haunted me. But it's such a sweet sound.

"You're probably right. That car is like my first born child or something."

Edward and I bust out laughing and Emmett walks into the living room looking stunned.

"This is a sight for sore eyes."

Then he grins. There's a spark that returned to Emmett's eyes, a sight I haven't seen since the day Edward and I broke up. I feel a wave of guilt for all that I had put him through these past years. After the wedding he was never the same, much like me.

"It's good to have you back, Emmett."

I could see Edward shoot me a questioning glance in the corner of my eye, but Emmett and I just smile at each other. Really just smile, for the first time in forever.

"It's good to finally see you, too little sister. I've missed you."

My eyes well up with tears.

"I've missed me, too."

He walks forward and engulfs me in one of his big bear hugs. I cling to him for dear life. My brother is back, I'm back. All I need is Edward back. And he's five feet away from me, probably confused as hell sitting on my couch.

Emmett buries his face in my hair and I hear him sniffle. Emmett Swan doesn't cry. He doesn't get scared, he doesn't get sad. Emmett Swan has two emotions, happy and pissed.

I run my fingers through his curly locks in order to soothe him. He rocks us sideways for a few minutes, just calming down.

He puts me down and brushes my hair out of my face.

"I love you, little sister."

A tear falls from my eye.

"I love you, too big brother."

He smiles so wide, it's enough to kick start my heart.

"Well, I think you'll be ok for the night. I'm going to head home, Rosalie is probably worried."

I nod.

"You should have called her."

He looks at me like I'm crazy.

"And just when, oh mighty sister of mine, when I have done that? Don't even try to answer that because you probably don't even remember the past five hours. Now, I'm going home and getting some ass. It's been a long ass two days."

I crinkle my nose up.

"Ew, Em. I do not need to know that."

He grins at me.

"Sure you do. Everyone does!"

I swat his back as he walks out my door.

"Behave, Isabella!"

I roll my eyes.

"You're one to talk, Emmett Swan!"

I shut my door, still smiling.

I look over at Edward and he looks like a lost puppy.

"What just happened?"

I laugh then look down, sobering up.

"You and I were not the only ones affected that day, Edward. Emmett was never the same. He's had the weight of the world on his shoulders for five years. Emmett came back to me tonight. The real Emmett."

He smiles sadly and looks down.

"I know what you mean, Bella. I can see Alice fighting frowns every time she sees me."

"Well, it doesn't have to be this way, Edward. We can be together. Have a family. Be happy. Be fucking happy for once, you know? I haven't smiled a real smile in so long. Haven't really laughed. Or played. We can have that again."

He looks at me sadly.

"I can't, Bella."

Tears return to my eyes. I walk forward and kneel in front of him.

"Then why are you here?"

He sniffles, fighting tears.

"Because I love you."

I squeeze my eyes shut. Tears still escape.

"If you loved me, you would be with me. You wouldn't do this to me. You wouldn't be here torturing me. Because that's what you're doing. You're here, but you're just out of reach.

And let me tell you, Edward. I've got it now. You're never going to leave Tanya. And I'm just the hopeless fool who fell into your trap once again."

Tears are falling freely from our eyes, and neither of us move to wipe them away.

He reaches forward, grabs the back of my head, and pulls me to him. He kisses me softly.

"You're not a fool."

Kiss.

"I do love you."

Kiss.

"I don't want to torture you."

Kiss. Kiss. And more kisses. We both become frenzied in lust. He grabs my shirt, and lifts it over my head.

Kiss.

"I love you."

Kiss. He slowly slides his hands down my sides and grabs my waist. He pulls us both down onto the couch.

We begin to kiss with such passion, passion I haven't felt in five years.

I grab his shirt and lift it over his head. I return to his lips while I softly run my hands across his chest.

Suddenly, he jumps up, almost knocking me onto the floor.

"Fuck."

He walks around my living room, pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Then he looks at me. And I see such pain in his eyes. My heart broke for him, for me.

"Edward.."

All I can do is whisper. My strength is gone, my will has left me.

"Bella, I.."

Then his phone rings. He drops his head and reaches into his pocket.

"Hello."

Sigh.

"Hey, Tanya. Yeah, I'll be home soon I had a lot of work to catch up on at the office. New case."

I stand from the couch and put my shirt back on. Edward watches me, eyes glistening with tears.

"Ok, I love you, too. Bye."

I turn my back to him. I'll never be able to describe the amount of pain I feel from hearing him tell another woman he loves her.

"I've got to go."

I don't even answer him. I can't.

He sniffles while he moves around. Probably putting his shirt back on. I can hear him walking up behind me.

Then he clings to me, hugging me from behind.

We both start shaking with tears. He buries his face in my hair, while our sobs take over us.

"I do love you, Bella. So much. Always know that I love you, Bella. And you're going to make some.. someone so happy one day. And he's going to be the luckiest man in the world. But I'll always be in the shadows loving you. Always."

He kisses the spot behind my ear then releases me.

I turn around and watch him walk away. Away from me.

Drunken Edward for ya people! I'd definitely take advantage of that situation if you know what I mean ;) Let me know what ya think!