I own nothing and I'm jealous as hell of those who do own my man.. It's just not fair..

4

epov

Fuck. My. Life.

I return home to a very drunk and horny Tanya. And me being the bastard that I am, I give it to her. Hard.

I fuck out all of my frustrations. All of my pain. I try to fuck Bella out of my system.

I'm an asshole.

I can't even look at Tanya once we're done. Lucky for me, she crashed.

I should call Emmett to beat my ass. He's always happy to oblige.

Bella's eyes glossy with pain and tears flash through my mind. It should be her laying here next to me. It should be her wearing my ring. It should have been her I made those vows to.

A part of me is convinced Bella is innocent. Hurting people like I was hurt isn't in her nature. I never had questioned her love for me, and vice versa. We knew we were it for each other.

But what if I'm blinded by love? That I just really want to believe in her innocense?

Then there's Tanya. Growing up, she always did have a crush on me.

But I would have never in a million years think that she liked me so much that she would destroy my wedding day, destroy me, just to get me.

But do I know the real Tanya? Last night she was getting such a sick thrill out of torturing Bella.

God, I haven't slept in days. I'm exhausted. I turn out the lights and lay down. I close my eyes and Bella's face, her beautiful, sad face flashes through my mind. I open my eyes.

Please, love, leave me alone. Let me sleep. Please.

I close my eyes.

Bella curled up in a little ball crying on her office floor.

Bella standing in the middle of her living room crying.

Me holding Bella, telling her she'll make another man happy while we both cry.

I sit up. This isn't going to work.

I slide out of bed slowly so I don't wake Tanya. I grab my boxers off of the floor and slide them on. Then I silently walk out of our bedroom.

I have got to figure this out.

I walk into my living room and grab a scotch. I begin to pace back and forth. There has got to be some way to know once and for all who really sold that information to the tabloids.

Just how?

Do I bug my wife? What kind of husband puts a bug on his wife?

But it could work.

Jasper. Jasper will know what to do. And it's only 1:42 A.M., he may still be up. I walk into the kitchen and use the phone in there just in case Tanya wakes.

"Hello."

Damn, he was asleep.

"It's Edward. I need your help."

He sighs, I can hear movement in the background. Then I hear a door close, he must have left his bedroom.

"What's going on, Edward. Are you ok?"

Am I ok? Ok is a relative term.

"Physically."

He sighs.

"Alright, what's going on?"

"I need to know once and for all who sold that information. I need to put a bug on Tanya or something. I don't know."

"Am I speaking with Edward Cullen? Or is this some other Edward calling me at 2am?"

At first he sounds genuinely confused.

"Of course it's me, you idiot. Look, I've seen Bella a lot in the last day and a half. And let me tell you, I'm pretty sure she's innocent. But I have to know for sure. I have to know I'm not blinded by love. I can't end my marriage on her word."

Jasper sighs, once again.

"You're such a fucking idiot. You shouldn't have married Tanya in the first place. Tabloid shit aside, you weren't and still aren't over Bella. Not exactly a way to be, dude.

Bella is as innocent as they come. I already tried to contact the tabloid and find out the leak, they gave me Bella's email address. We both know in those days either of us could have opened her laptop and gone to town. She left her email open all of the time.

So, our only way of knowing the truth is to have Tanya admit it. Good luck there."

Fuck, this is impossible.

"What if I bug her, and you like tell her Bella was such a genius for doing that or something. Get her to talk."

"Edward you fucking idiot, you know that's not going to work. She knows that I would never think that. Honestly, I think she should talk to Bella. Bella is probably the only person in the world she will admit it to."

"Why the hell would Tanya admit it to Bella?"

I swear I can hear him rolling his eyes.

"Everyone believes that Bella did it, no matter what she says. We all know Tanya is cocky, she'll want to gloat. And if we left the two of them in a room alone together, you know all that shit will come out."

But Tanya could try to hurt my angel. Doesn't matter if she could pack a punch, I can't risk my angel getting hurt.

"Jazz, as much sense as that makes, you and I both know that if we leave them in a room alone for two minutes that they'll be beating the shit out of each other."

"No, Edward. I mean eventually they would probably fight but Bella would be able to speak freely. As would Tanya. No fronts or anything, because they would be alone. You and I can be near by or something, so when they start fighting we can stop it."

I jump up onto my kitchen counter, thinking.

"Jasper, is this wrong?"

"Yeah, it is. But honestly, it's your best shot at knowing the truth. I don't honestly think there is any other way. And hell, if you find out it was really Bella, which it wasn't, you can be satisfied in your choice in marrying Tanya. But if you find out it was Tanya, you can walk away from that marriage. Be with who you really love. And you won't look back."

What's weird is I'm almost more afraid of hearing Bella say she did it. I think I could hear Tanya admitting to it; I don't love her like I love Bella. I've known Tanya all of my life. She's always been there for me. Hell, she was even my prom date.

But that love will never compare to the love I feel for Bella. Nothing could ever compare to it. Without her, I feel like I can't breathe. That the next words out of her lovely mouth are the most important thing in the world to me. I simply can not exist in a world without Bella in it.

To hear Bella say such things.. it would kill me.

I inhale deeply and let out the large gust of air.

"What do I need to do?"

"First, I need you chill. I swear I can hear your mind going crazy through the phone."

Inhale. Exhale.

"Ok, Jasper, tell me what you need me to do."

"Well, first we need to come up with a way to get Tanya and Bella alone."

I racked my brain for anything. The court case?

"I'm representing Bella's firm in a case. Perhaps I could have some documents for Bella to sign but say I don't want to see her. Tell Tanya to do it for me. I'm almost positive she won't say no."

I could hear the wheels in Jasper's head turning.

"Ok, but you can't send her to Bella's office. Bella's in enough trouble at work as it is. Bring the documents home and say you had been putting it off all day because you didn't want to do it."

I nod, though he can't see me.

"That could work. She'd go to Bella's house. You be set up there, and I'll be a few minutes behind Tanya. Where the hell would we get a bug? And would we plant it on Tanya? Or at Bella's?"

Jasper is totally in his element. I can almost hear excitement in his voice. Ironing out details like this is what Jasper was made for.

"Look, I'll take care of all that. You're feeling enough guilt from all this as it is. This way, you're not planting a bug on Tanya or Bella. You're just listening. Ok?"

I sigh. He's such a good friend. He knows how much I'm beating myself over this. How I'm normally against stuff like this. Like I am now.

"You're an awesome friend, Jasper. Thank you. How much time do you need?"

"Well, it's Friday night. Give me through the weekend. Monday should be just fine. Make sure to make up some fake documents, because you know they'll never be signed. And prepare to be the world's best actor. Aside from that, let me handle everything else. Got it?"

"I got it, dude. We can iron out everything else when we play basketball Sunday, sound good?"

He chuckles.

"Yeah, let's do this with a bunch of witnesses. NO! After basketball, geez."

I roll my eyes.

"You know damn well I wasn't suggesting discussing this in front of the guys."

He chuckles.

"I know, but I couldn't resist. Now, crawl back into bed before your wife finds you. You have got to play it cool. She can't have any idea you're up to something ok?"

"I got it. Jazz, I've got one more favor.."

He pauses.

"Uh, ok. What is it?"

Searing fucking pain shoots through me as I think about tonight.

"I need you to check on Bella. Like an asshole I showed up at Bella's door drunk tonight. Emmett left while I was there all happy, believe it or not. Bella won't call him and upset him. Knowing her, she's going to front that everything is hunky dory. Will you check on her for me please?"

I can hear Jasper taking deep breaths.

"Do I need to kick your ass tonight? How was she when you left?"

I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Not good. We had some really good moments while I was there. That's why Emmett left all happy. She, of course, tried to convince me to leave Tanya and I, of course, wouldn't on just her word. So I'm sure you can figure out she wasn't doing too well when I left."

I can hear Jasper moving around in the background. Sounds like he's putting on clothes.

"God damnit, Edward! Why the hell didn't you call me sooner?! Do you have any idea how bad Bella gets over you? She loses it, dude. She doesn't sit there and cry away her sorrows. She fucking loses it.

Do you know what happened on the 1st anniversary of this shit happening?"

I scrunch my eyebrows, searching my mind.

"Uh.. no."

I can hear him throw something. Jasper is pissed.

"Edward, Emmett found Bella sitting in the middle of her living room mumbling. She kept saying 'he's gone' over and over. She drank a whole large bottle of grey goose. She trashed her place. She was surrounded by glass and trash. In fact, she was sitting on glass being cut as she rocked back and forth and she didn't even blink. Her arms and legs were bleeding; she needed 247 stitches.

She was unresponsive to us. Emmett had called me right away and nothing. We couldn't get her to even look at us. She was seeing right through us. It was the most horrifying experience of my life."

His voice starts to shake near the end, telling me he is near tears.

"I know that before yesterday you hadn't seen her in two years. But let me tell you, Edward. She has never been the same. Do you have any idea what it's like hanging out with the ghost of someone you look at as a sister? Do you? No, you fucking don't!

Emmett has to babysit her on that day every year. She's normally not allowed to even drink, so I'm surprised this whole she-bang last night happened at Antonio's. We have to watch her like she is some child. When we see her moods really start to go down, we have to watch her and sometimes hide her purse. She can't be out buying alcohol.

Do you have any idea what it's like? It fucking kills us to see her like this. And it's like her mind can't handle it. So she just blanks out from reality. She was hospitalized for a week that year."

Tears start pouring from my eyes. I had no idea. If there were ever a moment in my life that suicide sounded like a good idea, this was the moment.

"Jasper, tonight Emmett said that Bella was unresponsive for five hours. She seemed fine, sad but fine, when I showed up. But after I left, she was heart broken."

I could hear glass breaking on Jasper's end of the line.

"God damnit, Edward! Are you fucking kidding me?! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?"

I fell to my kitchen floor, tears leaking from my eyes. This is all my fault. This is all because of me. Oh God Jasper thinks something happened to her. And it's all my fault.

"I had no idea, Jazz. No idea. I'll meet you there."

I could hear him slamming a door shut, probably heading out of his house.

"What do you mean you'll meet me there?"

"I'm fucking coming. It's my fault she's like this. I've.. I've got to do something."

I run to my laundry room and grab the first clothes I see. Jeans and my favorite green hoodie. I throw them on and start looking for my keys.

"Edward, I don't think it's a good idea. I mean, what if we get her to come to and then she shuts right back down when you leave again? Because you and I both know damn well that you won't be staying with her tonight."

I grab my keys and run back to the kitchen.

"I'll stay if that's what it takes. I'm on my way. Bye."

I hang up the phone and run out of my house.

I've always been some kind of speed demon. Always had a thrill in driving fast. But tonight is some kind of record for me. I've never driven as fast as I am now. Tears are clouding my eyes, making it hard to watch the road. But I don't care. I have to get to Bella.

Bella.

Oh my God. It's all my fault. What if something happens to her? What if we find her really hurt? This is all my fault.

What Jasper told me about the one year, I think it broke my soul. Broke me to the core. What if she's like that when we get there? What if, what if, what if???

Jasper and I pull in front of Bella's house at the same time. All the lights are off as we run to her front door.

Jasper's tall figure with shaggy, blonde hair is slightly slouched as he pulls a key out and unlocks her door. We run into her living room only to come to a stop.

Bella is sitting on her couch looking at us in total shock.

"Bella?"

All I can do is whisper.

"Edward? Jasper? What are you guys doing here?"

She looks so confused. I can't help it, I run to her and pull her into my arms.

"Thank God."

She hugs me back and rubs soothing circles around my back. She rocks me back and forth while I sob.

Thank fucking God. Thank God.

She soothes me by whispering in my ear.

"Everything's going to be ok, Edward. You're alright. Shh.. It's ok, baby."

My body starts to lose tension. I bury my face in her hair and breathe her in. Strawberries. Still strawberries. My angel is here, and she is ok.

I pull back and cradle her face in my hands. She's crying, but her eyes shine with concern for me.

"What's wrong, Edward? Did something happen?"

A few more tears escape my eyes. She's just fine. I hug her again; I have to feel her. Feel that she's ok.

She starts to rock me back in forth again. Rubbing my back.

"It's ok, baby. I'm here. Everything is just fine. We'll figure it out; whatever it is. Shh.. it's ok."

I just sit there and let her soothe me.

She's the only person in this world who can soothe me. I climb up onto the couch and lay my head in her lap, hugging her waist.

She starts to run her fingers through my hair, scratching my scalp on occaision. She continues to whisper to me while I hug her waist, burying my face in her stomach.

"It's ok. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. Everything is just fine. Shh.. I've got you, baby."

After about five minutes, my exhaustion starts to catch up with me. I continue to hug her, but all of the tension is gone.

I enter the zone. Stuck somewhere between awake and asleep. I can feel and hear everything, but my eyes are asleep. My whole body is asleep.

"Jasper.." Bella whispers.

"Jasper, what happened?"

She continues running her fingers through my hair. Making sure to keep me completely calm.

Jasper responds in the same whisper Bella spoke in.

"False alarm, I guess. Edward and I were talking on the phone and he asked me to check on you. He told me some stuff about tonight and I lost it. I assumed the worst and flipped out."

Bella sighed.

"I'm fine."

Jasper doesn't respond for a minute.

"Bella.. Bella, I told him about four years ago."

She freezes. Her fingers still in my hair, her other arm still cradling the back of my head.

"Why, Jazz? It's not that big of a deal."

He sighs.

"Edward's reaction just proves that it is a big deal. I understand you don't remember most of it, but Bella it is a really big deal. You were so out of it. And, honestly, if Emmett hadn't found you, you could have bled to death.

Did they ever tell you that it took us 27 hours to get a response out of you? Did they ever tell you that they didn't even numb your cuts before they gave you stitches? Bella, you didn't even blink. You just kept mumbling 'he's gone.' I've never been so scared in my life.

And you know me. I served in Iraq, I've seen people die. But seeing you like that literally terrified me. So when Edward told me about tonight, I just lost it. He told me that Emmett had said that you were unresponsive for five hours. Of course I'm going to assume the worst.

And let me tell you something, Bella. I've seen Edward upset. I've seen him freaking out and crying before. But nothing has ever compared to the terror I saw in his eyes tonight. You mean the world to that man. You're everything to him."

Bella sniffles, but I can't do anything to soothe her tears. Let her know everything is ok. This conversation is beginning to take on a dream-like quality. And I'm just here for the show.

"Thank you, Jasper. For caring. You're just as much of a big brother to me as Emmett is."

Jasper fucking Whitlock sniffles. He fucking sniffles. Much like Emmett, Jasper prides himself on being a man of steel. He doesn't cry. He controls the situation, seeing it from all angles to find a way to fix it. He doesn't get sad and cry. )

I start to convince myself that I really am dreaming.

"I've always looked at you as my sister, Bella. Always."

They sit in silence for a while and Bella starts to run her fingers through my hair again. She's not shaking from tears anymore, just focusing on me.

After about 15 minutes of silence, Bella speaks.

"Jasper, I don't think Edward slept last night. I don't think he should drive home. As much as I hate Tanya, I wouldn't want him to get in trouble just for coming to make sure I'm ok. Do you think you could figure out a way to cover for him?"

Such an angel. After everything I've put her through, as much as she detests my marriage, she still wants to keep me out of trouble. As far as she knows, Tanya is what I want. How could I not admire an angel for protecting me when she would love nothing more than to end my marriage?

"Yeah, Bella. I'm going to my room and calling Alice. I can barely keep my eyes open now that all the adrenaline left my system. Alice will take care of it. Don't be surprised to see her in the morning. She's missed you."

Bella sniffles.

"I've missed her, too. I just cleaned your room a few days ago, all of your pajamas are clean. I put them in your closet. I think I may have thrown one of Emmett's shirts in there, too on accident. Your guy's laundry got mixed up again."

Jasper has his own room here? And Emmett does, too? Wow. I didn't know that Jasper saw Bella anymore, let alone has his own room at her house.

Jasper chuckles.

"Thanks, Bella. Sleep tight."

"You, too Jazz."

After Jasper shuts his bedroom door, it's completely silent. Bella continues to run her fingers through my hair. I'm beginning to be overwhelmed by her scent. She smells so good. Like freesia. The same scent that used to put me to sleep over five years ago.

After who knows how long, I finally fall asleep. In the arms of my angel.

Well there ya have it. Let me know what ya think!